I don't like being touched.....wtf?

[Sunshine]

Ugh...alright. I met this really fun guy he's like the coolest person in the world. But I cannot stand when he or anyone else touches me. I HATE it. I mean...it's just...not fun.

I don't know what's wrong. I KNOW I'm gay so thats not an issue. I make out with my girlfriends allllll the time, my best friend gave me a damn hickey today and I gave her one. But I hated it. This guy I like is awesome. I can kiss him and be physical but I cannot stand doing it.

I have no idea whats going on. I've pretty much felt like this my entire life. Maybe I should be like ... celibate my whole life. I talk to my friends about it and the first thing they ever ask me is if I was molested when I was younger and honestly...I cannot freaking remember if thats the cause then...I don't remember it happening or maybe I was too young to remember. I dunno I just want it to stop because I think he gets the feeling I don't like him when I can barely hug him back without feeling just....wrong.

 

[SurferBoyKai]

maybe it's the collective guilt like, instilled unto us by the puritan values of this country. that's my opinion anyways brah. but hey, where in florida are you?

 

[Love_chair]

Oh this must be very complicated for you and when I first started reading the post I was thinking maybe you was sexually abused as a child and have trouble with Intimacy because alot of children who are abused have trouble in there adult life but you said you can't remember if you was and you don't no maybe you should do some digging and ask your family if they no of any deep dark secrets maybe you was abused or something or if not maybe your like me you just have a grate fear of sex or a fear of opening yourself up to someone being afraid of geting hurt it can be powerful enough to keep you away from being sexually active with people it does me I hope you get down to the bottom and figure out whats behind it good luck

 

[SurferBoyKai]

love_chair, i don't normally like to correct people on the internet, but brah, punctuation is important

 

[Love_chair]

love_chair, i don't normally like to correct people on the internet, but brah, punctuation is important

sweetie what are you my teacher LOL who gives a shit about punctuation along as people can read it oh darn guess my typing skills are bad but who cares right

 

[gayguy_1]

Your not the only one. I can't stand when ppl i know or don't know touch me, I don't know why. It really bothers me when someone puts their hand on by back, or some one gives me a long hand shake. I end up feeling a little freaked out.
I know how you feel, just adding my thoughts. Take care.

 

[uknowwho57]

not so uncommon so dont fret too much, i agree with the no shaking hands thing and one of my buddies has gone so far as to be tolerable about it and we agreed on the bumping fist greeting. The same group of friends went out on a boat and of course one straight guy was trying to impress the ladies and kept pushing the issues, as in coming up to me with his finger out and the rest of the friends kept telling him he better stop it. Finally i had to call him out and tell him that i am fixing to throw him overboard and that he knows good and well that no one else is going to make the boat stop to pull him back in and to quit ruining the day. I feel the same way about others and feel like i am invading their space unless its a real normal setting where its agreed that touching is ok, like a real "here let me rub your hurting shoulder" or a hug hello from one of my accepted friends that are only the ones allowed to do so. And if your freakin about intimacy then maybe thats just your warning post that your relationship isnt quite ready to advance further, glad to see you got decent responses.

 

[rareboy]

Maybe I should be like ... celibate my whole life. I talk to my friends about it and the first thing they ever ask me is if I was molested when I was younger and honestly...I cannot freaking remember if thats the cause then...I don't remember it happening or maybe I was too young to remember. I dunno I just want it to stop because I think he gets the feeling I don't like him when I can barely hug him back without feeling just....wrong.

I thought you'd already decided to be celibate, although most of us think you need help. I think you suspect you might have been molested as a child too, don't you?

Frankly, I still think you have such serious detachment and emotional issues that you should see someone and talk this through. Otherwise you could just end up being borderline psychopath and that little sunshine avatar isn't going to fool anyone.

 

[G-Lexington]

I'm not a very touchy-feely guy myself, but that said, when I like the guy, I got no problem with him touching me. (I'm extremely ticklish, but that's a different problem, methinks.) Based on other posts of yours, I do think you may have something more deeply rooted here than meets the eye.

Lex

 

[Sunshine]

This is so depressing....

Also, I am ticklish..like bad.
and I'm in Clermont,FL. EW

 

[Dameon]

I have a similar problem: I hate it when people touch me. All of my friends know that they're not allowed to spontaneously touch me (like hugging, or whatever); they can if they make it obvious, or give me warning - it sort of gives me time to prepare myself. In my opinion, this makes me quirky and neurotic, and who doesn't love the Woody Allen types?

I don't have any problem if I'm the one who is doing the touching, however. I know why I'm like this. Here are a couple of (preliminary) questions you can ask, and that I asked myself, to try and identify causes/reasons regarding your aversion to being touched:

- How long have you been like this?
- Was there a time when being touched was normal/okay?
- Can you narrow down the time period from when it was normal/okay to when it wasn't? Did something happen in this period?
- Do you always hate being touched by everyone, or is it only with certain people?
- Do you have body image issues? Are you self-conscious?
- How comfortable are you with being gay?
- Do you suffer from a medical condition (skin disease, etc)?

I could ask questions all day, really, but I'll stop there. Just ask yourself these kinds of questions - and not just the ones I wrote - and maybe you can narrow down whether the problem is, for example, internal (problem with accepting homosexuality), external (sexual molestation) or both.

Well, at least, this is how my brain works, and this method is sort of how I deal with things. Then again, I've been told that I'm bizarrely rational and analytical at times when I shouldn't be.

 

[Sunshine]

- How long have you been like this? AS long as I could remember...

- Was there a time when being touched was normal/okay? No but sometimes it's okay and other times I just get freaked out.

- Can you narrow down the time period from when it was normal/okay to when it wasn't? Did something happen in this period? No I can't, I have no idea if anything happened.


- Do you always hate being touched by everyone, or is it only with certain people? Pretty much everyone.

- Do you have body image issues? Are you self-conscious?
Yes, Yes.

- How comfortable are you with being gay? Very.

- Do you suffer from a medical condition (skin disease, etc)?
Nothing serious. Acne spots sometimes but its nothing.

 

[Dameon]

I didn't really make it clear, but I meant for my questions to be more of an introspective exercise. The idea is to ask yourself a question, and then another, and then another, depending on your answers.

(I don't know if this will help you - it's just the way I think. I live in my head, analysing and re-analysing the way I think and the things I do. I guess I sort of live by a certain principle: that humans aren't as complex as they like to think they are.)

So, for example, you say that sometimes it's okay and sometimes you get freaked out. Well, think of some specific instances of both, and try to compare them. How are they different? Is there some kind of common factor? Like, are you fine with hugging/kissing/touching your girl-friends/friends, but not when it's with guys/romantic interests?

Or, do you think that your self-consciousness is preventing you from accepting the touch/embrace/whatever from someone else?

Does the idea of being touched repulse you, or just the act itself? More specifically, and despite you saying that you're fine with being gay, does the idea of being touched by a male repulse you? What about when it's a girl?

And so on. I'm sorry that my advice is basically a 'DIY answer', but that's all I've got.

 

[JackFTwist]

counseling, is suggest lovingly - a person's life will be eternally unfulfilled if the normal physical human contact between people has a neo-phobic reaction

we have the sense of touch for a reason

for the sake of your future happiness I suggest as a friend that you explore this in therapy

 

[SurferBoyKai]

sweetie what are you my teacher LOL who gives a shit about punctuation along as people can read it oh darn guess my typing skills are bad but who cares right

except that i had a really tough time reading that brah.

Also, I am ticklish..like bad.

so am i!

 

[_tazz_]

EternalLove, do you think you could identify yourself as asexual?

Here's a description from http://www.asexuality.org/

An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community, each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently. Asexuality is just beginning to be the subject of scientific research.

Relationships
Asexual people have the same emotional needs as anyone else, and like in the sexual community we vary widely in how we fulfill those needs. Some asexual people are happier on their own, others are happiest with a group of close friends. Other asexual people have a desire to form more intimate romantic relationships, and will date and seek long-term partnerships. Asexual people are just as likely to date sexual people as we are to date each other.

Sexual or nonsexual, all relationships are made up of the same basic stuff. Communication, closeness, fun, humor, excitement and trust all happen just as much in sexual relationships as in nonsexual ones. Unlike sexual people, asexual people are given few expectations about the way that our intimate relationships will work. Figuring out how to flirt, to be intimate, or to be monogamous in a nonsexual relationships can be challenging, but free of sexual expectations we can form relationships in ways that are grounded in our individual needs and desires.

Attraction
Many asexual people experience attraction, but we feel no need to act out that attraction sexually. Instead we feel a desire to get to know someone, to get close to them in whatever way works best for us. Asexual people who experience attraction will often be attracted to a particular gender, and will identify as gay, bi, or straight.

Arousal
For some sexual arousal is a fairly regular occurrence, though it is not associated with a desire to find a sexual partner or partners. Some will occasionally masturbate, but feel no desire for partnered sexuality. Other asexual people experience little or no arousal. Because we don’t care about sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and focus their energy on enjoying other types of arousal and pleasure.

Note: People do not need sexual arousal to be healthy, but in a minority of cases a lack of arousal can be the symptom of a more serious medical condition. If you do not experience sexual arousal or if you suddenly lose interest in sex you should probably check with a doctor just to be safe.

Identity
Most people on AVEN have been asexual for our entire lives. Just as people will rarely and unexpectedly go from being straight to gay, asexual people will rarely and unexpectedly become sexual or vice versa. Another small minority will think of themselves as asexual for a brief period of time while exploring and questioning their own sexuality.

There is no litmus test to determine if someone is asexual. Asexuality is like any other identity- at its core, it’s just a word that people use to help figure themselves out. If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so.

The biggest misunderstanding about asexuality is that asexuals cannot feel any kind of romantic feelings towards other people. That is not true. They can feel romantic feelings and identify themselves as straight, gays, or bisexuals (at least some of them) but they lack the sexual need to touch, to have sex, and so on...

I know this subject is widely unaccepted, and people seem to try and find answers from issues such as childhood molestation and so on, but some people really do not feel sexual attraction which to sexuals seem so necessary.

There's an active forum on that site ("enter community" - I've read it once in a while out of curiosity), maybe you could check it out?

 

[rareboy]

Note: People do not need sexual arousal to be healthy, but in a minority of cases a lack of arousal can be the symptom of a more serious medical condition. If you do not experience sexual arousal or if you suddenly lose interest in sex you should probably check with a doctor just to be safe.

Just sayin...........

 

[ElMmSM]

I'm the same way, I don't like people touching me. At all.

 

[Blacksheep]

It depends why you don't like being touched or how bad the feeling is/what the feeling is when you're being touched. Sensory sensitivity isn't that uncommon and can be indicative of quite a few psychological syndromes. Or it could just be a symptom of you not feeling comfortable with yourself your partner or a myriad of other possibilities. Nor does it indicate that you were molested. I was friends with a number of boys who were molested (it was their neighbour I knew them from school but was best friends with one of them) and none of them minded being touched. My ex-fiancee on the other hand who had never been molested started off not even wanting me in her personal space (this is whilst we were dating) due to what could best be described as a feeling of claustrophobia.

 

[maxpowr9]

I dont like to be touched unless i intiate the touching. I know it sounds stupid but thats just how I am.