Ok so I have been noticing a recurring theme over the last month in the threads which is pretty much either a closeted guy (cg) who wants to make a move on another cg, or an out guy wanting to move on a cg. Same applies to curious guys.
So far the only advice anyone gives is come out to them and wait to see if they do the same. Whereas this may be the best option in the long term, some guys are not ready for that yet and so I thought this thread might give some alternative ideas. I'm thinking mainly of you college dudes. There is no rocket science here just common sense but that often gets overlooked where emotions are involved. I have found that these things work for me and I have tried to condense this into a few principles that might help. Remember though this is for situations where a guy has ALREADY shown interest by his actions and you want to take things forward without necessarily coming out at first until you are more sure about him or more confident yourself. This is not for those guys that hope a guy they fancy might be a CG. Please also no comments of just come out etc, this is not a thread for you guys it's for the guys that aren't quite there yet:
Discretion is the better part of valour -
If/When you were totally closeted and not ready to come out, would you be interested in a guy who was indiscrete in the way he flirted with you or reacted towards you, that would make his or your interest obvious to others? Would you be interested in the attentions of a guy who was blabbing to all his friends about you and his feelings and speculating on your sexuality with them? Often guys who are out forget what they thought when they were in the closet and don't give the CG the benefit of understanding his mindset, and don't act with discretion. If you're indiscrete with a closeted guy who is not ready to come out you'll get nowhere. Be discrete.
Silence is golden -
This is different from the above. This is about not confronting a guy with issues. There are plenty of guys out there who say, "yeah we both suck each others dicks but were both as straight as a die." A curious or CG may not have dealt with his issues about his own sexuality, and the last thing he is going to want is someone throwing those issues in his face. He might well be prepared to "fool around" with a guy as long as he can kid himself that he's straight so why burst his balloon? His issues are just that HIS. If he wants help with them later you can be there for him, but confronting a CG with issues up front will switch him off. This is why sometimes coming out to a CG doesn't help if he doesn't identify himself as gay yet.
Actions speak louder than words -
Sometimes I think people talk too much and analyse too much. Words can often be a huge passion killer. If the actions/ flirting show the guy is interested forget the talking about whether he is into you or gay or whatever and just let the actions speak. Just keep going in small steps until you meet resistance. The resistance is your cue that he isn't interested in going any further. The most important thing about this is that you are giving the guy a get out clause. He can go a long way with you and can always pretend that he was just joking/ fooling around if he gets nervous. If you say "I'm gay" your asking him to commit to saying the same which he may not be ready to do, and he can't fool around and pretend in that scenario. Less words more action.
Double or Quits
On the theme of get out clauses, get aquainted with the Double Entendre or innuendo. This is something we have a great tradition of in the UK. It is the art of saying things that have a double meaning, so you can say something suggestive whilst retaining an innocent get out clause. When used the right way it's very sexy. Try and keep them subtle though or they lose their appeal. Example: If a guy asks you if you wanna hang out you could say "yeah I'd like to see a bit more of you." If you get a funny look, keep a straight face. If he laughs or smiles give a slight sexy grin. Be subtle though.
Smart Casual
Lots of guys make asking a guy out too much of a big deal. Casual is the way to go. If you say "we should hang out sometime" you are more likely to get him to agree. You can then get specific about where and when once he's committed. Try and make any kind of plans etc casual when you ask then you are more likely to get agreement and if you don't build it up into a big deal in your mind you don't feel let down if he says no. Keep everything cool and casual between you.
Good luck guys and if anyone has anything to add please do.
So far the only advice anyone gives is come out to them and wait to see if they do the same. Whereas this may be the best option in the long term, some guys are not ready for that yet and so I thought this thread might give some alternative ideas. I'm thinking mainly of you college dudes. There is no rocket science here just common sense but that often gets overlooked where emotions are involved. I have found that these things work for me and I have tried to condense this into a few principles that might help. Remember though this is for situations where a guy has ALREADY shown interest by his actions and you want to take things forward without necessarily coming out at first until you are more sure about him or more confident yourself. This is not for those guys that hope a guy they fancy might be a CG. Please also no comments of just come out etc, this is not a thread for you guys it's for the guys that aren't quite there yet:
Discretion is the better part of valour -
If/When you were totally closeted and not ready to come out, would you be interested in a guy who was indiscrete in the way he flirted with you or reacted towards you, that would make his or your interest obvious to others? Would you be interested in the attentions of a guy who was blabbing to all his friends about you and his feelings and speculating on your sexuality with them? Often guys who are out forget what they thought when they were in the closet and don't give the CG the benefit of understanding his mindset, and don't act with discretion. If you're indiscrete with a closeted guy who is not ready to come out you'll get nowhere. Be discrete.
Silence is golden -
This is different from the above. This is about not confronting a guy with issues. There are plenty of guys out there who say, "yeah we both suck each others dicks but were both as straight as a die." A curious or CG may not have dealt with his issues about his own sexuality, and the last thing he is going to want is someone throwing those issues in his face. He might well be prepared to "fool around" with a guy as long as he can kid himself that he's straight so why burst his balloon? His issues are just that HIS. If he wants help with them later you can be there for him, but confronting a CG with issues up front will switch him off. This is why sometimes coming out to a CG doesn't help if he doesn't identify himself as gay yet.
Actions speak louder than words -
Sometimes I think people talk too much and analyse too much. Words can often be a huge passion killer. If the actions/ flirting show the guy is interested forget the talking about whether he is into you or gay or whatever and just let the actions speak. Just keep going in small steps until you meet resistance. The resistance is your cue that he isn't interested in going any further. The most important thing about this is that you are giving the guy a get out clause. He can go a long way with you and can always pretend that he was just joking/ fooling around if he gets nervous. If you say "I'm gay" your asking him to commit to saying the same which he may not be ready to do, and he can't fool around and pretend in that scenario. Less words more action.
Double or Quits
On the theme of get out clauses, get aquainted with the Double Entendre or innuendo. This is something we have a great tradition of in the UK. It is the art of saying things that have a double meaning, so you can say something suggestive whilst retaining an innocent get out clause. When used the right way it's very sexy. Try and keep them subtle though or they lose their appeal. Example: If a guy asks you if you wanna hang out you could say "yeah I'd like to see a bit more of you." If you get a funny look, keep a straight face. If he laughs or smiles give a slight sexy grin. Be subtle though.
Smart Casual
Lots of guys make asking a guy out too much of a big deal. Casual is the way to go. If you say "we should hang out sometime" you are more likely to get him to agree. You can then get specific about where and when once he's committed. Try and make any kind of plans etc casual when you ask then you are more likely to get agreement and if you don't build it up into a big deal in your mind you don't feel let down if he says no. Keep everything cool and casual between you.
Good luck guys and if anyone has anything to add please do.
That's for another thread.
