Have you ever fought a Gay?

[refujiunderground]

Seriously refujiunderground, thats some pretty threatening stuff, especially the last part. have you been to your doctors and asked them to refer you to a therapist or some anger management class ?

yeah but they weren't able to help me. apparently to them, i'm not much of a risk. i told my then school shrink back at the university i went to that i had homicidal thoughts (which was true at the time) and suicidal thoughts (true too but i think i was trying to force at the time since i was feeling sad and all over life). the last shrink i went to after i told her some bullshit about mood swings or whatever and honestly, i was just saying whatever i thought i had because i thought i had bipolar disorder. she was ready to throw me on meds and when i told her that i didn't want to do it because i was bullshitting with her to a degree, she said some creepy shit like "if you decide to go out on your own, then good luck" as if i was going to be a future tragedy or something like that. i bet she thinks i'm dead now or that i killed myself or something.

if there's anyway where i could be a psychiatric evaulation privately which won't thereaten my chances of getting employment since the field i'm working in pretty much bars those which may have issues mentally? i think that me going to that school counselor actually messed up my chances of joining the school police department because they didn't call me back when i applied for them at the time.

 

[refujiunderground]

I'd get back in touch with the docs about getting you on some meds, do you feel this way constantly or just now and again ?

some days are better than others. some days are worse than others. some days i can pretty much manage and go about my life. other days, i'm like this. i honestly want to be just a normal person like everybody else but as far as i can remember, i've always been the one that's been different. people just make me out to be that way even when i don't want to be the different guy. who knows, maybe i have autism and my mom happens to know about it since she's the only person that was told such information by the doctors back in the day concerning my developmental delay issues as a child but somehow didn't get around to letting me know for whatever fucking reason and it's kind of screwing me over right now. according to her, she didn't want me to feel like i wasn't capable of doing certain things so she didn't allow them to do whatever they wanted to do with me. i don't know but whatever happened happened. maybe i'm normal and beat up on myself because i have anxiety issues (in which i do). maybe i'm just overexaggerating everything to the point where i don't have a problem and you may be able to relate to what i'm saying. hell, maybe i'm a sociopath even and haven't been diagnosed yet (i think my father is a sociopath because he has some of the symptoms. somebody told me he has narcissistic personality disorder though). but then again, maybe my father's side of the family passed me down something that i don't know since most of my father's side of the family are basket cases. i don't know them either. i don't even know what the hell is wrong with me but whatever is screwing me up has pretty much made me the guy i am today and i've accepted it even if it kills me. i don't even know anymore, man.

 

[refujiunderground]

You mentioned bi-polar even if only to mess with the shrink, have you had yourself tested for it ?

no. how would i go about doing that though? should i go to the hospital and get myself a psychiatric evaluation today? i'm scared that i might get hospitalized if i tell them what i'm telling you right now. i don't think i'm that i'm that crazy where i need meds or hospitalization. i have a clear perception of reality even if i do have anger management issues. i don't want my life to be interrupted. i'm in the process of trying to secure work for my state which requires a background check and i think that any mental history issues might get me disqualified from employment. i already am having a hard time getting a job and i have bills to pay. this shit is fucked up.

 

[refujiunderground]

I'm pretty sure your doctor would be able to tell you.

i'll go about looking to see how to get a psychiatric evaluation even though it might ruin my chances at working for the government or the police . i don't have a mental health provider on my insurance and the last mental health provider that i went to on my insurance was shitty. he was ready to give me meds the moment i stepped into his office without even listening to me. either he was joking or he was really selling them to me.

 

[tbtmo02]

In high school there was this gay kid he was the lex luthor to my superman and we were both closested gays but he was just a little bitch who intentionally said things to piss me off. So we never actually threw any punches ( came close a few times) but ultimately i just cursed him out like hes never been before.

Another time i was beefing with this very flamboyant kid and it was jsut obvious he was gay but he hated my guts
we were going to fight but he got into a fight with a friend of mine and got kicked out.

I regret these incidents because i was kinda one of those bullies who turned out to be gay ya know.