JohnstonKommer
Porn Star
I'm relatively new here, but I'd like to ask for help/advice on some things. I suppose I should begin with some background information.
I've known gay I was gay my whole life. Ever since I knew the difference between genders, I've wanted to be like guys, wanted to be with them, then puberty struck and bam, I want homosex. It was a long struggle coming to terms myself due to religious backgrounds and that "I want to be accepted and normal" junk, same old story. But mostly, it was my parents. Now I've read coming-out stories my whole life, but I never got to. My Dad used to tap the computer at home with spyware he purposely put there so he could watch whatever I did. He'd catch me many times on this site as well as just about anywhere else proclaiming gay acceptance. As many times as I was punished and scolded and told it was horrid and awful and whatever, my mind was not going to change. Not even from rebellion, I tried to change, I even went to those stupid church camps for "sexual bondage" or whatever. But as many times as my Dad had caught me, he was so shocked whenever he found something. In the past few years he'd been rummaging through my room while I was gone looking for journals and diaries, just to get into my life. He always told me that if he ever found something "not straight" (he couldn't even say gay half the time) in his house again, I better have somewhere else to live.
So 3 months ago he came barging in my room at 5am demanding I give him my internet capable devices. Now I was awake, and masturbating at the time (it was the summer, comon'). I wasn't even reading/watching/looking at porn or anything gay related, my stuff was just by my bed. He assumed I was and demanded I gave it to him. He was going to break it (he's done it before, that was my 3rd DS, and he's smashed laptops, game systems, just because he felt like it), and I fucking bought the thing, so I said no. Well he didn't take that too well and began his temper tantrum and threw things at me and yelled and screamed and tried to take my stuff. So when he jumped on me trying to snatch my junk, my naked self was revealed and I bit him to get him the hell off of me. I called him a crazy asshole and then he told me I had until sun-up to be gone. Oh and during all that time my mom was just sitting there siding with my dad.
So I packed my shit and left, walked to my grandparents across town, my dad had called over and they wouldn't let me in, so I went to somewhere with WiFi (he took my phone), got on facebook and messaged some friends until someone came and got me. I lived with a friend for a month until they kicked me out cause they had family issues too. So I worked with a gay community center nearby until they found a spot for me to go. They got me a room on a bad part of town, but it was all I had. So I was there a week, looking for jobs, trying to make food last, until one night, hell broke loose next door. Gunshots, screaming, everything. So in that moment, I decided I'd go beg my grandparents. So the next morning I caught a 3 hour bus and went to my grandparents again. I talked with my Grandfather and he said it was okay considering the circumstances.
Now they're all very religious, my family, my grandparents, everyone. So my Dad had told them all the horrifying details of my journals and I bit him and yada yada, and they just said that it was something I had to deal with. So they're okay, it's kinda taboo.
So I live here with my grandparents, while I look for jobs and save money and look for somewhere else to go. But now my parents/family is basically boycotting my grandparents, won't call, won't come over, ignoring them, just for letting me stay here. Which isn't fair to my grandparents at all. I have 2 younger siblings that they can't see "because of me". So they're trying to make my grandpa choose, which he said he won't, but he expects me to fix things sorta as to repay him or what not, and I want to fix thing so my grandparents can see my family, but I don't know how. I don't know what to say to my dad, I don't know how to grovel and keep my integrity. I have to fix it soon though...I just need help. Sorry I'm so long winded too by the way.
I've known gay I was gay my whole life. Ever since I knew the difference between genders, I've wanted to be like guys, wanted to be with them, then puberty struck and bam, I want homosex. It was a long struggle coming to terms myself due to religious backgrounds and that "I want to be accepted and normal" junk, same old story. But mostly, it was my parents. Now I've read coming-out stories my whole life, but I never got to. My Dad used to tap the computer at home with spyware he purposely put there so he could watch whatever I did. He'd catch me many times on this site as well as just about anywhere else proclaiming gay acceptance. As many times as I was punished and scolded and told it was horrid and awful and whatever, my mind was not going to change. Not even from rebellion, I tried to change, I even went to those stupid church camps for "sexual bondage" or whatever. But as many times as my Dad had caught me, he was so shocked whenever he found something. In the past few years he'd been rummaging through my room while I was gone looking for journals and diaries, just to get into my life. He always told me that if he ever found something "not straight" (he couldn't even say gay half the time) in his house again, I better have somewhere else to live.
So 3 months ago he came barging in my room at 5am demanding I give him my internet capable devices. Now I was awake, and masturbating at the time (it was the summer, comon'). I wasn't even reading/watching/looking at porn or anything gay related, my stuff was just by my bed. He assumed I was and demanded I gave it to him. He was going to break it (he's done it before, that was my 3rd DS, and he's smashed laptops, game systems, just because he felt like it), and I fucking bought the thing, so I said no. Well he didn't take that too well and began his temper tantrum and threw things at me and yelled and screamed and tried to take my stuff. So when he jumped on me trying to snatch my junk, my naked self was revealed and I bit him to get him the hell off of me. I called him a crazy asshole and then he told me I had until sun-up to be gone. Oh and during all that time my mom was just sitting there siding with my dad.
So I packed my shit and left, walked to my grandparents across town, my dad had called over and they wouldn't let me in, so I went to somewhere with WiFi (he took my phone), got on facebook and messaged some friends until someone came and got me. I lived with a friend for a month until they kicked me out cause they had family issues too. So I worked with a gay community center nearby until they found a spot for me to go. They got me a room on a bad part of town, but it was all I had. So I was there a week, looking for jobs, trying to make food last, until one night, hell broke loose next door. Gunshots, screaming, everything. So in that moment, I decided I'd go beg my grandparents. So the next morning I caught a 3 hour bus and went to my grandparents again. I talked with my Grandfather and he said it was okay considering the circumstances.
Now they're all very religious, my family, my grandparents, everyone. So my Dad had told them all the horrifying details of my journals and I bit him and yada yada, and they just said that it was something I had to deal with. So they're okay, it's kinda taboo.
So I live here with my grandparents, while I look for jobs and save money and look for somewhere else to go. But now my parents/family is basically boycotting my grandparents, won't call, won't come over, ignoring them, just for letting me stay here. Which isn't fair to my grandparents at all. I have 2 younger siblings that they can't see "because of me". So they're trying to make my grandpa choose, which he said he won't, but he expects me to fix things sorta as to repay him or what not, and I want to fix thing so my grandparents can see my family, but I don't know how. I don't know what to say to my dad, I don't know how to grovel and keep my integrity. I have to fix it soon though...I just need help. Sorry I'm so long winded too by the way.
