Holy Fuck!!! What Do I Do Now!?!?!?!

[Soilwork]

Jasun, if you had to choose between lying about you and losing your family what would you pick? i think i already know the answer.

I doubt you DO know.. because I chose losing my family. Until they snapped out of it. I wasn't going to allow anyone to walk all over me. I had too much respect for myself to do that.


Sorry, you know I really like you but you're being a pussy.

There's no way that you'd lose your whole family because you won't go out with the gutter-trash he's trying to set you up with and skip his birthday party.

He's running your life because you're letting him do it.

 

[StlKj]

You know, not that Jason needs me to fight any battles for him, but I don't really see how berating someone who has a history of being severely abused would be considered helpful.

There are ways of supporting and encouraging someone to stand up for themselves without resorting to the kinds of behaviors they're trying to figure out how to stand against in the first place.

 

[screwnutty]

okay this is enough. If you have proof that your dad is abusing your little brother then you have to call child services right now. I can't take this. This is bullshit. I'm normally a peaceful guy but your Dad seems like he needs a fucking good old ass kicking by a bunch of twinkle toe fairies! When is this party? Time and Date. Who wants to go to Williamsburg Ohio? I think it's time Jason's Dad meet the pink mafia!

Seriously, You need to consider getting some legal advice and maybe moving to Canada! Sure we have religious assholes but none of them have even been charged for fag bashing!

I'm serious....If i was your boyfriend, do you honestly expect me to just sit there well this guy belittles you. I don't even know you or your dad but just from the way your talking about him in this thread is making me see red. He beat you. That's horrible and if my dad ever, EVER beated the crap out of me and sent me to the hospital! I'd return the favour TEN fold!

But that's me and I don't recommend doing that. I recommend you seek the law. He has abused you and if he's abusing your younger brother, then the circle of violence must be stopped.

I don't know what else to say, I just hope you keep us updated and know that I'm here for you.

 

[Soilwork]

I guess calling him a pussy isn't "nice" but it's nicer than "doormat."

Either way, Jason is going to have to learn to stand up for himself.

Abused or not (and it seems that he was), eventually everyone has to stand up for themselves.. nobody else is going to do it for you.

And am I the only one who's totally disturbed by the whole "it's no big deal" attitude he's got about being abused.

Jason, you need more help than we can give you and you know it.

But tell me.. if you can take the abuse and it's no big deal.. why are you so desperate to save your brother from it? It's obviosuly a big deal that you're going to have to face eventually.

Now seems as good a time as any, n'est-ce Pas?

 

[JASON0980]

i would like to make one thing perfectly clear. the first time my father touches my little brother will be the last! i will kill him with my own hands. but i DO NOT want him to have to go through it at all.

it isn't a big deal to me now. i have lived with it. if i could go back and change it i would. but thats not an option. the only thing i can do is make sure it dosen't happen to my brother.

 

[Soilwork]

I have a feeling that there's more ways to protect your brother than to live in fear of some fucking asshole who calls himself your father.

 

[treanir]

its not about me. like i said i have been beaten, and i can take it. its nothing. but my family didn't choose this anymore than i did. my little brother is stuck with my father. and once i'm out my father is going to take it out on him,

Sounds like your father is nothing more than a menace, to you and your family. It may sound like drastic measures, but I think it's for the best if you severed all ties with him and convinced your family to do so too. Like others said before: restraining orders, moving (out of state?), the works. It is not worth living in fear of a man who was supposed to be a positive influence in your life. The same goes for your family. If he's terrorising them too, it's time to move out and start a new life, away.

One more thing: I think it's commendable that you are prepared to take so much shit for your family. It really shows that bright shining heart inside of you. You're a good man for doing this, but I think you must also realise that you can't live your life in perpetual terror, walking on your toes to avoid confrontation. In that respect, it is about you. It is about making sure your life is as pleasant as it can be. And your family, as important to you as they are, is a major part in that. If they're safe, you're happy. But you need to be safe too. Not just in the physical sense, but also emotionally. Safe to be who you are. And that's just not the case right now.

Do keep updating

 

[Joshua_me]

Jason,

Frankly I think you're a classic textbook case of insecurity brought upon you by your Dad....

There's a reason we've 'linked up' since the minute you joined this motley JUB crowd. And I guess it's that I relate to a lot of what goes on with you...

You're a good looking, introspective and intelligent guy who for some reason beats up on himself all the time. "I'm a dumb fuck" "I got the shit beat out of me...it's no big deal..."

Well.

Horseshit.

You deserve FAR better than that... You ARE far better than that.

Jesus, it's frustrating as hell knowing that there is nothing I can possibly do to get you to see this as the fact that it is....

 

[JASON0980]

ok......

this is the plan. i'm going to call my mom first thing tomorrow morning. i will tell her its time. i know he is going to go to her all pissed off. and i will tell her to act like she didn't know until right before i told him.

as far as Jess i'm going to lose her. and that really hurts but thats the way it goes. i will get her back but its going to take a lot of time. she is going to have to go to mom's before i tell him. i don't want her caught in the cross fire. and i will do everything i can to stop him from going to mom's house. and if i can't stop him i will have to beat him there one way or another.

i have until thursday. he is coming in off the road thursday. i won't tell him while is is driving a semi. its not a good idea. i know to well that dad behind the wheel pissed is not good.

 

[StlKj]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jason))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))Be careful, Bud. I pray everything goes as well as it can.

 

[treanir]

That's a very brave thing you're about to do and I think it's also the right thing.

Take care of yourself and your family. Check in every once in a while to let us know how things are.

 

[JASON0980]

i read three different horoscopes every day. on the rare occasion they all say the same thing, i know i should listen. i just read todays.

they use different wording but this is the jist of it:

For Tuesday, April 17 - A damaged relationship is on the road to repair today, and the two of you are becoming more compatible than you ever were before! This is definitely a reason to celebrate, but try not to get too enthusiastic too quickly -- doing so could be dangerous. There are two people involved in this situation, and you both need to stay on the same timetable. Slow and steady wins the race, and it ensures that a stronger relationship will develop.

i'm assuming it means me and my father.

 

[valis23]

Congratulations on making a well-considered decision. It won't be easy, but it sounds like the only logical choice.

If there's any risk at all of him getting violent towards you or anyone else, why not call the police first? The police would much rather stand and watch from a respectful distance as a family situation unfolds than to get a frantic call to a domestic disturbance. Your dad wouldn't do anything over the top with cops watching. And they'll happily remind him that they were called out because of fear, so if anything happens to anyone in the family later that night or in the weeks following, the cops will pay their first visit to him. I've had to use the cops that way before, and they made it clear to me that they appreciated being called out before anything escalated.

It seems that folks who find themselves living in an abusive situation lose perspective -their attacker seems bigger than he really is, and they feel weaker than they really are. Find that strength of will, face him, and while you're letting him know who you really are, make sure he understands the violence stops NOW.

 

[JOHN B]

The sooner you bring everything out into the open, the sooner it will be behind you, no matter what the consequences. If you go along with it this time then he will do this again, then again, until you feel "obligated" to get married so that he will "still accept you." If he's "testing" you, then he already knows. Plus just because you are gay doesn't mean you can't have children of your own.

 

[G-Lexington]

For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. I'm not in favor of coming out until you're ready, but it would appear your father is forcing the issue. In that case, on his own head be it.

Best of luck.

Lex

 

[sixthson]

y wat is wrong with getting married having kids and then grandkids if that is wat sum1 wants?? anyway Jason 2 things,

1. just go out with her, fuk her (it will be fun), or simply tell ur dad no. now if she comes, just have ur way with her and tell her then that ur not ready for a relationship.

2. ur fukin hot man...

good luck

Dear Abby you ain't.

 

[Soilwork]

y wat is wrong with getting married having kids and then grandkids if that is wat sum1 wants?? anyway Jason 2 things,

1. just go out with her, fuk her (it will be fun), or simply tell ur dad no. now if she comes, just have ur way with her and tell her then that ur not ready for a relationship.

1. Fucking her wil NOT be "fun" for Jason.

2. "wat is wrong" with getting married to a woman when you're gay is that you're not INTO women and it would be wrong to use her.

3. Living your life to please other people is the text book defiinition of "having no life."

4. you told him to "have ur way with her," and his way would be for her to get lost.





What the fuck is wrong with some people? I swear, it's like there's some brain/brain disconnect or something. I think you just gave the worst advice on this site since Bi-Married-Male told a kid whos mother had just discovered his porn a whole bunch of "appropriate lies" to tell her.

Do us a favour. When you want to make a post? Don't.

 

[icefan]

Jason- You should come out on your own accord, on your own terms and not everyone else's. It's all good to simply tell someone to just come out, but what if the person just isn't mentally ready? If you feel this dilemma is your sign to come out, then come out. If not, then you should do it when you're ready.

 

[sixthson]

Do us a favour. When you want to make a post? Don't.

Agreed.

The laughable part is that he actually believed what he said. How does a gay man have fun with a girl sexually? Why would anyone advise a gay man to perpetuate the myth that he is straight, especially to a hateful, homophobic "so called" father?

It's time for gay men to stop being ashamed of who they are. The world is full of people who hate us, we don't need to be hating ourselves.

Unfortunately, there are still unpleasant consequences for coming out. Sometimes, we lose people. Hopefully, we gain others, but in either case, we all have lives of our own to live.
I can't think of anything more miserable than spending a lifetime trying to please people who can NEVER be pleased.

 

[Blueboy369]

You: Dad, I've been thinking and I have to be honest with you. I'm not interested in going on a blind date with some girl from a bar, thanks anyway. I want you to enjoy your party and if you want me to go, don't push this any further.