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He's "straight" and I was his first... I'm confused to what brought him to me...

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My friend introduced me to this guy from work and I had a vibe that there was something about him that this guy was trying to reach out. We've been talking to each other almost everyday.

I learned that he's straight, has a girlfriend, and is a good Christian. He's an interesting guy too because he had made himself very comfortable to me. I felt it was not normal for a straight guy to be that touchy. I have a best friend who is straight and it is very clear where the boundaries were but with this new friend I just met, it wasn't clear where he was going with his.

One time for dinner, he brought up if I have a girlfriend or not because my facebook profile doesn't have much information on it. I made it clear that I am not seeing anyone at the moment and I am not sure if it will be a girl... or a boy. I am focusing on find a career first. I wanted to see how he would react. He looked at me and did not respond to what I expected a Christian would react. I asked him to tell me about his girlfriend, what's up with her? He said he wasn't feeling her covering his needs in a relationship. He was thinking about breaking up with her but not yet. She's very busy and I can tell that he is as well. I told him to hang on there and go with the flow, see what happen. I encourage him to try to arrange a fun activity with his girlfriend out of the hectic schedule of theirs. He said he tried but now he is looking to make new friends as well. It was his choice so I respect that and I thought he needed new friends to support him.

A few days later, he was looking for something to do with me. I told him that we could watch a movie at his place since mine was being renovated and my housemate wouldn't like having a guest during the mess. I went over and I noticed several behaviors of his that were odd. He had two couches but he sat right next to me (very closely). I promised myself that I am only interested in him as a friend and nothing more. During the movie, he asked me about my shoe size because it looked bigger than his. I was like.. umm... 10.5, and asked why? He said nothing because mine looked bigger than his shoes....... I was like umm... okay. A couple times during the movie, he would brush his foot against my leg or move about to be a little touchy. Inside, I wanted to ask him why was he all touchy. Then it was getting late, I could drive home but he told me that I had a couple choices, I could sleep on the couch or I could share the bed with him. At that point, I kind of knew that something was up. I told him that it is not about me, it is about him. Is he comfortable sharing the bed with me? I brought up that I am "Bi" to making sure that he knows I like both guys and girls. He said it was okay. We went to bed together but I made myself very clear that I am staying on my side of the bed and that was it.

When we were in bed together, he could not sleep and he wanted me to talk to him... I keep asking him what he wanted to know? he wanted stories from me. I was awkward but wanted to ask him about his sexuality. I told him that it was not normal for a straight guy to allow another male in the same bed. I asked him up front if he is "straight." He said he doesn't know at this point. I told him its okay as I was trying to get his side of the story to figure out what brought us to bed together. He was a little vague and I was too tired to have an in-depth conversation with him. I told him that we could continue this another time, and he said no... I thought he was kidding but we talked a little bit more. I told him that it was getting late and we should sleep. So I sleep to my side. I noticed him brushing against me a couple time. Then he whispered to me "promise me you won't freak out?" I told him "no, what is it?" He asked me "Can I try something with you?" Awkward I was but I asked him what. He leaned toward me and kissed me. I kind of broke my promise with this but I gave in and we kissed. Then we got naked and did everything that was the basic. He was good at it... However, we did not fuck and I am glad we didn't.

In the morning, I was confused to why we did it and everything about him. I asked him if I was his first, and he said yes... This broke another personal rules I have for myself that I do not want to be the first for a sexually confused guy. Also, I was a little worried that he is still in a relationship with a girl because this broke another personal rule that I do not want to become the reason to break up a relationship. He asked me if I was okay.. I told him sort of because I am more concern about him especially the environment he was raised in as a Christian. He said to me that he's an adult and he can handle it, he takes responsibility for his action. Inside of me, I know it wouldn't be that easy. So I respected him and went home and he went to work.

He kept texting me but it was about things in general like how was the day and what I did, etc. But I was at the point where it was too much for me. I told him that night broke a lot of my personal rules and I would like to sit down with him to discuss it. I could not pretend it didn't happen that night. He agreed that it has been bothering him because it broke a lot of his personal rules as well (I am assuming the bible rules). So I am meeting with him soon............ and needing advice...

I am only interested in perserving our friendship because I just met him, however, I wanted to get his perspective on his sexuality and what he was thinking about when he did that. I am very awkward because he is "straight" or maybe he's not... I don't know. I wanted to make sure that this particular activity won't haunt him for years because the bible says he's wrong. I wanted to tell him that its okay, its natural to want to have an intimacy with a male but not while he has a girlfriend. As for myself, it is clear to me that I want a boyfriend soon because of what I did as well. Ahhh... why did he choose me out of all men? I just met him...
 
To be frank, it sounds like excuses that you "want to get his perspective." It sounds more like you wanted him as much as he wanted you.

At this point, you need to be honest with yourself. You need to ask yourself what exactly you expect out of this "relationship."

If it's friendship you want, they you will need to set clear boundaries, not only with yourself but with him as well. He needs to know these set boundaries and must acknowledge them.

If you want more, then be aware of the consequences. A sexually confused person may become self-aware very quickly. Or he may not. In either case, be completely honest to him and yourself. It makes for much less heartbreak later.
 
there's two things I wanted out of this...

His perspective coming from a very Christian environment. Is he questioning the bible? Is he questioning himself? I am not a strong religious person but I wanted to hear from a Christian his perspective. As an analytical person, it would help me to hear someone's real story than from a second-hand source.

Secondly, I wanted to make sure that he's okay. I know for sure he is thinking a lot about that night. I wanted to go back to the friendship stage and not become an overnight experiment. I know in the past, I have some Christian friends who are against gay people and have avoided me when they learned about me. They are not my friends anymore. He's different and I wanted to make sure that he knows I am there to support him if he need someone to talk to.
 
Do not decide to care about his religion, if he's as religious as you say, in the way you say, his sin, his issues, he's fucked in the head about gay shit and you should run far and fast.

YOU CAN'T FIX THAT!

You WERE an overnight experiment and only he can say where he goes from here, you on the on the other hand say you want him to be the friend he was, but sorry, you chose, that boat has sailed.

Ignore it if all you want is a friend, if he keeps pushing, then tell him you just want to be a friend.

This is one of those rare situations where lengthy discussions are not the best idea.

One more thing, why did you do it? Are you perhaps not giving us the whole story concerning your motivations?
 
That's the story. I just met him a week ago and then both of us did it in bed.

I am looking for a boyfriend but not this way, which is why I am questioning myself for what I did that night. Things happened for a reason and if I was one that broke the ice for him to come out of himself, then so be it. I don't know him well enough to lead into a relationship.

Now you are making it sounds like I shouldn't be discussing our feelings about this. I couldn't share this with my best friend because I respect this guy's privacy. If he doesn't want to be my friend, that's fine because it takes more than just a week to become good friends. What I value is honesty and communication. He sounds like he is looking for a friend to explore himself because he already shut his own friends out to explore this side of him. If he decided to shut me out later on, I wouldn't be surprised because I heard the same story line from other Christians who have explored their sexuality with my gay friends and they said they never heard from them again.

This is why I do not like religious people.
 
Hmmm, I missed the just met thing. So yeah, even more so, don't get into long involved discussion about his feelings.

You just met him, why should you be talking to him or about him to anyone?

All that experiment verbiage is pretty suspicious, do you want to be his gay experiment? It's your choice if you do, but frankly, this has the potential for needless drama on so many levels I'd keep him at arms length.

Nowhere is it written that you have to be soul mates with every friend you have.

It's not your job to fix him, it's not your job to be his gay experiment, it's not your job to be his analyst.

Certainly you could fill those roles, and we all say to ourselves that we'll be there if we ever find a guy in need, but that's almost always a bad idea.

The ones you can help, are the ones who already are almost out.
 
Yeah, that's true. Thanks for the tips, I will keep it short and simple.

Everything happens for a reason. I'm going with the flow on in this one. If it turns out that he is looking for more experimentation, then I'm gonna tell him to try it with someone else. However, will steer toward friendship because I'm looking for new friends anyway.
 
This is more simple than you think it is. He is/was curious and you seem to be afraid of bonding. He did no more to actively pursue you as you did with him. It all sounded rather nice, actually and very deliberate. Don't give him the third degree. I'd just let him know that at some point during the evening/night hormones took over and that it's impossible to know if it could go any further in terms of committment.
 
It doesn't sound like this was his first time at the rodeo.

He set the whole thing up- having you over, sitting next to you, being touchy-feely, having you sleep in his bed, etc.

Your instincts are correct here. He needs to work through this and not use you to answer his questions. It's unfair to you and it's unfair to his girlfriend.
 
don't mind what other people say about you. Particularly religion. If they don't like u just because of the fact that being gay is against the bible, then so what?... i mean God doesn't judge us whether we're straight or not. It's not our gender preferences that matter. It's what we do. As long as we don't hurt people, we don't do negative things, we respect others, then that would be fine.

I come from a traditional Roman Catholic family. I studied in a Catholic School Grade School and High School. I've encountered people who will really judge you because you're gay. But they're just a minority compared to the people who were able to accept me and love me. Actually, i'm one of the popular figures in my school then. Even if i'm gay. :)
 
I'm not buying for a minute that you were his first.

He used you. Like he's using his girlfriend.

You need to tell him the next time he wants to fool around that as long as he has a girlfriend you can't do this because it is not fair to any of the three people in the triangle.
 
Ahhh... why did he choose me out of all men? I just met him...

He chose you cuz he wanted to have sex!

You're over-analyzing this - including the religion thing cuz being Christian and gay is more common than those who denounce it; it's a conscious choice to be Christian regardless of sexuality.

In other words, you're wasting your time thinking about worrying why someone would have sex with you (if it's against the Bible).

Trust me, if he had an issue about having it haunt him, he wouldn't have done it in the first place.
 
Update:

I had a coffee chat with him last night and he apologized for taking advantage of me. It bothered him a lot since that night. He said that he is breaking up with his girlfriend once she comes back from her vacation. He could not stand getting nothing (sexually) out from his long-term relationship with her. That night helped him in a way I guess. So... I told him good luck.
 
Update:

I had a coffee chat with him last night and he apologized for taking advantage of me. It bothered him a lot since that night. He said that he is breaking up with his girlfriend once she comes back from her vacation. He could not stand getting nothing (sexually) out from his long-term relationship with her. That night helped him in a way I guess. So... I told him good luck.

HUH? OK he's breaking up with her (lure), because she never fucked him (horny), and so he tried to bag a guy (it's not gay, it's situational)? But he's sorry he took advantage (see, I'm a nice guy really)

Yeah, I was trying not to agree, this guy is a user. Right, she had him so sexually frustrated she turned him gay. It's not his fault.

Issues.

Run far, run fast.
 
this sounds a bit charming lol

some of you guys are so critical

he does not sound like a used to me

i think he felt an attraction and had to act on it it happens

and its perfectly natural to not think about all of your rules n regulations when u are in the moment

i think for now u just have to show him that u want yo spend time with him as a friend
and avoiding(temporarily) close n private get togethers

but i still think its possible to be friends
 
We all do as we do until we learn better. I am from a devout Catholic family, live on my own, and I still attend Mass religiously (no pun intended). Of course, I disagree with a lot of the church's Doctrine, but it is how I was raised. I certainly don't try to impose my theological views onto others, lol, I'm not a Jehovah Witness.

I respect and appreciate your personal rules, as I have successfully (so far) avoided indulging "closet-cases" their wont of a singular night of funzies. I live in an extremely rural area and am only one of three openly gay guys in like a 50-mile radius.

I sincerely hope that you two are able to maintain at least your friendship, but preferably the more serious. From personal experience and observation, it is indeed possible to be gay AND Christian without profound conflict!
 
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