GL - Archived Blog Posts

[GL]

The last couple of weeks have been pretty tough. Things happening at work that makes me wonder if staying is such a good idea at all. Not to mention this sense of loneliness and melancholy that just won’t go away. It tends to hang around me like an annoying cloud of… something. This is not to say that I don’t have my friends around me to keep me going. I do, it’s just that sometimes your heart just yearns for something more than friendship can provide. I was lucky enough to make a connection, but timing wasn’t on my side and now I’m just here wondering what I should do next.

I’ve gone back to school. Right now I’m taking just one class at the community college, but it’s interesting and in only two class sessions I’ve come to enjoy it. It’s a break from work and an opportunity to let my creative juices flow. I may be able to take another class here and there, but if I’m going to continue, I’m going to have to go to the university.

I’m not sure how I’m going to do it, but I know I want to go back to school full time and get away from my job. Truth is, I don’t want to do what I am doing for the rest of my life. I have to find something else that doesn’t eat away at my soul and wears me down. I cringe thinking that if I don’t do something I might find myself right where I am ten or fifteen years looking back.

I guess right now I’m in a state of transition.

 

[GL]

So here we are barely into the month of September and there are two things I very much want to get.

First! “Gojira” has been released to DVD as of yesterday, 09/05/06. Gojira is the Japanese name for Godzilla and the film in question is the original feature from 1954. The version that was shown here in America had separate scenes shot with the late Raymond Burr and was edited into the original film. He sort of acted as a buffer and as an interpreter for the audience. The original movie was reportedly much darker in tone and carried an anti war, anti nuke theme. Think about it, this film came out less than ten years from the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I’m going out later on today to pick this one up and I’m so looking forward to it! Yes, I know… I am a nerd.

Gojira

Secondly! My muse, Diana Krall is releasing a new studio album on 09/19/06 entitled “From This Moment On.” I’m super excited about this one as she’s going back to the standards this time around. Her last album was all original work and although it was very good, I tend to appreciate her interpretation of the classics a whole lot more. This time around she will be performing with her usual quartet and will also be swinging with an orchestra. If you ever listened to her Christmas album, you’ll get a pretty good idea of what to expect musically.

Diana Krall / From This Moment On

September will be a good month. Well, at least when it comes to movies and music. Everything else is up in the air as usual.

 

[GL]

I’m putting this here because I really just don’t know what more I can do. I have tried to get in touch with you to try and make things right. But for whatever reason, you’ve cut me out and left me hanging in the wind. I’m putting this here because I believe that you’re probably lurking and just watching to see how things unfold.

I trusted you. You led me to believe that what I felt for you was reciprocated. I was completely honest with you and gave you every benefit of the doubt. Even when my logical mind would tell me that something was not quite right. I wonder why you would do what you did to me? Was it some kind of game for you? Did you have fun stringing me along? Now I wonder if any of it was true at all. It is beyond cruel to infuse someone with hope when all along you knew it was all a falsehood.

But you know what? It isn’t entirely your fault. A good deal of it is mine in that when I knew it was too good to be true I was so desperate to be loved that I went along with it. I should be angry and for some reason I’m not. If anything I’m sad about the whole thing because I thought for once it was my turn. I should have known better, this sort of thing just isn’t in the cards for me. So I guess you don’t have to feel too bad about it all. You made a fool out of me and I hope that you are happy with that. Because from here on end I do not know if I will ever be able to trust anyone ever again.

 

[GL]

Something a lucky few get to enjoy.
For some it is the end all be all of their existence.
Others it is a reminder of something wonderful or something terrible.
As for myself?
I tend to think its just crap.




Yes, I know I'm being cynical. So what?

 

[GL]

my dewy-eyed disney bride, what has tried
swapping your blood with formaldehyde?
monsters?
whiskey-plied voices cried fratricide!
jesus don't you know that you could've died
(you should've died)
with the monsters that talk, monsters that walk the earth

and she's got red lipstick and a bright pair of shoes
and she's got knee high socks, what to cover a bruise
she's got an old death kit she's been meaning to use
she's got blood in her eyes, in her eyes for you
she's got blood in her eyes for you

certain fads, stripes and plaids, singles ads
they run you hot and cold like a rheostat, I mean a thermostat
so you bite on a towel
hope it won't hurt too bad

my dewy-eyed disney bride, what has tried
swapping your blood with formaldehyde?
what monsters that talk, monsters that walk the earth

and she says I like long walks and sci-fi movies
if you're six foot tall and east coast bred
some lonely night we can get together
and i'm gonna tie your wrists with leather
and drill a tiny hole into your head

Fake Palindromes / Andrew Bird

 

[GL]

I tuned in on Friday night to watch the one and only gubernatorial debate scheduled between the four candidates running for the office of the Governor of the state of Texas. It proved to be a waste of time. In the end I felt that I didn’t learn anything new, worse yet I found I was looking at my vote come November to be another example of “the lesser of two evils.” That may have been a tad harsh.

The San Antonio Express News called it, “…more of a joint news conference than a debate, but the candidates sniped at each other over taxes, toll roads, ethics and racially tinged remarks.”

So where do I go from here? Believe me when I tell you this, I want nothing more than to see Rick Perry and his “Government By Special Interests” and the “Religious Right” out of office. And right now it’s possible. His polling numbers haven’t been as good as he would like them. I believe he’s hovering around 40%. The problem is who to vote for?

First off, there is Carol Keeton Strayhorn; AKA “One Tough Grandma,” who has been in Austin and is the State Comptroller. She’s been a Democrat and then became a Republican. When she lost the Republican primary she switched yet again to an Independent. She would probably be great on the budget part of the office and she has made inroads with certain social organizations and has become a big critic of the Trans Texas Corridor. She claims to be a political outsider, but when someone’s been in Austin for more than one term I tend to think they’ve been "turned." But she has the best chance at kicking Perry out of office.

Then there is Kinky Friedman. The Independent candidate with his own action figure, the candidate with the slogan “Kinky Friedman for Governor. Why the hell not?” He is so out of left field that if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s made it this far I could not take him seriously. However, when you see the same sort of Austin politicos running around you have to wonder if it might not be a bad idea to shake things up. If anything, he has proposed making Willie Nelson the guy in charge of making marijuana legal. That ought to be good for a laugh.

Finally we come to Chris Bell, a former Congressman who lost his seat as a result of the redistricting mess spearheaded by Tom DeLay. Once the district became predominantly Republican, he became a quick target and was voted out. I have to say that I support everything he has stood for so far. He has voiced his opposition to the Trans Texas Corridor; he’s called for stronger Higher Education initiatives such as ending the deregulation of tuition and going back to fully funding higher education. Not to mention he recognizes the need to put back the cuts made to state agencies that work for and care for the state’s children, the elderly and the disabled. My worry is that he does not have the clout to beat back Perry.

Ehh. I know I’m going to vote for Bell. I’m just worried that my vote won’t be enough.

Here's the article if you're interested...

 

[GL]

It's nothing, it's so normal you
Just stand there I could say so much
But I don't go there cuz I don't want to
I was thinking if you were lonely
Maybe we could leave here and no one would know
At least not to the point that we would think so

Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking about
Somebody else
It's best if we all keep it under our heads
I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But I'm lonely now, and I don't know how
To get it back to good

This don't mean that, you own me
This ain't no good, in fact it's phony as hell
But things worked out just like you wanted too
If you see me out you don't know me
Try to turn your head, try to give me some room
To figure out just what I'm going to do

And everyone here, hates everyone here for doing just like
They do
It's best if we all keep this quiet instead
And I couldn't tell, why everyone here was doing me like
They do
But I'm sorry now, and I don't know how
To get it back to good

Everyone here, is wondering what it's like to be with
Somebody else
Everyone here's to blame, everyone here
Gets caught up in the pleasure of the pain, everyone hides
Shades of shame, but looking inside we're the same, we're
The same
And we're all grown now, but we don't know how
To get it back to good

Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking 'bout
Somebody else
It's best if we all keep this under our heads
I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But it's over now, and I don't know how, it's over now
There's no getting back to good

Back 2 Good / Matchbox Twenty

 

[GL]

The last few nights I’ve been sitting out on my porch and just enjoying a good cigar. I take my iPod, listen to some good music and just look up into my little patch of the night sky. Well, what I can see between the other building’s roof and the trees. It’s times like this that I wish I still lived out in the country. It’s a little slice of heaven to sit outside in the cool evening air and look up into the starry night sky and give up some smoke.

 

[GL]

“You’ve become quite the pessimist.” Said my friend at work.


“I have?”


“Yes.” And she walked away and back into her office.


To be honest, I don’t even recall what it was I said to her to prompt such a response but I guess she’s right. I don’t go out of my way to be like this, I’m usually pretty friendly and easy going. But I guess with all the crap I’ve had to put up with over the last couple of months, my outlook on things in general has gone south.


It hasn’t been easy trying to get over the hump. There are times when I’ll be fine as if nothing has happened. And then something trips me up and before I know it, I’m down in the dumps again. Oh well, one day at a time.

 

[GL]

Well yesterday proved to be an interesting day all together. I only worked half a day as I had an appointment later on that afternoon. My friends called me up to let me know that they were in town to take my godson to the pediatrician. I call him my “godson-by-proxy” as I’m his elder sister’s godfather. As I see it they’re a package deal. Anyhow, we made plans to meet up for lunch at a Thai restaurant down the road. When I get there they were both beside themselves as they could really tell that I had lost weight, which really made me feel good. Even better, my godson is just turning out to be this really cool kid! He’s talking away like there’s no tomorrow. After lunch we all made further plans to see one another again during the holidays. The visit was great but at the same time it made me just a little bit sad that they were no longer living here in S.A.

From there I went home to get ready for my appointment, which by the way was an interview with a noted PhD here in town. It is all for my news writing class and the final project we’re all working on. I got home and buoyed by the nice words of my friends, I decided to try on some clothes that I had buried in my closet. I was totally floored when I put on those slacks and it all fit and with some room to spare! For the first time in a long time I looked at myself in the mirror and liked what I saw. Damn if I didn’t feel good. Don’t get me wrong, I still have more to lose but it was nice to see myself in smaller clothes.

I took off to meet up with my research partner so that we could make our appointment. Before I go further I have to make it known that I think he’s easily one of the best looking guys I’ve ever laid eyes on. I feel bad admitting this because he’s only 20 years old. But Lord bless me! And sadly yes, he's straight. When I got there I was disappointed to see that he had completely forgot that we had our interview that afternoon. On the up side he did answer the door wearing only a wife beater and blue jeans. ~sigh~ He got himself together and we took off. We were in such a rush to get there that on two occasions he nearly rear-ended the driver in front of us. He sort of drives like a maniac truth be told.

We made it to the university and found the office of our interview subject. We exchanged pleasantries and got down to brass tacks. I have to tell you, the interview went off without a hitch. He was forthcoming, gregarious and generous and we ended up with an hour and a half long recording. I can’t wait to get the audio back so that I can get to my transcription. I have a feeling that this project is going to come off pretty darn well.

On our way back to my partner’s place, we got to talk and really got to know one another. I have to say that all though I was disappointed that he was not ready to go when I got there, I was really impressed with his line of thinking and how he reasons things. He turned out to be a pretty bright guy. Despite all this good stuff, something had to pop up and put a dent in our trip. We ended up in a wreck.

Yep. As we were getting close to his place we found ourselves in a collision. The car immediately in front of us braked hard to avoid the car, which braked in front of him. My partner slammed on the breaks but ended up rear-ending the guy in front. The front end of his car was crunched pretty well. All things considered, we got out all right without a scratch. Despite all that, I still thought yesterday was a good day.

 

[GL]

Ugh… four more years of Rick Perry. I am sick to my stomach. Four more years of his hypocrisy, cronyism and dishonesty. I am proud to say I voted for Chris Bell. I think he had the interests and well being of the common Texan at heart and not those of the many corporations that have flocked to this state as a result of Perry’s pro-business stance. A stance which squarely puts the middle class, the working poor and the out right poverty stricken out in the cold. Well, Perry may have won another four years in office (shudder!) it was by no means a landslide victory. In fact, I had anticipated that one of the two independents running might chip away at Perry’s numbers. As it turns out, it is beginning to look like they both ended up hurting Bell’s chances. Oh well. I think there is enough discontent and anger held here that his next four years would be an uphill battle. At least I hope it will.

 

[GL]

Yes, yes, yes... I know it's too damn early.


Hell, Thanksgiving hasn't even happended!


But I'm already getting my Bona Fide Christmas Junkie buzz on!

 

[GL]

Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction holding me fast, how
Can I escape this irresistible grasp?

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted Just an earth-bound misfit, I

Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to find my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone
A soul in tension that's learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,
My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air,
Across the clouds I see my shadow fly
Out of the corner of my watering eye
A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night
There's no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, A state of bliss

Can't keep my mind from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

Learning To Fly / Pink Floyd

 

[GL]

You know something? People suck. They are rude, contemptuous, self-serving, back stabbing bastards. This should have been a good day but it went right down the toilet from the very beginning and it just didn’t let up.

To the old bat who accused me of denying her case in error. Open your ears you fucking twat! How many times do I have to tell you that if you don’t report your fucking address to me how in the hell am I supposed to know you moved? I can’t say it any plainer than that and I even said it in Spanish hoping your thick skull might pick it up. Do me a favor, feed yourself to your cats.

To my writing partner who has made what should have been a fascinating and enlightening experience has only showed me that anyone with ambition should be watched with very keen eyes. My original story was pretty damn good to be completely honest. It pisses me off that I did not stand up for my own creative integrity and fight harder for my contributions. I am so glad that I showed up today to our session because if I had not I’m pretty damn sure you would have cut out more of my work from the over all story. Thank God this is the last time I will ever have to work with you.

Eh. Don’t mind me. It’s been a shitty day and I just needed to rant. And no, I didn't actually utter this stuff out loud. That's why it's here. It's what I wished I had said.

 

[GL]

Martin Nodell (November 15, 1915 - December 9, 2006) was a cartoonist and commercial artist, best known as the creator of the Golden Age superhero Green Lantern. Some of his work appeared under the pen name "Mart Dellon."

Born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Nodell attended the Art Institute of Chicago. He moved to New York City in the 1930's, where he attended the Pratt Institute.

Pratt's began his illustrating career in 1938, working as a freelancer. He joined DC Comics, where he created the original design for the Green Lantern. Nodel left DC in 1947 and joined Timely Comics (now Marvel Comics), where he drew Captain America, the Human Torch and the Sub-Mariner. Nodel left comics in the 1950 to work in advertising, where he was part of the team that developed the Pillsbury Doughboy. He retired in 1976.

In 1987, Nodell submitted some new work to DC, which led to him being rediscoverd by comic fans. His final work for DC appeared in Green Lantern #19 (December 1991), in which he provided an illustration of the Alan Scott Green Lantern for the last time. Nodell resided in West Palm Beach, Florida until his death.

From Wikipedia

 

[GL]

I’m the kind of person who truly loves Christmas. There is something in the holiday that pleases all of my senses and generally makes me a happy person. That being said, there is one aspect of the holiday that I have a hard time dealing with and that is that it is not entirely friendly to singles.

Think about it for a second. This holiday, outside of the religious aspects usually associated with it, is first and foremost for children and families. It is the time of year that they all wait in one excited breath for Christmas morning to see what Santa brought them. Families get together and celebrate amongst themselves… that picture perfect, Currier and Ives Christmas Special.

Next it’s for couples. How so? Well, look at the media. You can’t watch TV right now without being inundated by commercials of all sorts, especially as Christmas is the biggest moneymaker for the jewelry industry, period. Each and every commercial they’ve produced is geared towards that guy buying that perfect gift for his girl. You know the one’s I’m talking about. They’re all full of love and hope and expensive baubles.

I guess right now I’m just a little bitter about this whole ‘couples’ thing. Not to mention a good deal jaded about relationships all together. A short time ago I thought that this holiday might be a whole lot different than in the past. I thought I had someone to share the season with, someone with whom I was contemplating what to get for Christmas. Someone with a gift to ship and me wondering how I was going to get it to him overseas. I knew that we would not be able to spend the holidays together, but I had it in my head that we would share phone calls on Christmas and at New Year’s Eve and points in between. Those special kinds of phone calls where you spend twenty minutes trying to say ‘goodbye’ and ‘I love you.’ Unfortunately, that didn’t come to pass.

So, where does that leave me? I’m not really sure. I don’t want to get all maudlin and depressive about what could have been but at the same time its something that has crossed my mind of late. Thankfully I’m past that point of being hurt, but it still makes me a little sad when I think on it all. Stupid jewelry commercials! In the mean time, I have a few nieces and nephews and god-kids to spoil with gifts. Not to mention my friends and family who are dear to me. It isn’t what I had hoped for this time around, but I guess it’s better than being completely alone.

 

[GL]

She packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine a.m.
And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then
I miss the earth so much I miss my wife
It's lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight

And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it's cold as hell
And there's no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science I don't understand
It's just my job five days a week
A rocket man, a rocket man

And I think it's gonna be a long long time...

Rocket Man / Elton John & Bernie Taupin

 

[GL]

 

[GL]

I took down my holiday decorations at work this afternoon. The wreath was packed up, as were my Christmas tree ornaments and the tree itself was stuffed back in its box. It’s one of those nifty little 3-foot fiber-optic numbers. I have to admit that I’m just a little bit down about seeing the usual door and the usual bookshelf. I still need to take down the stuff at home. Oh well, that’s the way these things go. [shrugs]

 

[GL]

I must admit I have no idea what is wrong with me. After I came back from my holiday vacation and logged back on here at JUB, I have found myself experiencing something completely unforseen and unexpected. I seem to become depressed when I'm online.

I know what your thinking... Perhaps he's just depressed? I'm not so sure. For example, last night I went to dinner with friends and had a great time. When I’m at work I motor along just fine and don’t feel out of sorts in any way. In fact, I've been in great spirits and have been pretty darn productive. But when I get home and go online here I seem to fall into this funk. I kid you not, within a half hour I’m bummed out.

Why is that? What’s changed? Maybe I should just put this whole thing behind me and just walk away. I won’t do it of course. I’m addicted to this place. Hell, I don’t know what I’m talking about. Never mind.