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  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

How do you know?

its just me, I appreciate you posting this thread and asking for our advice. That takes a lot of guts sometimes. And I hope I didn't sound like I was flaming you.

But the thread is driving me bonkers. Shall we go to Slobone's Rule #5?

5. There is no known way to have sex with a man without him finding out that you are gay.

One of you is going to have to be the first to say it. Why shouldn't it be you? His response will give you the information you need. Otherwise, it's just a bunch of junior high school games.
 
The Black Sheep said:
COWARD!!!!!!​

Please forigive my disdain towards this approach but I honestly feel that in 2006 there is absolutely NO reason why any gay man should 1.) feel ashamed of being who they are 2.) Feel that it is neccessary to PLAY games with other people. and 3.) Pretend like you do not know when someone else is GAY.

The real question, in my opinion, is....... Is he interested in me?

Ask him if he is into men. ( he of course will probably say "NO" even if he is) but at least you expose yourself and then let the pieces fall where they may.
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OK, now that we've moved to the no-flame zone let me just say that I consider name-calling inappropriate in any font.

Also inappropriate in my opinion is to ask another man out of the blue if he's gay. Yes, we all know there's nothing wrong with being gay, but it's still a highly personal question.

It's like asking, "what ethnic group do you belong to?" or "how much money do your parents make?" or "why are you in a wheelchair?". You don't ask somebody questions like that unless you know them really well.

On the other hand, volunteering the information yourself is fine, and it's the best way to encourage him to reciprocate. Then you can take it from there.
 
I have a solution.

Wear this tee-shirt and sit to his left. See if he smiles and nods or moves. Might be a clue.

You will have to get the shirt off me first. Let's wrestle!

BTW, Yes, that's me on the left in this picture...well a bit of me anyhow.
 
Bringing the topic back to a serious note for a second...

I work in an environment where I interact with people who pursue different lifestyles than my own. I don't ask people, and I keep my thoughts to myself, but I notice one particular commonality: they're comfortable enough with who they are to say it without being afraid of judgement. Just the other day, a girl I was working with said "My girlfriend and I were discussing this..." and just kept on going like I already knew. If I knew from another source, I forgot, and I really didn't care- it was part of who she is. If there's one thing I learned from work, it's that you can't be shy of who you are to other people.

My advice (again) is to just become his friend first and don't be afraid to admit you're gay to him. If he freaks out, he's obviously not worth it.
 
OK if we are being serious I can play it that way.

If I'm interested in someone I generally just invite them out for a beer. Generally they make a point of asking me to clarify my intentions. I get everything from "Sure!" to "Sure, but I'm not gay...are you?"

It probably depends on where you live and who you ask. I'm under the impression that students in any university/college in a major city is going to be aware of "homos" and make their sexuality pretty clear if the thought of having a pint with a cock-sucker makes them whinge.

Asking someone if they are gay or if you can ride their rump is a bit unsubtle. Start with something a little less direct and take your cues from there. If you are in a real hurry my money is still on the tee-shirt.
 
There are all sorts of ways to introduce it in a neutral fashion; some good ones are above. Here are a few more:

"Have you ever been hit on by a guy?" -- and find out what he thought, or would think.
Plan a trip together... and get a motel room with just one bed; see what he does.
Spend a lot of time with him, and some night when he's been ditched by a hot chick, ask, "Don't you wish you could have got some?" If he says, "Whatever", he could be gay... if he says "Yeah"... offer to do something about it for him!

However you do it, I say spend time with him and get to know him; then when you do bring it up, the ending will be better.
 
tbonez said:
I have a solution.

Wear this tee-shirt and sit to his left. See if he smiles and nods or moves. Might be a clue.

You will have to get the shirt off me first. Let's wrestle!

BTW, Yes, that's me on the left in this picture...well a bit of me anyhow.
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You tease! We don't even get to see the whole shoulder?
 
Roland00 said:
Well you have one small nipple, is it a match pair :twisted:
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Small you say!

Well I supposes they are kind of are. And no, they don't match...but that's another story.

Actually the picture distorts it a bit...here's another nipple, my last one I'm afraid!
 
I have a bit of experience on this matter, and let me say its no easy thing. I've had quite a few friends I thought were attractive who turned out straight. Not that it really mattered because I wasn't going to do anything with them. It was just the principle of taking the challenge to see if they were or not. Unfortunately, the average college guy tends to not have that sterotypical highschool/jock straight mentality. You may feel the gaydar go off, but the guy usually ends up having a girlfriend. Thats usually a good way to find out. Eventually the straight ones mention a girlfriend and then you know.;)

But if you really want to test the waters, give the guy some mushy compliments like "you're so cute" after he makes a joke or something. Bring up the topic of sex in a very gender neutral way and see if he mentions female or male.

Or.. the very slutty, yet desperate test. Make it a habit to sit next to him in class, and then one day, sort of position yourself where your lap is in clear visibliity of his eyes and get an erection. Let it poke through your jeans a bit and see if the movement catches his eye. Just make it look like you are day dreaming about something and see if he starts to stare at the corner of your eye. :lol:

You might get an answer that way, heh.
 
Yes, I'm rather interested in finding out how someone else found out first.

And as I said, if the guy won't talk to you, you deserve better for friends or even eye candy and should move on.
 
Geez. Wow, that really sucks, but are you sure the 15,000 all know? And of that number, how many actually are making it a point to care about your sexual preferences?
 
Are people in your school that stupid that your being gay is such a big deal? Also, while not to that scale, I've always been the one made fun of for something by the entire school... they'll be over it within a week, hopefully (just in case you can't switch schools right away). You can always PM me if you want to rant... you'll have a sympathetic reader.
 
TaigaStar said:
Geez. Wow, that really sucks, but are you sure the 15,000 all know? And of that number, how many actually are making it a point to care about your sexual preferences?
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Yes, and about 700 guys might be interested in checking you out now.

Every cloud has a silver lining.
 
TaigaStar said:
I was going to say that, but I was waiting so it would sound dramatic. ;)
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Just as well hon.

Sounds so much more dramatic coming from a big ol'e drama queen like myself instead of from a level-headed, sober soul like yer self!
 
I was going to try talking you out of switching for that reason. Now your little "secret" is out and the others who aren't out might just be brave enough to. If not, someone will discreetly be leaving you love notes.

Level-headed and sober? Haha! I leave the inner bitch to the side when I enter the "No Flame Zone"
 
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