How To Identify A Gay Man Pretending To Be Straight...

[Xpione]

You pay attention craefully. They can't cover it all. I know it because I am one

 

[wanderer]

some are careless and give away too many cues, others, like me are professionals. iv had lesbian coworkers come up to me saying so and so is gay, and telling me they have the best gaydar, and other friends that talk about the subject saying they can spot gay people instantly....and i just want to laugh out loud at them. plus its none of their business anyway.

iv met a couple very chill "straight guys" that i thought were straight that turned out to be gay, and the same with a few girls. you just cant really tell.

we should also add in here the "straight guys pretending to be gay" but then again, we see metrosexuals all the time.....LOL

 

[chipity]

so let's say you've identified someone who you think might be closeted gay or bi-curious...

how do you go about approaching them while still saving face in the event that they really are straight?

 

[wanderer]

so let's say you've identified someone who you think might be closeted gay or bi-curious...

how do you go about approaching them while still saving face in the event that they really are straight?

this is the biggest question we are all trying to answer.

i have figured out how to identify "gay friendly" dudes, just by bringing up the conversation about some movie, or somebody i know, and not making the topic of the discussion the fact that the person is gay, but something else instead, and watching his reaction as i freely mention it and talk about the subject. depeinding on the way the conversation goes, then i know if he is gay friendly or not. then you can take this further by somehow joking about having 3 some with a hot chick and him, and if he is down, then you might have something going for you.

its so hard, every situation is different, but what is constant in all situations, is that it is risky, and you may be better off just leaving it to your imagination, especially if it is a work friend. a phrase i have hard on that topic....is..."dont shit where you eat".

good luck

 

[mabby7]

It's hard to know, but some guys give off many clues. The way he moves and the way he acts. The way he talks and what he talks about.

 

[jm78209]

i think its the eyes if they're following you or staring too long they are gay or bi

 

[SevenF1sher]

Haha, well its hard to spot out which guy is gay, or not.

I pretty much guessed all of men are straight even if they don't appear to be until they told me. =/ It's like... my gaydar isn't working.

 

[mikeos]

The eyes tell all! I also find that the walk and talk and other mannerisms are a good way to tell. Also a lot of gay guys are fans of Jewel and Madonna, Sheryl Crow....

I once bought a Madonna cd in 1986, is that the reason I'm on this forum

until the day all men of world come together and decide to wear pink t-shirts if we fancy a bit of good old cock, you will never tell.

 

[Matthew-]

Aside from all the usual stereotypes, the one way i know for sure is the eye contact. A great example is the many times i have been out just going about my day, not cruising, and some guy with a girl on his arm will look me in the eyes.
I just keep walking, and sometimes i look back over my shoulder, and he is looking back as well. Try walking around a mall or beach and take note of how many guys look at you, you'll be surprised. Sometimes when i stare back, they look away fast. .

Nice tip, I'll try to look on this aspect next time.

 

[The Homosepian]

Cant really pin a gay guy who is acting straight by his clothing, there are a lot of straight guys who dress really well.

The hairstyle but be something, but I don't think its much. Depends how it is.

The way he walks, now that is something. Some gay people know instantly who is gay by the persons walk. I have been told I have a little gayish walk. But then again the guy who told me thinks that everything that is moving is gay. (He hits on straight guys and trys to get them back to his place w/o them knowing it).

I think mainly its the talk, the words you say and how you act when you say them, the most point fingering one would be you talking and having your hand/arm in mid air bent. There isn't much I can really say. I am bi and I try acting straight all the time, even with other gay/bi's.

wat he said...

but u can't jus label someone.. i think thats something for him do decide himself..

but long as he's got a nice cock and he's down who cares.. (imo)

 

[AresIncarnate]

Don't look up to guys like that. They're not your role-models or your friends usually. A sissy is gonna have your back about 150 times more than those guys trust me.

Sorry for the late reply, but this really pissed me off!

That's just a stereotype. My best friends are very masculine, straight, and they hide their emotions like you were talking about. However, they do have my back 100%!

Besides, your theory on masculinity is ludicrous.

 

[breatheH20]

I have the worst gaydar of all time, unless someone i'm not attracted to is on the blip... otherwise, it's on fritz.

 

[willsp18]

I think my gaydar works pretty well...I say 75 to 85% of the time i'm right. The other times i'm off is when a seemingly straight guy hits on me at work, which is happening alot more lately, i dont get it. I guess this goes with the topic, i'm bi, but i dont necessarily try to be straight at work, I'm just me. But my co worker insist that the gay guys sometimes hit on me because they know I'm "family" by my mannerisms, but mostly my walk. I tell her all the time i cant help my walk, I have a big ass, thats just how i walk lol.

 

[flamingbunny3606]

My method of trying to figure it out is to start talking about something that a straight guy would almost 100% of the time be either apprehensive about, and/or not know anything about unless they are at least somewhat curious. An example, talk about past sexual experiences and start throwing in some positions you can't do without at least 2 cocks, if they know what your talking about without you directly hinting towards homosexuality then you know somethings up.

 

[alijay]

I didnt bother reading all the comments but i've noticed its all about the eyes. I've had pretty good gaydar, infact my friends say its the best but its all in the eyes. I guess i come acorss as gay but i can tell when someone makes eye contact and if they hold it, its pretty obvious, sometimes they even smile or something.

 

[Telstra]

It's really difficult to tell.
I noticed several guys acts like Richard Simmons ... but than they got married to girls.

I still think they are 100% gay. So there you go ... gays still getting married to girls.

 

[Seifer20]

I doubt if I should be adding, since I can never tell and usually just assume everyone's straight. I've also beaten pretty much everyone I've met that says they have 'the best gaydar ever.'

If I had to say it was something, it would be body language. It is usually done unconsciously and most people aren't generally aware of what their body is communicating (also a better test if someone is lying). Gaze can often be misleading but could give you a starting point.

 

[ejbonk]

I have no,Idea. It has gotten so bad I can't tell the out gay guy from the str8 guys anymore. Str8 guy have become so femm lately. I blame queer eye for the str8 guy.LOL no,not really.

 

[bripatrick]

My "gaydar" only works on guys I have no interest in. The ones I want are either for sure straight or I have no clue.

For example, there was this guy at work that I had a HUGE crush on. What made me think he was gay was the fact that he always made eye contact with me, smiled, would always go out of his way to say 'hi' to me. Unlike many of the straight guys at work (and in general), he was polite to pretty much everyone, wasn't crude, etc. Also, on his facebook he left the sexual orientation blank. This is one thing that can usually tip you off: if a guy leaves the orientation/interested in section of an online profile blank, he's likely to be gay or bi. Most straight guys are going to want to make it absolutely SURE that people know they're straight. Not stereotyping, and there are exceptions to this, but this is just what I've noticed.

Back to the story, so I think he's gay, but then I start talking myself out of it. I start noticing that he's saying hi and smiling and having eye contact with EVERYONE, guy or girl. When talking about this older gay guy at work who is really touchy feely with guys, he talked about how disgusted he was. Again, my feelings are that if he was gay he'd just not discuss it, even if he didn't like being patted on the back by the guy. I don't even like being touched by the dude. Also, going back to facebook, his political views were listed as "conservative." In my experience, most gay or bi guys are going to be at least moderate if not leaning left. Also, a lot of his friends on facebook were very conservative, farmboy-types who have homophobic comments/quotes, etc. on their profiles.

So, yeah, I would think he was gay, but then talk myself out of it. The pro/con list was pretty much equal. He quit a year or so back and I've never seen him since, but I still wonder.

With the tips you've all mentioned, it's important to remember that CONTEXT IS EVERYTHING!! Just because a guy looks at you doesn't mean he's gay or into you...like others have mentioned he may just be seeing if you're looking at his girlfriend/wife, or he just merely is assertive. Sometimes I end up looking at someone when I'm not attracted to them...they may just have a unique look or it's just where my eyes happened to fall. Remember that maybe your style or appearance is deemed "outlandish" or a little out-of-the-ordinary for where you are. For example, I live in North Dakota...I've seen people stare at some of my more feminine guy friends, a lesbian couple, kids with tons of piercings/tattoos, etc. It's not always about attraction when someone's looking at you.

I've nearly had an embarrassing experience when judging a guy's sexuality based on their walk. This guy at work wears very tight pants and has a certain sway to him...I always thought he was gay. Turns out he's uber religious and has a girlfriend. Sure, he could be deep in the closet, but on the other hand he could be straight as a pole.

Sometimes the 'signs' give them away, and other times it's a complete mystery. If you do follow the 'signs', be careful in jumping to any assumption...unless you see him making out with a guy or he winks at you, you just never know. If anything there has to be a combination of tells...long eye contact AND Britney Spears blaring from his iPod for example

 

[Aflute04]

How awkward is this, bri, I know who you are talking about... And it wouoldn't surprise me if he's bi... And it wouldn't surprise me if he's totally hetero.

But you're right, it's all about the signs, and then the not jumping to an assumption.