Going to Lose My Mind

[Cognition]

Guys,

I don't know what to do. I never felt I could endure so much mental aggravation, but I fear that I'll snap anytime soon.

Memories of a former hookup turned "friend" that I've lost contact with now have invaded my mind like locusts in a crop field. I endure the burden of being inundated with memories of a guy who doesn't even care about me (or even thinks about me). There's not an hour where tormenting thoughts of Rob don't seek to destroy my happiness, self-esteem, and self worth.

How can I rid myself of this? Is there any hope? Why should I endure this pain?

Please help me. I want to be free!

 

[StlKj]

Looking back over the other threads, I remember when you were originally posting about your obsessive thinking. The best way to move on from someone is to engage yourself with making new contacts; put yourself out there and meet new people. Make a list of the qualities you are looking for--NOT the qualities he possessed that you want back, but what you want in a new friend/companion. Then go out and find someone who fits that bill.

However, if you cannot get it under control, you may need to seek professional help. Your past behavior certainly sounded like obsession and over-analysis. You seem to be in a push and pull pattern--when there is some interest there in you, you push them away, and when they go away, you obsess over having them around. If that's the case, it's very self-destructive, and you need to get to the bottom of it. Find a trained professional who can help you do so.

 

[Horschallen]

I have been through what you are going through right now. It was hard and I went through intensive counseling for a long time. I do not want to say how long this whole process took me to discourage you, but it compromised other aspects of my life, especially professionally, etc. I had many different feelings including lots of anger.

In the process, I explored spiritualism and found it to be helpful in addition to professional counseling. I was fortunate to have a therapist who was gay, respected my spiritual search, and guided me through these difficult stumbling blocks.

I read many books and have come to appreciate how these books contributed to my self-help package.

And in the process, I was fortunate to find an organized support group that met weekly and I was able to connect with other people who were dealing with depression due to different reasons in their lives. There it was nice to spend time with these people who experienced and understood my pains. I think very fondly every time I think of the times I spent with these people. We really communicated with one another.

And in the process I had a distant friend in another state who was a "coach" who communicated with me through the most difficult episodes and I was fortunate to have her support throughout the ordeal.

Even now, 7 years later, I still think about this one person daily, but not as often, intensively and obsessively as in the beginning. I now try to remember him in a fondly manner, trying to be thankful for the little time I had with him. Now it has reached to a point where it is much more manageable than it was in the beginning.

What helped me move on was when he moved to California and I moved to PA to accept a job offer.

Many people, including friends and family members, may not understand the intensity of what you are dealing with, so do not be surprised if they behave differently, offer unsolicited (often unqualified) advices or suggestion, and/or push you to do things that you may not want to do. They will have difficultycomprehending how one can feel miserable after just a few weeks, because these feelings can last much longer. It is just that they do not understand or have not experienced the level of pain you are dealing with.

I wish you well and do strongly encourage you consider getting professional counseling ASAP. PM me if you need to. I check my emails and PMs daily except when I am out of town on business. I wish you the best.

 

[Cognition]

However, if you cannot get it under control, you may need to seek professional help. Your past behavior certainly sounded like obsession and over-analysis. You seem to be in a push and pull pattern--when there is some interest there in you, you push them away, and when they go away, you obsess over having them around. If that's the case, it's very self-destructive, and you need to get to the bottom of it. Find a trained professional who can help you do so.

Yes, that's exactly it!

 

[Cognition]

^You definitely have a point there, Jasun.

Will do.

 

[Cognition]

I think it's time I seriously consider professional help with this.

I've been having an annoying eye "twitch" for the last few days due to constant thought about this whole ordeal, and last night I had a freaking dream about this guy.

It's like I'm being tortured within my own mind.

I regret ever hooking up with him. I'm sure he doesn't even remember me anymore, yet I have to deal this emotional burden that causing me substantial stress.

I got the short end of the stick for sure.

 

[StlKj]

Don't seriously consider seeking help, Bud. It sounds like you already have some issues with "seriously considering." Act. Soon.

 

[Cognition]

then go find a new stick and grab it with both hands.

You only get over things when you move on from them.

I've been trying to forge new relationships and involve myself in new activities, but this guy keep hitting my mind constantly each day. It's getting where I get tired of simply thinking.

I know that I don't want to contact him again and to leave him alone, so that's not an issue (anymore).

It just seems like nothing I'm doing is working and professional help will be a huge time sacrifice.

 

[StlKj]

Which is the bigger time sacrifice--seeking professional help where you can perhaps learn about yourself and why you obsess over such things, or obsessing over someone to the point where you believe you might be losing your mind?

 

[Cognition]

I personally think you could deal with this on your own (if you're willing enough to) but it sounds like you might not believe in yourself enough to so I'd definitely say get some help ASAP.

How can I deal with this on my own? Perhaps I've taken the wrong approach and that's why I'm not seeing results.

I'm definitely up for self-help, but I can admit to not having the right strategy to deal with a circumstance like this.

How do you deal with something like this?

 

[Cognition]

.

I learned a long time ago that you can't be happy with someone until you learn to be happy by yourself, what you're talking about seems a lot like co-dependency. Perhaps you're scared of letting go of him because it means starting over and actively seeking something else.

What's the point of developing an emotional dependency for something that's intangible? He isn't yours, he probably never was yours, and you shouldn't want him to be yours.

Would you rather move on in new pursuits or would you rather continually seek something that you know you're not going to find.

I think co-dependency is a very fitting word for this situation.

I would rather move on in new pursuits.

 

[Cognition]

I think I'm dealing with the harshness of having been rejected by this guy, and I don't take rejection very well. In fact, if I even sense someone will reject me, I'll reject them first to show them who has the "upper hand."

I realize that I'm upset because I didn't have the chance to blow this guy off first before he did it to me. I hate having miss an opportunity to do so.

 

[Cognition]

Sounds like this might be a maturity thing as well, there are some aspects of life that are inevitable. You can't always be the winner, you can't always be the one who rejects, and you can't always have what you want. You can't continually protect yourself, that's a 24/7 job, sometimes you gotta take a L (loss).

The best thing that ever happened to me was learning that I'm not always right.

PS, I edited my previous post after you responded, I added some extra stuff.

I see your point.

Thanks again for your (and others like you) help. I'll get through this, I tell ya!

 

[Cognition]

That's a step in the right direction, sometimes all you need to do is change your thinking pattern. Hopefully we'll soon be hearing some good news from you.

I certainly hope so.

*And seeing your handsome face again.

Thanks for the compliment.

 

[Cognition]

Despite having another dream about Rob (which makes 2), I think I'm seeing the light and am in the midst of a miracle!

Needless to say, this would have been solved ages ago if there was a drug available to remove part of my memory.

 

[G-Lexington]

The problem isn't your memory - it's how you're handling the memory. And that's what needs to be worked on.

Lex

 

[Cognition]

The problem isn't your memory - it's how you're handling the memory. And that's what needs to be worked on.

Lex

Well, I think I've been doing a little better with it. Everytime he comes into my mind (which happens often), I try to "push" the thought out.

I'm about 50% successful in attempting to divert my attention like this, but I do get left with bad headaches most of the time.

I don't know what else to do. I really am trying to get over this.

In fact, I had my AIM window open earlier and I saw he was online, since he's on my buddy list. Well, I didn't even bother to IM him! My mind told me to forget about him and move on.

Progress, right?

 

[G-Lexington]

Real progress would be deleting him from your buddy list, I'd say.

Lex

 

[Cognition]

Real progress would be deleting him from your buddy list, I'd say.

Lex

Just did it.

And I blocked him so he can't see when I'm online (not that he would initiate a conversation anyway).

So what do I do now? What's Step #2?

 

[G-Lexington]

Get rid of all other contact info - your phone, your address book, etc.

Then just get on with your life.

Lex