He is HIV Positive

[burke67]

Do you have a link? I tried Google, but did not have any luck.

The link... hxxp://www.thebody.com

 

[biguy732]

Dear lord - it is 2011 and people still don't know about playing safely. Buddy - if he is HIV positive - you should not be putting that dick any of your orifices - rubbers or not. Condoms can break and then what? Kind of like the old joke - what's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant lady - you can unscrew a light bulb. Get my point!

 

[rollex_2000]

I will give you an advise which may offend some people here.

Stay away. just stay away. it's simply not worth it...


I am even surprised you are considering this 'hook-up'. A hook-up is supposed to be an easy non problematic fuck. not a big science.

 

[lilman]

OMG YES!!! OKAY I WAS SERIOUSLY ABOUT TO GIVE UP HOPE ON THIS THREAD UNTIL I READ THE LAST TWO POSTS!!

i seriously thought that this was a joke until i heard people trying to get "educated" about sex with someone that is HIV+ rotflmao seriously?!! @rollex &@biguy thanks for actually keeping it real and making sense! gah this is crazy.. all i could say prev was have fun, bc the OP us going to go out on an HIV spreading rampage reg or what we say,, jus sad to see that the longer this epidemic is around the more complacent people become regarding the issue.. SAD

 

[bankside]

No one ever said, in the last 25 years, that we should exile all the HIV+ guys to siberia and forget about them.

It's possible to have sex with an HIV+ guy without being insane or having a death wish, if you take precautions to reduce the risk of transmission, including changing the kinds of sexual activities you do with the guy, etc.

Of course the fact that there is an HIV+ guy to have sex with means those precautions don't always work or people aren't always smart about using them. So if you're in bed with someone who has HIV, you're in bed with someone who was either unrealistic or irresponsible at at least one point in his life. Or maybe he was realistic and responsible, but just unlucky.

The point is, you can't know which it is just because you know a guy has HIV. And asking the guy about his life could help you figure it out and decide accordingly.

This is a lot to think about for a hook-up.

 

[palemale]

No one ever said, in the last 25 years, that we should exile all the HIV+ guys to siberia and forget about them.

It's possible to have sex with an HIV+ guy without being insane or having a death wish, if you take precautions to reduce the risk of transmission, including changing the kinds of sexual activities you do with the guy, etc.

Of course the fact that there is an HIV+ guy to have sex with means those precautions don't always work or people aren't always smart about using them. So if you're in bed with someone who has HIV, you're in bed with someone who was either unrealistic or irresponsible at at least one point in his life. Or maybe he was realistic and responsible, but just unlucky.

The point is, you can't know which it is just because you know a guy has HIV. And asking the guy about his life could help you figure it out and decide accordingly.

This is a lot to think about for a hook-up.

Yes, but the OP was talking about getting fucked with a condom. That's insane. I would not hook up with someone who is HIV+. Period. I feel bad when I turn down someone who is HIV+, but I saw too many men die a horrible death to risk it.

 

[lilman]

^^^^ WHAT THIS GUY SAID its one thing to shun someone wit HIV but its another to actively meet someone just for a random hookup and have sex with them knowing they have it!

its not like they have known each other for a while and want started catching feelings for one another... Do any of you know the expenses involved in medication to "live" a fairly healthy life with HIV? Its not worth the risk and its a DUMB choice plain and simple.. HIV is not something to "sleep" on its an epidemic, something that the gay community has suffered with from the beginning why become another statistic willingly?

 

[bluedragon4]

Yes, but the OP was talking about getting fucked with a condom. That's insane. I would not hook up with someone who is HIV+. Period. I feel bad when I turn down someone who is HIV+, but I saw too many men die a horrible death to risk it.

I agree! As do all my friends. I have so much compassion for poz guys but anything could happen in the heat of the moment. Don't even go there. I could never enjoy the sex knowing a poz guy was fucking me even with a condom on. I would be freaking the whole time. I give you credit for being either extremely open or extremely stupid.

 

[KaraBulut]

No one ever said, in the last 25 years, that we should exile all the HIV+ guys to siberia and forget about them.

It's possible to have sex with an HIV+ guy without being insane or having a death wish, if you take precautions to reduce the risk of transmission, including changing the kinds of sexual activities you do with the guy, etc.

The interesting thing is how the knowledge of a person's status changes perception.

On one hand, quite a few people say, "Oh, I would never have sex with an HIV+ person".

But these same people would have sex with a person of unknown status.

As if not knowing a person's status makes sex less risky?

An HIV+ person on HIV meds has a fairly low viral load and the studies say that their partners are not contracting HIV if they practice safe sex.

Back in the 80s before there was an HIV test, you didn't know who was HIV+ and who was HIV-. So, it was a question of whether a one-night stand or causal fuck was worth the risk. And most people were practicing safer sex like their life depended on it... because it did depend on it.

 

[NineOfClubs]

Thanks, KaraBulut.

I was thinking, while reading this unsavory thread, that so many of these guys who were so down on the HIV positive guys, were taking all kinds of chances on guys who were lying about their status.

 

[mbamike]

The interesting thing is how the knowledge of a person's status changes perception.

On one hand, quite a few people say, "Oh, I would never have sex with an HIV+ person".

But these same people would have sex with a person of unknown status.

As if not knowing a person's status makes sex less risky?

An HIV+ person on HIV meds has a fairly low viral load and the studies say that their partners are not contracting HIV if they practice safe sex.

Back in the 80s before there was an HIV test, you didn't know who was HIV+ and who was HIV-. So, it was a question of whether a one-night stand or causal fuck was worth the risk. And most people were practicing safer sex like their life depended on it... because it did depend on it.

Thanks, KaraBulut.

I was thinking, while reading this unsavory thread, that so many of these guys who were so down on the HIV positive guys, were taking all kinds of chances on guys who were lying about their status.

You two have finally hit the nail on the head. Knowing a person TRUE status does change one's perception. We take all kinds of risk in hooking up with a guy. That cute guy you met at the club last night and he ended up fucking you. He said he was clean! Besides, we used a condom! How many times has this scenario happened?

But once a guy says "I'm poz!" some guys just want to freak out. This thread is a good example of that!

Another example, I was propositioned from a guy on Manhunt. He stated he was HIV-. I asked him when he was tested last. He said "last spring." The truth is he really does not know his true status.

However, if I practice "safer sex," I should be fine. I understand there are risk with all sexual activities unless I restrict myself to just masturbating. I was celibate for three years. I have no desire to live like that again. I craved human contact. I will take the risk.

I was under the impression that being the receptive partner in oral sex has very little risk. It appears from this thread, the risk may be higher than I thought. Sucking a cock covered with a condom just isn't appealing to me. So, what now? What is the truth here?

BTW, my HIV+ friend in my OP has an undetectable viral load. Doesn't "safer sex" practices apply to him too or just those who assume they are HIV negative?

 

[KaraBulut]

I was under the impression that being the receptive partner in oral sex has very little risk. It appears from this thread, the risk may be higher than I thought. Sucking a cock covered with a condom just isn't appealing to me. So, what now? What is the truth here?

Everything comes with risk. The question is how much risk.

A public health expert would probably tell you always use condoms with oral. Those who view these things more pragmatically would tell you to use your judgment.

Oral sex is considered low-moderate risk for HIV (which doesn't cover other STDs). So, it's a matter how well you know the person's history, whether it's a NSA one-night-stand or whether its someone you're in a relationship with and whether you've taken the step of getting a full panel of STD testing together.

BTW, my HIV+ friend in my OP has an undetectable viral load. Doesn't "safer sex" practices apply to him too or just those who assume they are HIV negative?

It doesn't matter if he is HIV+ or HIV-. Condoms aren't optional with anal sex.

HIV is only one concern of many. Body fluid exchange is where the risk is- be it hepatitis, HIV, HPV or a new virus that we don't know about yet.

Now there are those who will try to find gray area with that statement but there's no reputable expert out there recommending bareback sex. If you're going to play, be responsible for your health and the health of your partners.

 

[kallipolis]

BTW, my HIV+ friend in my OP has an undetectable viral load. Doesn't "safer sex" practices apply to him too or just those who assume they are HIV negative?

Safer sex practice should apply, always and without exception.

Always assume that your sexual partner is a carrier of a sexually transmitted infection. By so doing we choose not to distinguish between those who state that they are HIV+, and those who state that they are negative. No judgements. No guessing. No worrying.

Perceptions that may, or may not arise as a result of being informed by a potential sexual partner that he is HIV+, or negative should not influence our well established choice to make no exceptions to our safer sex practices.

 

[bluedragon4]

But still, why would you put yourself at risk? And why would he put you at risk? The more you fuck the more chances there are that something could happen like the condom breaking. We can't know if everyone we are with is negative but you still have that chance they are when they say they are rather then knowing for sure he is. My ex cheated on me A LOT. It was when I was in my 20's so it was a while ago. The last two years of our relationship he refused to have sex with me and it destroyed me. I felt ugly and unwanted. It came out years later he feared he had got HIV and was terrified to put me at risk but wasn't ready to admit it to himself. I was lucky he did that. It hurt at the time but knowing what I know now I thank God he did that. He is POZ now from that. If this guy cared for you he wouldn't be fucking you. If I was poz I would die rather then possibly infect someone. I couldn't live with myself. This guy is taking your life into his hands. You don't know him. He could tear it or slip it off. And if you think guys don't do that then that's a whole nother issue. My ex was deceived by a very angry man who was out to infect many guys but he acted like the nicest guy you ever met. I went with my ex when the doctors told him he was POZ and went to his specialist with him. The whole thing was just so sad. It isn't a game or something to play with.

 

[mbamike]

Bluedragon, did you and your ex use condoms during your relationship. If not, then you two did not use "safer sex" practices.

Did your ex use a condom when he hooked up with the angry guy? Again, "safer sex" practices.

I would not even consider barebacking the guy in my OP. My point is that if "safer sex" practices are adhered to, a person HIV status is immaterial. Therefore, there is no need to ostracize guys who are HIV positive.

I am having trouble wrapping my brain around the idea of sucking a cock covered with a condom.

You are absolutely correct that the condom can break or slip off. I have had condoms to slip during my hook ups already.

 

[bankside]

Safer sex practice should apply, always and without exception.

Always assume that your sexual partner is a carrier of a sexually transmitted infection. By so doing we choose not to distinguish between those who state that they are HIV+, and those who state that they are negative. No judgements. No guessing. No worrying.

It is not reasonable to assume that. It is also not reasonable to conduct your sex life without judgement. And assuming the worse is not really any more comfortable than guessing. Perhaps finding out is better than either alternative. That comes in time, as you can watch someone demonstrate their reliability.

Monogamous sex with an uninfected person is both possible and an effective safer sex technique. Is it perfect? No; of course a person can lie about their monogamy. But a person can also lie about a condom. A person can lie about noticing whether the condom ripped or not. Some people are just lethal assholes.

That's why I'm not fond of putting a half-milimetre of latex between me and a stranger. I always thought I had a far better chance of staying healthy by learning about his character.

My point is that if "safer sex" practices are adhered to, a person HIV status is immaterial. Therefore, there is no need to ostracize guys who are HIV positive.
...
You are absolutely correct that the condom can break or slip off. I have had condoms to slip during my hook ups already.

There is no need to ostracize guys who are HIV+, but that doesn't mean you can do all the same things with them in the same way. HIV status is not immaterial. Even with precautions, there is a greater risk of infection, obviously, than with a non-infected person. For exactly the reason you mention; condoms can break. Skin can break. Gums can have small unnoticed scratches.

 

[Corny]

That's why I'm not fond of putting a half-milimetre of latex between me and a stranger. I always thought I had a far better chance of staying healthy by learning about his character.

so when do you think do you know a person's character enough?
after a day? a week? a month? a year?

people have been disappointed, burned, betrayed and seen the real face of a person they thought they knew after much longer time ...

 

[bankside]

so when do you think do you know a person's character enough?
after a day? a week? a month? a year?

people have been disappointed, burned, betrayed and seen the real face of a person they thought they knew after much longer time ...

My only point is that people have been disappointed, burned, betrayed, and then killed! by people who give the illusion of practicing safer sex and then keep going when they saw the condom break, or keep going when they got away with their plan to ditch the condom at the last minute, while the guy they're fucking has his face down in the pillow.

In other words if you think a half millimetre of latex is going to stop the kind of person who intends to betray you from doing so, your health is at risk. And at least from my point of view, I would not find it erotic to fuck or be fucked by someone who I thought had a high potential to betray me. I couldn't get off while thinking "Wow, I'm sure glad this treacherous asshole is wearing that condom! The condom makes this liar hot!" If I felt that way about him, I wouldn't and couldn't fuck him or let him fuck me in the first place.

And to answer your question, no, not a day. Not a week. Not after "I saw your ad and you look hot."

After a few months you can start to get a sense of someone's character in good times and bad. After years, of course a betrayal can still occur. But those are usually cases of established and valid trust breaking down, or objectively evident problems that are naïvely ignored.

Occasionally, I suppose a person can find themselves in the hands of a clever sociopath who can successfully give the appearance of trustworthiness. But again a condom is probably not sufficient protection from a sociopath.

Basically, at some point we need to be able to trust each other to be safe with each other. That is typically out of reach when having sex with a stranger or a series of strangers. That means we need to turn down sexual opportunities that don't meet the criteria of trust.

 

[lukeSnyder]

I'd also try to figure out what he knows about it when the time comes. Tell him you've never played with an HIV+ guy before, and you'd like to know what his limits are. It should sound a lot like the advice on here, or maybe even more restrained.

For example, he might not even be willing to cum on you at all (like on your back or chest), even though if your skin is unbroken it is not a high risk. Just for his own peace of mind.

It's good to know his thoughts too, and his limits should fit in with good safer sex advice. If it doesn't match up, that itself is a warning sign. If he says something stupid like "I can fuck you raw as long as I pull out first" then you know how he probably got HIV himself, and you know it's time to leave to save your own life.

The fact that he's already up front with you is a good sign, but you need to be equally up front with him: you don't have HIV (is that true? have you been tested since any other partner before him?) or you don't know if you have HIV (if you haven't been tested). Be up front if he's your first HIV+ partner and you can talk it through.

Oh, but why stop at making sure he won't cum on you? You need to make sure he's also willing to wear gloves before he touches your doorknobs. My god man, they're YOUR DOORKNOBS! What if that same doorknob actually went inside your anus later on? He might have handled his willy, then your doorknob, and you might somehow get some of that doorknob AIDS inside you! You never know with those malicious pozzies, thats why you need to check to be sure. Anyone not willing to worry about the integrity of your doorknows is clearly a psychopath! Make sure he wears gloves wherever he goes, just in case. Oh, and one of those surgical masks, cuz you never know when that stuff might go airborn.

...And the ones who tell you they're poz are always the ones you need to fear the MOST. Jesus, nothing screams "I have every intention of murdering you" like giving you the forewarning on top of the common sense you should already have! Really, its so much safer to stick to the winners on adam4adam who haven't been tested in 3 years and just assume they're neg! My god, do you realize what danger you're putting yourself in? By screwing a stranger who admits he has teh Aids, you virtually gaurantee that you're going to screw somemone who has it, as opposed to someone from A4A who is "clean", and only has, like, a 50% chance of being tainted.

 

[bankside]

Oh, but why stop at making sure he won't cum on you? You need to make sure he's also willing to wear gloves before he touches your doorknobs. My god man, they're YOUR DOORKNOBS! What if that same doorknob actually went inside your anus later on? He might have handled his willy, then your doorknob, and you might somehow get some of that doorknob AIDS inside you! You never know with those malicious pozzies, thats why you need to check to be sure. Anyone not willing to worry about the integrity of your doorknows is clearly a psychopath! Make sure he wears gloves wherever he goes, just in case. Oh, and one of those surgical masks, cuz you never know when that stuff might go airborn.

...And the ones who tell you they're poz are always the ones you need to fear the MOST. Jesus, nothing screams "I have every intention of murdering you" like giving you the forewarning on top of the common sense you should already have! Really, its so much safer to stick to the winners on adam4adam who haven't been tested in 3 years and just assume they're neg! My god, do you realize what danger you're putting yourself in? By screwing a stranger who admits he has teh Aids, you virtually gaurantee that you're going to screw somemone who has it, as opposed to someone from A4A who is "clean", and only has, like, a 50% chance of being tainted.

LOL admit it, you just wrote this because it's funny to think of some guy mounting his doorknobs in a fit of horniness. It made me laugh. Now I'm kind of turned on. I saw a guy on xtube or something fucking the stick shift of his jeep once. Remember people, don't share your sex toys, or your stick shifts.

Ummm...anyway, you kind of got my point but kind of not? Ahhh...so, common sense doesn't work on its own, otherwise we wouldn't have endemic HIV. And my point in the text you quoted is actually that erring on the side of caution is okay, and something an HIV+ guy should support as a way of respecting your limits, and also something an HIV+ guy should do himself as a way of having his own limits. Nobody wants to realize they gave someone else a deadly incurable infection.

What those limits are will vary based on the situation and the people and a whole bunch of other factors. So if two horny guys want to jack off together and not get sperm on each other, that's totally okay and they've found a way to deal with each other's horniness that doesn't put anybody at risk. Except the person who slips on the giant glob of cum on the floor and gives himself a concussion.