how come people underrate and underappreciate being single?

[PKMO]

how so???? it's funny how people act like having no sex or being a virgin is going to kill them yet when was the last time you heard of somebody dropping dead from "blue balls" or lack of sex? it's the other way around. not having sex won't ruin your life but having sex could.

by the way

Because sex is one of the most fun things in the world. Wacking one off is fine and dandy, but doesn't compare in the slightest to good sex. Sex with someone you care about is even better, so I'm imagining sex with someone you love tops that.

It just seems crazy to me that not having sex would be listed as a positive thing...on a site dedicated to sex no less!

 

[refujiunderground]

I don't have any issue inviting their girlfriends/boyfriends/spouses/whatever along. A bunch of us get together for game night once a month - two married straight couples and one gay couple make up the core. But we also invite other married couples and singles to join us periodically. And no trouble doing that for other events, either.

And truth told, I've never much liked kids. I didn't even really like BEING a kid when I was a kid - I couldn't wait to be an adult. That doesn't mean I'm against kids, or think people shouldn't have them, or hang out with them, mind you. I'm well-aware many/most people really like kids, and that they should be the main priority if you have them. That just means I have to invite those with kids earlier on, so they can check schedules, look for babysitters, stuff like that.

Lex

well, i guess it's easy to hang around a couple when you have a partner to bring along with you or are already partnered. me personally, i had the misfortune of my being in the backseat with my homeboy who was with his girlfriend at the time listening to one of the new linkin park tracks on that minutes to midnight album while my brother and my other homeboy was in the front. i'm still traumatized by what went down. i never thought that one song, which i'll admit does sound like a sexy song to make out to, would actually make a couple that horny to the point where they were about a moment away from fucking. i made it a point to tell my homie this last week. the smell of sex just disgusted. with that said, i get a bit envious and jealous when i'm around couples because i've always been single so i make it a point to fall back.

 

[refujiunderground]

Because sex is one of the most fun things in the world. Wacking one off is fine and dandy, but doesn't compare in the slightest to good sex. Sex with someone you care about is even better, so I'm imagining sex with someone you love tops that.

It just seems crazy to me that not having sex would be listed as a positive thing...on a site dedicated to sex no less!

well, you're saying that as someone that had sex before. i've never had sex before. i'm not going to see it how someone such as yourself is going to see it and vice versa.

but with that said, i know there's more people that are trying to be celibate/born again virgin and etc than people that are trying to lose their virginity. i don't see what the big deal about sex is and i have no interest in finding out at the moment. when it happens, it happens but honestly, i really don't give a shit. i'll live.

 

[G-Lexington]

I'm not one who frowns on masturbation. I think it's a totally natural thing, it's a great way to find out what your body can do, and it can and should be a lot of fun. I don't think single people who masturbate are "pathetic" or anything. I think it's a great activity for everybody.

That said, I'm sensing less a "why you gotta hate on masturbation" feel, and more of a "sex is scary" feel. Because if masturbation is a hamburger, sex is a steak.

Lex

 

[refujiunderground]

I'm not one who frowns on masturbation. I think it's a totally natural thing, it's a great way to find out what your body can do, and it can and should be a lot of fun. I don't think single people who masturbate are "pathetic" or anything. I think it's a great activity for everybody.

That said, I'm sensing less a "why you gotta hate on masturbation" feel, and more of a "sex is scary" feel. Because if masturbation is a hamburger, sex is a steak.

Lex

well, yeah..... honestly, i'll admit i'm scared of experiencing intimacy or romance. i usually shy away from it whenever the possibility of it appears in my face. i would say that i've done a good job dodging, running away, hiding from it though where i've done my share of rejecting, avoidance, lying or whatever. don't know if that's a good or a bad thing though. i would prefer to masturbate being that it's something that i can do alone and not have to worry about somebody else.

 

[G-Lexington]

You've got your walls built up pretty solid, then. Just don't be too surprised if guys don't show a lot of interest in tearing them down for you.

Lex

 

[PKMO]

Okay this is all making more sense now.

I did start off as a virgin (we all do!) but I've never seen sex in a negative light. Since hitting puberty I've looked forward to being able to have sex with someone I love (which I haven't fulfilled) or just sex in general (which I have). The intimacy, the thrill of another person sharing something that feels so good...I spent a fair portion of my early teens masturbating and thinking that felt amazing but it just doesn't compare.

It sounds like you could do with a talk with someone who knows about intimacy issues.

 

[Reika]

Loving being single at the minute, I can finally try and figure out who i am myself

 

[refujiunderground]

You've got your walls built up pretty solid, then. Just don't be too surprised if guys don't show a lot of interest in tearing them down for you.

Lex

well, yeah. it's always been like that. back when i was pretending and believing to myself that i was straight, it was the same thing with women except for different reasons. i was trying to force myself to like them and i would bitch and moan about not getting any pussy or any women that i thought would have been right for me i guess, but whenever there was a woman that was interested in me, i just simply acted like i wasn't interested or got really nervous because i was afraid of saying that i wasn't feeling them and then my card would really get pulled being exposed as a guy that wasn't into women. at the time being in denial and etc, i just couldn't admit it to myself let alone somebody else because they would say what i was dredding to say at the time to myself. but even back then or came to the realization that i was gay, i would have other gay guys hitting on me and even propositioning me because i guess they knew somehow. i dunno how they were able to put two and two together but they did and they pretty much moved in on my insecurity and were really persistent in getting that point across. but messing with them would be confirming to them what they suspected because they all implied that they wanted something more. that would have been a mess so i avoided messing with them because i wasn't ready to. but the point i just want to make is that all this fear towards initimacy and romance is more so about me not feeling comfortable to uhhhh.... reveal myself. you know, i probably wouldn't mind making out with another guy or whatever if it was kept as a secret in this moment of time and nobody else knew about it besides me and that person. when i come out, i think i would be able to do such being that i don't have to worry about what anybody else thinks without being worried.

but it's kind of hard to have fun when you're not out because people simply don't get it. they look @ it as why are you hiding? you have nothing to be ashamed of when these same people aren't dealing with the same people and circumstances that you're living in. that's one thing that bothers me. i don't want to be mingling with the wrong person who decides that they're going to out me to whoever for whatever reason or for whatever.

but i most definitely wouldn't mind having fun with somebody IF they can understand my situation and respect it.

 

[sixthson]

To the OP: one of these days, when you least expect it, a guy is going to catch your eye. He will be looking right at you as if he can see into your soul. You won't be able to look away because his gaze holds yours fast. It will be like nothing you have ever experienced before. You will feel embarrassed and shy that he is looking at you. You struggle to say something, but you make a fool of yourself. He laughs, you blush. He will seem so self confident and you will feel intimidated and scared and trembling inside. You can sense he knows things about you that he shouldn't be able to know, like your shame you have always felt about yourself, the fear you have about letting someone get close to you and your craving to be loved by another person. You want to be invisible, but he won't let you. Instead, he smiles at you and you see the tenderness in his eyes. He wants to get to know you but it makes no sense to you. Even you don't want you, why would he? You could run away and convince yourself that being alone is best for you. But you know that is a lie. You know that you want unconditional love. With all your heart you want to share everything about yourself, the good, the bad, the ugly. And you are amazed when he accepts you as you are. When you surrender to it, you discover that love is changing you, slowly but surely. The love you once thought would be chains that bound you to another person, like an anchor, you find is nothing like that. Instead, you feel free to soar on the wings of love. What you thought would be a prison is as wide open as the skies.

 

[DigitalFudge]

God forbid

G-O-D F-O-R-B-I-D

Your significant other is /gasp one of your best friends.


The sheer insanity of it....

 

[Audio Tech]

To the OP: one of these days, when you least expect it, a guy is going to catch your eye. He will be looking right at you as if he can see into your soul. You won't be able to look away because his gaze holds yours fast. It will be like nothing you have ever experienced before. You will feel embarrassed and shy that he is looking at you. You struggle to say something, but you make a fool of yourself. He laughs, you blush. He will seem so self confident and you will feel intimidated and scared and trembling inside. You can sense he knows things about you that he shouldn't be able to know, like your shame you have always felt about yourself, the fear you have about letting someone get close to you and your craving to be loved by another person. You want to be invisible, but he won't let you. Instead, he smiles at you and you see the tenderness in his eyes. He wants to get to know you but it makes no sense to you. Even you don't want you, why would he? You could run away and convince yourself that being alone is best for you. But you know that is a lie. You know that you want unconditional love. With all your heart you want to share everything about yourself, the good, the bad, the ugly. And you are amazed when he accepts you as you are. When you surrender to it, you discover that love is changing you, slowly but surely. The love you once thought would be chains that bound you to another person, like an anchor, you find is nothing like that. Instead, you feel free to soar on the wings of love. What you thought would be a prison is as wide open as the skies.

Wow, that is beautiful!

 

[refujiunderground]

To the OP: one of these days, when you least expect it, a guy is going to catch your eye. He will be looking right at you as if he can see into your soul. You won't be able to look away because his gaze holds yours fast. It will be like nothing you have ever experienced before. You will feel embarrassed and shy that he is looking at you. You struggle to say something, but you make a fool of yourself. He laughs, you blush. He will seem so self confident and you will feel intimidated and scared and trembling inside. You can sense he knows things about you that he shouldn't be able to know, like your shame you have always felt about yourself, the fear you have about letting someone get close to you and your craving to be loved by another person. You want to be invisible, but he won't let you. Instead, he smiles at you and you see the tenderness in his eyes. He wants to get to know you but it makes no sense to you. Even you don't want you, why would he? You could run away and convince yourself that being alone is best for you. But you know that is a lie. You know that you want unconditional love. With all your heart you want to share everything about yourself, the good, the bad, the ugly. And you are amazed when he accepts you as you are. When you surrender to it, you discover that love is changing you, slowly but surely. The love you once thought would be chains that bound you to another person, like an anchor, you find is nothing like that. Instead, you feel free to soar on the wings of love. What you thought would be a prison is as wide open as the skies.

i THINK i met that person before but nothing ever took off from that even though i think that he felt the same way about me that i felt about him even though we never said it to each other. it was a distant mind game type of thing though. i liked him a lot. i guess he was giving me like possible hints but being that there was many situations around that, i was too scared to even go there with him and for all i know, he probably would have shut me down. it's probably my imagination, wishful thinking, or a confirmation bias though. this was back when i was in deep, deep denial and i guess you can say that he pretty much made me realize that i wasn't straight because i never felt that way about the opposite sex so i have to thank him for making me come to the deep realization that i'm gay. i think the time has passed though because the last time i saw him was a year ago. it was just a crush i guess but hey, i'm moving on. i would have been happy as hell if anything would have came up of it though because i would have gladly went along with it. but nothing never happened or whatever. no talking, it just a distant crush i had on him. he was hot though.

but yeah, that thing really had my mind going for a minute. the power of crushes. haha.

 

[derelictdarrel]

To answer the original question. I'm not sure where people get off when they sort of flaunt their status. Albeit, there is no other feeling than giving/recieving affection. If you play your cards right, you can do this while staying single... Talk about having your cake and eating it..

 

[DigitalFudge]

Marriage/mating is one of Erikson's psychosocial stage of development that all people must be able to pass in order to be eligible for the next stage. Single people fail at this stage and can't "advance" and this is probably why they are underappreciated. Society may think, "oh there's something wrong with this individual and that's why he/she's single; he/she may be too poor, or too ugly...etc, etc."

Erikson's Psychosocial Stages Summary Chart

I see no lies tbh

 

[blackbeltninja]

how so???? it's funny how people act like having no sex or being a virgin is going to kill them yet when was the last time you heard of somebody dropping dead from "blue balls" or lack of sex?

Well, this makes me wonder, then, why you mention being a virgin so often. Given my massive experience in MTv-esque post-modern pop psychology, I'd say it bugs you.

-d-

 

[refujiunderground]

Well, this makes me wonder, then, why you mention being a virgin so often. Given my massive experience in MTv-esque post-modern pop psychology, I'd say it bugs you.

-d-

you think so?

 

[blackbeltninja]

Honestly, people are ridiculous. Whenever I mention to folks that I've never been in a relationship, it's some sort of huge shock. "But you're handsome and funny and... so why are you single?"

While I have to appreciate the compliment, I'm amazed by the subtle implication that anyone who isn't coupled must be some sort of leftover chopped liver, incapable of appealing to someone.

I think it's more a case of you don't fit into the norm. It might be something if by 30-ish you'd had a few relationships of varying length and decided you preferred being single; but having had none is... well, unusual. Not saying there's anything wrong with it, but it's not common for most people and we know society takes a while to embrace change so they do find it remarkable.

Also to be fair, most of the people I know who have been eternally single have been a little... well, peculiar. Perfectly lovely in their own way, but certainly more than a hint of the oddball about them and they do take some getting used to. I suspect it's the same with other people.

-d-

 

[gaystorm]

This actually sounds like you are more bitter about being single than enjoying it...

 

[refujiunderground]

This actually sounds like you are more bitter about being single than enjoying it...

well, i'm probably bitter but it hasn't really revealed itself yet. i will admit that i am open to be in a relationship since i would like to know what love is and i could get my sexual rampage on.