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Got roommate pregnant!!

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First some background information, I live with 2 of my friends that I grew up with, one of them happens to be my ex-gf from my teen years who just moved back from hawaii 3 months ago after being away for 5 years. We spend most of our time hanging around the house, playing videogames, working and partying on occasion. etc. the norm.

I'm completely gay but she still doesn't know, me and her dated for a year when I was 17, I ended up losing my viginity too her, I knew I was gay then, but i'm in the south in Alabama to be exact and at that tender age I had an image to keep up, I'm pretty much out now to everyone except her.

So about a month and a half ago me her and my other roommate were drinking and partying and having fun. Well at about midnight my roommate passed out and she started coming onto me, I said "what the hell, sex is sex" and I was horny, so I wrapped it up and we started going, then BAM right when I burst I feel the top of the condom just rip, my first reaction was to push her off (we were on the counch and she was on top), she just sat their with a "oh shit" look on her face. I didn't even want to think about it so we decided to go to bed and not dwell and hope that nothing happens.

About 2 weeks later she comes to me and told me that she is 4 days late, !!!!!!!!WHY are you telling me this, I didn't know what to think, is it sometimes normal to be that late or something. So we sit down and talk about it and she says she knows shes pregnant she said when I came it felt like the universe exploded in her. (not a suprise I hadn't busted a nut in 2 weeks, hence the reason I was so willing to do it in the first place).

Now fast forward to yesterday, we have went through 8 pregnancy test of every kind you could find yesterday morning, all POSITIVE, we went to the health department today......POSITIVE.

By the end of today my life had completely changed, I have a roommate who is 9 weeks pregnant with our little one and I have NO idea what to do.

I know one thing is for sure though, That baby is not being aborted at all, i'm pro-choice but abortion is just not for me and she has agreed, I will support the baby, and we will raise it, I dunno if its going to be together or what.

But what do I do now, How can I come out to her NOW? Is she going to think that i'm obligated to be with her now. She has made hints like "When are we gettin married?" And stuff like but I dunno if she is joking around, I can't muster the will power to tell her, I never thought I would feel like this again.

On top of that my parents hate her and her family with a passion, and her family hates my parents, honestly i'm scared to death to tell my parents and so is she because we both believe their could be a huge custody battle, because her parents aren't going to want me raising their grandkid and my parents aren't going to want her raising their grandkid. And more than anything my mom would disown me and I couldn't handle that. And our parents don't even know we are living together, my parents dont even know she's back in the state, all hell is about to break loose.

(The reason about the family feud is that when we were together during out teens we were HUGE trouble makers, we both got sent off for doing alot of not so cool things, we became drug addicts and alcholics but those days were put behind us then, But our parents still hang onto those memories, more like cling on actually, her parents would tell me parents that I was a bad influence on their daughter and it would go around in circles just getting more heated over that year untill eventually her dad's job relocated out of state, but the tension is still their)

What do I do, someone please help me. Advice, please!
 
Wow, you have many issues here and you're going to have to make some adult decisions pretty quickly.

One thing...get a lawyer. Since you two have decided to keep the child, you will have paternal obligations and rights. Be very clear on what those are and become determined to meet them. Those will include, most likely, financial obligations until the child is 18. You should get visitation rights and hopefully will want to be part of the child's future. Don't be surprised if your lawyer insists on a paternity test just to officially determine you're the father. It's awkward and annoying, but a good lawyer will insist on it.

Second thing...creating a pregnancy is one thing, marriage is something else. By all indications, you do not love this woman, are gay, and there seems to be tension between the two families. I can't think of a bigger disaster than getting married.

Third thing...you are young, in the deep south, and probably not at all prepared to come out, although you say you're out to everyone except her. However, she's carrying your child and may have fantasies and expectations of a life together. Since everyone else knows about you, this will be ripe gossip along your social circuits and someone is bound to ask her how a gay guy got her pregnant. If I were you (and I admit I'm not), I would level with her pronto, as painful as that is. This is something you're just going to have to suck it up and be a man about.

You're in a difficult situation. It might help to visit a social worker too, in addition to a lawyer. A social worker will help you navigate all the systems you're likely to face (medical, legal, aid if needed, etc.) and they are generally good listeners and someone you can unload on.

Good luck to you. (*8*)
 
Wow.

What a shame. Another accidental baby.

Well bud. Man up. You and the mother are now officially adults and live in a world where it all won't just be about you any more. If you're not going to abort, then you'd better start practicing to become good and loving parents.

And you'd better tell the mother you are gay and won't be there for at least half the time the kid is growing up.

Then you'd both better face your parents and tell them that they're about to have a grandchild and that you are both committed to raising it without the help of the state or your own parents.

Irresponsibility won't be acceptable from now on.

Drugs are not acceptable from now on.

Alcoholism is absolutely not acceptable from now on.

Because if you two are going to fuck around and fuck-up for the next 20 years either do the baby a favour and terminate the pregnancy right now or place it for adoption as soon as it is born.
 
I'd also make sure the child is actually yours, even though it seems likely considering the circumstances.
 
What they said.

And to emphasize the point: You have to tell her you're gay. Now.
 
I agree that honesty is warranted. If you are gay and have no capacity to be in a relationship/marriage with her, then she needs to know that before your shit gets any deeper than it already is.
 
you have to tell her now, as she will think other things and then it will make it worse.

So man up and let her know that you have no intensions of marring her and will support the baby along with her.

It's to late for anything else. You could maybe think of putting the baby up for adoption, but thats between you and her and god. That is not always the thing to do deppending on your family values.

But there are people out there that can be great parents, not saying you wont be. But your whole life will change for ever from here on out. It takes time and a lot of money to raise a baby.

But do get a lawyer to set some gide lines. But be ready to write those child support checks....


best of luck....
 
Hmmm. Well.

It's entirely possible that you had a one-shot misfortune and you got your one-shot at the very end of her fertitility period. What they don't mention in those health classes in high school is that most pregnancies happen within the first 14 days after a woman has her period.

If you calculate back from the 2 weeks that she was 4 days late - your friend was out of her fertility period.

It's possible that the baby is yours. Before this got any further, I'd see an OB, get an ultrasound and talk about paternity testing.

Oh, and tell her that you're gay. Her story might change after you tell her.
 
To reiterate.

Tell her you're gay. And, because you'll have to, explain that you were drunk, and you figured "sex is sex" but you're simply not attracted to her "like that". You like her as a friend, but nothing more.

Then start telling the rest of the world.

Lex
 
Come out to her. This way she can make an informed decision about what she should do. If you wait to tell her, she will throw it in your face.
 
Wow.

What a shame. Another accidental baby.

Well bud. Man up. You and the mother are now officially adults and live in a world where it all won't just be about you any more. If you're not going to abort, then you'd better start practicing to become good and loving parents.

And you'd better tell the mother you are gay and won't be there for at least half the time the kid is growing up.

Then you'd both better face your parents and tell them that they're about to have a grandchild and that you are both committed to raising it without the help of the state or your own parents.

Irresponsibility won't be acceptable from now on.

Drugs are not acceptable from now on.

Alcoholism is absolutely not acceptable from now on.

Because if you two are going to fuck around and fuck-up for the next 20 years either do the baby a favour and terminate the pregnancy right now or place it for adoption as soon as it is born.

Look yeah it was a fuck-up, but probably the best fuck up that has ever happened to me, I love my kid and would do anything for them, I'm willing to rearrange my whole life.

And earlier in my post I had already stated that most of that was left behind us in our teennage years, i'm pretty well off for a 23 year old right now so I know financially I have what it takes.

So I told her and her reaction was "I pretty much figured that out 5 years ago" So yeah she already knows. We are making living arrangements to live together and raise our baby together, she said I had no obligations to her, but I did to the kid, Totally understandable.

I told my mother and shes more scared for me than anything, she want's BOTH of us to move in with her so she can help with the baby, I dunno about that right now. My mom came over 3 hours later with the paperwork for WICK if I needed it, and a foodstamp form.

Like I said i'm doing great for a 23 year old financially, so I think I can handle it that department.

But yeah i'm actually started to get excited, i've always wanted to be a dad, just didn't think it would happen like this, either way i'm happy.
 
since it seems money is good for u..I wud make sure papers are signed..how it stands between both of u..& the baby..safe guards u for the future..a custody battle can be a bad one..& in lots of cases the mother has a better chance..

well congrats..& good luck :)..
 
Look yeah it was a fuck-up, but probably the best fuck up that has ever happened to me, I love my kid and would do anything for them, I'm willing to rearrange my whole life.

And earlier in my post I had already stated that most of that was left behind us in our teennage years, i'm pretty well off for a 23 year old right now so I know financially I have what it takes.

So I told her and her reaction was "I pretty much figured that out 5 years ago" So yeah she already knows. We are making living arrangements to live together and raise our baby together, she said I had no obligations to her, but I did to the kid, Totally understandable.

I told my mother and shes more scared for me than anything, she want's BOTH of us to move in with her so she can help with the baby, I dunno about that right now. My mom came over 3 hours later with the paperwork for WICK if I needed it, and a foodstamp form.

Like I said i'm doing great for a 23 year old financially, so I think I can handle it that department.

But yeah i'm actually started to get excited, i've always wanted to be a dad, just didn't think it would happen like this, either way i'm happy.

Print this and keep it in your wallet. Pull it out every day.

And as was asked, how are you doing with the other issues in your life?
 
AsOne20, are you and her that uneducated?

When you have an accident (and you knew you did) how hard is it to go to the clinic (she could have done this on her own) and get some emergency contraceptive pills to prevent pregnancy after the incident.

The government spends how much money for sex ed in school and you and her didn't listen?

I know it's a moot point, but why would you just let something with that big of repercussions fall by the wayside?
 
...talk 'bout the irony of a gay man having sex with a woman just because he was horny. Masturbation is underrated.
 
AsOne20, if you want to be with guys then you have no choice other than to be honest and tell this girl the truth (which is something you should have done before you had sex with her). And I just have to ask, what is your definition of “completely gay” and how does sleeping with your female roommate just because you were horny play along with that definition?
 
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