Gaydar and eye contact, fine tuning your Gaydar

[Rex]

I am now convinced that Gaydar is real, and it has nothing to do with femenine mannerisms. My friend told me it's mostly in eye contact.


Quoted by him:

I have excellent GayDar. We went to a big event at the fair grounds here in town. Redneck cowboy types. I ID'd a good 10 guys.
all my buddies are the type that make closeted straight guys wonder if they need to stay in the closet.
It's very difficult to explain, how it works. It's combination "sense" and "skill". It all has to do with eye contact and body language (especially glances AFTER initial eye contact). Has nothing to do with gay type mannerisms, etc)
start paying attention to the amount of time you "lock" eyes with another guy -
meaning that initial glance - with a stranger - start noticing the length of time your eyes - meet - then lock OR glance away. / "Curious" guys don't really have control over it - since it's a reflex like anything else. You will start noticing a "direct lock" of eyes that last for about a quick 1-2 seconds that most guys are not even aware if/when it's happening. But it does. Straights tend to NOT have that "lock glance" reflex, so the one second lock doesn't even happen. But when it does - you're like "What the hell was that.?" -- Once you experience it, you will know and you will begin to notice it more and more.
Those that are curious - it will continue to happen each time your eyes meet and lock.

I was very skeptical of it - but once someone told me what it was, and the first time I experienced it - I was thinking - THATS what they were talking about. After that, I've just learned to handle it and be more aware of it.

I met my best buds trainer - and informed my bud he was gay. My bud - denied it over and over about how the guy was engaged to the girl he dated for 5 years. and all I said was "fine - she'll be marrying a gay man."
later my buddy told me a month before the wedding the groom called it off and came out of the closet and was with a guy that worked out at the gym.

My sisters are very amused by it. When I'm out with them - they tell me - "OK, point out all the gay guys." - It's amusing to me. I tell them - it doesn't work that easy. But it does work.

This is a topic that intrigues me and it is defenitiley something I'm going to try to be more aware of from now on. MoltenRock and some others here at JUB have told us that they are experts with Gaydar so I'm curious for them to share some stories and explain how they fine tuned their gaydar and how they've been right about it, as well as giving us some clues to look out for and going into more detail. That would be very interesting to hear.



Discuss.

 

[menRsexii]

This is interesting... I'm not saying that I believe in "gaydar" but I do definitely think there's truth to the whole "eyes have it" idea. I feel like I've witnessed this a few times before. It would be cool to get more info on this idea

 

[Telstra]

"lock glance" reflex is a gay look.

Yeah, i look at hot guys abit longer than usual.
Some guys, yes they "lock glance" at me but opportunities never came because it was not the right place or the right time ... etc

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Sultan,

Thanks for your posting. I fully agree with the opinion of your friend when he is talking about eye contact. I even tend to think that 1 second is a large amount of time, and that you can even identify such guys within 0,1 second. Its a very, very quick glance / glimp of the eyes.

But how about the amount of mistakes? What are ways to find out how many 'bi/gay/curious' guys flew below his gay radar, and how many of the 10 identified 'bi/gay/curious' guys are straight. How to find out on an independent way?

I tend to think that some(?) straight guys have more or less a similar way to 'check girls'. They try to get eye contact, and can identify reactions of interested girls within a split of a second. Experienced straight guys who know how 'to play this game' will be able to tell you much more about this.

Be aware that this type of gaydar / eye contact is only working in certain situations, like the situation he told you. On the other hand, your friend might have a very good gaydar, but that does not mean that your gaydar is similar.

I have several straight friends born and raised in Sub-Sahara Africa. Such guys come from a totally different society, and their way of interacting with other guys (including eye contact) is totally, totally different.

So it definately works, better for some, worse for others, and I also tend to think that guys (and also girls) have the ability to improve their gaydar. On the other hand, some people will never be able to get a drivers licence, (or are bad in learning foreign languages), and this will also be the case for developing a good gaydar.

You might also talk alot with girls about this topic. Quite a few girls/women have a well developed gaydar as well, and you might also ask them for details.

Best wishes.

 

[quasar]

I'm a firm believer in the eye-lock as a means of revealing a guys 'true' feelings. Those 'Gotcha' moments always give me butterflies in my stomach. Love 'em!!!

 

[Rex]

I don't think it is rocket science.

Guys (and gals) who are interested look more directly, looking for a sign of interest.

It also happens when it is only one-way, and that creates some confusion. Straight guys will maintain the eye-lock to make certain that they are reading the gay interest correctly (and to avoid you.)

Gay guys will do the same, and you won't find out if they are gay, if you don't make the cut.

I think the whole thing is overly-mystified in order to give homosexuality some sort of cache (if not superpower.)

It's just mating behavior, if not plain and simple.

I think straight guys will look away slowly. A gay or curious guy will instinctively look away quickly and you may catch them looking again, while a straight guy won't really bother to look again.

 

[Kabluey]

Actually - I have a question - plane seats, auditorium seats, etc - is kind of close and persistent shoulder / leg contact any indication? Every now and then i get the feeling it might be - can't quite put my finger on why though.

 

[nycguydowntown]

where I live there r plenty of str guys who like to flirt with gay guys and make long eye contact---why I don't know--maybe they think it makes them cool----but it can short circuit your gaydar and mess with your mind!

 

[Ganoderma]

Actually - I have a question - plane seats, auditorium seats, etc - is kind of close and persistent shoulder / leg contact any indication? Every now and then i get the feeling it might be - can't quite put my finger on why though.

Hi Kabluey,

Be aware that this 'kind of close and persistent shoulder / leg contact' is no clue at all in large parts of the world.

Eg, guys born and raised in Sub-Sahara Africa (or in the ME) just interprete this kind of behaviour as guy-guy contacts, and it's a very common (and also very normal) guy-guy contacts in these societies. Does not matter if this contact is with me (a white guy living in Europe) or with any of his friends / aquiantances.

I have investigated this subject quite extensively with some of my friends who were born and raised in Sub-Sahara Africa. They are living over here, and are fully aware that I (a white guy born in The Netherlands) am gay. Invariably, only very minor parts of their body are 'off-limit' for guy-guy contact, including touching/ stroking etc. Stroking knees / legs / shoulders / backbone etc is no big deal, playing with their hair (or with hands, or holding hands etc) idemdito.

All these guys know very well the 'border' (not above let say halfway the upper leg or on the lower part of their belly, etc). However, all of these guys are very comfortable with their own sexual orientation (ie they adore females, and quite a few of them are not monogamous, so have several 'girlfriends').

So be aware with whom you are together.

Feel free to ask more about this topic.

 

[Ganoderma]

I don't think it is rocket science. Guys (and gals) who are interested look more directly, looking for a sign of interest. (...). It's just mating behavior.

Yeah, you are totally right. Mating behaviour of Human Homo sapiens, and with alot adaptive learing and variation between different populations as well, more or less similar like most (all) behavioural aspects of Human.

Likely a very old habit as well, and maybe therefore tough to identify / classify / set into rules etc. Often very subtle, and likely often -apparently- subconsious, and therefore difficult to describe properly?

Best wishes

 

[rareboy]

It is totally in the eyes.

There's something special about a gay guy's eyes that is just riveting.

 

[Kabluey]

Hi Kabluey,

Be aware that this 'kind of close and persistent shoulder / leg contact' is no clue at all in large parts of the world.

Eg, guys born and raised in Sub-Sahara Africa (or in the ME) just interprete this kind of behaviour as guy-guy contacts, and it's a very common (and also very normal) guy-guy contacts in these societies. Does not matter if this contact is with me (a white guy living in Europe) or with any of his friends / aquiantances.

I have investigated this subject quite extensively with some of my friends who were born and raised in Sub-Sahara Africa. They are living over here, and are fully aware that I (a white guy born in The Netherlands) am gay. Invariably, only very minor parts of their body are 'off-limit' for guy-guy contact, including touching/ stroking etc. Stroking knees / legs / shoulders / backbone etc is no big deal, playing with their hair (or with hands, or holding hands etc) idemdito.

All these guys know very well the 'border' (not above let say halfway the upper leg or on the lower part of their belly, etc). However, all of these guys are very comfortable with their own sexual orientation (ie they adore females, and quite a few of them are not monogamous, so have several 'girlfriends').

So be aware with whom you are together.

Feel free to ask more about this topic.

I see - what if they're white?

 

[MisterMajestic]

I still say Dudes with Good-looking or Pretty faces will get a longer glance regardless.....This is the Society we live in...Men & Women NOTICE attractive people..Guys that arent that attractive are not gonna be able to do the test you're talking about...

I will say this AGAIN since Sultan brought it up......MoltenRock is Asian, Attractive and Tall...When he walks into a Straight Bar FULL of White Guys the "closeted guys" are gonna notice him right off the bat...Even the women will notice him.....If MoltenRock was just Butt-Ugly & Tall he would be just another Guy walking in and sitting down at the bar...

Let's FACE Facts...People that we don't find attractive will not get a several second "Eye Gaze"....This goes for Straights & Gays..Men & Women...Sultan your Bud's observation is irrelevant...Based on your conversation with him it's easy to tell he LOOKS for the GAY in every Guy he meets...He's got issues...

 

[RaKroma]

And what if some straight guy "locks-on" to your eyes as a way to say piss off with "what the fuck you're staring at me for" sign?

 

[Ganoderma]

I see - what if they're white?

hi Kabluey, depends on where you are and on the cultural background of the white guy involved.

I assume you indicate a situation in New-Zealand and that this happened with you (a 30s white male who is not open).

Actually - I have a question - plane seats, auditorium seats, etc - is kind of close and persistent shoulder / leg contact any indication? Every now and then i get the feeling it might be - can't quite put my finger on why though.

Depends. Some straight guys will also easily do this kind of shoulder / leg contact, especially when sitting in the seat near to you, and when the space is limited.

Tough to give a proper reply, as I don't have a good clue how many experiences you have with open bi/gay/curious guys.

I tend to think that gay guys don't easily show this kind of behaviour (as written in your quote) towards straight guys, including apparent straight guys (eg like you, when you don't give any clue that you might have interest in males).

Tough question, as there are also 'touchy' straight guys (white ones living in Western societies like NZ) who don't bother to touch shoulders / legs of other males in this kind of situations.

It is tough as well, as you might behave as a very (?) closeted guy, so no other gay might be aware that you are also 'interested'?

I mean, how do you show / indicate / etc. that you are 'into guys'?

Any idea how a gay can identify you in such a surrounding (eg a plane, or in an auditorium etc)?

Feel free to ask more questions, or to provide us with more details. No need to do this when you feel uncomfortable about it.

Best wishes

 

[Kabluey]

^ You're quite the analyst

I guess my question is simpler, are there people who kind of grind up against strangers when in close quarters? In a way that makes you go hmmmm? Only been a couple of times that I've ever noticed this. Thought I'd ask.

 

[Ganoderma]

I guess my question is simpler, are there people who kind of grind up against strangers when in close quarters? In a way that makes you go hmmmm? Only been a couple of times that I've ever noticed this. Thought I'd ask.

I tend to think that there is just one way to clarify such kind of situations.

And that will mean that you have to react. So you can smile back (or something like that), and / or say 'hi' to him, and /or start any conversation with him.

I mean, nothing will ever change when you will not set the next step. Are you used to start random conversations with such kind of guys? And just a random convo about any topic. It seems to me that sitting in a plane (and also in an auditorium) will have alot of 'opening questions' (about the flight, about what's in the auditorium, and so on).

But again, I have no idea if such guys are straight. gay or anything in between. Just talk with them and see how they react on you. Anything wrong with holding a nice conversation with a nice & friendly straight guy?

Feel free to ask any further question.

 

[DigitalFudge]

I still say Dudes with Good-looking or Pretty faces will get a longer glance regardless.....This is the Society we live in...Men & Women NOTICE attractive people..Guys that arent that attractive are not gonna be able to do the test you're talking about...

I will say this AGAIN since Sultan brought it up......MoltenRock is Asian, Attractive and Tall...When he walks into a Straight Bar FULL of White Guys the "closeted guys" are gonna notice him right off the bat...Even the women will notice him.....If MoltenRock was just Butt-Ugly & Tall he would be just another Guy walking in and sitting down at the bar...

Let's FACE Facts...People that we don't find attractive will not get a several second "Eye Gaze"....This goes for Straights & Gays..Men & Women...Sultan your Bud's observation is irrelevant...Based on your conversation with him it's easy to tell he LOOKS for the GAY in every Guy he meets...He's got issues...

I was about to say the same thing

Won't this only work if you are good looking?

 

[Yves Grey]

Isn't it obvious? Just chat the dude up.

Ask him what salmon, oyster, and champagne have in common.

 

[refujiunderground]

well, i think it's in the face. it's the look. it's the predatory look.