Gays virgins and labels

[Appleman34]

I recently went out on a date with my ex boyfriend of 2years. Well one thing led to another and after a few drinks we found ourselves at his place. Just as we were about to do it I stopped him (just so everybody knows I'm a virgin) he got angry and upset and said that the fact that I didn't have sex with him was the reason why he dumped me and said that he could go to fuck any gay guy right now and they wouldn't care about "virginity" or even who he is. It got me thinking. How in society gays are seen as these horny people who will do anything to get off. They associate and blame us for things such as incest beastiality and peodophillia ,but these are things straight people do aswell.so why must we get blamed.bec of our orientation ? Its not that I'm religious or anything or like that. But I just believe having sex with someone who is fully committed to me and I feel is the right person to do it with whether I find that person tomorrow or when I'm 50.... Is that so wrong?!

Men in general are horny....

I don't get why everyone is so confused by this.

Man or woman... if two horny people who are attracted to each other are put together, some fucking will most likely occur. Since men are naturally sluts all the time, why is it a surprise that two men together are the most sexual?

 

[palbert]

JQ: Do you remember any of your other posts? You have here laid claim to the Golden Hypocrite Award.



By the way, have we established whether or not the OP a virginal Republican.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

No wonder I haven't dated seriously in about a year - guys put way too much emphasis on getting their dicks wet.

 

[Serenx55]

I honestly can say that I think it's respectable that you didn't put out very quickly and took your time. However you need to realize that in a relationship there are many bridges you need to cross before you know your person is right for you. One of those is having sex with the other person. If you're not having sex or moving in with your partner after two years you're pretty much telling him that you don't want to get serious with him.

I think you need to go talk to him about this and make it clear that you'll get intimate with him eventually. If he loves you then he'll come back.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

I recently went out on a date with my ex boyfriend of 2years. Well one thing led to another and after a few drinks we found ourselves at his place. Just as we were about to do it I stopped him (just so everybody knows I'm a virgin) he got angry and upset and said that the fact that I didn't have sex with him was the reason why he dumped me and said that he could go to fuck any gay guy right now and they wouldn't care about "virginity" or even who he is. It got me thinking. How in society gays are seen as these horny people who will do anything to get off. They associate and blame us for things such as incest beastiality and peodophillia ,but these are things straight people do aswell.so why must we get blamed.bec of our orientation ? Its not that I'm religious or anything or like that. But I just believe having sex with someone who is fully committed to me and I feel is the right person to do it with whether I find that person tomorrow or when I'm 50.... Is that so wrong?!

anyone read it?

or just bits ta sail ya balls?

thankyou

you ans ya X not hit it off again dat all ya got say

real world methinks drown long ago by manys cultures shiploads of 90%sawdustans10%mayo<wot not really cause

so hope ya x ans you sort out ya whateva ans rest world be so HAPPY

 

[Serenx55]

@Rareboy --

Who are you to judge other people's relationships? It may come as a surprise to you, but NOT all gay men are promiscuous, and some prefer to wait to make sure they have met "Mr. Right."

I am still a virgin, and I totally understand where the OP is coming from. I want my first time to be special, to be with a man I want to hopefully spend the rest of my life with.......

I don't want my first time to be some random guy from Craigslist, Adam4Adam, or Grindr.

Call me old fashioned, but I think it's charming to date for a while, then court, and then your man gets you an engagement ring. "No ring, no sex."

Bottom bois, make sure you get some commitment from your man before giving away your cherry to your man. After all, in his mind, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? Don't be a hard rock when you truly is a gem! (Don't sell yourself short!)

Well, I mean I've had sex with my husband, before he was my husband. Your first time doesn't need to be with a guy from Craigslist, you can have a long term boyfriend and then have sex.
You can settle. But anyways, if you want to wait for marriage before sex. Well good luck, I think it's commendable, but you need to not frame things like this.

Anyways I'm sure you'll find a good guy. Uday~ ;D

 

[MoltenRock III]

Call me old fashioned, but I think it's charming to date for a while, then court, and then your man gets you an engagement ring. "No ring, no sex."

Bottom bois, make sure you get some commitment from your man before giving away your cherry to your man. After all, in his mind, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? Don't be a hard rock when you truly is a gem! (Don't sell yourself short!)

 

[The White Stripe]

You guys are fucking retarded. If he didn't want to have sex that was his decision, and if it was important to him the other guy should have supported him, out of love, even if it is a little ridiculous. If you TRULY love someone...you support their every move.

Its obvious the other guy was out to make himself feel good. Selfish prick. Don't fuck him, move on.

Better things will come...

 

[MoltenRock III]

You guys are fucking retarded. If he didn't want to have sex that was his decision, and if it was important to him the other guy should have supported him, out of love, even if it is a little ridiculous. If you TRULY love someone...you support their every move.

Its obvious the other guy was out to make himself feel good. Selfish prick. Don't fuck him, move on.

Better things will come...

Likewise if the OP actually had loved his boyfriend of nearly 3 years, he would have seen what pain he was causing him. Cuts both ways ya know!

 

[asu1117]

If you TRULY love someone...you support their every move.

That logic is so flawed it hurts. If you loved an alcoholic would you support his decision to keep drinking or to relapse? If you loved someone with anorexia would you support their decision not to eat? I could go on, but that would be belaboring the point.

 

[curiousguyUNT]

If he didn't want to have sex that was his decision, and if it was important to him the other guy should have supported him, out of love, even if it is a little ridiculous. If you TRULY love someone...you support their every move.

But doesn't that go both ways? Why does the needs and wishes of one person get elevated above the other? I know that if after two years the thought of having sex with me still made you unsure or uncomfortable, I would begin to feel very used emotionally and a little bit insecure. It is not ok to pressure someone into sex, but it is also not ok to use someone else to fulfill all your needs while ignoring their's.

 

[HunterM]

No, it is not wrong for you to wait for the right person and the right time to have sex...even if you have to wait until you're 50 or 70. You should have control of your own body. Don't let any one pressure you.

At the same time, don't mislead the other person by "...Well one thing led to another and after a few drinks we found ourselves at his place. Just as we were about to do it I stopped him (just so everybody knows I'm a virgin)." You are accountable for your own action too. It is understandable why he is upset because you let it progressed so far.

Reality is...what it is...does not matter if you agree with it or not. After 2 years of dating without sex, most guys would walk away from the relationship whether it's a straight or a gay relationship.

Now...your ex boyfriend...do me a favor and give him my phone number

 

[Ganoderma]

(....). How in society gays are seen as these horny people who will do anything to get off. They associate and blame us for things such as incest beastiality and peodophillia ,but these are things straight people do aswell.so why must we get blamed.bec of our orientation ? Its not that I'm religious or anything or like that. But I just believe having sex with someone who is fully committed to me and I feel is the right person to do it with whether I find that person tomorrow or when I'm 50.... Is that so wrong?!

Hi DaviiSkye,

I fully agree with others over here that having sex with another guy (irrelevant what kind of sex) is something what is only up to you and to the other guy. As long as both are adults, both have to agree with each other what to do, and what not to do.

To give an answer on your last question. No.

I do not bother at all what 'society' is thinking or is expecting what I (a male gay) should do, or not should do with any other gay when I am together with him. So I would like to advise you not bother at all what 'society' [in South-Africa] is telling you to do, or not to do. Quite a few ignorant people, likely also in South-Africa, have very shallow ideas about gay people. I am sure that 80yo Bishop Tutu (and many other SA people, including the even much older 'founding father' Nelson Mandela) have very liberal ideas about gay and lesbian people.

In reality, as you will also have read over here in this thread, gays have a large variety of opinions how they should 'organize' the way they have sex with other males.

So there are no fixed rules and, towards my opinion, you were totally right to say 'stop' to your ex. On the other hand, I can imagine very well that he was very disappointed. Any idea if he still had a 'crush' on you?

Best wishes, and feel free to continu with asking for more advise.

 

[mbamike]

. . . Its not that I'm religious or anything or like that. But I just believe having sex with someone who is fully committed to me and I feel is the right person to do it with whether I find that person tomorrow or when I'm 50.... Is that so wrong?!

You should live by your moral code and do only that which is comfortable to you. On the same note, don't condemn anyone who has different opinions about sex. We are responsible for our own actions, not the other guy.

 

[blackbeltninja]

The condescending and arrogant attitudes of some of you older guys who really should know better are appalling.

-d-

 

[DaviiSkye]

By commitment I meant we felt and still kind of do feel strongly for each other. We could have so much fun and be intimate without taking our clothes off. I believe that It was love and you can judge me and tell me I'm an idiot for saying that but that's how it was for us. He never brought sex up until after this date.
Another reason why I've held off so much on it is because I don't want to regret it. I have many friends that say if they could they would go back so they could change the way it was done. So in a sense I guess the fear is what's clouding my judgement. But still. Thank you for the feedback its great to hear points from both sides of the argument. But nothing is gonna change who I am

 

[BigDestiny]

By commitment I meant we felt and still kind of do feel strongly for each other. We could have so much fun and be intimate without taking our clothes off. I believe that It was love and you can judge me and tell me I'm an idiot for saying that but that's how it was for us. He never brought sex up until after this date.
Another reason why I've held off so much on it is because I don't want to regret it. I have many friends that say if they could they would go back so they could change the way it was done. So in a sense I guess the fear is what's clouding my judgement. But still. Thank you for the feedback its great to hear points from both sides of the argument. But nothing is gonna change who I am

I'm guessing you've gotten everything you wanted from this thread, so you might not even read this. But I thought I'd put in my two cents.

I think there's two issues here. One is that you didn't want to have sex that night with someone you aren't currently in a relationship. IMO, that's perfectly valid and he shouldn't have gotten mad at you.

That being said, honestly I don't blame him for dumping you for not having sex with him. I can't give you an exact date separating random guy from committed relationship, but two years is more than enough time to decide if someone is 'the right one'. I honestly think that at this point, if you don't want to have sex with him you need to get out of his life and let him find someone that does want to be with him.

I'm not judging you, but Seghers is quite correct that it would hurt to hear, after 2 years of dating, that you might regret it if you had sex with him. It's not a very romantic thing to hear but like my mother says, 'shit or get off the pot'.

 

[blackbeltninja]

^Come on, he's only 18 now, so he was 15 or 16 when it started, if that.

There should be NO pressure to be having sex at that age.

-d-

 

[legend145]

LMAO at these absurd comments. There are things more important in a relationship than sex.

 

[Rex]

One of my dearest girlfriends from college was a strict no-sex-before-marriage Catholic. And not one of those wishy-washy everything but sex types, either. She expected the guys she dated to respect that, and not pressure her. On the other hand, she was forthright with them from the beginning about her commitment to chastity and they had the choice to continue the relationship or not.

(She finally got married to and is, apparently, having excellent sex with a guy all the girls in the dorm called Hercules. Because of the muscles. So, it does work for some people.)
.

I think that might work with a male/female relationship but that would be hard to come by with a male/male relationship. Men have a very high sex drive compared to woman. Hercules probably banged half the dorm before settling down and straight men love the fact that a woman remained a virgin for them. I can't see that as a big desire with gay men.

If he waited two years, he probably figured him and the OP weren't compatable and were too different to be together.