I realize this is an old, dormant thread and the questioner has probably moved on, but since I stumbled across it somehow, I figured I'd put my two cents in.
I'm sorry you've had bad experiences. Not sure what city you're in or more about the bars you've been to, so all I can do is relate my own experiences.
In San Francisco, I've almost always had good experiences with go-go dancers. I should mention upfront that I'm in my mid-40s and I am about 35 pounds overweight (but in the past I've been 70 pounds overweight, and these experiences still apply to then).
In many places, I'm usually the first person to tip (sometimes the only tipper). I don't tip a lot of money, usually just a dollar at a time. But I do it respectfully, tucking it in the side without trying to cop a feel or a peek. For me, it's like tipping a drag queen in respect for her performance. I'm paying respect for the go-go boy's performance, not trying to set up an assignation for later. I smile when I tip, but if they're dancing I don't try to chat unless they initiate it ... because they're working.
Over time, most of them have eventually made the effort to ask my name, make brief small-talk when I tip, sometimes kiss me on the cheek, and often come over and chat with me in between sets. If I happen to see them when they aren't working, just hanging out, they'll come over and give me a hug. Some have become good friends and have come to my place for my parties, invited me to theirs for their parties, etc.
I'm sure that most are not into me sexually. Most don't escort and those that do probably don't see me as a potential customer since I'm not tipping $20s. But I'm friendly and respectful and over time they see that, despite being an overweight guy in his 40s, I'm pretty harmless and a genuinely nice guy.
That's been my experience. Other results may vary.
As for how to put them in check ... I don't think you can. I think the best you can do is not tip them, ignore them, and have a good time separate from the go-go boys.
