The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

help! should I tell my BF?

T

trav83

Slut
Joined
Dec 3, 2005
Posts
151
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Location
Los Angeles
I've been with my BF for 5 years, we own property together and have a dog, and we are in a happy, monogamous relationship and I love him very much...
BUT
I was in the steam room at the gym today and this guy leant over and started giving me head... I didnt know what to do (and besides it felt good!) so I just let him go for it. Now I feel terribly guilty. It's the first time anything like this has happened and I definitely don't want to do it again.

My question is: Did I do anything wrong? and should I risk our relationship by telling my BF?

Appreciate your thoughts

xx
 
Yes, you did do something wrong....but who am I to cast the first stone?

My normal, and usually moralist view is that relationships require total honesty however in your case I would advise that you say nothing. Your partner may forgive you but he will never forget. To me, getting a blow job is an indiscretion that you should learn from, and then forget it.

Also, my further advice would be to stay away from steam rooms and, by so doing, stay away from temptation.
 
Did you do something wrong? Yes, absolutely.
Should you tell your boyfriend? I would. But that's because I believe in total honesty. However, I wouldn't be in your predicament because nothing would have ever gotten that far.
Your boyfriend may or may not stay with you. But imagine how much worse it will be when he finds out you've been keeping it a secret for a long period of time (because we always find out).
 
trav83 said:
I've been with my BF for 5 years, we own property together and have a dog, and we are in a happy, monogamous relationship and I love him very much...

My question is: Did I do anything wrong? and should I risk our relationship by telling my BF?
Click to expand...


You already know the answer the first question. But it is done, you can't go back and undo what happened.

Should you tell your BF? That's another question that only you can answer because only you know what it will do to your relationship once you tell him.

Maybe another question you should be asking yourself is why you found yourself in this situation and what will happen the next time you are in a similar situation where you are tempted...
 
You most certainly did something VERY WRONG.

You broke the trust that took a long time to earn from one.

Guilty you feel-- you should.

You should have stopped that guy right away. This will bother you for a long time. and if you tell your b/f you will really feel bad with his reaction.

I have had guys come on to me at the spa,clubs, bars, stores. But I tell them no thanks. some have tried to give me there number and I refuse it.

I love my partner to much to risk throwing it all away for something stupid I could have done.

We did not get to we are 24yrs together by playing around on each other.

You may consider telling him and beg for forgivness, hopefully he wont be to mad and stay with you. ON the other hand you may not want to tell to be safe being afraid to what may happen. I would tell my b/f if something this dumb happened only because honesty is so pure in a relationship.

Next time you and your b/f are having sex this will resurface in your mind and really bother you.

So all though we all make mistakes some are to much to forgive to some people.

Hope it works out.
 
I would not tell your boyfriend. No good would come of it. It would only serve to ease your guilt, which is kind of selfish given the negative feelings it would generate in him as a result.

You had a moment of weakness, that's all. Quit beating yourself up about it. Learn from it, forgive yourself, and move on without convulsing this all over your boyfriend and creating even more problems for yourself and him. If you'd exchanged numbers, and were planning a Round II, then that would be a different matter because it could become threatening to your relationship. But, that clearly doesn't seem to be the case, so forget it.

(*8*)
 
Did you do anything wrong? Depends on your relationship. I know some boyfriend who would pissed - not because it happened, but because you didn't get pictures, or because you didn't call to invite him to join in.

You apparently don't have one of those relationships. You knew what the limits are in your relationship, and you went beyond them. You may not have initiated anything, but you didn't do anything to stop it, either.

Should you tell? I would. You don't strike me as somebody who's going to be able to simply "live and learn" on this - you'll obsess about it. In which case, I think full disclosure is best. "Some guy just randomly started giving me head in the steam room today. I didn't ask him to, didn't even talk to him first - but I didn't do anything to stop him, either. I should've stopped him, and I'm sorry I didn't. Nothing like this will happen again. I considered not telling you, but I felt it was only fair to let you know."

Lex
 
averageguy said:
I would not tell your boyfriend. No good would come of it. It would only serve to ease your guilt, which is kind of selfish given the negative feelings it would generate in him as a result.

You had a moment of weakness, that's all. Quit beating yourself up about it. Learn from it, forgive yourself, and move on without convulsing this all over your boyfriend and creating even more problems for yourself and him. If you'd exchanged numbers, and were planning a Round II, then that would be a different matter because it could become threatening to your relationship. But, that clearly doesn't seem to be the case, so forget it.

(*8*)
Click to expand...

Thanks averageguy, I think I agree with your comments the most... I'm not going to beat myself up about it and I have definitely learnt from it. My BF is the only guy I've been with and who knows maybe I was just curious or in a moment of weakness. I don't think it matters.
Anyway for the record I've 'banned myself' from the steam room and in fact am looking at changing gyms to somewhere less cruisy... bit difficult to do in WeHo though!

Thanks everyone else for giving some clarity. :-)

Cheers
 
KaraBulut said:
You already know the answer the first question. But it is done, you can't go back and undo what happened.

Should you tell your BF? That's another question that only you can answer because only you know what it will do to your relationship once you tell him.

Maybe another question you should be asking yourself is why you found yourself in this situation and what will happen the next time you are in a similar situation where you are tempted...
Click to expand...

Good question Kara, which is why I'm not going to put myself in that situation again... I think I got into the situation because I didn't really think of the consequences. I don't normally go into the steam room at the gym (this is maybe the fourth time in over a year that I've been a member) so am a bit 'inexperienced' in the subtelties of cruising...
Cheers
 
trav83 said:
I've been with my BF for 5 years, we own property together and have a dog, and we are in a happy, monogamous relationship and I love him very much...
BUT
I was in the steam room at the gym today and this guy leant over and started giving me head... I didnt know what to do (and besides it felt good!) so I just let him go for it. Now I feel terribly guilty. It's the first time anything like this has happened and I definitely don't want to do it again.

My question is: Did I do anything wrong? and should I risk our relationship by telling my BF?

Appreciate your thoughts

xx
Click to expand...

Hang on were you working out at a GAY gym? A big reason why gays go to gay gyms is to flirt. If you really are wanting to be commited to him AND want to work out... go work out at a non-gay gym. If i was single I'd go to a gay gym because id get horny watching men get sweaty. That doesn't make sense why someone would go to a gay gym if they know why other gay men go to them when you are in a relationship. Just my inner thoughts. If it wasn't a gay gym.. I'm sorry for the above.
 
Cher said:
Hang on were you working out at a GAY gym? If it wasn't a gay gym.. I'm sorry for the above.
Click to expand...

He lives in WeHo. There is not such thing as a straight gym on that side of town. #-o
 
trav83 said:
Good question Kara, which is why I'm not going to put myself in that situation again... I think I got into the situation because I didn't really think of the consequences. I don't normally go into the steam room at the gym (this is maybe the fourth time in over a year that I've been a member) so am a bit 'inexperienced' in the subtelties of cruising...
Cheers
Click to expand...

Don't beat yourself up. People are human and they slip up.

Saunas are notorious in any country. And honestly, if a hot guy starts blowing you, it's hard to say, "No".

If the terms of your relationship are monogamy, then the best way to avoid slipping up is to avoid situations where irresistible opportunity exists. And many of a mistake is made when drugs/alcohol are involved.

Look forward, move on and don't find yourself in a similar situation again if you are serious about the commitment that you've made.
 
Tell him as soon as possible.

What would you want him to do in the very same situation? Even more importantly, what do you think he would do?

Please, don't hide this from him.
 
You must tell him. You did something wrong.

I believe you are not telling us the full extent of your feelings. "It just happened?" Did you make eye contact with this guy? What made him feel comfortable enough to just "lean over" and start giving you head? For a gym that you know is gay-sleezy, did you not intentionally put yourself in a situation where you were sitting next to a guy who just leaned over to give you head?

There is more to this than the "random" circumstances you've given us. So yes, you willfully cheated on your boyfriend and you must tell him.
 
Just_Believe18 said:
You must tell him. You did something wrong.

I believe you are not telling us the full extent of your feelings. "It just happened?" Did you make eye contact with this guy? What made him feel comfortable enough to just "lean over" and start giving you head? For a gym that you know is gay-sleezy, did you not intentionally put yourself in a situation where you were sitting next to a guy who just leaned over to give you head?

There is more to this than the "random" circumstances you've given us. So yes, you willfully cheated on your boyfriend and you must tell him.
Click to expand...

Hi JB,
I can honestly say that it did just happen and was not "wilful"... stupid yes, but certainly not intentional.

I didn't make eye contact with him before, during or after. Couldn't even tell you what he looked like. It was my fourth time in the steam room and I've never seen action before so didn't really think about it as anything other than an opportunity to check out some other guys (with the intention of looking only). I don't even see it as a sleazy gym, it's very gay but I've honestly never thought about it before.

I admit I was semi-hard (as I often am after working out) and I should have done something to stop it. I did naively put myself in this situation but I honestly didn't know how to stop the guy... it might sounds stupid but it's the truth.
 
Ringfinger said:
Tell him as soon as possible.

What would you want him to do in the very same situation? Even more importantly, what do you think he would do?

Please, don't hide this from him.
Click to expand...

To be honest with you I don't think I'd want him to tell me... if it meant as little to him as it did to me, and he genuinely felt remorse as I do, I think I'd rather not know!
 
lucky7 said:
I disagree with a lot of people here.. I dont think it's that cut and dry.

I also wonder how many people here have been in this kind of situation.

How do you think your BF would react? If you guys have a policy of being 100% honest and so forth and have discussed this type of thing before, you should definitely tell him. However, if he's likely to overeact and dump you over something which IMO is so trivial compared to what you have(which seems to be great), then i dont know if I would.

I'm all for 100% honesty.. however, depends on your situation. I understand it's definitely not easy. It could have been a lot worse if it's only as you described it. People make mistakes.

Now all that being said.. my personal advice is to think long and hard about it and discuss this with him if he's a reasonable guy :) even if he gets mad, etc.. you'll probably feel like it was the right thing to do.
Click to expand...

^^^^ I agree.

Like Lucky7, I'm all for honesty. But you know your boyfriend better than we do.

If this were an affair, you should consider telling your boyfriend. But it's not an affair- it's not even a one night stand- it's an uninvited blowjob in a gym steam room from a stranger.

The question is whether you would be telling your boyfriend for him, for your relationship or just because you have a guilty conscience.

If you have any suspicion that your boyfriend would not take this well, then I'm just not sure a one-time encounter that you regret is worth risking a 5 year relationship.
 
Being cheated on is the worst feeling in the world. If you dont tell him then you are weak minded, dishonest, and a coward.
If you tell him you will feel better with yourself, he'll hopefully yell at you, then he'll go out and hookup, then you guys will have make up sex.

But personally if my BF told me he cheated on me I would tell him off then go hookup and never speak to him again (this has already happened to me)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top