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How Do I Tell My Boyfriend...

TheLoveableLoner said:
Whoa. It's not close to over.
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"That I'm not only not getting sex enough but that his seeming disinterest has grown a wedge so large between us that it's gotten to the point where I feel that sex with him doesn't even seem like it would feel right anymore?"

That sounds pretty final-ish to me. Regardless, have you brought it up with him yet? It's been a couple days.
 
luckynumbah7 said:
"That I'm not only not getting sex enough but that his seeming disinterest has grown a wedge so large between us that it's gotten to the point where I feel that sex with him doesn't even seem like it would feel right anymore?"

That sounds pretty final-ish to me. Regardless, have you brought it up with him yet? It's been a couple days.
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Oh. Ohhhh! I think I see. Okay. Yeah, that didn't really come through initially.
It definitely sounded like there was an emotional component to it. This is what I think Lonely meant:
"That I'm not only not getting sex enough but that his seeming disinterest in sex has grown a wedge so large between us that it's gotten to the point where I feel that sex with him doesn't even seem like it would feel right anymore because they're not going to be into it?"
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^That's it.

From the beginning to end, this post was about sex specifically, so I'm amazed that folks have interpreted it any other way.

I absolutely love this man, so I found it interesting how folks just wanna tear the whole thing up. Perhaps I picked the wrong place to chat about this.
 
You did not pick the wrong place, Loner.

My advice was to be open and honest, it still is.

I can remember you posting about him before, he sounds really lovely. I hope it all turns out the way that you want it too.
 
TheLoveableLoner said:
^That's it.

From the beginning to end, this post was about sex specifically, so I'm amazed that folks have interpreted it any other way.

I absolutely love this man, so I found it interesting how folks just wanna tear the whole thing up. Perhaps I picked the wrong place to chat about this.
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Hey, i mentioned having a threesome. :badgrin:
 
TheLoveableLoner said:
^That's it.

From the beginning to end, this post was about sex specifically, so I'm amazed that folks have interpreted it any other way.
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When people have to add extra sentences to your 'it's not just the sex, it's the emotional wedge' you can't be all that amazed. They're not the same thing, most of my partners haven't had a similar level of libido to myself. So did you talk to him yet?

-I also wouldn't advise a threesome. Introducing another person into a relationship with issues generally isn't the way to go.
 
From the beginning to end, this post was about sex specifically, so I'm amazed that folks have interpreted it any other way.
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I certainly didn't see it that way.
There was more room for interpretation than I think you might realize.

One key factor is the framing of this thread. When you start with an open ended title like 'How do I Tell My Boyfriend...' it influences what our expectations are coming into the thread; namely that this is something you find hard to say (Which negative emotions tend to be).
Had the thread been titled something super succinct, like 'How Do I Tell My Boyfriend I. Need. More. Sex!' I think people's reading would have been more in-line with what you had intended.

Vagueness in general is what allowed people to shift from understanding this as an issue of just sex to also being an issue of emotion. You presented these issues as individual questions, as if you're uncertain if that's what you're really feeling.
And you have to admit there is a bit of loaded language in play here. "not feeling us", "too far apart", 'not realistic', "disinterest", "wedge", 'doesn't feel right.' It's a lot of raw-sounding negativity in such a short space.

It's not difficult to see why someone would read the part I originally quoted as:
That I'm not only not getting sex enough but that his seeming disinterest in me has grown a wedge so large between us that it's gotten to the point where I feel that sex with him doesn't even seem like it would feel right anymore?
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Especially when 'I'm not only not getting enough sex but...' can sound as if we've moved past the topic of sex to something else.
 
It's not a seeming disinterest in me, though. It's sex in general. He's very interested in me, my actions, my goals, etc.

I love him. He loves me. We love each other. Sexual compatibility is spiralling off.

The first statement concluded the subject header and made it clear that I was speaking of sex.
 
TheLoveableLoner said:
It's not a seeming disinterest in me, though. It's sex in general. He's very interested in me, my actions, my goals, etc.

I love him. He loves me. We love each other. Sexual compatibility is spiralling off.

The first statement concluded the subject header and made it clear that I was speaking of sex.
Click to expand...

So have you discussed this with your boyfriend, or what?
 
TheLoveableLoner said:
...that sexually, I'm not feeling "us" anymore? That our drives are too far apart? That I'm worried that prolonged monogamy with him might not be that realistic? That I'm not only not getting sex enough but that his seeming disinterest has grown a wedge so large between us that it's gotten to the point where I feel that sex with him doesn't even seem like it would feel right anymore?
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TheLoveableLoner said:
And it's not an emotional wedge either. I love him . I just need more sex.
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TheLoveableLoner said:
From the beginning to end, this post was about sex specifically, so I'm amazed that folks have interpreted it any other way.

I absolutely love this man, so I found it interesting how folks just wanna tear the whole thing up. Perhaps I picked the wrong place to chat about this.
Click to expand...

The board is nothing but happy for you. It's odd that you conclude people want it to be over. It's simply a post and reply based on a very limited OP.

You introduced the forum to the sexual problem, but you couched it in terms of it becoming too large to discuss with him. That's reasonably interpreted as an emotional issue. For that matter, it is completely reasonable in human psychology to associate the emotional component to sex in long term relationships. That you expressed that sex wouldn't "feel right any more" implies emotionally, not physically. What else could it mean? It's the same two bodies, so the feeling here sounds like emotional/psychological feeling.

No one has an argument with you, but expressing disdain for what you think is misinterpretation without owning any of the source of it is just blaming the world. People did and do want to help. Stop the contempt for them for not having had an hour-long discussion to know the nuances inside and out.
 
Woah this is still going on? Girlfriend you better make a decision one way or another, we aren't meant to live like this.
 
Sorry for the second post, but the other one timed out.


"You literally asked the question, "How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm worried that prolonged monogamy with him might not be that realistic?" If that's not an emotional conundrum, then what is it? Denying your emotions doesn't make the situation not emotional."
 
fabulouslyghetto said:
Woah this is still going on? Girlfriend you better make a decision one way or another, we aren't meant to live like this.
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This.

Hope you have already at least touched the subject, because the longer you don’t the worse it is going to get and make you feel.
 
fabulouslyghetto said:
Yup. Sometimes you just gotta say to hell with it and rip the bandaid off, fuck counting to 3
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I take it other's parents never claimed to count to three and then ripped it off at one?

It's been well over two weeks, I'm curious why the thread was bumped/if op has said any words on the topic to his partner.
 
NotHardUp1 said:
Sorry for the second post, but the other one timed out.


"You literally asked the question, "How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm worried that prolonged monogamy with him might not be that realistic?" If that's not an emotional conundrum, then what is it? Denying your emotions doesn't make the situation not emotional."
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Monogamy is emotional? Sex and emotion are not directly linked to me. I want to be with him. I love him. It's just the idea of sex only with him forever that seems unrealistic.

This board loves creating narratives. After eight years of it, I should've wised up and stopped being shocked about it.
 
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