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I can relate as I’m not comfortable enough either. No problem with social skills, I don’t have a problem meeting and chatting with people. But, if you are not sure if they would be interested or not, gay or straight, then that makes it difficult to chat openly. I’m only curious and not interested in coming out to the world, but I’m ready to talk to others that I know would at least not be offended. I’m straight as far as experience goes with a guy, but in my mind I’m gay and have known that forever. Again, I’m not interested in coming out except to someone that potentially feels the same as me. I would be better flying under the radar in public. But privately, I know what I want. I joined a dating site and thus far has been a waste of time and money. No clue how to trust any of that either. Someone else recommended a gay bar in a near city. I may be skeptical of the outcome, but I am going to at least check it out to see how it is. I may feel differently if I give it a chance. I know I will not have a problem talking to and meeting guys in that situation. I don’t want to advertise what I’m doing to others though. My family and friends don’t need to know. I realize that limits things in some circles, but I’m only interested in satisfying me and my partner. Hopefully I can find a way to at least start figuring it out. Someone else also told me I need to have sex and then work on the relationship part later. I’m down for that as long as it is safe. It’s all seems kinda complicated. Lol
What's making things complicated is the closet. You find out who is interested extremely quickly when you can express what you're after upfront. Even if you have sex, asking someone to lie for you is going to be a relationship deal-breaker for a whole lot of guys.
Yes I’m sure you are correct. I understand your thought, but I have to take it slow and easy. I’ve never been there with any of it. So, my approach and my own acceptance will probably change as I cross the first bridge. I think there are others that have my same concerns. So, I don’t think it’s impossible it will just be more challenging. I’m up for the challenge and ready to embrace the journey. Hey, I’m here talking about it and posted pics. That’s progress too…
I agree. You put it in a beautiful way and this sounds very sensible.
Just keep moving forward. Once you start gaining confidence there's no going back.
I came out later in life, so I may have some understanding of where you are coming from. As you say, it is kinda complicated, but then again, most things in life are, especially things that are worthwhile.
Thanks for your input and understanding. I’ve been slow for sure. Especially since I’ve always known it. As early as I can remember takes me way back to a kid, when I didn’t understand it at all. I just knew I wanted it. That has never changed, though I have had all my relationships with females, the desires never went away. As a matter of fact, it just got stronger. Way before the internet it was crystal clear in my mind what my desires were with zero experience and having never even talked to anyone about it. But after looking around on the internet at pics of others, nothing stirs the soup like looking at another cock. Then watching gay videos sends me over the moon. Wow. Everyone at his own pace. I’ve been too slow. Lol. But, it is moving forward now a little at a time. I joined a dating site and so far that seems like a waste of time and money. But, it led me to another dating app where I’m at least having conversations with likeminded guys with some valuable suggestions. We will see. But, there are a lot of horn dogs out there too. Not in to that either. Confidence? I guess that’s one day at a time. I’m confident in what I have to offer. I’m looking forward to a cup of coffee with someone I can share openly with. That would go a long way in building confidence. Then again, we will see. Thanks again for your kind words…I agree. You put it in a beautiful way and this sounds very sensible.
We've all been there at first, then crossed that first bridge, and the second, and the third, and... Everyone at his own pace. I was very slow myself
Thanks for your time and your thoughts. Yea the gay bar suggestion is out of town, but it is fairly close. So, I agree, one drink to give it a chance might be a good start. Though I’m not looking to hookup with a stranger either. And the truck stop or adult book store is definitely out. It will have to be a much safer measured decision than that. As much as I want it, it’s got to be safe. And I hope it can be more special and relaxed than just getting my rocks off.
There's an old thread in the support forum where there was a member who was stuck in a holding pattern between what he wanted and what he was able to do. We likened it to a kid standing on the diving board looking at the water and trying to decide whether to take the dive or get off the diving board.
Yep. I agree. That diving board is old hat. Unfortunately. However, trading messages and maybe hanging out with someone is the reason I have tried a dating site and then a dating app. The site has been worthless, though it is rated high. The app, also rated high, has been some better as far as chatting goes. But, sure is a lot of non potential stuff to weed through. To let you know… I have been trading messages with someone. That’s a start, but we have not hung out together as of yet. Once again, that’s a start. So, I am trying to jump off the diving board, it just hasn’t happened yet. Dang, a cup of coffee and conversation with someone likeminded might be my toes in the water.
. At least it’s forward motion…
I get it. But, for the moment, I’m sitting there alone. Lol. If I get that close with someone I’m interested in, I will let them know I’m interested. Did you read my last post? I’m trying to make progress…"You first"...
"No, you first..."
"No, please, I insist. You go first."
....
Yes, I read your post. Consider this encouragement: Sometimes, we do need someone to tell us to stop talking and act. Probably all of us have avoided acting at some point by justifying inaction in some way. I can sit here and talk about taking small steps until the stars fall, and that won't be of any use to you.
My post wasn't specifically directed toward you. It was more a callback to some of the earlier threads that TxBeau mentioned. The point of the picture is that these are old men whose spent youth on waiting for another person to make the first move.
OK. Let me unpack this and share my first small step. You may just be surprised. I know I’ve been here awhile and seemingly have not made any progress. Actually longer than the date says as a was here a while left and came back a couple years ago. However, just being here reading and interacting has been progress. I’m slow because there simply has not been anything to act on. I’m not looking for some crazy horn dog just to have sex. Yes I want the sex, however sex just to have sex is not smart or safe. It’s a journey and I have made progress.
Glad to hear it went well and that the guy that you met up with was a nice guy.
