Gay relationships - not real relationships?

[MMMonsterBoy]

Do you ever feel, when dating someone of the same sex, that some people do not take your relationship seriously?

For example, do you notice that some straight females often treat gay guys as 'pets?' This creates an interesting dynamic between gay guy and said female owner. 'Fake' flirtatious actions such as hand holding and pretend sexual comments are expressed because "it's okay, he's gay." In some cases, the gay guy is then pussy-whipped. In doing so, the girl becomes the girlfriend - just without the physical intimacy. I have noticed that some girls can be very clingy with gay men. Now add clingy hags in a gay relationship and nothing really seems to change.

Has anyone ever noticed this within heterosexual relationships? The boyfriend of your best female friend has a really clingy guy friend? The girlfriend of your best male friend has a really clingy girl friend?

My other example is about gay men. I have noticed that some of the gay men I have encountered do not take gay relationships as real relationships. My boyfriend and I were making out at pride and numerous gay men hit on either one of us, then were seemingly surprised to discover we were dating. Though that did not stop some....Which gets me to my next point that even gay guys knowing of the relationship still are not afraid to flirt. It makes me wonder what some guys who I am friends with would say to my boyfriend when I am not there.

I feel like within heterosexual relationships there are certain unspoken rules that some folks will not cross, but these rules vanish with gay relationships. Are there just different set of rules for same-sex couples, and do you approve of them? Am I fool for comparing the two

I'm not asking for all these questions to be answered, but your thoughts would be much appreciated whether you answer these questions or not!

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

I don't notice ANY of this(except for getting hit on while in a relationship, which happens - some people like taking chances and we ALL know about the theory of "wanting what seems to be unobtainable"). Thank hell for that.

 

[cliffdweller]

Do you ever feel, when dating someone of the same sex, that some people do not take your relationship seriously?

If by "some people" you mean homophobes, then yes. But I've not experienced this from people in general.

For example, do you notice that some straight females often treat gay guys as 'pets?'

Yes, and it irritates the crap out of me.

My other example is about gay men. I have noticed that some of the gay men I have encountered do not take gay relationships as real relationships. My boyfriend and I were making out at pride and numerous gay men hit on either one of us, then were seemingly surprised to discover we were dating. Though that did not stop some....Which gets me to my next point that even gay guys knowing of the relationship still are not afraid to flirt.

Most flirting is totally harmless. It doesn't mean your relationship isn't being taken seriously, or that every guy who flirts with one of you is a homewrecker.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

Do you ever feel, when dating someone of the same sex, that some people do not take your relationship seriously?

For example, do you notice that some straight females often treat gay guys as 'pets?' This creates an interesting dynamic between gay guy and said female owner. 'Fake' flirtatious actions such as hand holding and pretend sexual comments are expressed because "it's okay, he's gay." In some cases, the gay guy is then pussy-whipped. In doing so, the girl becomes the girlfriend - just without the physical intimacy. I have noticed that some girls can be very clingy with gay men. Now add clingy hags in a gay relationship and nothing really seems to change.

Has anyone ever noticed this within heterosexual relationships? The boyfriend of your best female friend has a really clingy guy friend? The girlfriend of your best male friend has a really clingy girl friend?

My other example is about gay men. I have noticed that some of the gay men I have encountered do not take gay relationships as real relationships. My boyfriend and I were making out at pride and numerous gay men hit on either one of us, then were seemingly surprised to discover we were dating. Though that did not stop some....Which gets me to my next point that even gay guys knowing of the relationship still are not afraid to flirt. It makes me wonder what some guys who I am friends with would say to my boyfriend when I am not there.

I feel like within heterosexual relationships there are certain unspoken rules that some folks will not cross, but these rules vanish with gay relationships. Are there just different set of rules for same-sex couples, and do you approve of them? Am I fool for comparing the two

I'm not asking for all these questions to be answered, but your thoughts would be much appreciated whether you answer these questions or not!

fact ya askin this amazin but me uneducated
ya live in isolation tank?

anyway when meet general public across da wide range of whack job cultures on planet earth say ta um LOOK WHAT DAT?
' then they can go rush off sayin they discova da moon ans get lot attention fa da zit in their head '

 

[racer2438]

We really don't care what people think. We just know who we are and that our love has carried us for 26+ yrs so far and and we are happy and secure, with a lot of love and trust.

But the other side of that is when we go to the clubs some guy's hit on us thinking were are single and some know we are together and still try to hit on us..

 

[anchihiro]

I dont think thats necessarily a gay thing though, straight people in relationships get hit on too even if the other person is aware of a pre-existing relationship. Its just horny people out for a shag and we know there's 10 million cases of cheating so therefore other people will always take a chance.

 

[dhchitown1984]

The only thing that bothers me about girls is that now I'm "the gay best friend" as opposed to "the best friend" I was before coming out.

I think that the problem is that same-gender relationships aren't respected on a bigger scale (read: A Federal Level) and therefore, since we are treated with second-class rights we're seen as having second-class relationships to some.

My sister is a great example. She's a total supporter, but she doesn't know how to treat it. She lives about an hour and a half away from me and inevitable once a month, I get this text "I totally met this guy, and he's gay. You should meet!" or "I need to go shopping for a guy friend's birthday. Come with me, because you're gay so you'll have a good opinion."

I think many people, girls especially, are trying very hard to be accepting, and it's well intentioned, but as soon as you come out, you're automatically "the friend who can help, because you're gay" instead of "the friend who can help, because you're a friend."

Again, its not the case for everything, but I've experienced the girl thing first-hand.

 

[RaKroma]

I notice more loose "traditional standards" and expectations in gay relationships v. straight people dating. For example, it's not common to see straight couples in an "open relationship" when one night you're love making and next day your bf is tongue swapping in a club with someone else and it's all cool. I also notice less committed and stable relationships with gay dating, but not sure why. It appears that straight people just conform better to the expected mold of what dating and relationship should be.

 

[dhchitown1984]

I know what you mean, RaKroma, but I also think it's important to recognize that straight couples have hundreds of years of experience to look back on when it comes to developing stable lifelong relationships. The reality is, the gay population has only, in the past 20 years, been considered ELIGIBLE to have a relationship. Prior to that, it's been a life of celibacy and being neglected by your family and community. So while yes, our relationships are just like straight relationships, we haven't ben allowed to have them long enough to see what does and doesn't work. The models we have (straight couples) while just like us, aren't "just like us" so it's harder to emulate.

 

[RaKroma]

I hear what you're saying, and did hear that reasoning before but have a hard time being convinced by that argument these days. We have been "free" to be ourselves for several decades now, in the West. We have our own communities, sub cultures, centers, clubs, public role models, figures etc.. and we are not repressed like in Iran or Pakistan or Yemen. I don't see what's holding us back from being committed to one guy without having to be in an open relationship cause someone gets tired or is afraid he'll be stuck sucking one dick only. Guys tell me how once gay marriage laws pass, gay men will be more serious about stable relationships. It's like saying if they pass new anti-drinking laws, people will stop drinking. I guess my point is that I don't see these forces in society today that hold a gun to our heads and make us chose the choices we make.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Do you ever feel, when dating someone of the same sex, that some people do not take your relationship seriously?

I've been in gay relationships where the guy I was seeing didn't take it seriously.

It comes from within as often as it comes from without.

 

[Adrock-JD]

It's tough enough to hold a relationship together, for long, that's applauded.

When much of society, governments, religions, friends and family not only refuse to condone your relationship but actually condemn it, that often makes it very difficult for the two people involved to take it very serious.

It's truly a mountain of obstacles to overcome.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

Interesting replies! I've noticed that once people find out I am gay, I am the 'gay friend.' It bothers me. Something else I've noticed is that once I tell a girl, she is quick to tell about her gay friend and how we should meet. It is a nice gesture, but slightly annoying.

What sparked my creation of this post was spending time around gay culture after attending Pride. After meeting new people with my boyfriend, it really put things into perspective for me. From just my own experiences, I just feel like people do not see gay relationships the same as straight ones. That is fine, just not when the missing factor is respect. Mind you, this doesn't apply to everyone. I know some guys that have bromance - though they are dating girls. Though at the same time, I don't think the guys are each others "pets."

I hear what you're saying, and did hear that reasoning before but have a hard time being convinced by that argument these days. We have been "free" to be ourselves for several decades now, in the West. We have our own communities, sub cultures, centers, clubs, public role models, figures etc.. and we are not repressed like in Iran or Pakistan or Yemen. I don't see what's holding us back from being committed to one guy without having to be in an open relationship cause someone gets tired or is afraid he'll be stuck sucking one dick only. Guys tell me how once gay marriage laws pass, gay men will be more serious about stable relationships. It's like saying if they pass new anti-drinking laws, people will stop drinking. I guess my point is that I don't see these forces in society today that hold a gun to our heads and make us chose the choices we make.

I agree entirely. After attending Pride, I can certainly say we hold nothing back

I've been in gay relationships where the guy I was seeing didn't take it seriously.

It comes from within as often as it comes from without.

Very true as well. I do not disagree with this at all.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

It's tough enough to hold a relationship together, for long, that's applauded.

When much of society, governments, religions, friends and family not only refuse to condone your relationship but actually condemn it, that often makes it very difficult for the two people involved to take it very serious.

It's truly a mountain of obstacles to overcome.

Kool

lots add ans throw in lot mores mountains

anyway

Kool!

 

[bulge]

My dad and mom in an over-over-overtypically str8 relationship had no relationship at all, though they were the most str8 couple you could ever imagine by all standards. Go figure.

Besides most relationships are not a virtue, but only a sign of lazyness.

 

[Ninja108]

We are committed enough to each other that it doesn't matter what other people think. We love each other and that's what counts.
As to people flirting with you,had it happen to me before.
Needless to say, that person is no longer a friend of mine. If people can't respect your relationship, then they don't respect you.

 

[bankside]

Gay guys don't want relationships. They just want to have sex.

<cough>bullshit!</cough>

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

Gay guys don't want relationships. They just want to have sex.



If you think he's flirting then maybe he's not the right guy for you.

Why would should you worry about what your friends do? And if you do, then are they real friends?

No one owns anyone anyway.

Oh no, I am not worried about my boyfriend whatsoever. I 'worry' about his gay friends (who are mine as well, but not to the same extent) at times. Though that is merely my own speculation based on limited observance of this actually happening...

 

[borg69unimatrix]

I get the opposite...

One of my best friends, nearly every one of his Ex's have hit on me after they broke up. wtf??? Umm... NO!

 

[G-Lexington]

I get the flirting thing all the time, and dish it out sometimes as well. My partner and I will do it with each other about other guys, and I never feel threatened by it. I certainly don't take it seriously, and it seems none of my gay friends do, either. It's just joking around. That doesn't mean I don't take my relationship seriously. It's just fun, and everybody in our vicinity seems to think so. When Pubert says he wouldn't mind waking up underneath that hot guy in the restaurant, people laugh - they don't gasp in horror at how little he respects the relationship. And that's how it's supposed to go.

Do guys hit on us? Rarely - we're old and ugly now. But yeah, it still happens. At which point, I say "That's really flattering, but I'm with somebody." (Or "with him" if he's nearby.) Maybe it's the way I say it, but everybody seems to accept that. Nobody has argued "So what? It's not like he's here" or "that doesn't mean you can't play the field" or anything of that ilk. They just go "Oh, OK" or "aw, that's nice" and they turn their attention somewhere else.

And I haven't ever felt like a straight woman's "pet". I do know some straight women who feel more free to hug and maybe kiss me (on the cheek) than my straight brethren, simply because they know these actions won't be misconstrued. They don't grind on me, or push their breasts in my face, or anything to that end. Similarly, they seem more likely to both "want to hang out" (I'm going to two all-day concerts with two straight female friends this weekend), and to discuss their private/sex life with me. Again, presumably in part because they know I'm not going to try to get into their pants. We can just be friends, and go do fun stuff, and talk about everything, and have a good time - like friends are supposed to do.

Lex