How do you guys socialize ?

[firsttimeagain]

I gather you don't visit other cities, very often: you might have to, in order to increase your chances of achieving the experiences you want, even the small steps, and certainly if you want repeated experiences if not a relationship. Trusting to luck may not get you very far, you really have to create opportunity to increase your odds. Many closeted gay men had to travel to large cities in the past to find more "out" men that could facilitate what they wanted and some locations are still very homophobic which suppresses more open activity or its pursuit.

We suggested a masseur who might help to achieve small steps, but you can take even smaller steps by engaging in activities that bring you into contact with other men in general, that might allow discussion that reveals a common hidden interest, particularly if it involves hanging with those men naked and becoming more comfortable with nakedness and even erections in the company of other men. Even a naturist society could be a good step as I'm sure they have had members like you before and although the object is not sex they would still have something to teach. You may even come into contact with other closeted men who are not as far along as you and might both benefit from a friendship that slowly evolves to more intimate sharing. Gauging who might be open to that and asking the right leading questions is a skill you might need to learn, without getting an angry response; whilst knowing how to best defuse an angry response is also a good skill to learn.

I’m in a medium size area as far as population and I’m sure there are more guys like me around. But, it is still hard because it is still small enough to where word could travel quickly in circles that I prefer it not. So, yes there are several larger cities within a reasonable drive. I am in those ares from time to time but generally on business and focused on work. Maybe I need to explore staying an extra day or so?

Yep, leaving it up to happenstance is not working. I know I’m going to have to try to create opportunities to increase the odds for sure. A friendship with someone to talk to would be great even if that is all it is. Hanging with other men naked would be difficult, though I would be open to it if it is the right situation. I have a feeling I would surly get an erection in the company of others. Especially if I were attracted to someone. Seems like a bold step.

A lot to think about…

 

[firsttimeagain]

Why deny yourself sexual pleasure whilst waiting for a partner to share with?

You know how to work up to larger rubber cock sizes, slowly, and it would be the same with any man you might have an experience with, so the question is how big is big enough for self-pleasuring? Some men get into fisting and others appreciate a tight hole, so whilst the anus can be accommodating, with training, there can be an element of addiction to size that has some consequences. I'm not the right person to advise on dildo size, but I think limiting it to whatever gives you pleasure and the average male size gives you opportunity to go larger in future with the man.

Did you find larger rubber cocks more physically satisifying or ego rewarding in the ability to take larger as some form of competition? Size is probably more about girth than length, unless longer also means wider, but it doesn't take much width to stimulate the prostate, which is probably the major source of your enjoyment, even a finger will do. I will have to leave it to others to jump in and advise in this area. But since you will more likely be having anal sex with an average dick, that would be the best middle ground to get comfortable with penetration to make it easier whilst also having a good time.

Perhaps you can ask at a sex toys store if there are any avenues for male intimacy in the area, or even a male masseur you don't know about.

As for the recreational sex, you can guarantee an attractive man by paying for the sex you want as an initial foray.

You will also need to develop a strategy for men both above and below average if attractiveness is important to you as you will likely meet both, but might have an inflexible preference, which is good to know in advance. We like what we like and shouldn't be ashamed of it, but we also shouldn't shame others for not meeting our preference.

I recall you mentioning you met an attractive man, but he wasn't interested in a relationship: that might have been an ideal ice breaker for recreational sex if you didn't insist on a relationship, even perhaps being open to a one-night-stand just to get you started. Relationships tend to develop over time and dating is about determining compatibility at the start, often without being successful, so perhaps focus on dating and even being open to a one-off dalliance, which usually involves sex, with a view to a relationship.

I don’t deny myself sexual pleasure per se, but more masturbation and watching a little porn here and there with some long edging sessions. Or sometimes more often than not. Lol. But, I have not used rubber cocks in a good while. I just got away from it. I think about it a lot though. I probably need to find an average size to spice things up again. I did really enjoy it for a good while.

The larger was just a curiosity. After surprisingly getting comfortable with the 7, I was just curious to see if bigger was as easy. It was not easy at first, but after some time patience and practicing and adequate lube, it became easier. But, the 7 was much more pleasurable . I guess one reason I stopped was I was feeling that addiction you mentioned.

It has been a good long time so my finger is tight. Not as pleasurable but good at times. You talked me in to it…I am going to purchase a new one more average size to get used to it again so if I find myself in the right situation I’ll be more prepared. And I guess you are also correct, why deny myself that pleasure while I’m waiting for that partner. I have really missed it to be honest.

As far as a one night stand, that is a little scary in today’s world. I do know the type I am attracted to it’s just finding someone that is also attracted to me. I also know what I’m not attracted to and am not willing to lower my standards to crazy.

Yes I met a very attractive guy that I had coffee with. The only guy that I’ve ever gotten together with that knew I am gay and looking. He was very experienced for many years in relationships. I’m not sue what the real reason was that he was not in to getting together again. It was a fun hang and I thought we would have gotten together again. But, I was honest and told him I was interested in a relationship. He did say early on that he thought I needed to have second worry about a relationship later. In retrospect, he was right. I wish I would have approached it differently and being more open minded. But, I thought that would be more open for discussion when we got together again. Well, that never happened. I learned from it. And I also know I was super nervous because it was my first time to sit and talk to a guy that knew I’m gay and looking.

He was really attractive personality and very much looks as well. I may have blown that possibility of breaking the ice. I would love to focus on dating, but that means getting together more than once I would hope. I could also be open to a one time thing if it were safe and we were attracted to each other. Hopefully I’ll figure it out sooner than later…

 

[RisingGay]

You seem like a very nice guy, and would make another man very happy. Most guys when they begin to have gay desires and fantasies (and in that I just mean desires towards having sex with other guys) begin jerking off to gay porn, which feeds their desires. When their gay desires overpower them, they then either go to a larger city that has porn video stores with "arcades", booths where they put in tokens to watch porn and that have glory holes through which they can finally wrapped their mouth around another guy's cock, or perhaps even go to a bathhouse and get naked and do some cocksucking, or they set up an online profile on either a gay hookup website like squirt.org, doublelist, etc. or get a gay hookup app like Grindr on their phone, and try to find a guy to get together with in each other's homes for some oral sex. Often these bisexual men exploring the gay side of themselves can stick to only oral sex for a long time, like I did: I eventually sucked hundreds of cocks anonymously in these various gay sex venues, especially in bathhouses, for 21 years! And I never caught any STI, knock wood.

It was finally losing my gay virginity, as a top, finally fucking another guy's ass, also in a bathhouse, the greatest sexual experience of my life, that changed everything for me. I stopped all anonymous sex and started hooking up with guys in each other's homes for oral and anal play, which was 100 times better. It was through this more intimate sexual activity, where I knew a little bit about the guy I was naked with, even though it was still casual, that I came to realize that I am gay and not bisexual. It was having sex with my second girlfriend of my life, in a three-year relationship in my 50s, just before Covid hit, when I was unable to cum while fucking her without imagining I was fucking a guy, when I realized I was gay. Since breaking up with her, I've had no desire to ever have sex with a woman again, let alone romance. I still find women attractive, but don't want to have sex with them. I have even developed romantic crushes on a couple different guys, though both unrequited. But I am tired of casual hookups with guys and do want to find at least a close friend with benefits, if not a boyfriend and love.

I joined a large gay men's Facebook group a couple of years ago that has social meetups twice a week in pubs for food and drinks in the Niagara Region in Canada (a place that only has a couple small cities and a few towns) where I live, that has been incredible. I can't tell you how much I enjoy hanging out with other gay men, even socially. They allow me to be myself, and definitely are my people. Unfortunately, most are married, to each other, with only a few single guys. But it's still super beneficial and helps me network to find the guy or guys I'm looking for.

So if I have any advice for you, at the beginning please don't restrict yourself to trying to find a relationship. Yes, it's your end goal, but the vast majority of the men in this large social group I belong to (I've probably met 200+ different guys in these meetups), whom as I said are in long-term relationships with other men, began those relationships in casual sex through hookup sites or apps. This is how gay men first meet each other. I'm still not having a lot of sexual hookups, but I did go on PrEP, with STI testing every three months, to protect myself from HIV and help with other STIs through regular testing and being careful with whom I hook up with. But don't do this right away necessarily. Why don't you start with just some oral sex and being naked with other guys. And if you fuck, definitely use a condom.

The strongest advice I have for you is to get out of your head, and stop just thinking and fantasizing about this all. And stop hoping for a relationship, because it just doesn't happen that way usually. You work into developing a relationship with another guy, but you start out with having casual sex. Getting naked with real guys and experiencing your sexuality firsthand is what you really need.

Good luck, my friend.

 

[firsttimeagain]

You seem like a very nice guy, and would make another man very happy. Most guys when they begin to have gay desires and fantasies (and in that I just mean desires towards having sex with other guys) begin jerking off to gay porn, which feeds their desires. When their gay desires overpower them, they then either go to a larger city that has porn video stores with "arcades", booths where they put in tokens to watch porn and that have glory holes through which they can finally wrapped their mouth around another guy's cock, or perhaps even go to a bathhouse and get naked and do some cocksucking, or they set up an online profile on either a gay hookup website like squirt.org, doublelist, etc. or get a gay hookup app like Grindr on their phone, and try to find a guy to get together with in each other's homes for some oral sex. Often these bisexual men exploring the gay side of themselves can stick to only oral sex for a long time, like I did: I eventually sucked hundreds of cocks anonymously in these various gay sex venues, especially in bathhouses, for 21 years! And I never caught any STI, knock wood.

It was finally losing my gay virginity, as a top, finally fucking another guy's ass, also in a bathhouse, the greatest sexual experience of my life, that changed everything for me. I stopped all anonymous sex and started hooking up with guys in each other's homes for oral and anal play, which was 100 times better. It was through this more intimate sexual activity, where I knew a little bit about the guy I was naked with, even though it was still casual, that I came to realize that I am gay and not bisexual. It was having sex with my second girlfriend of my life, in a three-year relationship in my 50s, just before Covid hit, when I was unable to cum while fucking her without imagining I was fucking a guy, when I realized I was gay. Since breaking up with her, I've had no desire to ever have sex with a woman again, let alone romance. I still find women attractive, but don't want to have sex with them. I have even developed romantic crushes on a couple different guys, though both unrequited. But I am tired of casual hookups with guys and do want to find at least a close friend with benefits, if not a boyfriend and love.

I joined a large gay men's Facebook group a couple of years ago that has social meetups twice a week in pubs for food and drinks in the Niagara Region in Canada (a place that only has a couple small cities and a few towns) where I live, that has been incredible. I can't tell you how much I enjoy hanging out with other gay men, even socially. They allow me to be myself, and definitely are my people. Unfortunately, most are married, to each other, with only a few single guys. But it's still super beneficial and helps me network to find the guy or guys I'm looking for.

So if I have any advice for you, at the beginning please don't restrict yourself to trying to find a relationship. Yes, it's your end goal, but the vast majority of the men in this large social group I belong to (I've probably met 200+ different guys in these meetups), whom as I said are in long-term relationships with other men, began those relationships in casual sex through hookup sites or apps. This is how gay men first meet each other. I'm still not having a lot of sexual hookups, but I did go on PrEP, with STI testing every three months, to protect myself from HIV and help with other STIs through regular testing and being careful with whom I hook up with. But don't do this right away necessarily. Why don't you start with just some oral sex and being naked with other guys. And if you fuck, definitely use a condom.

The strongest advice I have for you is to get out of your head, and stop just thinking and fantasizing about this all. And stop hoping for a relationship, because it just doesn't happen that way usually. You work into developing a relationship with another guy, but you start out with having casual sex. Getting naked with real guys and experiencing your sexuality firsthand is what you really need.

Good luck, my friend.

Thanks for your thoughts. All good ideas. My situation is that I didn’t just start having gay desires and start watching gay porn, I don’t ever remember a time that I was not thinking about sucking cock and eating cum. Those were my thoughts from the beginning just looking at my cock in the mirror and fantasizing about things I didn’t know anything about. I was too young to know anything about sex. So, there was no internet or porn or pictures or anything for me to consider.

As I moved forward in to my teens it was still the same in my mind. I played with my cock and there was no doubt I wanted to play with another cock and eat cum. I still didn’t know what I was doing or never talked to anyone about it. Though I really wanted it. As I continued to mastubate and fantasize I was never thinking about girls. When I finally shot a load for the first time I wanted it in my mouth and couldn’t get enough.

When I found pictures of women in playboy magazines, I thought wow she is beautiful. But, not in a sexual way. Attractive yes, but I didn’t desire or fantacise about girls. Keep in mind I still never saw even a picture of a guy naked. But, the first time I saw a guy in the gym shower naked, I couldn’t stop sneaking a peek. That made my fantasies race too. The first time I saw porn it was heterosexual. I couldn’t stop looking at the guy and his cock.

That took me to looking at cock pictures that turned me on like crazy, then the search for gay porn as quick as I could find it. That sent me into a whole different place as I was so turned on watching guys doing everything I fantasized about for years. I didn’t know guys did the things I thought about. But, I knew I wanted it all. The feeling just watching made me feel like nothing ever has. I’ve been gay from the beginning but, never acted on it.

So, I’ve got some work to do. Yes I need to experience sex with a guy. I know a relationship is a long ways away and will come in time. I am looking for a way to meet guys and casual sex seems like the logical step to get started until I find more. Not sure about glory holes and promiscuous activity though. I’ve got to be safe.

There is a lot of ideas you shared for me to consider. I know I have to be around other likeminded gay guys. I sure that is going to be part of the journey that will allow me to meet people. I’m not at a point to be completely comfortable coming out to the world so I hope I can find a happy medium of letting guys know I’m gay without complicating other parts of my business life. The coming out process is underway because I’ve been very open on a gay relationship website and a gay app including pictures that I’m sure others I know will eventually see. I will cross that bridge when I get there. I’m not ashamed of who I am and what I want, I just need to take things one day at a time. I’ve made a lot of progress in accepting myself and opening up in my journey.

No luck yet, but I did get together with one guy for coffee. He is the only person I’ve ever talked to that knows I’m looking for a gay relationship. Though it was not fruitful, it was progress. He was not into me or was looking for someone that was totally out and experienced.

I’m not going to limit myself to looking for a relationship. Though ultimately that is what I’m looking for, it will take time to find that. I am much more open to looking for sex. Even a jackoff partner, or oral only to gain that experience that I so desire and deserve. Once again, safety is of the most importance. We will see as this journey continues. I will make mistakes,but that’s part of the process. You are correct, I need casual sex. It’s kinda complicated but I’m on my way out…Thanks