The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

He just came out to me and I didn't do anything?

hackingnomberr

hackingnomberr

Slut
Joined
Apr 30, 2009
Posts
219
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Location
San Diego
Okay, so to start I never got any gay vibes from this friend of mine, especially because he's pretty conservative which usually doesn't work with the whole gay thing.
Anywayyyy, today I was talking to him and mentioned his facebook relationship status and how he had a girlfriend. He then replied that he wasn't really in a relationship and it was complicated, and I said they have an option for that being the jokester that I am. ;]
Anyway he went on to say it wasn't reciprocated so I just casually asked where she was from and he paused awkwardly and took a few deep breaths and said that she was actually a he. I don't think he thinks I'm gay, I honestly don't know, but I was just like whatevs and continued like nothing happened.~

For those of you that don't know I'm completely closeted, so this was prolly my chance to do something about it, but to be honest I don't see anything between this guy and me going anywhere so I didn't really try to make anything of it. =/

I don't really know what I'm posting on this forum for, I guess I just wanted to get this off of my chest since I would rather not tell any of my friends about it since it's really his business, even though I'm a total gossip.

Thanks for reading homos!
 
Well I'd say if you are in a situation where you are constantly going to be telling lies to cover up your own secret then I would have told him, At least that way you could have a real friendship. Besides your profile says you are in San Diego as far as gay friendly cities go you cant get too much better.
 
Having a sexual attraction for someone has nothing to do with being open about your own life. I don't see that connection at all.

And if you're a total gossip, I'm sure many people already suspect you're gay. So what?

What are hiding from?
 
There's two thing going on here.

Your friend came out to you. And you missed the opportunity to say, "That's cool. If you want to talk about things with someone, I'm ok with straight/bi/gay/whatever people- it's not an issue for me".

The other thing that's going on is that your motives aren't completely honorable. There's a little interest and curiosity on your part even though you don't think it's relationship material. Which is a nice way of saying that you want to get in his pants.

This was your opportunity to come out to him in return. But you can't be both closeted and available at the same time when it comes to your circle of friends. If you trust this guy and you're interested in a little play, you could tell him about you. But assume that if you tell one friend, they're going to talk or slip-up and pretty soon other friends will know.
 
Even if you dont want a relationship with this guy you missed a friend to talk to about it.... I think this was very foolish of you.
 
Even if you don't want to be with him that has nothing to do with being supportive and act like a "friend", you missed a great chance to open with this guy, you mentioned he's your friend, well friends SUPPORT EACH OTHER. Besides, ignoring is not what we expect when we actually open with somebody else, for instance when saying "well she's actually a he" I don't want to judge you or anything like that but I believe you should act less bitchy next time.
 
Well, I don't think it's totally a missed opportunity. You could mention the conversation again and tell him you are bi, but you were surprised by what he said and so you didn't say anything. Tell him you're there for him if he needs to talk to someone about the relationship.

If you learn nothing else from this remember that you can be friends with a bi or gay guy and still not have a romantic relationship or sex with him. The sooner you realize this, the better because I think it will help you open up to others and be more relaxed.
 
I like all these comments from these out of the closet people telling me that I'm "foolish" for not coming out, talk about not being understanding. ;]

I don't really think I acted bitchy though, he didn't seem comfortable talking about it so I didn't really want to go on with it so I like changed the subject, I might actually tell him about myself next time I see him, it's a lot to think about.~
 
hackingnomberr said:
...he didn't seem comfortable talking about it so I didn't really want to go on with it so I like changed the subject...
Click to expand...

Yep, that's actually the point, you may have been the first person he told that but well you'll have your next chance and I hope all goes well. :)
 
OF course he didnt feel comfortable.. It never is... What would have happened I guarantee It would be that if you had said something supportive or disclosed that you were gay it would have gotten comfortable and he would have had someone to talk to... I am understanding that you are in the closet, but the first step is to tell someone you trust about it.... Most of us dont have a friend coming out to us as our first perfect choice... For example the first person I came out to was a friend who went to the national ballet school in toronto... I figured chances are she would be accepting lol..... I think you missed a chance to come out to him in turn. And i think you were foolish not to at least tell him that you are supportive of him.... Would you like it if you were ignored by the first person you came out to in your life?
 
That is probably the bravest thing he has ever done. He was probably shitting himself. Hardly surprisingbhe was uneasy. Would have been nice if you had been more supportive rather than brushing it off. Still at least you will get another chance. Just because two people are gay doesn't mean they have to fancy each other.
 
Bahahah There is a difference between not making a big deal of it and completely ignoring it.. You should have said okay, thats fine It obviosily doesnt change anything between us.. and if you need to talk feel free to give me a shout.
or dead silence and awkwardly changing the subject?
honestly which response would you have rathered?
 
hackingnomberr said:
I like all these comments from these out of the closet people telling me that I'm "foolish" for not coming out, talk about not being understanding. ;]

I don't really think I acted bitchy though, he didn't seem comfortable talking about it so I didn't really want to go on with it so I like changed the subject, I might actually tell him about myself next time I see him, it's a lot to think about.~
Click to expand...

10-to-1 I bet your friend suspected you were gay/bi, and came out to you expecting you to come out to him.

Your responses here show you have a lot of growing up to do. :(
 
Hahaha there definitely wasn't dead silence, I just said Oh and asked more questions about him, I was like trying not to make it awkkk.~
 
its not too late. Let him know how much you admire his bravery and his willingness to confide in you. Tell him you did not know how to respond because you are trying to come to terms with your own sexuality. Tell him you are there for him if he needs you or wants to talk, and you would appreciate the chance to talk through your issues.
 
Okay, so I've officially made the decision within myself to tell him about my sexuality.
As I'm typing this I'm pretty tipsy, and almost messaged him on facebook, but decided this was classless and decided I'd rather give him the same respect and say it in person, though I kinda just want to get it over with since I've thought about it a LOT every day since it has happened.
Do you guys think I should just get it over with or wait until I see him in person?
 
Yes, in person is much better.

I'm so happy for you! :kiss: It didn't sem like you were heading down this path, but I'm glad you are!

Your telling him will make a huge difference in his life. It's a very mature and just nice thing to do. I'm really proud of you. (*8*)
 
Hi,all i can do is agree with everything lube has added to this post.

Well done and good luck.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top