Gay man happily married to woman

[luckynumbah7]

Who gets to define "loving"?

Excellent question. I'd like to know why 'loving' cannot be shown sans sex as well. Marriage as a contract is negotiable (because that's really all it is - a contract. I've been with my partner 8 years or so, well, might be closer to 9, haven't done the math in a bit; but it's no less contractual, minus the state's digital approval). Ye Olden Days the contract was sex for the sake of an heir, and that's about it. To take the 'we're all looking for the same thing' concept farther in marriages today then running off of assumptions instead of clear communication seems more than a bit ridiculous.

 

[IceColdLover]

I feel this one of those "living a lie" situations. Somehow the fear and self-hate is so extreme, that he would rather pretend to live a "normal" heterosexual life than one that matches his sexuality, just so he doesn't feel "dirty" or "judged" by the homophobes. Regardless of sexuality, I don't see how you can be legally bound by marriage to someone you have no sexual and/or romantic feelings for. It seems to me that repeated rejection and not having the tools to cope with the repercussions of what happens in homosexual nature has lead him to more insecurity and self-destruction. Another question is: what will he act on in terms of his sexual orientation and what won't he?

 

[luckynumbah7]

Regardless of sexuality, I don't see how you can be legally bound by marriage to someone you have no sexual and/or romantic feelings for.

Marriage is a legal contract first and foremost, and a declaration of (only romantic!) love in the eyes of the law of the land- which is the public in most places, when you get right down to it - second. When I hear that someone is married, I hear that they're partnered. I hear that they're probably living together. That 'probably' just keeps going for everything mentioned because social structures and social expectations change, but they don't change that much when the term partner is used. Eventually we'll probably end up married but it'll likely be for the same reasons everyone else gets married - 'true sexual love' not being the top of this particular list. This list has 'cancer concerns' and 'real estate' written all over it so far.

That goes for straight people too. Gay men aren't the only ones 'settling' for partners that aren't sexually intimate. And I use settling loosely, as they're not actually dating. My partner, for instance, is partnered to me but single romantically. He's not poly, while I am. So I don't see why marriage can't work if everyone's amenable.

 

[peeonme]

]You don't..to my knowledge... invalidate other people's relationships as "not the REAL thing"[/B] because you are married..so you are not in the same category as he is.

The issue, in my opinion, is not that he is married...it is the statements he makes to support his decision.

I would never invalidate another person's relationship. I find it odd that a group that touts diversity and tolerance is so quick to invalidate my marriage.
I fully understand that some gay men can not function in a heterosexual relationship. We are all wired differently.
I don't judge based upon my parameters, but rather by the parameters of the probable capacity of mankind.

So when I read remarks like "schmuck", "living a lie", "can't be happy" I am not surprised, you can be gay, bi or str8 and be closed minded and judgmental.

 

[eastofeden]

I would never invalidate another person's relationship. I find it odd that a group that touts diversity and tolerance is so quick to invalidate my marriage.
I fully understand that some gay men can not function in a heterosexual relationship. We are all wired differently.
I don't judge based upon my parameters, but rather by the parameters of the probable capacity of mankind.

So when I read remarks like "schmuck", "living a lie", "can't be happy" I am not surprised, you can be gay, bi or str8 and be closed minded and judgmental.

Times have changed then because in my 20 years behind the bar...I think I talked with other gay men about everything under the sun and I can't remember bisexuality or guys being married even coming up except that they liked sex with married guys because it was more fun a few times.....

If either was an issue..I would have heard about it because no other subject that gay men cared about passed in silence.

I knew alot of my customers were married...I understood why pretty quickly. Alot of them had boyfriends and lovers and most all of their wives knew. I don't think anyone blinked.....they were as much a "part" of "us" as anyone else...

I was embarrassed for America when they didn't "get" that Hillary could give a shit who Bill fucked or who sucked him off...duh...there was no "moral issue". He wasn't supposed to get caught...THAT was the issue. Some moralistic prudes think they can define other people's marriages...and they can't.

I don't think there is any first lady who wants to suck anyone's dick.

My husband's father was a regular customer of mine..and his wife knew. She wanted a gay man to marry and he was already in essence permanently tied to the hip of his mom and sister anyway as his dad died when he was 10 and he became the surrogate husband. It was an arrangement that worked for everyone...

...BUT...like everything else in life...change is constant....

Case in point...I never got judged for being a slut back then...but like I told my friend Larry at the time..just wait a few generations..we are gonna see a bunch of fucking uptight finger wagging prudes who are gay. I saw it coming 35 years ago. AIDS did it's job well. I knew when young guys started asking me if I knew what kind of car the guy drove or how much money they made or where the guy worked it was time for me to go..before that they asked me if I knew how big someone's dick was..if they were a top or bottom..and if they they were good in bed. Guys told me all the time about sex with whoever...it was normal pre aids... so I actually knew alot of that fun stuff...the mid 90s changed all of that....

I was quite surprised on this board actually to hear that people had a problem with bisexuals...never really heard it before. I don't think how anyone defines themselves or their sexuality is any of my business really BUT when this guy defines other people's relationships as "not real"....he can go fuck himself.

 

[tarallucci]

Hmm... sounds controversial. I could love the relationship with a woman but I don't think it would be a complete union. Excluding sex would mean a plain friendship, which is different.

We all make judgements...no exceptions, for every human person is flawed.

Opinions are always welcomed by me for they represent another view, that I may learn something of value, even when disagreeing with an opposing opinion.

It has been my experience with gay friends, and acquaintances over the years that gay men begin to take much more interest in a serious loving relationship when they finally accept that despite their many orgasms shared with very many strangers, a certain emptiness develops leading them to understand that love is missing from their one night stands. I also stand guilty of having trodden the same path before falling deeply in love with my first partner.

I wish it was really so, seems to me they keep on whoring even more

Like stereotypes, I think there is some truth in the judgements.

 

[kallipolis]

^It is often said that ones perspective is drawn from ones experiences, and that those experiences speak to ones own reality.

 

[Kahaih]

I read this on a site about a gay man saying he chose straight marriage because its the real thing. And he compares being gay with just having sexual impulses. He admits he has no choice ln being attracted to men, but he does have a choice about his relationships. Are any jubers here in this arrangement, can mixed orientations truly be happy?

Hook us up with a link to this man's opinions.

Your inquiry lacks important information – the man's age, date/years of marriage, and location, for a start.


Even though the recipe for a gay man's happiness has changed dramatically in just the past 5-10 years in many parts of the world, there are still many places where being openly gay can cause one a lot of trouble/unhappiness.

 

[ass eater]

Hook us up with a link to this man's opinions.j

Your inquiry lacks important information – the man's age, date/years of marriage, and location, for a start.


Even though the recipe for a gay man's happiness has changed dramatically in just the past 5-10 years in many parts of the world, there are still many places where being openly gay can cause one a lot of trouble/unhappiness.

Go to lifesitenews.com. the entire story is there. Be prepared to read for a while, the article is long.

 

[ass eater]

He says he left his wife then went back, he says it wasn't worth leaving his marriage for his same sex attractions. He's been married five years now. But again he equates being gay with being a drug addict and reduced to just having sexual urges. Read the article/story, it's self explanitory.

 

[eastofeden]

He says he left his wife then went back, he says it wasn't worth leaving his marriage for his same sex attractions. He's been married five years now. But again he equates being gay with being a drug addict and reduced to just having sexual urges. Read the article/story, it's self explanitory.

He is talking about himself.....

He may have a sexual addiction or a sexual appetite he THINKS is an addiction.....or shame after sex ...

...and he must think that his own experience is the same as everyone elses...

...he might be a very young soul.

 

[Kahaih]

Go to lifesitenews.com. the entire story is there. Be prepared to read for a while, the article is long.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Campaign_Life_Coalition

The Campaign Life Coalition (often called Campaign Life) is a Canadian political lobbyist organization founded in 1978. Based in Toronto, the organization advocates for socially conservative values.[1] In addition to its initial goals of opposing abortion and euthanasia, Campaign Life Coalition advocates for traditional family values including opposition to same-sex marriage.[2][3][4]
. . . .

. . . . LifeSiteNews

Campaign Life Coalition founded LifeSiteNews, a self described news website dedicated to issues of culture, life, and family that was created in 1997.[14] LifeSiteNews "is a non-profit Internet service dedicated to issues of culture, life, and family."[15] It also runs Daily News reports and information pages "to provide balance and more accurate coverage on culture, life and family matters than is usually given by other media."[16] Its writers and researchers "are located in various cities in the United States, Canada, Mexico, Italy, Australia, New Zealand and France," and it also runs a Spanish version of LifeSiteNews.com.[17] A pro-choice Catholic priest, Raymond Gravel (died 2014), "who bluntly spoke out in favour of gay marriage, ordination of gay priests and a more tolerant attitude toward abortion", filed a lawsuit against the website in 2011 for defamation.[18][19] In 2013, the lawsuit was allowed to advance to trial by a Quebec court.

You know what? Just fuck off with that shit. Don't be so fucking gullible.

 

[bankside]

Go to lifesitenews.com. the entire story is there. Be prepared to read for a while, the article is long.

Lifesitenews is a canadian right-wing propaganda site. It is not a place for credible testimony.

 

[Kahaih]

Lifesitenews is a canadian right-wing propaganda site. It is not a place for credible testimony.

Oh, is that what I meant to say?




I keep forgetting to pick up a bit of emery cloth for my edges.

 

[LeicsDom]

I was married at 23 a closeted catholic. at 30 I came out to her divorced her I have two str8 sons who call both me and my spouse Dad are close and my ex wife is a friend! The closet kills!

You are very lucky on several counts
You admitted to yourself that you were not living a full life. You walked away from it thus avoiding ruining the lives of yourdself, your wife and probably your children. You are also veyr lucky to have maintained a good relationship with your ex wife and thus your sins.
Wll done to both you and your ex

 

[bankside]

Oh, is that what I meant to say?




I keep forgetting to pick up a bit of emery cloth for my edges.

Ha, you did say it more or less, and about 12 hours before I did by the looks of it. Looks like I wasted more time on that ridiculous lifesite than I did actually reading to the end of this thread! Ha!

 

[zoltanspawn]

Hmm... sounds controversial. I could love the relationship with a woman but I don't think it would be a complete union. Excluding sex would mean a plain friendship, which is different.

Yes, maybe different, but can't friends be family? I am lucky to have many friends with varying bonds, but at least one with whom the strength of our relationship is enduring to the point I would consider her such. It may in fact be that because our relationship is neither romantic nor sexual that our affiliation has been so steadfast!

 

[mikey3000]

You are very lucky on several counts
You admitted to yourself that you were not living a full life. You walked away from it thus avoiding ruining the lives of yourdself, your wife and probably your children. You are also veyr lucky to have maintained a good relationship with your ex wife and thus your sins.
Wll done to both you and your ex

Yes, lucky is the word. Many don't realize the devastation that follows when a husband and father leaves his family because he can no longer, "live a lie."

The woman is so hurt and humiliated at being deceived and the children are ostracized by family and friends. Eventually the husband is so full of guilt that he turns to substance abuse just to numb the pain. I've been to many a gay dad's support group (I go to support a friend) and it really is a sad place.

I am so thankful that my wife and I were able to work out a happy medium and have no one suffer any permanent psychological damage.

 

[medic1]

^Yours is a different situation mikey. You are one of the lucky ones who gets his cake and is allowed to eat it. The OP seems to be referring to a man who does not have sex with another man because he equates it to drug addiction. So married a female instead.

You were lucky that your wife was understanding and supportive.

 

[tarallucci]

Yes, maybe different, but can't friends be family? I am lucky to have many friends with varying bonds, but at least one with whom the strength of our relationship is enduring to the point I would consider her such. It may in fact be that because our relationship is neither romantic nor sexual that our affiliation has been so steadfast!

Family has a broad meaning, so they surely can. Here at JUB we are a big family as well. A family of plants or items. Though we usually take the family based on affinity and procreation as a reference.