ChrisGibson
JUB Addict
WELCOME TO A NEW WEEK!
Because it was his day off, they did go to lunch, and then they went around downtown looking through some of the shops, and in the back of his mind he thought how women were supposed to like this thing and men were not, except that everything was interesting with Tanitha Tzepesh, and she was that best of things, not clingy, but also never distant. When she was around, she gave everything. When it was time to go, she said so firmly, and kissed him, and went walking off into the rest of the day.
As David went home to find himself a life without this woman for the next few hours, it occurred to him that he had no idea what she did. All of the usual questions: What do you do? What’s your family like? all disappeared in her presence. Even now, he realized he should care about these things, but didn’t really. And in her presence he was never able to pretend.
David watched a little bit of television, and then surprised himself by falling asleep on the sofa, and when he got up he felt pleasant. His place felt like home. He wasn’t lonely and anxious as he had been in Lassador. He thought about his mother frying porkchops and how crispy they had been, the border of hot fat, how golden brown they were, with mashed potatoes. He longed for them so powerfully it hurt, and he was surprised when tears came to his eyes, a sharp deep cut of sorrow, and then he laughed, suddenly happy, and the sorrow was not gone, not exactly, but he was not hurt anymore.
He had been putting so much aside, putting those last days of caring for her, his secret grief and even more secret guilt away. He visited his anger at his sister, and even the anger at a woman, a mother, who had left no life insureance, no instructions, and was perfectly fine with leaving him to handle all aspects of her death. As afternoon deepened toward evening, for the first time David Lawry felt himself living with all of his feelings, and he understood, for the first time, that they were not too much to bear.
He found himself taking the long way. He was going to Rawlston, but he wanted to travel through Lassador. He wanted to travel up the state road as it turned into the South Side. He wanted to see the neighborhood he’d grown up in, cared for his mother and nearly lost his mind in. He wanted to see the spire of Saint Ursula’s in the east and had no idea that the night before a friend of his had come there looking for trouble. Downtown the old hotels, the Amtrak station in the distance, the bridge into the north side, old Saint Ignatius, Ottawa Hills. He wanted to see all this before high up north, he drove into the east, and through subdivions and half farm houses happy in their loneliness, he headed to Rawlston.
At the Blue Note a jazz band was playing, and Nehru, in an Hawaiian shirt, brought David a drink, and said, “It’s good to see you, but when you came I hoped Sunny would be with you.”
“Whaddo you mean?” David said, taking the drink and nodding his thanks.
“Sunny’s a grown man,” Nehru said. “We don’t ever want to be clingy. He texted around two or three in the morning, the usual time he comes home, and said he was fine. But we haven’t heard or seen from him sense.”
“Oh,” David said, making himself take a sip of the boilermaker.
As the peace he had been in that seemed so stable cracked in front of him, David heard himself lie and say, “I’m sure he’s fine.”
Nehru nodded and seemed as convinced of this as David was. So David said, “I am a detective. It’s my job to see what could go wrong. It’s my job to be pessimistic. Do you mind if I go up and look through his room?”
Nehru shook his head.
“I don’t even think the door is locked.”
There was a sort of disappointment David felt coming up the back stair into the set of rooms that made an apartment and a half. Last time hed been here had been his first great day and he had had been drunk and with Dan and loving life and fallen asleep in a beer stupor to wake up to sunlight in his eyes. Now, he was genuinely afraid for Sunny, and the place was empty. The light suddenly turned on in Sunny’s room seemed to harsh, and the place needed a cleaning. He rifled through Sunny’s clothes and his few bags, through the chest of drawers that had been used first by Dan and then by him and, at last, found what he was looking for, Dan Rawlinson’s journals.
When Nehru came upstairs, and asked him if he’d found anything, David said, “I might have. If you don’t mind, I’m thinking of staying here the night.”
“Sounds good,” Nehru said. “You gonna be up a while?”
“Probably.”
“I’ll put some coffee on for you.”
“That would be great.”
Nehru nodded and turned to leave.
“Nehru?”
The shopkeeper nodded.
“He’ll be alright.”
Nehru nodded, let out a breath and turned for his apartment to make coffee.
David had gotten a text from Tanitha and returned it, telling her he was in Rawlston for the night. He was halfway through a cup of coffee when he stopped reading and put the book down.
It wasn’t the first time he’d stumbled into a terrible place where he didn’t know what to do and could only stare at a wall. It had felt that way the day a doctor told him in no uncertain terms his mother would be dead in a day. Now he stopped staring at the wall and the open door to the hallway. He lifted the notebook and read again:
It was opened by a Black woman, and Dan hoped she wouldn’t say something withering like the woman he’d seen before. But any sort of hope didn’t matter because she was so beautiful, and so strange. Her eyes were blue as her skin was dark, and black hair fell down her back like, he felt stupid for thinking it, an Indian princess. She was exactly as tall as he was, and would always be that way, and he wondered if she wasn’t in a costume, for she stood in a red dress with a great dark blue shawl around her shoulders.
And she was still looking at him.
“Trick or treat!” he said.
“Who is it?” a voice came from down the hall.
The woman opened the door, turned around and called, “Trick or treaters! One,” she modified, “Trick or treater.”
There was silence, and then laughter, and then the voice said, “Well, then you have to bring him in.”
The woman nodded and did so, closing the door behind Dan.
The foyer was of paneled and polished wood, and he could see a large old timey living room off to his right, and Dan sniffed the air. “Is that coffee?”
“We’re just getting up,” the woman said. “Would you like a cup?”
“I…” Dan looked at his watch.
“You will not be late to meet your friends again,” she said, gently. “Come. I am Tanitha.”
David sat on the bed, still feeling every part of his body, feeling his breath move slowly through him, thinking if he moved at all, the whole world would shatter. He couldn’t move. He could barely breathe. Thinking was beyond him. But in the end he had to move. He had to pick up the journal and read.
“Are you witches?”
“Well, you already know we aren’t,” Tanitha said.
“Then,…” Dan felt at a loss, “what are you?”
“You are the one who came here and knocked on our door with that lame line,” Tanitha said, “knowing full well there’d be no candy here tonight. And yet you came, so the better question is who are you? And what did you come here for?”
“I…” Dan started. “I… Came to find… I dunno.”
“You do know,” Kruinh said, softly.
“Something more,” Dan said. “I came to find something more.”
Kruinh nodded.
“That is what we are,” he said. “We are that something more. Or part of it.”
If anything was unnatural, or was different than what he had experienced before, it was her. He could not even think her name. He pushed his phone away, somewhere between sickened and terrified to look at it, for the last message had come from here. He blew out his cheeks and ran his hands over his jeans then got up and went down the hall. Brad and Nehru’s apartment was the first door at the head of the stairs and it was divided between their large bedroom and living room and kitchen and then a small hall with a bathroom and a big room and back enclosed porch for the kids who had a little door that opened on the other end of the hallway. Across from it, David had seen, just down the hall from him, was another door, which was to the private bathroom for Dan and Sunny’s apartment made of bedroom and kitchen.
Without knocking, David came into Brad and Nehru’s to get another cup, and Brad was there, his grey and black hiar sticking up as he smoked a cigarette.
“Learn anything?”
“Maybe,” David shook his head.
“I know I said I’m not worried,” Brad said. “But it’s been a whole day, and I am.”
“I know,” David said. “Me too. I’m putting out a ping on his last text to see where it’s from. I’ve already put out a search for him.”
“You have any idea where he is?”
“Not yet,” David said. Then, “Well, I do because I know what he’s looking for. I just don’t know where he thinks what he’s looking for is.”
“He got agitated the other night,” Brad said. “When we were talking about the boy that got killed in Germantown.”
“Thank you!” David said. Then he said, pointing to the pack of cigarettes.
“May I?”
“Be my guest,” Brad held the Winstons out to him.
MORE SOON
Because it was his day off, they did go to lunch, and then they went around downtown looking through some of the shops, and in the back of his mind he thought how women were supposed to like this thing and men were not, except that everything was interesting with Tanitha Tzepesh, and she was that best of things, not clingy, but also never distant. When she was around, she gave everything. When it was time to go, she said so firmly, and kissed him, and went walking off into the rest of the day.
As David went home to find himself a life without this woman for the next few hours, it occurred to him that he had no idea what she did. All of the usual questions: What do you do? What’s your family like? all disappeared in her presence. Even now, he realized he should care about these things, but didn’t really. And in her presence he was never able to pretend.
David watched a little bit of television, and then surprised himself by falling asleep on the sofa, and when he got up he felt pleasant. His place felt like home. He wasn’t lonely and anxious as he had been in Lassador. He thought about his mother frying porkchops and how crispy they had been, the border of hot fat, how golden brown they were, with mashed potatoes. He longed for them so powerfully it hurt, and he was surprised when tears came to his eyes, a sharp deep cut of sorrow, and then he laughed, suddenly happy, and the sorrow was not gone, not exactly, but he was not hurt anymore.
He had been putting so much aside, putting those last days of caring for her, his secret grief and even more secret guilt away. He visited his anger at his sister, and even the anger at a woman, a mother, who had left no life insureance, no instructions, and was perfectly fine with leaving him to handle all aspects of her death. As afternoon deepened toward evening, for the first time David Lawry felt himself living with all of his feelings, and he understood, for the first time, that they were not too much to bear.
He found himself taking the long way. He was going to Rawlston, but he wanted to travel through Lassador. He wanted to travel up the state road as it turned into the South Side. He wanted to see the neighborhood he’d grown up in, cared for his mother and nearly lost his mind in. He wanted to see the spire of Saint Ursula’s in the east and had no idea that the night before a friend of his had come there looking for trouble. Downtown the old hotels, the Amtrak station in the distance, the bridge into the north side, old Saint Ignatius, Ottawa Hills. He wanted to see all this before high up north, he drove into the east, and through subdivions and half farm houses happy in their loneliness, he headed to Rawlston.
At the Blue Note a jazz band was playing, and Nehru, in an Hawaiian shirt, brought David a drink, and said, “It’s good to see you, but when you came I hoped Sunny would be with you.”
“Whaddo you mean?” David said, taking the drink and nodding his thanks.
“Sunny’s a grown man,” Nehru said. “We don’t ever want to be clingy. He texted around two or three in the morning, the usual time he comes home, and said he was fine. But we haven’t heard or seen from him sense.”
“Oh,” David said, making himself take a sip of the boilermaker.
As the peace he had been in that seemed so stable cracked in front of him, David heard himself lie and say, “I’m sure he’s fine.”
Nehru nodded and seemed as convinced of this as David was. So David said, “I am a detective. It’s my job to see what could go wrong. It’s my job to be pessimistic. Do you mind if I go up and look through his room?”
Nehru shook his head.
“I don’t even think the door is locked.”
There was a sort of disappointment David felt coming up the back stair into the set of rooms that made an apartment and a half. Last time hed been here had been his first great day and he had had been drunk and with Dan and loving life and fallen asleep in a beer stupor to wake up to sunlight in his eyes. Now, he was genuinely afraid for Sunny, and the place was empty. The light suddenly turned on in Sunny’s room seemed to harsh, and the place needed a cleaning. He rifled through Sunny’s clothes and his few bags, through the chest of drawers that had been used first by Dan and then by him and, at last, found what he was looking for, Dan Rawlinson’s journals.
When Nehru came upstairs, and asked him if he’d found anything, David said, “I might have. If you don’t mind, I’m thinking of staying here the night.”
“Sounds good,” Nehru said. “You gonna be up a while?”
“Probably.”
“I’ll put some coffee on for you.”
“That would be great.”
Nehru nodded and turned to leave.
“Nehru?”
The shopkeeper nodded.
“He’ll be alright.”
Nehru nodded, let out a breath and turned for his apartment to make coffee.
David had gotten a text from Tanitha and returned it, telling her he was in Rawlston for the night. He was halfway through a cup of coffee when he stopped reading and put the book down.
It wasn’t the first time he’d stumbled into a terrible place where he didn’t know what to do and could only stare at a wall. It had felt that way the day a doctor told him in no uncertain terms his mother would be dead in a day. Now he stopped staring at the wall and the open door to the hallway. He lifted the notebook and read again:
It was opened by a Black woman, and Dan hoped she wouldn’t say something withering like the woman he’d seen before. But any sort of hope didn’t matter because she was so beautiful, and so strange. Her eyes were blue as her skin was dark, and black hair fell down her back like, he felt stupid for thinking it, an Indian princess. She was exactly as tall as he was, and would always be that way, and he wondered if she wasn’t in a costume, for she stood in a red dress with a great dark blue shawl around her shoulders.
And she was still looking at him.
“Trick or treat!” he said.
“Who is it?” a voice came from down the hall.
The woman opened the door, turned around and called, “Trick or treaters! One,” she modified, “Trick or treater.”
There was silence, and then laughter, and then the voice said, “Well, then you have to bring him in.”
The woman nodded and did so, closing the door behind Dan.
The foyer was of paneled and polished wood, and he could see a large old timey living room off to his right, and Dan sniffed the air. “Is that coffee?”
“We’re just getting up,” the woman said. “Would you like a cup?”
“I…” Dan looked at his watch.
“You will not be late to meet your friends again,” she said, gently. “Come. I am Tanitha.”
David sat on the bed, still feeling every part of his body, feeling his breath move slowly through him, thinking if he moved at all, the whole world would shatter. He couldn’t move. He could barely breathe. Thinking was beyond him. But in the end he had to move. He had to pick up the journal and read.
“Are you witches?”
“Well, you already know we aren’t,” Tanitha said.
“Then,…” Dan felt at a loss, “what are you?”
“You are the one who came here and knocked on our door with that lame line,” Tanitha said, “knowing full well there’d be no candy here tonight. And yet you came, so the better question is who are you? And what did you come here for?”
“I…” Dan started. “I… Came to find… I dunno.”
“You do know,” Kruinh said, softly.
“Something more,” Dan said. “I came to find something more.”
Kruinh nodded.
“That is what we are,” he said. “We are that something more. Or part of it.”
If anything was unnatural, or was different than what he had experienced before, it was her. He could not even think her name. He pushed his phone away, somewhere between sickened and terrified to look at it, for the last message had come from here. He blew out his cheeks and ran his hands over his jeans then got up and went down the hall. Brad and Nehru’s apartment was the first door at the head of the stairs and it was divided between their large bedroom and living room and kitchen and then a small hall with a bathroom and a big room and back enclosed porch for the kids who had a little door that opened on the other end of the hallway. Across from it, David had seen, just down the hall from him, was another door, which was to the private bathroom for Dan and Sunny’s apartment made of bedroom and kitchen.
Without knocking, David came into Brad and Nehru’s to get another cup, and Brad was there, his grey and black hiar sticking up as he smoked a cigarette.
“Learn anything?”
“Maybe,” David shook his head.
“I know I said I’m not worried,” Brad said. “But it’s been a whole day, and I am.”
“I know,” David said. “Me too. I’m putting out a ping on his last text to see where it’s from. I’ve already put out a search for him.”
“You have any idea where he is?”
“Not yet,” David said. Then, “Well, I do because I know what he’s looking for. I just don’t know where he thinks what he’s looking for is.”
“He got agitated the other night,” Brad said. “When we were talking about the boy that got killed in Germantown.”
“Thank you!” David said. Then he said, pointing to the pack of cigarettes.
“May I?”
“Be my guest,” Brad held the Winstons out to him.
MORE SOON

























