Gays and Celibacy ?

[anchihiro]

I think promiscuity is what makes a lot of people single. x

 

[SuperDave]

I know of but one gay guy who was faithful to his partners but they all cheated on him.......

 

[anchihiro]

I think one of the reasons is that gay people spend a lot of their teenage years stuck in the closet. When they come out they've got all this pent up sexuality to deal with.
So a lot of gays sleep around because they're young very horny, and insecure with a feeling of needing to 'catch up' with their straight peers who they think have been getting laid for years.

You're only 18 so you'll see a lot of this at your age. I'm thinking though that when people get older they will mellow out and not be so promiscuous and even stay faithful because they understand the value of partnership a lot more. x

 

[Anders123]

Well, I'm 20. I'm not exactly celibate, but I don't really hook up, either. I especially wouldn't do so whilst in a relationship.

Not all young gay people are promiscuous. It depends where you go looking as to what you're going to find. You can't really expect to hit up a bar/club and find a pack of well intentioned individuals that are seeking 'Mr. Right'.

I don't think it's a good idea to close yourself off from people just so that you can stay protected from being hurt, either. You've got to put yourself out there, but in the right places, and to the right people.

How many times are people going to get sucked into generalisations before they wake up and realise that you can never tar an entire demographic with the same brush and have it result in an accurate characterisation? Young gay people are just as capable of committing to a relationship, and remaining faithful within that relationship, as anybody else.

There are promiscuous individuals of all ages, it's not a trait that is exclusive to those of youth. There's no set age where everybody wakes up and all of a sudden has the inclination to get into, and remain faithful within, a relationship. It has very little to do with age, but who the person is and what they value.

You're only going to do yourself a disservice by closing yourself off to avoid the possibility of being hurt. Especially when it's based on the misconception that all gay youths are promiscuous. You'll just end up disappointed when you hit 30 and realise there's still just as many 'unchaste' individuals then as there was 10 years before.

Then again, I'm just an immature, naive, most probably promiscuous youthful gay. What do I know, right?

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

Celibate by choice right now, but it has nothing to do with OTHER people fucking around.

 

[mbamike]

For me, it appears to be a process of accepting who I am. I was in DENIAL for longer than the OP has been living. I was married, fathered a child, then went through a hellacious divorce.

Then I was CELIBATE for about three years. Well, if you count all the shit I went through with the divorce, it was more like eight years. I reached a point where I craved human contact. So, I decided to face my sexuality and try gay sex. WOW! It was the best sex of my life!

Now as Anchihiro said, I have a great deal of pent up sexuality. I can't get enough sex. It is like going through puberty all over again. Some may say I am EXPERIMENTING with my new found sexuality. Others, may just call me a slut. In any case, I am enjoying my newly found sexuality.

I think the next step would be ACCEPTANCE. I have no problem in referring to myself as being gay. However, I do have a problem telling others that I am gay. I will just have to keep working on myself until I get there.

 

[barnbuddy]

gay men are promiscuous because they can be -

in human society, women are often the break where sex is concerned

because women get pregnant, and long term, they want to nest.

for many men, isolated sexual encounters are akin to sports. Great fun, but not life altering.

even after AIDS

 

[Anders123]

well i take all the points you've said - as for Anders123 - i dont know you or where your from i only know of where i am and whats happening to me - it may be easy for you to find someone or to not feel the need to consider it - in which case fine = but from my experience and what im experiencing now - there are only two options and this is the one im feeling will best suit me . . . .

I'm certainly not implying that it's easy. It's far from it, in fact. And while it may be true that I don't know your specific situation, I still maintain that it's unwise to close yourself off just for the purpose of self-protection. Don't let the idea of a potentially negative outcome stop you from giving something a shot.

Perhaps I'm misunderstanding - is it your intention to avoid any relationship with a man altogether because of the 'high probability' that he might cheat on you? What if by doing so, you miss out on an opportunity to be with a man, that you're totally compatible with, that wouldn't cheat on you?

I think it's important to stay open to all possibilities. You don't have to go out and hook up with any guy you just met - I certainly don't - but if a guy comes along that you're interested in, I think it's worth at least trying to see if it could lead somewhere, instead of just assuming he's going to cheat on you and closing yourself off.

This of course is merely my opinion, take from it what you will.

 

[sixthson]

Freaky, I think you will find some guys like yourself who are not interested in non-stop casual sex. The promiscuous guys are just more vocal and probably advertise more for sex.

I wish you luck.

 

[geloge]

I have been in semi self imposed celibate for some months right now. But I really don't care what others do, live and let live.

Peace and love

 

[vidarr]

People in general are going to be promiscuous.. I think it has nothing to do with liking the same gender.

Theres definitely a double standard when it comes to sex though. For men it's more acceptable to have many sex partners in a lifetime, while for women thats still a taboo. Blame the society we live in.

 

[altlover85]

The promiscuous guys are just more vocal and probably advertise more for sex.

I agree.

I certainly would never want to be celibate, but if you want to that's your business.

As to cutting yourself off from the gay community, I think that's a bad idea personally. Perhaps you could go to a GLBT center or something and try and find guys there.

 

[EwanSF]

Unless you naturally lack sexual desire then celibacy is bad for you. The most obvious and extreme example I can think of is catholic priests. I somewhat doubt all these men started out as child molesters. Years of self denial, defiance of their basic human urges twisted them. If you find the men frequenting the gay scene distasteful, look for men outside it. They do exist.

 

[altlover85]

Unless you naturally lack sexual desire then celibacy is bad for you. The most obvious and extreme example I can think of is catholic priests. I somewhat doubt all these men started out as child molesters. Years of self denial, defiance of their basic human urges twisted them. If you find the men frequenting the gay scene distasteful, look for men outside it. They do exist.

While I thought that celibacy was at fault for the scandal, a study recently came out that says that is not the case.

Here is a link: http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way...did-not-cause-catholic-sex-abuse-crisis?ps=rs

 

[EwanSF]

There are many people who are very happy being celibate, and that includes many truly devoted Catholic Priests, and I know many of them. Celibacy isn't bad for you, especially if you have given yourself freely to it by way of Priestly Promises or Religious Vows...This includes those in the laity, and yes, Gay Men can live happily in a celibate life.

Your opinion means less than nothing to me. You remain celibate for religious reasons. You are a colaborator with the enemy, people that would happily see us destroyed.

http://queersunited.blogspot.com/2008/12/catholic-church-against-making-gay.html

You make me sick.

While I thought that celibacy was at fault for the scandal, a study recently came out that says that is not the case.

Here is a link: http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way...did-not-cause-catholic-sex-abuse-crisis?ps=rs

I direct you to the first comment at the bottom of the artical.

Gerald Summers (McGurk) wrote:

"It's too bad that the John Jay review of the literature of child sexual abuse, including its, "Typologies of Child Sexual Abusers," identifies celebacy as a cause of Catholic Priest sexual abuse. Now, its school of justice says exactly the opposite. In the psychologoy literature, it is said that celebacy isolates the young priest at exactly the time he should be interacting with adults and developing normal sexual attitudes. It is said that celebacy, "infantilizes," the young men and interferes with their normal development patterns. In effect, they are saying that abusing priests are often cases of arrested development. Sorry, but the church cannot escape this problem by purchasing a study that says what they want it to say."

Covers everything I wanted to say.

 

[altlover85]

I direct you to the first comment at the bottom of the artical.

Gerald Summers (McGurk) wrote:

"It's too bad that the John Jay review of the literature of child sexual abuse, including its, "Typologies of Child Sexual Abusers," identifies celebacy as a cause of Catholic Priest sexual abuse. Now, its school of justice says exactly the opposite. In the psychologoy literature, it is said that celebacy isolates the young priest at exactly the time he should be interacting with adults and developing normal sexual attitudes. It is said that celebacy, "infantilizes," the young men and interferes with their normal development patterns. In effect, they are saying that abusing priests are often cases of arrested development. Sorry, but the church cannot escape this problem by purchasing a study that says what they want it to say."

Covers everything I wanted to say.

Great that you found a comment on the study, but just because one person says something that contradicts the article doesn't make it gospel.

Like I said, I'm surprised by the results of the study and perhaps the age limits has something to do with it, but I'd have to hear more evidence about the faultiness of the study before I discounted the findings entirely.

 

[EwanSF]

I didn't say it was gospal. However, it did cover most of my initial reaction, illiminating the need for me to basicaly write my own version in different words, and he did site several sources from the same institute that contradicted the study. Plus it was half-funded by the church. That alone is enough for me to discount this study as bollocks.

 

[altlover85]

I didn't say it was gospal. However, it did cover most of my initial reaction, illiminating the need for me to basicaly write my own version in different words, and he did site several sources from the same institute that contradicted the study. Plus it was half-funded by the church. That alone is enough for me to discount this study as bollocks.

I guess I'd just like a little more information than a comment left on NPR's website. For instance a link to said sources.

 

[metta]

You have to do what is right for you.

I'm over 40. Even now, I go though times on rare occasions when I am sexually active (meaning dating one person) and mostly times when I'm not. I have never been into hookups. Currently, I have been celibate for over 4 years. I think that for me, monogamy is what comes natural. I don't want to be with people that are in very high risk groups (people with continuously new partners, people that are sexually active and don't use condoms, etc.). And then there is the concern with people being dishonest about their behavior as well, whether it is cheating, dangerous activity, etc.

I have always felt that I need to be responsible for my actions. That I need to work on having a healthy level of self respect that I don't do things that are harmful to myself. And that I also have no right to harm others. And I do my bets to live by that.

 

[metta]

I recently listened to This American Life's episode 393 on infidelity

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/393/infidelity

Stats:

- 1 out of 2 couples cheat during the relationship (whether 1 or both of them)

- most affairs are never detected (scary thing in this day). I guess that explains why so many of the new cases of HIV+ happen when they are in a relationship. Be very careful who you choose to be your partner if you want to be in a monogamous relationship because 1/2 of them fail at it.

- many will have affairs even though they are happy. 56% men, 34% women. Both, the person that had the affair and the other partner, are surprised that they had the affair.