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How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of days?

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1David1

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I recently noticed this guy at work, and I already know he's leaving this week. It could be tomorrow for all I know. I think there's a good chance he might be gay (and possibly into me, but I'll stop before I sound too deluded if I'm proven wrong) but I can't get my hopes up too much and make a fool of myself.

I don't have enough time to make friends with him and take it from there. We've only talked briefly a couple of times, so I'm not even sure how to go there, although I really want to. It's a refreshing feeling for me as I didn't care for relationships of any type for a while now, so I want to know who I'm thanking.

Seems like there's no other way but asking him directly which is creepy. I was thinking something along the lines of "was it you at the (name gay club) last week?" but I don't know if that's good enough. Should I just let it go?
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

No, don't let it go.

The question you thought about makes it pretty obvious that you were there that day but (even if he is gay or bi) he might not been there and say no, so you don't learn if he is gay for sure. The most accurate way is the creepy one.

Alternatively, make a longer chat with him before he goes. Not just: -hello you top or bottom...? :D You can say about the gay club (be diplomatic he may be gay but not into gay clubs-like me-) and ask him out. Then if he refuses you can mention politely that you thought he may was gay and possibly into you (apologize and smile).

Whatever you try let us know- but do try lad.
..|
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

"You know, I haven't really gotten a chance to know you here at work, and it's a shame we're losing you so soon. Are you on facebook? Or can I get your cell number, and maybe we can hang out sometime?"

Lex
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

Tell him if he would like to go to dinner with you and a couple of friends, sort of a pot luck thing; but your friends mysteriously don't show up! These "friends" could be people from work but you never invited them(hint hint). Go to an Applebees, Olive Garden, or even Coco's and just have a conversation....when you hit it off...ask for his phone number so that you can keep in contact with him....it's better to friends than nothing at all. But then there could be a drawback...he might invite his friends...uh-oh! But anyways, however the situation goes, just keep in contact with him.
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

Oh, I'm not into clubs myself. But I thought if he was gay (and not in denial), it could trigger a response like "no, but I'm going this weekend/I'm sick of that club" from him.

Even though I probably won't see him again, I still hesitate to ask him directly because I really don't want to regret taking a chance at this point of my life. I tend to overanalyze things.

I liked the facebook option. I don't have a facebook or myspace account, so I'd have to come up with something else. His cell number would be a little too much to ask for if he's indeed straight, considering we barely talked... so I'd have to think of something less personal along those lines.

As for asking him out, one step a time. Unless we suddenly have a good long chat, not bold enough to do it.

Thanks. :)
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

If he's quitting, invite him out for a beer after work. If you're uncomfortable or think that it's too forward, ask a couple of other coworkers to join you.
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

Ask for his e-mail, tell him it would benefit to possible network in the future.
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

If you don't have a Facebook, MAKE ONE before you talk to him.
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

If you make a Facebook account, then the fact that you just discovered Facebook would be an ice breaker for conversation and a legitimate reason to be asking if he also uses Facebook
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

How do you actually feel about him?

If you think that asking for his contact info would be weird at this point, it sounds like you barely know him at all.

Would you want to stay in contact with him if he's not gay?
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

1David1 said:
I recently noticed this guy at work, and I already know he's leaving this week. It could be tomorrow for all I know. I think there's a good chance he might be gay (and possibly into me, but I'll stop before I sound too deluded if I'm proven wrong) but I can't get my hopes up too much and make a fool of myself.

I don't have enough time to make friends with him and take it from there. We've only talked briefly a couple of times, so I'm not even sure how to go there, although I really want to. It's a refreshing feeling for me as I didn't care for relationships of any type for a while now, so I want to know who I'm thanking.

Seems like there's no other way but asking him directly which is creepy. I was thinking something along the lines of "was it you at the (name gay club) last week?" but I don't know if that's good enough. Should I just let it go?
Click to expand...

I'm just curious, how did you just recently notice him? Anyway, he's leaving so I would not see the harm in asking him to some sort of activity together. On the other hand, as Axalon said, would you care about the guy if you were not sexually interested in him?
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

^ He just moved to my department like 3 weeks ago. So no, I don't know him very well at all. We did talk for like 10-15 minutes straight once, so it's not a "who are you again?" situation.

Would I still care about the guy if I wasn't sexually interested in him? Yes, if he was gay. I don't take that for granted. I bitch and moan all the time about how hard it is to find a decent gay friend, so it hit me that maybe I should start taking chances for once. The fact I'm even saying this is why I'm really curious to know if he's actually gay.
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

I completely understand your desire for a gay friend, but if that's the only reason you want to get to know him better then he might not be what you're looking for. If being gay is the only thing you connect on, that's not a lot to base a friendship on (especially with someone who's not going to be around).

When you say he's leaving, is he leaving the job or moving away entirely?

I'd guess that the easiest thing to do is to go for a beer and get his email address before he leaves.
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

>>>Would I still care about the guy if I wasn't sexually interested in him? Yes, if he was gay.

OK, that's just wrong. Because cool guys are cool guys whatever their sexuality. So either befriend him and stick with him whatever his sexuality, or don't bother.

Lex
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

G-Lexington said:
>>>Would I still care about the guy if I wasn't sexually interested in him? Yes, if he was gay.

OK, that's just wrong. Because cool guys are cool guys whatever their sexuality. So either befriend him and stick with him whatever his sexuality, or don't bother.

Lex
Click to expand...

Axalon and G-Lex have already said it. That is a completely superficial reason to want to befriend someone. If the both of you had that in common, it would not be enough to carry a relationship.

At first, I thought that you may have had a stronger reason to befriend the guy; however, since you do not, I would say do not ask him. Unless there's something else you're not saying.
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

The fastest way to find out if he is gay is to come out to him. It doesn't have to be an obvious "Hi my name is John and I'm gay", you can subtly let him know by saying something along this line. "I was watching X the other night (X can be a sports team, or an actor or singer, or anything really)... and my ex really hated X. HE would tell me all the time I was wasting my time watching X. I think it was one of the reasons I broke up with him". His response to you will, in all likelihood, tell you what you need to know.

Notice how str8 guys do this all the time to establish their identity by dropping the name of their gf or wife and working it into the conversation.
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

David i've gone through the same thing you're going through right now..For months I would casually flirt with a Department manager @ my job. We made eye-contact all the time and something told me to make the "move" because he wasnt going to do it..

Keep in mind he was a Department head so he had to be cautious, but the attraction between the 2 of us was obvious...

Then i found out he was leaving for another city & state. I NEVER got up the guts or the nerve to let him know how attracted i was to him.

I regret not telling him how nice I thought he was and how much I enjoyed being in his presense. I SHOULD have said those things to him..

Forget about the "FaceBook" thing and the "Club" thing..just go up to the guy tell him that you heard he's leaving and you'd like to treat him out to dinner or drinks before he leaves..That is BOLD but I bet he'll say YES...
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

As a college student in a really gay city... this all sounds very weird to me.

Just ask him out. What's the big fucking deal?
 
Re: How do I find out if he's gay in a matter of d

I'm predictable. He left. I kept waiting until he was alone today and then he left with 3 guys. I thought it'd be too awkward if I pulled him to the side just so we could chat about his sexuality. I regret that I kept quiet yet again and I'm actually surprised. I don't take chances, but this time I really thought I was going to.

I know he'll be there again when I'm off very briefly next week and then that's it. I could go there, but I don't want to be weird and go there early with an excuse. :?

To make things clear - some of you misunderstood me. I wouldn't mind him as a straight friend as we do seem to have some in common, but it would be crazy to go out of my way (like I was/am now) to befriend him (from HIS point of view too). Him being gay is not what makes him interesting to me. He's a special guy. But if he's straight, it's just too late to befriend him normally. Not to mention, gay friends are generally better to have - simply more in common.
 
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