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Holy Fuck!!! What Do I Do Now!?!?!?!

JASON0980 said:
dad is a truck driver, so he is all over the place. apparently he is in the bar she works at all the time. and he knows her pretty well. so she agreed to come here for his birthday party. to meet me! she is going to travel two states.

i can't tell my dad. i promised my mother i wouldn't, because we know how he will react.

i am going to have to pretend to be interested in the chick!
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Jason, my dad's also a truck driver, a 2-tour Vietnam vet and the straightest, butchest mofo I've ever met. He's built like a tank and, when angry, is scary as all hell. I knew if I came out to him he'd either beat the hell out of me or cut me out of the family completely. Neither happened. It'll be 15 years pretty soon and we have a better relationship than we ever have had. He's supportive like I never would have believed. I'm his son and he loves me, regardless.

You can't predict how your dad will react, but it's time to find out. Stop the madness before this trip.

Good luck.
 
JASON0980 said:
ok its time for full flegged honesty here.

my father and i have never been close. every time we saw each other when i was growing up he would make it clear he hated me. he took every opportunity he could to call me a faggot. he beat me on a regular basis. i have been in the hospital more times than i can count because of him. he has tried to kill me when i was 6. he tried to drown me. the last time i was in the ER it was because he broke my cheek, took a chunk out of my arm and twisted the hell out of my knee. that was three years ago.

when my dad is around i clam up. i am a totally different person. my voice changes, my walk changes. i am not me. its involuntary any more.

yea i'm affraid. scared shitless!! i have been afraid of this my whole life. and now is no exception.

but now when you add that if i tell him i will lose my whole family. including Jess (my little sister that lives with me. my whole life is dedicated to them. they are everything to me. if i loose them there is nothing left.
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Okay, I just saw this part. Forget worrying about how he will react. Get him out of your life. NOW.
 
Hey, if it gets to bad, I'll hide ya in the basement. He'd never look in St. Bernard.
 
Having grown up with abuse myself I can relate to what you are saying. I also know that it affects everyone differently. Even siblings in the same household that suffered the same abuse can have very different reactions and it can manifest itself in many ways later in life. Just saying you need to buck up and do what needs to be done is, well, easier said than done. It can also be harder when it is directed at the person who abused you. Obviously, you know what you really want and need to do. It will probably be difficult and it's doubtful that it will have a happy ending for everyone involved. However, it is important that you let yourself believe truthfully, that this is a situation thrust upon you and not one that you asked for, EVER. Sometimes it is just what you ar dealt and not everyone DESERVES to be in your life. Again, you have to find that in yourself and that may take a lot of work on your part. There are always people out there to help you and it is a really good sign that you are asking for that help in this forum or any other. Good luck in what you decide to do. I, for one, am interested in how all of this unfolds for you.
 
If you want astrological advice, send me an email with your and your father's time and place of birth - exact time is preferable. I can send you a synastric comparison interpretation of your relationship and also the transits for the day in question for both of you. It might give you another angle to look at this from.

I have a macho father also, and I've never discussed my sexuality with him either, although I'm sure he knows since my grandmother (his hated MIL) told him. My grandmother was very hateful about it, but eventually it sort of became water under the bridge. I have an open relationship with my siblings, nieces, and nephews, however.

I think at the least you should contact the proposed date and tell her so that she will know what to expect. That way, if she is your date, she will know what kind of date to be. It sounds more like your father wants to date her. Are you parents divorced?
 
You have several choices here:

1) You can just roll with it and take the girl out for that one eving and play off the awkwardness as "your lack of chemistry".

2) You can tell your dad that you don't want to just be set up with girls because it makes you uncomfortable to date that way.

3) You can tell your dad the truth that you're gay. If he's doing this to test if you're gay, then he won't be staisfied until you sleep with her. And if you don't, he'll think you're gay. So either way, you may end up revealing your sexuality, either by your own choice, or his own assumptions.
 
Why haven't you pursued charges against this animal? I don't understand this past the classic victim posture that victims have and the powerlessness that is felt. You need professional help and you need to press charges against this guy, I'm sorry as a father I cannot bear to call this person a father. Biological sperm donator maybe but that's about it. I know it's hard Jason, but I would do this and personally I would put a restraining order against him and then tell him so that when he comes to your house and starts asaulting you the charges against him will be heavier, but hey that's just me and I don't know shit.
good luck I truly feel for you and have you in my prayers.
 
i have pressed charges against him. i have put him in jail. i have done the restraining order thing. the legal system dose not work. paper is not made of steel, its not going to keep him away.

and as i have said, he has never hit my younger brother.
 
Good luck, kiddo. :thumbs up:

Let us know how it goes. One way or another, things will work themselves out. ::hug:: Your dad seems like a monster. :(
 
Maybe this thread shouldn't be out in 'public' like it is, Jason...

But it IS...so, I guess we can progress from there.

I feel a bit bad like we've all come down on you like a ton of bricks or something, I *do* hope you remember it's just because we care about you.

Please keep us all updated.

(and, btw...I wouldn't put too much faith in horoscopes...)
 
This is scary, seriously...I hope you have friends and / or family to turn to for help with this.
(*8*)

That's not to say that there isn't some good advise here, of course. I just hope you find your way through this - no doubt you'll be a stronger man for it.




:-)
 
Joshua_me said:
Maybe this thread shouldn't be out in 'public' like it is, Jason...

But it IS...so, I guess we can progress from there.

I feel a bit bad like we've all come down on you like a ton of bricks or something, I *do* hope you remember it's just because we care about you.

Please keep us all updated.

(and, btw...I wouldn't put too much faith in horoscopes...)
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i have no shame any more. and i fought it right here on JUB. this is part of who i am, and i have nothing to hide. i know who has commented because they care. and i have so much respect for all of you because of it. and i know who has commented just for the hell of it, and who has commented just to be an ass (and just to head any backlash off, i am not implying Jasun commented to be an ass. i respect his opinion very much. and i respect how blunt it is.) thank everyone that tried to help me.

coming out to my father isn't going to be easy. and it really pisses me off. because there is no one else that has this effect on me. but i know it has to be done. i also know it is something i am going to have to work up to. little by little we will get there. i know my father is an ass. but i am 26 years old and have never known him. its time for that to change. this is his chance to get to know his son. i am going to give him this chance. and i will work up to coming out to him.
 
JASON0980 said:
coming out to my father isn't going to be easy. and it really pisses me off. because there is no one else that has this effect on me.
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Don't let it piss you off, NO one has more effect on us than our parents do.

"How do they know just how to 'push all your buttons' ?"

"Because they *installed* them...."

Think about that.

And, plus, I'm fairly sure from what you've told us that your Dad already knows you're gay.... I get this feeling in my gut that he is just looking for a fight. And, you *don't* have to give him one. I know the testosterone can get flowing on both sides, but you don't have to give into it.

Try, if possible, to surround yourself with your friends and the people that are on 'your side'. It's sad that it has to come to this, but it's not YOU who is being unreasonable here.....
 
oh shit man , i feel for you, you must be stressed about this! ..

Ok i think you should just tell him, maybe this is the opportunity you have been waiting for.

I know its hard to talk to your dad about this, my dad is the ONLY person who i have not spoken to about my being bi!

Its really a strange situation , coz I know he knows, from what my family tell me, but i just can not bring myself to sit him down and tell him !

It hard to do , but i bet you will feel soooo much better knowing its not a secret to him any more!

Good luck bud... :O)
 
JASON0980 said:
i have no shame any more. and i fought it right here on JUB. this is part of who i am, and i have nothing to hide. i know who has commented because they care. and i have so much respect for all of you because of it. and i know who has commented just for the hell of it, and who has commented just to be an ass (and just to head any backlash off, i am not implying Jasun commented to be an ass. i respect his opinion very much. and i respect how blunt it is.) thank everyone that tried to help me.

coming out to my father isn't going to be easy. and it really pisses me off. because there is no one else that has this effect on me. but i know it has to be done. i also know it is something i am going to have to work up to. little by little we will get there. i know my father is an ass. but i am 26 years old and have never known him. its time for that to change. this is his chance to get to know his son. i am going to give him this chance. and i will work up to coming out to him.
Click to expand...

Good Luck Jason. If all else fails at least you can walk away feeling happy that you tried. Most people never confront there parent(s) about being gay and by the time they work up the courage, it's often too late, for they have passed away. I've been there. Good Luck man, your a better person then me for doing this!
 
you have to tell him the truth. Lying will just eat you up inside.
 
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