As usual, Rareboy is blunt but gets to the heart of the matter.
All choices come with opportunity costs. You can order the chicken sandwich, but that means you won't have the burger. You can buy the nice house, but it means you won't have the forced interaction of an apartment building. And you can play professional sports for a living, with the potential of a nice paycheck, adoration by fans, etc etc...but you'll have to either stay closeted or become some sort of poster child for "Gays In Sport", along with all the negative publicity and hate mail et al.
I'm not unsympathetic to your plight. I've oft discussed people in your position with others, and have often wondered if I would have the balls to make my sexuality known, even at the risk of an early (and perhaps abrupt) end to my career. But the fact remains - you knew this going in. Homophobia and/or the lack of gays in sports isn't a recent phenomenon. You must have known from the get-go that yours would not be an easy road.
My thoughts.
First off, I think you need to make a very clear choice which path you're going to follow. Either you're going to stay in the closet, or you're going to come out. At any point, you can opt to swap the closet for out, but of course, once you do, there's no turning back. And if at any point you ARE going to want to come out of the closet, you're going to want to own it. You do NOT want to be forced out because you were "seen last night at (gay club)", or a former lover reveals all to the press. Because at that point, you're not just gay. You're a coward, to boot. Pulling a George Michael (coming out once you've been caught red-handed at being gay) isn't an act of courage or "this is what I am" - it's a confession. And being gay isn't something that one is supposed to "confess" to. It's something that you simply make people aware of.
Given this, as long as you're going to remain on the closeted path, you have to do your damnedest not to get caught. Which means no going to gay bars, and no hooking up with guys. At all. It's very easy to feel cocky enough to think you can get away with it, but it's a Real World real world now. Much of what we do is done under the scrutiny of cameras and an audience, even if you're not Tiger Woods. Privacy is rapidly becoming a charming relic of the past, especially in the world of the celebrity. We no longer simply cheer for our favorite team - we read their posts on Twitter about their everyday lives.
Should you keep dating women? That's up to you, but I'd caution against it. You might think that'll keep the wolves at bay, but consider. First off, it's not entirely fair to the women involved. You're using them, even if some of them are using you, as well. And secondly, they might pick up on your lack of sexual interest, and there's always a paper sniffing around for a story like that. So tread extremely carefully there. You don't need to always have a woman on the arm to keep people from asking questions.
At some point, hopefully, you'll start thinking more about possibly coming out. I realize this is talking far in advance of the game, but if/when this happens, again, OWN it. Don't come out because pictures appeared on the internet, don't come out because people are asking questions. Come out because you feel it's time. Because you're sick of the duality you're living, and you're sick of the very idea that a guy can't be great at football/soccer AND like guys, as well. It should be clear that doing so will posit you in a MUCH stronger position. Will you take grief for it? Of course. But you'll be in a much better posiiton than if you wait for somebody to find something.
A final suggestion, and a strong one. Reading between the lines, I'd say this is the first gay website you've asked for advice on. And I feel we do have a good set of guys here who can suggest and advise. But I'd strongly urge you to check out another website - om"]outsports[]. It's a site specifically geared towards gay athletes and gay fans. (No porn there, although they have their share of cheesecake-type pictures.) It's mainly sports talk, much as you'd find on other websites, with the addition of "I think this athlete is hot" comments, and some talk about gays-in-sports. There have been a couple closeted athletes who post on that website, most notably an American lacrosse coach who eventually did take the step of coming out. I'd urge you to read his thread, and perhaps sign up and start posting as well. I would caution you to be VERY careful what you reveal, since some people (in general - not just at outsports) like to play amateur detective. But I have a feeling you'll get a lot of support and wise counsel there.
Best of luck to you.
Lex
