Here's another one

[IntoTheDarkness]

Theres a guy I'm pretty good mates with (He's about 6 months younger than me) and he comes down to my place occasionally to drink. The majority of the time, even though he clearly isn't drunk, he acts really gay around me. (He has no idea I'm gay) Some examples-

-When we're sittin here at the comp (usually watching something on youtube, south park or whatever, or talkin to people on MSN) he pretends to be drunk and leans on my shoulder etc.

-When he was here about a month ago, he was on his MSN talking to some chick (who he'd supposedly been trying to pick up, by sending naked pictures of himself to her) but instead of talking to her normally, he was abusing the crap out of her. So she changes her DP to one of his nude pics (after he told her I was here too) and he pretty much made a big deal about it for a few seconds, then didn't care. I was asking him wtf is the go with that, she was threatening to send em to all his mates, he was beggin her not to, although he was continuing to harrass her for almost an hour. He also told me then that he sent those pics to her in order to get nude pics of her, but never did, and supposedly deleted them off his computer. So anyway, he goes home about 2.30am, gets back on MSN, and sends me a photo (which he told me was of something else, I forget what) and I accepted, not seeing what it actually was till it had loaded. Of course, not knowing what it was, I opened it, and its a closeup pic of his hard cock. He did it intentionally, but of course, claimed it was an accident. I know it was intentional, because of the way he'd been talkin and acting when he was here, and that he sent me a file out of the blue. So I thought fuck this, and blocked him for like three days, but he IM'ed me on my other MSN (which I forgot I was signed in on.) He proceeds to apologize and all that jazz, but I ignore it, and he claims he's gonna send me the original file (dunno what it was) and instead, sends me another naked picture of himself.

-Other times, mostly when we're drinking, he clearly isn't drunk yet, but he starts acting like it all of a sudden, falling over and all that...and starts fooling around, grabbing my nipples and hugging me and all that. This has happened every single time he's been here. I never go to his place, cause his dad hates me for reasons I won't get into here. This guys fault of course, not mine. Long story.

-Then another time he was here, I went to the toilet, came back out, and here's him, sitting on the heater, with his dick hanging out...playing with himself no less...I'd been gone about 45 seconds...

Don't get me wrong, this guy is hot, but I'm just wondering where to go with it, because he claims he's straight (as evidenced by the supposed happenings between himself and this chick, among others) but every time he's here at my place (I live alone btw) he tries to crack onto me basically...I've pretty much ignored it, but it's starting to get to me. There was another time when me, him and another mate were drinkin, and he never did anything like that - until the other guy left. Neither of us have heard from the other guy for months now, he lost his phone, but hasn't bothered to get in contact with either of us. We know he's still in town, we just don't know where, but anyway, thats kinda irrelevant.

Thoughts?

 

[G-Lexington]

As you say, "here's another one". It seems gay men - especially closted ones - find themselves in this situation quite a bit. The "maybe-he-is-but-maybe-he-isn't". And we're scared of pushing it forwards, because chances are good that'll change the situation, and not necessarily for the better. So we stay in this limbo.

Is he gay? Or bi? Maybe. All I have is your info to work off of. But what if he is? Sadly, there's no way to say "I'm interesting in making this relationship physical, but if you're not, let's pretend I never said anything, and everything will be precisely the way it was." If there was, I'd bottle it and retire next year.

So it's up to you. You can certainly flirt back a bit, see what happens, if you're interested in something happening. If you're not, or worried about what might result, just enjoy the trip.

Lex

 

[joshk]

As G-Lexington says, the big question is whether you want something to happen. If you do, sounds like you could respond to him in kind and find out. If you don't, put up with it -- or tell him that he should stop. But if you're unsure, tempted but afraid of what might happen afterwards then you really do need to think it thru - sounds like he is up for something, it's up to you what it's gonna be.

 

[KaraBulut]

Hmm. So, this friend gets drunk, abuses women, lies, sends unsolicited naked pictures of himself to you and he exposes himself to you.

He sounds like a mess.

My question is, "Why is this guy even your friend?".

 

[RukkuS]

To me it sounds like hes straight, but he senses he could get some action from you. I don't know if that sounds harsh or not, but most gay guys who are closeted are NOT that assertive. He may have sensed that you were gay or had gay tendencies and since then has been sort of toying with you.

He seems like one of those straight dudes who get horny, let you know blow them, and then once he cums, he's out the door.

Believe me, those of us who are in the closet are too busy trying to come across as normal and would NEVER to the things he's done. Duh, that totally defeats the purpose of being in the closet. He seems very comfortable with his body and his sexuality that he is able to whip his dick out and send u nude pics. I highly doubt he's gay, maybe bi, but he sounds like he just wants a quick blowjob.

I could be wrong, but thats what I picked up. If he ends up being gay and in the closet, then I find that very odd that he is so...well, NOT in the closet with you. Most gay guys are in the closet even when alone with other gay guys.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

As you say, "here's another one". It seems gay men - especially closted ones - find themselves in this situation quite a bit. The "maybe-he-is-but-maybe-he-isn't". And we're scared of pushing it forwards, because chances are good that'll change the situation, and not necessarily for the better. So we stay in this limbo.

Is he gay? Or bi? Maybe. All I have is your info to work off of. But what if he is? Sadly, there's no way to say "I'm interesting in making this relationship physical, but if you're not, let's pretend I never said anything, and everything will be precisely the way it was." If there was, I'd bottle it and retire next year.

So it's up to you. You can certainly flirt back a bit, see what happens, if you're interested in something happening. If you're not, or worried about what might result, just enjoy the trip.

Lex

Yeah thats what I mean, I've actually asked him a few times why he does it, and kinda let him know that I don't actually care, but he doesn't take it seriously, he kinda just shrugs it off. At first I didn't care, I figured he was just drunk, but the more he did it, the more I noticed he actually wasn't drunk, and was just over-selling it. I kinda bit back a bit, but that was it, thats all that happened.

As G-Lexington says, the big question is whether you want something to happen. If you do, sounds like you could respond to him in kind and find out. If you don't, put up with it -- or tell him that he should stop. But if you're unsure, tempted but afraid of what might happen afterwards then you really do need to think it thru - sounds like he is up for something, it's up to you what it's gonna be.

I'm kinda not sure, I think I would like something to happen, but then I wonder what would happened afterwards, would we actually still be friends or not, ya know what I mean?

I think he's experimenting with his sexuality - question is - do you want to be part of that experiment? If you think he's hot and you let him make all the moves and you are blunt and upfront about what he does or doesn't want to happen I can't see any reason not to have a go. Make sure that he does as much of the inviting and leading as possible so if he suddenly decides that he's straight you have the ammo to defend yourself against anything he might say (yes I'm cynical).

So you think I should just keep letting it go and see if he keeps doing it, and/or getting more involved?

when he IM's and asks what you're doing tell him you're stroking off to his dick. and how much better it would be to see it in person.

*slaps forehead*
Just tell him you wanna suck him off. He's obviously fishing for some play so BITE ALREADY!! (but not too hard) lol

Isn't that a little too blunt? He could just be fucking around, and another thing I was thinking, maybe hes not interested, he's just doing it to see whether I actually react? Is it normal for "straight guys" to hug their mates and send pics of themselves naked when they're "drunk"? I talked to him on MSN this morning after I posted this, and it seems we're arguing all the time since he sent the pics. Keeping in mind he doesn't know I'm gay, I was asking him why he thinks theres nothing wrong with him sending those pics on purpose, and whether if one of his friends did it to him, would he react the same way I did? I don't wanna actually come out to him unless I'm sure he's either a) fine with it or b) is gay/bi himself. He mocks gays a lot as well, which is a telling sign he's possibly hiding something.

Hmm. So, this friend gets drunk, abuses women, lies, sends unsolicited naked pictures of himself to you and he exposes himself to you.

He sounds like a mess.

My question is, "Why is this guy even your friend?".

He wasn't to begin with, we knew each other through a mutual friend, and at first, I thought this guy was a fuckstick. Now the other guy is pretty much out of the picture (we both know he's still in town, but we don't know where he is and haven't seen/heard from him, he hasn't bothered to make contact) so it's just me and the first guy that actually hang out and drink or whatever. Like I said earlier, I don't wanna give him the wrong idea, because he (and the other guy, moreso) are likely to be assholes about it.

Basically, every conversation we have had since he sent the pics has started off normal, and ended up in an argument, either about the pics, or something else. Last night (more accurately, 3am this morning) when I talked to him on MSN, after not having talked to him for like three weeks - I figured I'd drop that old argument and just talk to him, as a mate, but he started being a smartass, so idk what to do. I'm beginning to think (and I told him) that I should probably just not have anything to do with him. I also spoke to another guy on MSN, and told him what was going on, he's convinced this guy is gay.

To me it sounds like hes straight, but he senses he could get some action from you. I don't know if that sounds harsh or not, but most gay guys who are closeted are NOT that assertive. He may have sensed that you were gay or had gay tendencies and since then has been sort of toying with you.

He seems like one of those straight dudes who get horny, let you know blow them, and then once he cums, he's out the door.

Believe me, those of us who are in the closet are too busy trying to come across as normal and would NEVER to the things he's done. Duh, that totally defeats the purpose of being in the closet. He seems very comfortable with his body and his sexuality that he is able to whip his dick out and send u nude pics. I highly doubt he's gay, maybe bi, but he sounds like he just wants a quick blowjob.

I could be wrong, but thats what I picked up. If he ends up being gay and in the closet, then I find that very odd that he is so...well, NOT in the closet with you. Most gay guys are in the closet even when alone with other gay guys.

I'm kinda thinking the same thing, and in which case, it would be rather awkward afterwards, no?

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

That's not always the case.

Being that you are being so hesitant about it, I think you could take it or leave it honestly.

So it comes down to whether or not you want to see if you can fool around with him just for the hell of it. Otherwise, there's nothing to be worried about. You're not salivating over him or anything.

I wouldn't say that.

Idk, anyone got any suggestions of what I could say/do to see if he is actually interested in doing anything?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Idk, anyone got any suggestions of what I could say/do to see if he is actually interested in doing anything?

Next time he starts playing with his junk, ask if he'd rather you play with it instead.

But put me in the category of those who don't think this guy is worth fooling around with.

Lex

 

[RukkuS]

I feel like this dude is turned on the by the fact that he thinks you want him, but once you finally break down and "admit", then reality will hit for him that your actually into the gay play and he might freak out a little....

all i'm saying is be careful. If you're in the closet and you want to stay that way, theres not guarantee that this dude is discreet. Like I said, if he's having fun toying with you and then you finally drop to your knees, he could have a quick change in attitude and run out of the room screaming about how gay you are....

 

[KaraBulut]

I also spoke to another guy on MSN, and told him what was going on, he's convinced this guy is gay.

Whether this guy is gay or not is not worth the time. Whether or not you and this guy will ever have sex is not worth the time.

This guy is a mess. Who cares if he is a straight mess or a gay mess?

Find a friend who is not abusive and who is not so starved for attention that he is constantly doing crazy things. If you are going to play around with someone, find someone who is a grownup and who doesn't mistreat women and friends.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

I feel like this dude is turned on the by the fact that he thinks you want him, but once you finally break down and "admit", then reality will hit for him that your actually into the gay play and he might freak out a little....

all i'm saying is be careful. If you're in the closet and you want to stay that way, theres not guarantee that this dude is discreet. Like I said, if he's having fun toying with you and then you finally drop to your knees, he could have a quick change in attitude and run out of the room screaming about how gay you are....

Exactly my thoughts. In which case, how do I convince him to stop it without letting on to anything? Theres no point him doin it if nothing's gonna happen.

I also spoke to another guy on MSN, and told him what was going on, he's convinced this guy is gay.

Whether this guy is gay or not is not worth the time. Whether or not you and this guy will ever have sex is not worth the time.

This guy is a mess. Who cares if he is a straight mess or a gay mess?

Find a friend who is not abusive and who is not so starved for attention that he is constantly doing crazy things. If you are going to play around with someone, find someone who is a grownup and who doesn't mistreat women and friends.

He's usually fine with me, I dunno the chick he was abusing, I think he was just doing it for fun, but part of me wonders why he kept doing it if he was serious about her not sending the pics of him (knowing that I'm sitting right next to him and have seen them) because while he continued to abuse her, the pictures were still there for me and everyone else to see. One would think if he didn't want me at least to see them, he woulda shut his mouth and stopped harrassing her eh? But I agree with you, I seriously don't think hes worth the time.

Keeping on that same train of thought, knowing that a lot of closeted gay/bi guys in particular make a big point of acting like they hate gays is making me think thats exactly what is going on with him.

Either-

a) hes fucking around and I'm looking into it too much
b) hes fucking around to see if I react and he just wants to know (either for a good reason or a bad reason)
c) he is bi-curious/gay and hes waiting to see how I react to him before he actually does anything more
or d) like c, he's acting homophobic (in the case that hes gay) and hasn't come to terms with it himself, and is "bashing gays" to put off people from thinking he might be himself.

The more I think about it, the more I'm thinking it's D. What do you guys think? Cause like I said, he's never done anything to remotely suggest it when the other guy was around (or as best I can tell, with the other guy/directed at him when I wasn't around)

 

[KaraBulut]

Ok, he's gay.

Then what?

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

If he is actually gay, any suggestions for how to approach him to see if hes open to something? And if he isn't, then any suggestions for how to get him to stop it, without him catching on?

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Well, after talkin to him at 3am this morning, he was complaining that we always end up arguing and in his words "fighting" (sounds strange to me), and I explained to him that I was pissed off a few weeks ago about the pictures he sent (heh, no I wasn't, but he doesn't need to know that...not yet at least) and thats why I figured it was better not to talk to him for a while. Anyway, this morning, I tried to talk to him normally, as a mate, and he was still acting like a prick, so I said I'd talk to him later instead. Well, now is later...he's on MSN, he's been on MSN all night basically (like me, unless hes drinking - or working in my case - hes pretty much always on the computer) but he's refusing to talk to me. Somethings up. Any suggestions?

 

[joshk]

Do you really like this guy?
Does he really turn you on?
Do you really trust this guy?

If he's a friend you want to keep, just be patient and let him lead - but don't be afraid to respond and maybe joke about it - bring it on!

If he turns you on (rather than just being a guy who's semi-available and has a cock) then it's worth trying a little harder to pierce the act this guy is putting on and to get him to open up at a deeper level. Even if he's straight and senses that u might be willing to blow him, it's worth thinking about.

But that's where the trust comes in. He doesn't sound very trustworthy, and if you want to stay closeted then you're probably better off not letting your guard down.

You could always try coming out to him: Hey don't flash that cock at me, I'm gay/bi/whatever you want to say, I might start to get ideas!

AS for him refusing to talk, probably good to leave him be for a while...

Anyway, like all these situations the only easy answer is to do nothing and not to risk anything, but that isn't what takes things forward and isn't necessarily the best one.

 

[rareboy]

Neither of us have heard from the other guy for months now, he lost his phone, but hasn't bothered to get in contact with either of us. We know he's still in town, we just don't know where, but anyway, thats kinda irrelevant.

Thoughts?

He actually didn't lose his phone. There's a reason he's not hanging out with the two of you anymore.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Do you really like this guy?
Does he really turn you on?
Do you really trust this guy?

If he's a friend you want to keep, just be patient and let him lead - but don't be afraid to respond and maybe joke about it - bring it on!

If he turns you on (rather than just being a guy who's semi-available and has a cock) then it's worth trying a little harder to pierce the act this guy is putting on and to get him to open up at a deeper level. Even if he's straight and senses that u might be willing to blow him, it's worth thinking about.

But that's where the trust comes in. He doesn't sound very trustworthy, and if you want to stay closeted then you're probably better off not letting your guard down.

You could always try coming out to him: Hey don't flash that cock at me, I'm gay/bi/whatever you want to say, I might start to get ideas!

AS for him refusing to talk, probably good to leave him be for a while...

Anyway, like all these situations the only easy answer is to do nothing and not to risk anything, but that isn't what takes things forward and isn't necessarily the best one.

Yes
Yes
Not particulary

I agree completely with what you're saying. Someone said earlier I could let him lead, then if he turns it around and accuses me, its actually his fault. Thats why I don't wanna do anything, because I'm wondering if he's just fucking around, and as I said, I don't really trust him.

He actually didn't lose his phone. There's a reason he's not hanging out with the two of you anymore.

Thinking the same thing. I was only told by the other guy that he lost the phone. Apparently before I came into the picture, they were best mates. The guy who "Lost his phone", I went to school with for four years, so I know him better than this dude. Also, he knows where we both live, and yet hasn't made an attempt to come here, go to the other guys place, or talk to either of us on MSN. In fact, he's been on MSN a couple times since I last saw him, he won't talk though.

Stop playing around and give him a solid HINT that you like what you see, and would be interested in having some fun.

So many things would be so much easier in life if people were just straight forward and told people how they feel.

Easier said than done with a guy whos potentially doing it just to find out if I am gay, to cause trouble. If I knew he didn't care, I'd go straight for it.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

I was thinkin something like wait till he comes down here drinkin again (it's been a while) and wait till he says something like "I'm honry" or whatever, and then ask him what he wants me to do about it. If he is straight, and thinks I said something I shouldn't have, I can just pretend I was being sarcastic. If he's up for something, I can take it from there. I'll keep you guys updated.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Dunno if this one's going anywhere, I tried talkin to him again on MSN earlier, he was just being an asshole. He's trying to turn it round and make out that I've been an asshole to him, but I'm telling him I don't care what happened before, I just wanna talk to him like I used to, he isn't responding. Everytime he does, he's making me out to be an asshole for a) being a prick to him or b) annoying him because he's "busy".

The excuse he used last night to not talk to me was that he was talking to his girlfriend. I've known him close to a year, I'm one of three main people he talks to (a lot of people don't like him) and he has not once mentioned a girlfriend, or even hinted at it. In fact, as you guys have seen, he treats girls like shit, and has been for lack of a better term, flirting with me on and off for the last two months or so. I even asked him a few months back (clearly he doesnt remember) if he has a girlfriend, and he told me no he doesn't. So unless she's come into the picture recently, I'm pretty sure he's lying. Besides, how hard is it to talk to two people on MSN at the same time? He never has a problem with it any other time.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

BIG UPDATE-

He is now talking to me on MSN, and it has been a rather interesting chat thus far to say the least:

... says (10:41 PM):
its just im kinda lazy and if were gonna drink id rather it be closer to here
(ME) says (10:41 PM):
what did you have in mind?
... says (10:42 PM):
im not sure
... says (10:42 PM):
hotel
(ME) says (10:42 PM):
NO CHANCE IN HELL!
... says (10:42 PM):
lol
(ME) says (10:42 PM):
besides, i doubt theres any hotel rooms for less than $40, and if there is, they might get the wrong idea
(ME) says (10:42 PM):
you sound almost as if you want them to get the wrong idea...
... says (10:42 PM):
haha
(ME) says (10:43 PM):
*shakes head*
(ME) says (10:43 PM):
*hugs* XD
(ME) says (10:43 PM):
...in a totally non homo way
... says (10:43 PM):
haha :\
(ME) says (10:43 PM):
easy tiger
(ME) says (10:44 PM):
that homosexual little flashing smiley is making me wonder about you...
... says (10:44 PM):
its a good smiley
(ME) says (10:44 PM):
i mean...not that theres anything wrong with that and all >.>
... says (10:44 PM):
if ur drunk
... says (10:44 PM):
imo
(ME) says (10:44 PM):
im not drunk, youre not drunk, and the smiley is gay
... says (10:45 PM):
ur gay
(ME) says (10:45 PM):
are you saying gay sex is good when youre drunk? And you have to admit, you like being drunk dont you?

/deciphers hidden message
(ME) says (10:45 PM):
no sir
... says (10:45 PM):
*runs away girlishy*
(ME) says (10:45 PM):
LMAO
(ME) says (10:45 PM):
well, only on wednesdays /sarcasm
(ME) says (10:45 PM):

(ME) says (10:45 PM):
did you skip?
(ME) says (10:45 PM):
and giggle like a pansy?
... says (10:45 PM):
a little:$
(ME) says (10:45 PM):
thats what i like to see...

As you can see, I kinda flirted with him, and didn't blow the idea away, I kinda asked him just before this if there was something up with him, cause he hasn't been himself lately. The smiley I refer to as being 'homosexual' (sarcastically) is a flashing smiley. He likes it...a lot apparently.

Thoughts on this, and/or where to take it from here?