I am 30 yrs old and still a virgin

[MorrisseyX]

That makes two of us, then.

In fact, I'm a few years behind you.

Yes, I'm also shy, anti-social, introverted, depressive, and from a small community. That's just how my life went.

I'm actually more concentrated on developing my social skills, and possibly making some friends. Getting used to talking to guys in general. Not feeling nervous and tense. Building my confidence. As for sex, that's a long way off. There's no point in me doing things that I'm not emotionally capable of handling. So it'll be a process that takes years.

But, lol, I've developed a lot of patience.

I have a question isn't Brighton a medium sized city in England? Just asking? Wouldn't Brighton have a gay scene or a gay and lesbian community centre?

 

[MorrisseyX]

What's wrong with me?

I live in a small town where it's hard to find a boyfriend but I know gay guys here, they are younger than me and none of them is a virgin. I have never even kissed anybody. Maybe I'm too shy and too afraid of STDs but when I use dating pages everybody reject me and it's not me who reject them.

How old were you when you first had sex?
Have you ever used dating pages for years without finding a partner?

There is nothing wrong with you, you want to fall in love and find that special person there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone wants love who doesn't?

Now about STDs, if you practice safer sex meaning you use condoms you should be fine.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Is there any social networking site or a gay group you could join? Maybe going to a gay group and being outside of a gay bar scene would be easier for you to make friends and have a connection with someone?

Do you have any hobbies or interests that you like that maybe a group you could join?

But I do wonder, do you have a romanticized vision that the first guy you meet is going to be your soul mate forever?

The gay world is similar to the straight world in the sense the first guy you have sex with it might not end up becoming a romance.

 

[fuki85]

@ LordRother: Hello there, neighbor What is a name of your closest country? I'm from Croatia and closest (cca 65 km) hungarian city to me is Nagykanisza. Are you close?

 

[ChickenGuy]

I have a question isn't Brighton a medium sized city in England? Just asking? Wouldn't Brighton have a gay scene or a gay and lesbian community centre?

Indeed it does - you quoted a post I made three years ago, when I was still in the closet and living in an extremely remote backwater area of Scotland - since then I've come out, and left home, and come down here. And I've achieved some of what I said in that post - vastly improved social skills and made a friend and plenty aquaintances. I still need to do more - I'm not making nearly enough use and advantage of all the possibilities down here.

 

[MorrisseyX]

Indeed it does - you quoted a post I made three years ago, when I was still in the closet and living in an extremely remote backwater area of Scotland - since then I've come out, and left home, and come down here. And I've achieved some of what I said in that post - vastly improved social skills and made a friend and plenty aquaintances. I still need to do more - I'm not making nearly enough use and advantage of all the possibilities down here.

It is nice to hear you've made progress moving out and living on your own and making friends.

 

[travis82]

If finding love and sex is difficult for you, why don't you change your approach a little and pursue one thing at the time? Since sex is easier to find than love, just try casual sex. Even random sexual experiences can be special and healthy to our mental state. I'm not saying go out there and start sleeping with guys left and right. But you don't have to go to your grave without any sexual experiences because you were waiting for prince charming for eternity. You admit that you don't have large circle of gay friends; you don't go to gay clubs or social gatherings so what do you expect? The odds are against you and by repeating the same strategy, you're only going to continue hitting dead end forever.

Thanks for your advice. One of the biggest reasons that's holding me back is I'm concerned about getting STDs or Hiv if I engage in random hookups.

It doesn't help the fact that in the gay community, almost or nearly everyone is promiscuous. And is condoms like 100% safe?

You can't tell if a guy has any diseases or illness.

A hot sexy guy might carry Gonorrhoea,Chlamydia or even Hiv. He might even lie to you and says he is clean/healthy just to get into your pants. And if you sleep with him, then he will pass all those nasty bugs to you.


So I think "Prevention is better than Cure".

 

[Nishin]

To the OP, if it makes you feel better,

I'm in the same predicament as you. I often wonder " will I ever lose my virginity or just take it to the grave with me?"

I don't know. I don't have a wide circle of friends and I don't know many gay people.

Most, nearly all my friends are straight. I don't really go to bars, clubs or hang out with new people.

I guess this is maybe why I'm still a virgin.

Most gay men just want to have a quick hookup. I'm looking for a boyfriend. I want to fall in love with a guy and lose my virginity to a guy that I love. Not some cheap one night stand.

But I don't understand ; why is it the most simple thing I'm searching for (love and sex), it's also the most difficult thing for me to get?

A clue here:

Thanks for your advice. One of the biggest reasons that's holding me back is I'm concerned about getting STDs or Hiv if I engage in random hookups.

It doesn't help the fact that in the gay community, almost or nearly everyone is promiscuous. And is condoms like 100% safe?

You can't tell if a guy has any diseases or illness.

A hot sexy guy might carry Gonorrhoea,Chlamydia or even Hiv. He might even lie to you and says he is clean/healthy just to get into your pants. And if you sleep with him, then he will pass all those nasty bugs to you.


So I think "Prevention is better than Cure".

Paranoia ...

 

[MorrisseyX]

Thanks for your advice. One of the biggest reasons that's holding me back is I'm concerned about getting STDs or Hiv if I engage in random hookups.

It doesn't help the fact that in the gay community, almost or nearly everyone is promiscuous. And is condoms like 100% safe?

You can't tell if a guy has any diseases or illness.

A hot sexy guy might carry Gonorrhoea,Chlamydia or even Hiv. He might even lie to you and says he is clean/healthy just to get into your pants. And if you sleep with him, then he will pass all those nasty bugs to you.


So I think "Prevention is better than Cure".

You don't have to hook up with anyone if you don't want to Travis82. You can meet a guy in a public space for a date and get to know the guy and take it from there. I am not going to lie to you yes there are gay men out there looking for sex. Sex isn't a bad thing you know.

I just hope you don't have this unrealistic romantic fantasy, that the first guy you really like is going to be "the one." I remember, when I was young and idealistic I thought I am going to meet another gay guy and fall in love and that's it. But the truth is, people are complex.

You can set the ground rules and let a guy know right from the start you're not looking for a hook up you want something serious.

I forget the name of this gay website that is specifically for people looking for relationships who are gay and not sex. Maybe the name of the website was eharmony I remember they had a gay section.

 

[72-Jay]

I just hope you don't have this unrealistic romantic fantasy, that the first guy you really like is going to be "the one." I remember, when I was young and idealistic I thought I am going to meet another gay guy and fall in love and that's it. But the truth is, people are complex.

I will admit that ^ is basically my fantasy/daydream I think I'd rather grow old/die never having loved at all, than having loved & end up heartbroken...

Oh and...I'll also admit to being 10 years older than the thread's title & still a virgin

 

[JustMe5]

I don't mean to be rude by saying this, but whenever I read a thread like this, it makes me realize that my own life isn't so bad. As a teen, I was always very timid and shy. I came from a religious family. But despite all that, I lost my virginity in my late teens. So, I cannot fathom how a gay man can still be a virgin in his 30s and beyond. Of course, if you live in a rural community or in a small town where it's extremely hard to find a gay sex partner then it's understandable.

With that's said, it's wrong to give someone false hope about life. The whole "there's someone out there for everyone" thing is just bullshit. Some gay men are simply unattractive, low maintenance, underachievers, etc who therefore will go through life finding it hard to ever meet a potential boyfriend.

Also, it's true that many gay men are simply interested in quick hookups and that's it. And in general it's hard for a gay man to find a boyfriend, as there are many factors that make it hard. The main factor being that the gay dating pool is very small.

 

[Diavolos]

Say what you like about Greek society, but there's no escaping the fact that:
A: Some Greek guys are gorgeous (Ask Hardup1 about Billy Zane for starters) and
B: There are as many gay guys in Greece as there are anywhere else in the world.

Given you've got a girlfriend, I'm assuming you're not entirely a virgin. If you are, then she may be wondering where things are going too.
It's up to you where you go with that relationship, so good luck

It is not such a long relationship, I usually have a girlfriend for a couple of months then we break up. And we don't have sex the first day we decide to be together. This is not USA, it's Greece.

So no, I never had actual sex with a girl either. Unless you think that her... somehow playing with my genitals is sex, then yes I am not a virgin.

For the case, I think I'll always be a virgin and as the years pass I 'll stop even having occasional relationships.

And it might sound cocky but if I could find the balls to show you myself you would say that I am an attractive man. I am quite good looking, a little athletic, very nice facial features (I am also blond with blue eyes, still a Greek) and this is probably why I get a girlfriend easily without trying too hard.

 

[MorrisseyX]

I don't mean to be rude by saying this, but whenever I read a thread like this, it makes me realize that my own life isn't so bad. As a teen, I was always very timid and shy. I came from a religious family. But despite all that, I lost my virginity in my late teens. So, I cannot fathom how a gay man can still be a virgin in his 30s and beyond. Of course, if you live in a rural community or in a small town where it's extremely hard to find a gay sex partner then it's understandable.

With that's said, it's wrong to give someone false hope about life. The whole "there's someone out there for everyone" thing is just bullshit. Some gay men are simply unattractive, low maintenance, underachievers, etc who therefore will go through life finding it hard to ever meet a potential boyfriend.

Also, it's true that many gay men are simply interested in quick hookups and that's it. And in general it's hard for a gay man to find a boyfriend, as there are many factors that make it hard. The main factor being that the gay dating pool is very small.

The OP has the internet though that's what's changed compared to say 20 years ago. Now someone in a small town can meet someone. The OP can meet someone or someone from a town close by perhaps?

Yes, but everyone has their own tastes and interests right. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some gay men might not like hairy guys or bigger men but some people do like bears. So I do believe there is someone out there for everybody.

 

[Adrusek81]

What's wrong with me?

I live in a small town where it's hard to find a boyfriend but I know gay guys here, they are younger than me and none of them is a virgin. I have never even kissed anybody. Maybe I'm too shy and too afraid of STDs but when I use dating pages everybody reject me and it's not me who reject them.

How old were you when you first had sex?
Have you ever used dating pages for years without finding a partner?

Maybe it's just a problem with confidence, and learning to "sell" yourself, as they say. Also, you might be a bit more selective than the majority of us, and are not willing to settle for anything that comes your way, which I think is not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe the problem is that you have been waiting for so long for the right guy to come, that you have lost your confidence, thinking that you would never find him... My only advice is to get out there and try to find one - especially through friends and acquaintances, who might even introduce you or set you up with someone to whom you are well suited. Dating pages can be a daunting experience and many men are just looking to hook up - which means that if you signal that you want something more serious, they run the other way.

Do not despair. Just get out there, relax and, sooner than you think, you'll find someone.

 

[airtw0004]

I'm in the same boat...I'm getting close to 30 and have still never even been kissed.

For the people giving advice, I think many of y'alls suggestions are quite valid, but I have done of the things that people have suggested in this thread with no results. At least for me, I know that race has been a major barrier. I seriously yet to meet people who are into Asians...not even other Asians. I have been rejected more times for being Asian than anything else, whether at a bar or online. I understand people have their preferences, but to be completely ignored is downright rude.

At this point in my life, I'm getting to the point where I'm running out of things to work on myself to attract someone. I think overall, I'm very happy where I am in life right now, but I've just been missing out on relationships. I'm just kinda at a loss for what I can actually try at this point.

And not to sound like a dating ad right now, but I think I'm pretty sociable, and have confidence and a sense of humor. I have great style, athletic (kinda...? Running marathons counts, right?), I can play 2 instruments, and sing. I don't look like twinky Asian, am in relatively good shape, and think I am better looking than average. I'm also going to graduate from med school pretty soon...I think I'm a catch, but apparently other people don't...

I'm not waiting around for anyone...I joke with my friends that I have an open season policy now...just someone...anyone...I also tell them that if I'm still a V by the time I'm 35, I'm going to hire a hooker...lol...

Well, if I think about it, I've probably touched more dick/balls and fingered more people in my life than the sluttiest of whores, but too bad it wasn't for sexual reasons...haha!

 

[Carlo1991]

How old were you when you first had sex?

21, i'm really shy too

 

[Carlo1991]

Have you ever used dating pages for years without finding a partner?

No, i was in gayromeo and i'm in gayspace(an italian commmunity of gays), in less than one week I found 3-4 guys interest in me (and i'm not beautiful) and in 2 month i met the first

 

[MorrisseyX]

I'm in the same boat...I'm getting close to 30 and have still never even been kissed.

For the people giving advice, I think many of y'alls suggestions are quite valid, but I have done of the things that people have suggested in this thread with no results. At least for me, I know that race has been a major barrier. I seriously yet to meet people who are into Asians...not even other Asians. I have been rejected more times for being Asian than anything else, whether at a bar or online. I understand people have their preferences, but to be completely ignored is downright rude.

At this point in my life, I'm getting to the point where I'm running out of things to work on myself to attract someone. I think overall, I'm very happy where I am in life right now, but I've just been missing out on relationships. I'm just kinda at a loss for what I can actually try at this point.

And not to sound like a dating ad right now, but I think I'm pretty sociable, and have confidence and a sense of humor. I have great style, athletic (kinda...? Running marathons counts, right?), I can play 2 instruments, and sing. I don't look like twinky Asian, am in relatively good shape, and think I am better looking than average. I'm also going to graduate from med school pretty soon...I think I'm a catch, but apparently other people don't...

I'm not waiting around for anyone...I joke with my friends that I have an open season policy now...just someone...anyone...I also tell them that if I'm still a V by the time I'm 35, I'm going to hire a hooker...lol...

Well, if I think about it, I've probably touched more dick/balls and fingered more people in my life than the sluttiest of whores, but too bad it wasn't for sexual reasons...haha!

Just wondering, why don't you put an ad on Adam4Adam that's a hook up site and I guarantee you will get action. I am just asking, are you saying that other Asian gay men won't give you a chance because you are Asian? I am really surprised.
Do you live in a major city or close to a major city? In Toronto, there are tons of white guys who love Asian guys. There are specific events and parties in Toronto specifically for white men into Asian men. If you are in America, then I can see your point about race being a barrier. I hear Americans are very racist in relation to interracial sex and that kind of a thing.

 

[airtw0004]

Just wondering, why don't you put an ad on Adam4Adam that's a hook up site and I guarantee you will get action. I am just asking, are you saying that other Asian gay men won't give you a chance because you are Asian? I am really surprised.
Do you live in a major city or close to a major city? In Toronto, there are tons of white guys who love Asian guys. There are specific events and parties in Toronto specifically for white men into Asian men. If you are in America, then I can see your point about race being a barrier. I hear Americans are very racist in relation to interracial sex and that kind of a thing.

Uh, I don't think I'm quite ready to jump all the way to anonymous sex just yet...lol. I would at least like to know the person beforehand...

And yes, I have been rejected by other Asians for being Asian.

Well I as for the white guys that are into Asian men, I don't want to be seen as an object to fulfill their fetish. I'd rather someone date me because of my personality or whatever rather than the simple fact that I'm Asian.

And yes, I am in America, close to a big city full of white guys and very little diversity.

 

[dpnice]

Well I as for the white guys that are into Asian men, I don't want to be seen as an object to fulfill their fetish. I'd rather someone date me because of my personality or whatever rather than the simple fact that I'm Asian.

................

Be careful here. Remember being Asian is part of what you are and will obviously be a factor that attracts other men to you. It may just be that the guy is attacted to you because you are an interesting, communicative, companionable Asian.

 

[Blk_Thickness]

Lol, how ironic, I am watching 40 year old virgin right now!