goodbye

[JayQueer]

I don't want to want to take up too much of your time, but does anyone know if I can call the Trevor Project even if I'm older than a teenager? I've heard about them, but I don't know if I'm eligible to call them.

Something really severe happened with my parents earlier today and I've been on this site for this afternoon & tonight, trying to get my mind off of everything. I would prefer not to go into exact details as to what happened, but my parents are giving me a few months to "straighten myself out." If I don't, they are planning to send me to live with my relatives in India.

I just can't take being gay anymore. It's like this ugly stain on my t-shirt that I can't remove. Somebody here on JUB called me a "self-hating homo," which I am. I'm just so upset at myself and I'm upset at the world.

The truth is, I do hate myself for being gay. I've been trying to tell myself that I'm okay with it..........but I'm not. I guess I'm not as strong as all of you are.

I just want to be normal. I don't want to wear makeup or nail polish and have everyone stare at me. I don't want to be beaten up or killed because somebody thinks that f@gs go to hell. I don't want to be single and alone for the rest of my life. I just want to fit in.

And yet, I feel like no matter what I do, I will never fit in. I thought that thinking politically conservative to please my parents would at least make me feel somewhat accepted. But even that doesn't seem to work. I will always be this awkward, overweight Asian Indian gay guy who is ridiculed & has no hope of ever finding my way.

I may not be checking messages here for too much longer, but if I could ask you a favor -- please don't ridicule, harass, or ignore other gay people who may not be as attractive as you, or who may have different beliefs than you. Disagree with gay Republicans all you want -- but even fat, ugly, gay Republicans deserve to be embraced and loved for the people they are too.

Thank you.

 

[looseliam]

800.784.2433 - 24/7/365

I'm sure you wouldn't be turned away were you to call the trevor project.

If things are just too unbearable and you're really afraid of what you might do, dial 911.

You say you hate yourself for being gay. Do you hate yourself for being Indian? No. You didn't choose to be Indian like you didn't choose to like men.

 

[KaraBulut]

Your best option is to get into therapy and start working on you.

You can't change your parents' homophobia.

You can change your own homophobia. You can change your appearance. You can change your views. You can change the way you feel about yourself.

The list of things you can change are going to be the key to your happiness. And in changing those things, it will make what you can't change much easier to bear.

 

[Telstra]

It take alot of time to accept that you are gay, especially from a strict conservative culture.

It may take 10, 20, 30, 40 or 50 years ...
So my point is, be patient. It take alot of time to accept/love yourself !!!

 

[Seasoned]

Call the Trevor Project. Call 911. You are depressed and rightly so, but depression is a treatable illness. Because it affects the mind you need to trust someone's evaluation that your thinking is affected. Prolonged pain of any type, physical or emotional needs to be treated.

Your parents are wrong and you have been pushed into a corner. You have to believe, however, that you are not trapped. There us a trap door that will appear if you begin making phone calls to seek help and also if you begin to search for gay members of your community.

No one here or at home has control of your emotions. No one anywhere has control of your sexual orientation or your self image. You are being affected by mean, careless people. Your revenge ought to be is seeking help so you can take your place beside them.

You may think those around you treat you badly and it sounds like they treat you very badly, but you belong here and if you are missing you leave a hole in the universe.

Some of us were chosen to struggle but none of us is forced to do anything alone. We are here for you; I am here for you.

So you're a fat gay Indian and want to end your pain. The easiest thing to work on is the overweight part. The Indian part brings to the table a heritage which is vast and rich. The gay piece is sexual orientation which places you in another minority. Seeking help now will begin giving you the courage you need. You are not alone no matter how much you feel that way at home.

 

[TX-Beau]

You know, on the one hand I understand you pretty well. All that jingoistic flag waving and macho posturing is pretty much classic over-compensation.

On the other hand I don't. You would let your parents send you to your room like a chastised toddler?

How old are you?

If you really believe all that crap about how you're a manly man, behave like one. You don't live in India, you live in LA I think. You don't live in Indian society you live in American society, and frankly you're using your background as an excuse for not stepping up and being your own damn man. Why? because you don't want to be a faggot. Well, you are, and you'll stop being an insulting faggot when you finally realize that you are a faggot just like the rest of us and THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!!!

We all sympathize, hell, a lot of us have been there, but you know what, you are not the only gay Indian guy, the only gay guy from a right wing family full of haters, nor the only guy who needed to step up and be a fucking man, you say that's what you want to be - well?

It's your life, I can't fix it, no one in here can fix it, your parents don't own you, you have to grab your fucking nuts and do something about your own situation. If you won't, you won't and there you are.

Whatever you have to do to motivate yourself to take control over your own damn life - do it.

 

[DarkHelios]

I just want to be normal.

No one is normal.

I don't want to wear makeup or nail polish and have everyone stare at me.

If you don't want to wear makeup and nail polish, don't.

I don't want to be beaten up or killed because somebody thinks that f@gs go to hell.

If you were straight you could still get beaten up or killed because you're Indian, because they want your wallet, or just because they want to lash out and you're the nearest person. Being gay isn't an instant ticket to violence.

I don't want to be single and alone for the rest of my life.

Being gay doesn't mean you have to be single.

I just want to fit in.

You can be gay and fit in.

 

[dhchitown1984]

Call 1-800-273-TALK . National help line, available 24/7. Call the Trevor Project. Call 911. Send me a PM, I'll send you my phone number and you can call me. I've been where you are. It gets better. You are worth it.

 

[Solid Gold]

Have read some of your other posts. You are gay so get on with it. Living in your parents shadows is not an excuse for self loathing. Get a grip no matter what you look like. There is someone out there for everyone but YOU must be the one to take the lead on your destiny. Life is short and death is long...make the most of what you have

 

[Telstra]

You know, on the one hand I understand you pretty well. All that jingoistic flag waving and macho posturing is pretty much classic over-compensation.

On the other hand I don't. You would let your parents send you to your room like a chastised toddler?

How old are you?

If you really believe all that crap about how you're a manly man, behave like one. You don't live in India, you live in LA I think. You don't live in Indian society you live in American society, and frankly you're using your background as an excuse for not stepping up and being your own damn man. Why? because you don't want to be a faggot. Well, you are, and you'll stop being an insulting faggot when you finally realize that you are a faggot just like the rest of us and THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!!!

We all sympathize, hell, a lot of us have been there, but you know what, you are not the only gay Indian guy, the only gay guy from a right wing family full of haters, nor the only guy who needed to step up and be a fucking man, you say that's what you want to be - well?

It's your life, I can't fix it, no one in here can fix it, your parents don't own you, you have to grab your fucking nuts and do something about your own situation. If you won't, you won't and there you are.

Whatever you have to do to motivate yourself to take control over your own damn life - do it.

where is shepard2?
His story might change JayQueer mind.

 

[HunterM]

There are plenty of gay people in various races and various shapes that fit in the AMERICAN society. NY just passed the same sex marriage law! I have friends and colleagues that are openly lesbians and gay males at work. No one cares about their sexual orientations at this company and other gay friendly corporations in AMERICA.

You need to stand up to your parents for things you cannot change. Being gay is something you cannot change...just like you cannot change your ethnicity of being an Indian (like someone had stated before). Accept it. Embrace it. Start taking control on your own life as a previous poster had said. Start living your own life.

If you want to lose weight, start exercising and change into a more balanced/healthier eating habbits. Start meeting other gay people at your local gay organizations. They live normal lives in AMERICA! .

Cheer up man!

 

[hylas]

im sorry about your parents but youre an adult and you dont have to do anything or go anywhere. get a job, move out, and make your own luck. get some professional help for your issues.

 

[ShavedBare87]

Sounds like you're down because of your environment. I've been there too man, but I realized that it's only when you change the environment you're in that you begin to regain a little sanity. It becomes a little easier to focus on yourself.

And by the way, who told you being gay means that you have to wear makeup and nail polish? Last time I checked, there wasn't a dress code for gays.

Look man, the world is 196,939,900 square miles large. You will find happiness somewhere, you just have to look for it.

 

[JayQueer]

Thanks everyone for the responses.

It's very painful & difficult, but I'm trying to deal with it.

I called the Trevor Project, and it was kinda weird. A straight man answered the phone (I know this because it came up during our conversation). I was like, "Why would a straight man be a phone counselor for the 'Trevor Project'? What could a straight man possibly understand about being a gay guy?"

Anyways, I guess he was trying to be cool or hip so he would say the word "bro" in every other sentence. It was annoying.

Maybe if I call the Trevor Project some other time, I might get a better counselor.

 

[dhchitown1984]

Jay: I'm glad you went and sought out help when you needed it. Don't be afraid to ask for help in the future, either.

Perhaps you should google for LGBT Guidance Counselors in your area. I had seen a therapist who worked with LGBT people (amongst a whole array of other things). Turned out, he was also gay... so it made it a lot easier for me to have comfortable conversations, but either way - if a practice mentions on their website that they help LGBT people, then you can rest assured that those counselors have talked to a great many people, and can certainly offer their guidance.

Also, remember that "gay" doesn't define you. It's a component of you, it's part of who you are, but you are so much more than gay.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Thanks everyone for the responses.

It's very painful & difficult, but I'm trying to deal with it.

I called the Trevor Project, and it was kinda weird. A straight man answered the phone (I know this because it came up during our conversation). I was like, "Why would a straight man be a phone counselor for the 'Trevor Project'? What could a straight man possibly understand about being a gay guy?"

Anyways, I guess he was trying to be cool or hip so he would say the word "bro" in every other sentence. It was annoying.

Maybe if I call the Trevor Project some other time, I might get a better counselor.

What could he possibly know? Did you ask him? Did it ever occur to you that perhaps his brother / sister / parents / son / daughter is gay? Did it ever occur to you that perhaps this str8 male lost a best friend to suicide or AIDS?

You are filled with such disgust and distaste for people for the smallest of reasons. Here a person is trying to help YOU out, and all you have is complaints about his speech and sexuality, while at the same time complaining about others judging you?

I am an Asian gay male from all Asian family and haven't had the same problems as you. Did I have others, sure! We all have. You are not absolutely unique or some impossible phenomenon that no one can understand, or that you cannot change yourself. You say you're 25, it's time to stop blaming your family and your situation in life. It is YOUR life, and you only get one.

You have issues that I think are best worked out with a professional, of which I'm sure there are a dozen within a 10 minute drive from where you live as well as there most likely is a gay, Asian male therapist nearby that you could talk with. You're gay, deal with it, you can't change it! If you hate being overweight, you can change that! Stop bitching about it and get into weight watchers, gay bicycling club, gay water polo team, gay soccer team, whatever.

It's time to start living! Once you start loving yourself you'll be amazed at how many people you formerly felt were judging you weren't and your new found confidence will attract men. Confidence is sexy. But you have to love yourself first.

 

[bankside]

jayqueer, you're showing us gay and bi guys courtesy and respect by talking about our strength and asking for our advice.

I think you need to show yourself the same courtesy.

That's my advice:
I think you need to show yourself the same courtesy. Even if your family can't or won't.

ps. don't worry about phone guy...that guy on the other end of the phone thought he was trying to help. Even if he didn't get it quite right, please show him the same courtesy and give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

[JayQueer]

jayqueer, you're showing us gay and bi guys courtesy and respect by talking about our strength and asking for our advice.

I think you need to show yourself the same courtesy.

That's my advice:
I think you need to show yourself the same courtesy. Even if your family can't or won't.

ps. don't worry about phone guy...that guy on the other end of the phone thought he was trying to help. Even if he didn't get it quite right, please show him the same courtesy and give him the benefit of the doubt.

Thanks everyone.

The truth is, I just hate myself..........for being gay. And it doesn't seem to go away.

I have a LOT of respect for you guys. You guys are a lot stronger than me.

I'm just so miserable & unhappy right now. I felt so much better when I used to be in the closet..........If I could take a pill to become straight, I would do it in a heartbeat. If "reparative therapy" or "ex-gay therapy" actually worked, I would do it.

I just wish I could be straight. Life is so unfair.

 

[dhchitown1984]

I really think you should talk to someone locally, near you, who is trained, about how you're feeling.

That being said, everybody has something they want to change.... some people wish they were taller, or shorter, skinnier, or they wish they weren't stick thin, some people wish they had a better hairline, some people wish they had straight hair, or curly hair, some wish they could tan more easily, some people wish their hands were bigger, or feet or smaller, or nose was wider, or not as wide, or they wish their ears didn't stick out they way they did.

But at the end of the day, you are who you are. There are quite a few positives to being gay. Especially at your age.

There's no "social standard" for how a gay man's adult life needs to be structured. You're out, so you don't need to worry about your parents asking why you're XX years old and not married, or then, you're XX years old, when are you going to start a family. You don't need to deal with a girlfriend or wife who's on her period. You get to change the way people perceive an entire group of people because you can be yourself around them. Don't think you need to fit some gay stereotype.

When you're first coming out, it can be intimidating. There's a whole new language that you know nothing about, but everybody else uses the words. You automtically start applying the words to you, but don't know what they mean, and you feel outcast because you don't know, you're embarrassed to ask because you don't want to look like you don't know. Stop trying to figure out what "gay words" to apply to you. Stop thinking about twinks, jocks, bears, cubs, Gaga, otters, drag queens, fems, top, bottom, ddf, Britney Spears, gloryhole, ws, rimjobs, pnp, fisting, queer, bi, raw, transgender, lgbt, Cher, lgbtqia, barebacking, Madonna, frotting, femme, mtf, ftm, poppers, Stonewall and the list goes on. That's a lot of information! It's intimidating! Just take a breath, and be yourself.

You are gay. There's nothing wrong with that. Your sexuality is a part of you, but it doesn't define you and it isn't all of you.

Again, I think you really should seek professional counseling. There's nothing wrong in doing that. What part of the country are you in? If you want someone to help you in researching who you can talk to, let us know. We'll help. Then, you can be just as confident as everyone else is here, and help out the next guy that comes along.

Just be yourself.

 

[Telstra]

Thanks everyone.

The truth is, I just hate myself..........for being gay. And it doesn't seem to go away.

I have a LOT of respect for you guys. You guys are a lot stronger than me.

I'm just so miserable & unhappy right now. I felt so much better when I used to be in the closet..........If I could take a pill to become straight, I would do it in a heartbeat. If "reparative therapy" or "ex-gay therapy" actually worked, I would do it.

I just wish I could be straight. Life is so unfair.

Maybe you should try bondage, slave and master therapy where you are forced to suck nice looking cocks and hot men.