I absolutely hate gay dating applications!

[BlakeV]

I'm a single man and I don't mind casual encounters and making friends through gay dating apps, but recently these apps are getting infested with low quality imbeciles who lack some serious communication and social skills. I'd like to start a list of the things that pissed me off to the extreme level and made me decide to quit these safe dating applications and go for the more, adventurous method that could possibly get my ass beaten up to death by a religiously strict homophobic bigot. I'll start with a list of 10 things that pisses me off so much I regret losing my virginity in the first place.

5# Starting a conversation with nudes.
I'm gay. Yes. I like cock. The main reason I signed up on these apps in the first place is to find a guy to have sex with. If I just wanted something to stick up my ass I would have bought myself a dildo and spared myself from the agony of finding a decent human being with, at the very least, emotions that might start lingering and start something between us. What's worse, sending me a picture plainly consisting of your cock. Absolutely nothing else. How disrespectful and disgusting.

4# Spamming my chat box or being too impatient.
If your appearance don't appeal to me, if your bio is crappy or empty, if I find anything I don't like about you, I'll just ignore you. Yes I know it's a coward move, but I'm not a big fan of you idiots blocking me the moment I reject you. Also, I have a life as well. Not everyone can stare at their phones 24/7 without doing anything else. You send a message, wait for a reply. You don't get one, he's either busy or not interested. MOVE ON

3# Demanding pics and you don't even have one.
This is plain retarded. Have you ever thought how stupid that is? Do you have any idea how rude it is to write down "no pic = block" and you don't even have a pic? Use your damn brain ffs!?

2# Talking to me like I'm merely a sex toy.
"Pics", "Place" and "R u clean" are the most disgusting ways to start a conversation. I can't really think about the rest anymore. You're talking to a damn human being not a sex toy. No matter how hot you are, you're not getting any. Do you understand?

1# Not reading my bio.
I have to admit, I understand you people. You're aggressively horny you can't help it when you see this insanely hot guy and you can't think of anything in the world but destroy his hole. Ever thought for a second this guy has preferences as well? Is that so hard to understand? Do you really think I'll open my legs for you if you think through your cock?

I've written in my bio that I'm not interested in nudes. I don't care about sizes. I don't even care much about your appearance. I re-opened my grindr 3 days ago and the only thing I got is a bunch of idiots with no pictures spamming my chat box with either nudes or telling me what a horrible person I am for not replying. 80% of these people had blank profiles. Some people have absolutely no information at all and still demand a pic of my hole. Am I missing something? Appearantly, "the majority" of people who use these apps think through their cocks instead of their brains. I've only had 1 relationship from dating apps, which lasted less than a month. I officially give up on dating apps.

 

[Dominus]

Sorry to say. What goes around comes around. You said so yourself. You're on there to find someone to have sex with. Of that's your attitude, you're going to attract your type, guys who don't care about anything but sex. People like me, who are interested in something deeper, will stay the hell away. Simple.

 

[SeaCore]

4# Spamming my chat box or being too impatient.
If your appearance don't appeal to me, if your bio is crappy or empty, if I find anything I don't like about you, I'll just ignore you. Yes I know it's a coward move, but I'm not a big fan of you idiots blocking me the moment I reject you. Also, I have a life as well. Not everyone can stare at their phones 24/7 without doing anything else. You send a message, wait for a reply. You don't get one, he's either busy or not interested. MOVE ON

Um, why not? Why would you care if someone you're not interested in blocks you?

So you've had bad luck receiving people you consider worth your time. What have the problems been pursuing people you're interested in?

 

[Cormac135]

I've had nothing but great results with Grindr, cocks aplenty.

Keep the faith.

 

[NotHardUp1]

Your sense of etiquette is shit.

You can't be bothered to respond. If you aren't replying on a social app, then you're being anti-social. A simple reply to say you are not interested and why is due. Speaking to someone should get a reply. Not replying is fundamentally rude.

If they do not accept your disinterest, then you get to do the blocking. See how that works?

Did I mention you haven't filled out your profile here in two years time? Oh, and you don't have an avatar. Make an effort.

 

[rareboy]

They aren't 'dating' apps.

They are hook-up apps.

I think this may be where the confusion lies.

 

[USEDCAR]

Gay dating/hook apps are terrible, your going to get ignore on a gay dating/hookup app unless your some magazine model attractive guy. My straight friends are on dating apps and they go on dates and meet people.


I always tell gay guys if your going to be picky like that enjoy a long single lonely life.

 

[BlakeV]

Sorry to say. What goes around comes around. You said so yourself. You're on there to find someone to have sex with. Of that's your attitude, you're going to attract your type, guys who don't care about anything but sex. People like me, who are interested in something deeper, will stay the hell away. Simple.

You got it all wrong. I said "I don't mind casual encounters" I do want a relationship and prefer to be in a monogamous one, but finding something like this in an app is quite hard. I don't live in a gay friendly place. We don't have any gay clubs or gay communities at all so I'm forced to use these apps.

Um, why not? Why would you care if someone you're not interested in blocks you?

So you've had bad luck receiving people you consider worth your time. What have the problems been pursuing people you're interested in?

I'm quite sensitive and I don't like it when I get blocked instead of getting a more, respectful reply like "good luck". Only things I'm getting are "your loss" or "gtfo" or "fuck you". I've never insulted anybody in these apps and have always treated these men the same way I wanted to be treated. I've only started ignoring these people recently after the tremendous amount of BS I've been getting for merely being polite and respectful.

I'm a rather shy person and I don't usually approach people myself, but most of the time I do I get ignored and it makes my low-self esteem much worse. I decided to sit around and wait for these men to talk to me to make sure they're actually interested.

Your sense of etiquette is shit.

You can't be bothered to respond. If you aren't replying on a social app, then you're being anti-social. A simple reply to say you are not interested and why is due. Speaking to someone should get a reply. Not replying is fundamentally rude.

If they do not accept your disinterest, then you get to do the blocking. See how that works?

Did I mention you haven't filled out your profile here in two years time? Oh, and you don't have an avatar. Make an effort.

I mentioned on this reply why I decided not to reply anymore. I don't reply to most people because 100% of these people come to me with a blank profile and no avatar. It's fundamentally rude to talk to a person without introducing yourself, let alone demanding nudes or more pics or asking where you're staying and ask you to take a shower and prepare yourself. I'm not being rude. I just hate it when people talk to me without reading my bio

As for my profile and avatar "here", I never had any intentions of meeting or forming relationships with people when I came here. I came for the forums, nothing else. I'm sorry if that's bothering you.

 

[SeaCore]

So Rareboy definitely has it right:

They aren't 'dating' apps.

They are hook-up apps.

I think this may be where the confusion lies.

But you've already mentioned feeling like you have limited options in other venues. So let's see if there are any other options you might could explore. So Adam4Adam is still primarily a hookup app, to my knowledge anyways, but I find a lot more people mentioning that they've found relationships through it too. Have you used that one before?

Do you have any gay friends? If you want a good shot at a relationship being connected through a friend is probably your best bet. Your friends know you and get a better initial idea of if someone else they know seems compatible.

Are you certain you don't have gay communities of any kind? How have you looked for them? Maybe there are some websites or key words you didn't know about that we can direct you to.
It'd be ideal if you could find a place that is both for lgbt people and a common interest. Maybe you could start one?


Okay. So I have a few other things to mention but they might be a bit bitter to swallow. I'm not saying them to be malicious I'm saying them to help so take deep breath and relax.

While I agree that hook-up apps don't have a great culture, and your frustrations with them are understandable, you have got to readjust your thinking. You're getting angry at people for following the norms of these apps. They're not the one engaging in deviant behavior, you are. You're expecting too much of strangers to exhibit behavior you want rather than adjusting your behavior to fit the space you're in. It sucks but ya gotta adapt.

I'm a rather shy person and I don't usually approach people myself, but most of the time I do I get ignored and it makes my low-self esteem much worse. I decided to sit around and wait for these men to talk to me to make sure they're actually interested.

It is in your best interest that you pursue people because you get to establish the tone. A lot of people will reject you, because you are deviating from the norm. You need to learn how to be rejected. And it hurts and it sucks. But it's a component of getting better self-esteem. Not taking rejection so personally.
You need coping skills. They'll be the tools that let you thrive.

And really, this does need to be touched on.

If your appearance don't appeal to me...

Your dating pool is small and you might be missing out on some really great guys because you don't like how they look. It'd be nice to find a hot flame but at the end of the day you enter a relationship for the intangibles. For the interests, the quirks, the support, the differences, the intimacy... The packaging tells you nothing of the quality you're getting. And maybe you'll find that if you connect, you just might start noticing the packaging wasn't so bad either.

 

[BlakeV]

So Rareboy definitely has it right:

But you've already mentioned feeling like you have limited options in other venues. So let's see if there are any other options you might could explore. So Adam4Adam is still primarily a hookup app, to my knowledge anyways, but I find a lot more people mentioning that they've found relationships through it too. Have you used that one before?

Do you have any gay friends? If you want a good shot at a relationship being connected through a friend is probably your best bet. Your friends know you and get a better initial idea of if someone else they know seems compatible.

Are you certain you don't have gay communities of any kind? How have you looked for them? Maybe there are some websites or key words you didn't know about that we can direct you to.
It'd be ideal if you could find a place that is both for lgbt people and a common interest. Maybe you could start one?


Okay. So I have a few other things to mention but they might be a bit bitter to swallow. I'm not saying them to be malicious I'm saying them to help so take deep breath and relax.

While I agree that hook-up apps don't have a great culture, and your frustrations with them are understandable, you have got to readjust your thinking. You're getting angry at people for following the norms of these apps. They're not the one engaging in deviant behavior, you are. You're expecting too much of strangers to exhibit behavior you want rather than adjusting your behavior to fit the space you're in. It sucks but ya gotta adapt.


It is in your best interest that you pursue people because you get to establish the tone. A lot of people will reject you, because you are deviating from the norm. You need to learn how to be rejected. And it hurts and it sucks. But it's a component of getting better self-esteem. Not taking rejection so personally.
You need coping skills. They'll be the tools that let you thrive.

And really, this does need to be touched on.

Your dating pool is small and you might be missing out on some really great guys because you don't like how they look. It'd be nice to find a hot flame but at the end of the day you enter a relationship for the intangibles. For the interests, the quirks, the support, the differences, the intimacy... The packaging tells you nothing of the quality you're getting. And maybe you'll find that if you connect, you just might start noticing the packaging wasn't so bad either.

Not all the apps are hook up ups. I know hornet is but hornet is where I found my first boyfriend and fell in love with him. I've been using too many apps but I always seem to meet the same kind of men. The ones that I do not want to meet at all.

I do have gay friends but I'm not really interested in a friends with benefits relationship. I can't form a relationship with a gay friend who only talks about who he fucked last night and who will get fucked next. Being in a gay unfriendly place, people don't understand the goodness in being in a relationship. They only want to have sex as much as they possibly can with as much guys they can find. How am I suppose to start a relationship with someone like that? The main reason my ex boyfriend ended the relationship because he didn't want a relationship. He wanted me his own personal sex slave. And he was way too insecure to be exposed to the public.

And no. There are absolutely no gay communities from where I live. Most gay tops consider themselves straight men and bottoms are only meant to serve and wait for their next orders while their "straight tops" are busy with their wives. They refuse to kiss or do anything they think it's "gay". I've been searching for a gay community in this place for a while and I gave up. There is no gay community in this place. And I have no intentions of starting something in this place because it's not worth it.

For the dating ups, I'm not expecting these people to behave the way I want them behave, nor think the way I want them to think. I did mention that we're human, an intelligent species with different personalities, qualities, etc. The only thing I asked for is for them to read my bio before starting a conversation. The only reason I started this discussion in the first place is because of these people who never read the bio. Some people even ask me if I'm a top or a bottom... Wtf?

I am working on starting a relationship myself instead of waiting for some guy to do so. It's slightly hard but I'm working on it. The main reason I don't approach these people is because this place is infested with narcissists. You'd understand if you live here. Trust me. If I tried to approach a person in real life in this area, I'd get beaten legally and jailed instead of getting rejected. Not very nice.

I'm not looking for the best looking person in the world. Hell, the only person I fell in love with wasn't the best looking. I didn't admire his appearance at all. What I was trying to say, is if there's something I don't like about this person I'll just ignore him. Do you really think it's fun replying to 100 people every morning and say "not interested"? I've never yet encountered a person who told me he's not interested in me. They just ignore. I'm not doing this because everyone is doing it, I'm doing it because I'm pretty sure everyone went through it and developed an immunity from it.

I think I've clearifed myself more than enough. I might be an asshole but I'm not the biggest asshole in existence. I'm treating people the same way I want to be treated but get nothing but shit in return and it's getting quite exhausting. I'm even replying to idiots who don't read my bio "The No. 1 Sin" as well as the ones with blank profiles and no avatars. What do I get in return when I mention that I'm not interested? 1 word.

Blocked.

 

[rareboy]

Where do you live?

 

[SeaCore]

So. I recognize it might not be feasible, but is moving at all an option? I mean, even setting the dating aside you seem to be in a terribly unsafe area.

And I don't think you're an ass. But I think there's a combination of frustration coming from misplaced expectations and difficulty navigating the space you're in. And both are totally understandable. But some of it should be possible to mitigate. And I can't mind read so I can only give you what I'm seeing and let you clarify. This isn't about looking on you. And I apologise if that was the way I came across.

 

[BlakeV]

So. I recognize it might not be feasible, but is moving at all an option? I mean, even setting the dating aside you seem to be in a terribly unsafe area.

And I don't think you're an ass. But I think there's a combination of frustration coming from misplaced expectations and difficulty navigating the space you're in. And both are totally understandable. But some of it should be possible to mitigate. And I can't mind read so I can only give you what I'm seeing and let you clarify. This isn't about looking on you. And I apologise if that was the way I came across.

I'm definitely moving next year but I'm very impatient. If it weren't for the extreme stress I'm facing everyday I wouldn't have given 2 shits about my situation :/

Oh and I wasn't referring to you, I was referring to the people here who started to flame me without giving me the chance to reply. It was very unnecessary and uncalled for. Oh well, If I managed to endure the tremendous amount of BS I have been receiving everyday in these dating applications, I can definitely get over a couple of annoying posts I read on the internet lmao.

 

[SeaCore]

Okay cool! So just to make sure you've considered it, I presume you're moving pretty far away from where you are now; otherwise you could just look for dates in the area you're moving to.

So let's assume you manage to get a partner. You move but they're unable to. You're now in a long distance relationship. Are you okay with that?

We never really got around to it, but what are you wanting a relationship for? It's not for sex at least not explicitly. And if you can get specific that'd be good. Like, you could say 'love' but I don't really know what that would mean. And it's a tough question to answer so it's fine if you meander about.

 

[BlakeV]

Okay cool! So just to make sure you've considered it, I presume you're moving pretty far away from where you are now; otherwise you could just look for dates in the area you're moving to.

So let's assume you manage to get a partner. You move but they're unable to. You're now in a long distance relationship. Are you okay with that?

We never really got around to it, but what are you wanting a relationship for? It's not for sex at least not explicitly. And if you can get specific that'd be good. Like, you could say 'love' but I don't really know what that would mean. And it's a tough question to answer so it's fine if you meander about.

I don't mind forming a short relationship with someone right now. I'm very straightforward and I can always tell my partner I'm moving away, decide to be friends and keep in touch.

Oh, what I want a relationship for? I don't know where to begin XD There's a huge difference between being with a new person everyday and being with the same person everyday. I felt things I can never feel towards anyone when my ex was still my boyfriend. I want that more than anything. I guess that's what we call love? Yup, I definitely want that

 

[NotHardUp1]

You got it all wrong. I said "I don't mind casual encounters" I do want a relationship and prefer to be in a monogamous one, but finding something like this in an app is quite hard. I don't live in a gay friendly place. We don't have any gay clubs or gay communities at all so I'm forced to use these apps.


I'm quite sensitive and I don't like it when I get blocked instead of getting a more, respectful reply like "good luck". Only things I'm getting are "your loss" or "gtfo" or "fuck you". I've never insulted anybody in these apps and have always treated these men the same way I wanted to be treated. I've only started ignoring these people recently after the tremendous amount of BS I've been getting for merely being polite and respectful.

I'm a rather shy person and I don't usually approach people myself, but most of the time I do I get ignored and it makes my low-self esteem much worse. I decided to sit around and wait for these men to talk to me to make sure they're actually interested.


I mentioned on this reply why I decided not to reply anymore. I don't reply to most people because 100% of these people come to me with a blank profile and no avatar. It's fundamentally rude to talk to a person without introducing yourself, let alone demanding nudes or more pics or asking where you're staying and ask you to take a shower and prepare yourself. I'm not being rude. I just hate it when people talk to me without reading my bio

As for my profile and avatar "here", I never had any intentions of meeting or forming relationships with people when I came here. I came for the forums, nothing else. I'm sorry if that's bothering you.

Of course you're being rude. You're judging other members for behaviors you don't like, but you're not very open to addressing very similar behaviors you exhibit.

You are annoyed enough at their entreaties to come complaining here, but not enough to simply tell them and then block them.

And, this site is a relationship site, but it's not a dating site. We have profile pages because we are people in a relationship here with our fellow members. You don't have to put a personal pic in your profile or as your avatar, but when you skip all of it and just breeze through like a drive-in window at a fast-food joint, why should anyone care about you or your problems? You haven't shared so much as what country your live in, much less anything interesting about yourself.

You can't even be arsed to post an image as your avatar to at least have an identity here.

We are not just words on a page here. Those who create personalities have rapport. Disregarding that just makes you standoffish.

No one's asking for personal information for stalker purposes, but a nebulous non-entity is a nebulous non-entity.

It's not bothering me in the sense that I want to know, but it is related to how you are becoming frustrated with online interactions. You don't get out what you don't put in.

 

[BlakeV]

Of course you're being rude. You're judging other members for behaviors you don't like, but you're not very open to addressing very similar behaviors you exhibit.

You are annoyed enough at their entreaties to come complaining here, but not enough to simply tell them and then block them.

And, this site is a relationship site, but it's not a dating site. We have profile pages because we are people in a relationship here with our fellow members. You don't have to put a personal pic in your profile or as your avatar, but when you skip all of it and just breeze through like a drive-in window at a fast-food joint, why should anyone care about you or your problems? You haven't shared so much as what country your live in, much less anything interesting about yourself.

You can't even be arsed to post an image as your avatar to at least have an identity here.

We are not just words on a page here. Those who create personalities have rapport. Disregarding that just makes you standoffish.

No one's asking for personal information for stalker purposes, but a nebulous non-entity is a nebulous non-entity.

It's not bothering me in the sense that I want to know, but it is related to how you are becoming frustrated with online interactions. You don't get out what you don't put in.

I guess I haven't explained myself clearly. Very well, I'll be more than happy to do so again.

I disagree. I'm not being rude. Not the slightest bit. I expect people to talk to me exactly the same way I want them to talk to me if they want to get a reply. If that person annoys me, he simply didn't give a crap to spend 5 seconds to read my bio, which is 2 paragraphs long with absolutely no demands or special requests beside providing me with a picture and talk to me with respect because I'm a sensitive person and usually take it to the heart when I read something offensive. Why would I even spend 1 second to reach the block button? They're not worthy of my time and therefore they're better off wondering until the end of time why they're being ignored until they realize the mistake they ALWAYS make when they talk to people.

I have absolutely no interests to fill out my blank profile in this site especially after the treatment that I got here. I feel insulted even after I explained myself and apologized if my words offended anyone here. But that's okay. I felt much better getting replies in the first place, especially since I'm nothing but a standoffish, identityless nebulous non-entity.

 

[NotHardUp1]

I felt much better getting replies in the first place, especially since I'm nothing but a standoffish, identityless nebulous non-entity.

Agreed.

 

[Link25]

And really, this does need to be touched on.

Your dating pool is small and you might be missing out on some really great guys because you don't like how they look. It'd be nice to find a hot flame but at the end of the day you enter a relationship for the intangibles. For the interests, the quirks, the support, the differences, the intimacy... The packaging tells you nothing of the quality you're getting. And maybe you'll find that if you connect, you just might start noticing the packaging wasn't so bad either.

I have to add to this. I've been on gay dating apps for about 5 years. I had two dates in 5 years from the apps. I've been ignored and blocked dozens of times. Yeah, it hurts but I understand - most guys are looking for models and i'm not one. Even guys on my level are looking for models. Our profiles are a pretty good match, we like the same stuff, are looking for the same thing, but it all comes down to looks. I completely agree that there is a lot of missing out when you just aren't interested based on looks, but I also have been told if there's no mutual attraction then it's not going to go anywhere. I agree with that also. HOWEVER, I can't always tell how I feel about someone just by a picture. I have messaged guys I wasn't attracted to 100% just to see if we click in other ways - who knows, maybe after a drink or a quick date I may feel differently. I've had some yell at me (via text) because I didn't start conversations about how hot they were - seriously? I thought that wasn't really a good icebreaker. Keep in mind i'm on dating apps, not hook up apps and i've clearly stated I was looking to date. I've also been turned down for dates because I didn't post or send shirtless pictures to them - must be a new requirement to go out with someone.

You're right, the dating pool is very small and we keep dismissing people. I've taken a break from it all - it was time consuming to read profiles, come up with ways to start conversations, find common interests only to be rejected. It's even worse when they do respond, things are going well, and right when I ask them to meet, their gone.

 

[SeaCore]

I completely agree that there is a lot of missing out when you just aren't interested based on looks, but I also have been told if there's no mutual attraction then it's not going to go anywhere. I agree with that also. HOWEVER, I can't always tell how I feel about someone just by a picture.

Sure, I agree with that.
Having just the theoretical stuff isn't enough. In theory we should be fine with just personality. But it's often more complicated.
However, there's a psychological effect known as the 'mere exposure effect' which is that the more we're exposed to something, or in this case someone, the more likely we are to view it favorably. Someone you don't find attractive on your first meeting could start to pique your interest after being around them a bit more.
Of course it's complicated and there's a lot going on; there's an effect that's basically the opposite where repeated exposure increases unfavorability.

For example, people who fall for friends. They start off friends with no attraction for each other then begin to develop it. They haven't necessarily become hotter. So why the change in attraction? I suspect the mere exposure effect plays a part.