I dont want to be gay...

[Christopher123]

I guess I want to know if there are people who were gay but are now straight and are happy?

No.

You are what you are. And the first step in coming to terms with your feelings is to admit what you are and how you feel and then take it from there.

I know someone personally who denied all of his life that he was gay. He even married a woman. Their relationship is now dust because she found gay porn on his computer and kicked him out of the house. This is a tough situation for me in particular because I am the one he's setting his sights on. But that's another story for another time, you are the focus here.

My point is simply that you can't (and shouldn't) pretend to be something you're not. If you feel you're gay then you need to acknowledge that and come to terms with it the best way you know how. Which isn't always an easy thing. And that's what WE are here for, to talk to and help you figure out your direction.

Keep posting and asking questions. The guys here are phenomenal and will do their best to help you in any way they can.

Chris

 

[Runner1]

^ Wonderful response.

You can try and supress your feelings, and force yourself to be straight.. but you'll never truly be happy.

A lot of us didn't like the fact that we were gay.. but you get used to it... trust me.. it's not so bad as society makes it out to be.

I really don't know what else to say after Christopher123's post.

 

[Christopher123]

You can try and supress your feelings, and force yourself to be straight.. but you'll never truly be happy.
I really don't know what else to say after Christopher123's post.

You've said it. And very well said indeed.

 

[degrandm]

^ Wonderful response.

You can try and supress your feelings, and force yourself to be straight.. but you'll never truly be happy.

A lot of us didn't like the fact that we were gay.. but you get used to it... trust me.. it's not so bad as society makes it out to be.

I really don't know what else to say after Christopher123's post.

i agree with all the others you got to be Thur to yourself good luck with the rest of your lift

 

[Absolut]

I dont plan on living longer (not that Im going to kill myself or anything) but ever since Im 8, I guess, Ive told myself Im only going to live until 30. Maybe when I turn 30 Id be living as the "real" me... so I might not be really dead just that I will be true to myself.

Everything Christopher said is dead on.

But this caught my eye. It took me awhile to come to terms with my sexuality as well, and now that I am honest with myself and others I've never been happier. Maybe if you come to terms with it sooner than later, you can be the "real" you before you turn 30. Like you said, be true to yourself! Make each day count, and hopefully you will be a much happier person beyond 30 as well!

Good luck!

 

[yeeeaaahhh]

So, I am just going to put this out there:
You need to realize that everything that is said here comes from a very biast group. Most of the guys here accepted their sexuality, and most likely didn't really try to change it. Meaning, they are not going to be very open to the idea of "changing ones sexuality". I am here to tell you that it can and has happened.
I used to think that I was gay. Which is what brought me to JUB in the first place. In the past few months however, I realized that homosexuality is not the place for me. I was kind of like you though. I would jump back and fourth from being gay to being straight. When I would think about my future I would see me, and my wife, and children, and what not. But then again, gay porn was just way hotter then straight porn, and I wanted to fuck a guy, not so much with a girl. So, not wanting to be gay I started seeing a councelor, who kind of helped me find myself and eventually I just kind of grew out of it. I'm not saying that that is what is going to happen with you, but I am just giving you some hope that maybe you can change things for yourself. You can do whatever you want to! And don't let anyone tell you that you are stuck as a homosexual; you are not to be limited like that. (And this is when I am really going to be killed for my opinion) Try and look at it like you would a bad habit. Being gay (for you) can be equivalent to being easily angered. And from there, work with it. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you can get where you want in your sexuality.
Also, if I have offended anyone here I would like to apologize. It is true that we all have different opinions on things, and so I hope that you will respect mine just as I have respected yours.

 

[JackFTwist]

Sexuality can be all over the place at some points in life, it can be very fluid, pueberty and. adolensence are for trying all kinds of things out. I get the feeling that two people here here are not comfortable being gay, because they are not sure they are, and one sounds kind of "assumed" in it.

So, not wanting to be gay I started seeing a councelor, who kind of helped me find myself and eventually I just kind of grew out of it.

I don't beieve that any counselor can make a gay person straight - that cannot happen absent a string dose of brainwashing and heavy pressure and guilt and that won't. A good neutral counselor can help a person who maybe is a 2 or 3 on the Kinsey scale come to self understanding that they are essentially straight.

You have to be yourself - whatever is true for yourself. I was like a self-perceived 3-4 on the Kinsey thing and then moved to 4-5 based on some things (when I began to know I was repressing/lying to myself) and a good counselor helped me get very comfortable with that I looked into myself and knew I was ending up a 5-6 because that really is what I am, it is a self-realization.

So as I have said to everyone all day - explore the issues with a good counselor over time in your real life and enjoy the directed self growth that results, which will answer your questions much more than any group of strangers can on an internet board.

 

[MainEntry]

Sometime in my late 20s I suddenly had this feeling that "this is the way it's going to be", i.e., I'm always going to be gay. It was both scarry and liberating. The sooner one realizes one's situation/orientation, the sooner one will accommodate and begin to feel happy and fulfilled.

 

[yeeeaaahhh]

Sexuality can be all over the place at some points in life, it can be very fluid, pueberty and. adolensence are for trying all kinds of things out. I get the feeling that two people here here are not comfortable being gay, because they are not sure they are, and one sounds kind of "assumed" in it.



I don't beieve that any counselor can make a gay person straight - that cannot happen absent a string dose of brainwashing and heavy pressure and guilt and that won't. A good neutral counselor can help a person who maybe is a 2 or 3 on the Kinsey scale come to self understanding that they are essentially straight.

You have to be yourself - whatever is true for yourself. I was like a self-perceived 3-4 on the Kinsey thing and then moved to 4-5 based on some things (when I began to know I was repressing/lying to myself) and a good counselor helped me get very comfortable with that I looked into myself and knew I was ending up a 5-6 because that really is what I am, it is a self-realization.

So as I have said to everyone all day - explore the issues with a good counselor over time in your real life and enjoy the directed self growth that results, which will answer your questions much more than any group of strangers can on an internet board.

Okay, so, if people should just "accept" who they are, then what about other aspects of life? What if I am born with a natural high amount of anger. Should I just accept that and eventaully kill someone out of anger? Or should I try and fix it. Obviously I should try and fix it. It can be the same thing with homosexuality.

 

[ladygrey]

Oh angels...

I'm very sad to hear you talk about yourselves and your life in such a way.

it reminds me of my own past.

See, I once to believed that I could keep pretending and change it. And that if I stopped the porn and started praying, I'd get better.

But lover, here's the truth.

I couldn't change a thing. Maybe I could have sex with a woman. Perhaps. But I could never love her, not the same way I can love a man.

And I don't want to live a life without love, eh? Or I don't want some poor soul to have to ethier. So I accepted, that whether or not homosexuality was right, it was my burden to bear.

As I grew older, it became a blessing. Now, I am very greatful that God made me the way he did. He knew I had a very important role on this earth and being gay was a part of it.

Now, I'm not suggesting that being gay is some divinely appointed mission. But I am saying that you need time to explore what being gay means.

Don't look to the media or brokeback mountian. Don't look to porn or will and grace. Look to us. Look to some the real people on this site. Stick around. Read blogs (mine might help show you a window in).

And dearie,

Learn to love yourself. Please. You are a wonderful person, straight or gay.

And as for bias? I'm only biased in that I want you to be safe and happy.

Your sexuality really isn't what matters here. Its that you promise to love and support yourself first, no matter what.

 

[JackFTwist]

Okay, so, if people should just "accept" who they are, then what about other aspects of life? What if I am born with a natural high amount of anger. Should I just accept that and eventaully kill someone out of anger? Or should I try and fix it. Obviously I should try and fix it. It can be the same thing with homosexuality.

I believe that I wrote my post so badly it was not comprehensible to you.

I agreed with you that counseling is good. It helped you resolve issues important to you as I read your post. I suggest it for our original thread starter.

I did not say that people should just accept who they are. Certainly we all need to make adjustments in life and deal with issues that interfere with life.

I don't believe a counselor (or anything) can turn a gay person straight. On the Kinsey sclae which runs 1-6, 1 as totally straight, 6 as totally gay, people fall somewhere on the continuim. I think a person who is a 2 or 3 can discover that they are happiest as a 1 and move in that direction and thus be totally straight, and happiest. I was atempting to support your post and as well that of the original poster. I regret that I wrote it so badly that I failed.

 

[brisboy21]

Hummm.......

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Dorkman,

Welcome to JUB mate...and thank you for your post.

First of all you need to know this. A lot of us HAVE been where you are. MOST of us have questioned our sexuality. SOME have hated and despised themselves for it for thankfully short periods and others for painfully long periods. SOME have been str8, some bi and some gay.

Yes we are a biased group. We are a group thats pretty determined to stick by you as you walk through this difficult and confusing part of your life. No one here will try and tell you what you are or should be. But we will try and answer your questions and give you advice if you ask for it.

A lot of our confusion comes from our own perceptions of what it is to be normal. A lot of us picture the wife, the children and the dog as the ideal of what life should be...and for some it is. For others happiness lies in the companionship of a partner without children. For some its the endless roundabout of sexual partners. And for some its a lifetime spent with another man who cares and loves them. Each persons ideal is their own. Its when we confuse that with what we think society wants us to be that we start to feel unsure.

Being gay too is an individual thing. For some just the touch of a loving partner is enough. For others too much physical contact will never be enough. For others again a life of abstenance is the choice.

Dorkman, your happiness is the most critical thing here. You are obviuosly a guy with compassion, respect and love in droves if people think you are too nice. You must have values and respect that people can see for miles. Being gay or bi changes none of those things. You will always be who you want to be. Your values will always be yours, as will your compassion and ability to love. Your sexual orientation is just one part of the puzzle that is really you.

Not wanting to be gay and not seeing yourself happy as gay is not unusual at frist. But you should know that its not wrong. Its not something that you have control over...regardless of what caused it. Your feelings and emotions are all very real and very valid. No one has the right to tell you what you feel is wrong. No one has the right to tell you what can or cant make you happy. You need to beleive that. If you dream of just lying with a man and you being happy then thats what makes you happy. Thats your individual dream and desire... and its sure not wrong.

You deserve to be comfortable with who you are and its ok for you to be confused with your sexuality. This is a journey that you are starting out on and its the process of self dicovery that you need to focus on. The answers may appear tomorrow or they could take weeks or months. Just take one day at a time mate...there no right or wrong answer. Just let your feelings guide you. You are an intelligent guy mate. Your own thoughts and desires will guide you.

You are a worthy and courageous guy. Your values and qualities are obviuos. Be proud of who you are no matter whether you are gay or not. Theres more to you than that. But if you are gay then you are still deserving and worthy. You are still a real loving caring person. None of that changes.

Remember that you are surrounded by friends and support here no matter the outcome, no matter how long the journey lasts. We're here for the long haul.

 

[Irishmaestro]

In my experience, there's no running away from what you are. You can try to, but it will inevitably catch up with you again.

A few years ago, I went through the same 'I don't want to like blokes' thing and, while I tried to concentrate totally on girls (I'm bi, you see), I couldn't get away from the fact that I'm more attracted to guys than I am to girls. Since then, I've not really been very fussed over my sexuality.

You really need to learn to love yourself, and that includes your sexuality, whatever it may be. If you think you're gay, then so be it. maybe you are.

One thing I've got to say, though, is that I would discourage you from over-labelling yourself. It's astonishing what some people deny themselves because of it. A gay mate of mine met this girl a few weeks ago, and it seemed that he was really into her. I mean, she asked him out an' all, but he thought that since he was "gay", he couldn't. You should never do that. EVER.

If you're attracted to guys and to girls (though, I'm not sure about what you meant by being attracted to girls "not sexually"), then you may want to consider the possibility that you're bisexual. =)

Happy Christmas, matey. =)

 

[Soilwork]

Sorry, bud, but you can't change your sexual orientation.

It can't be done and it's pointless to try.

(and ignore the guy here who claims it can be done. you'll notice that he's been a member since march and only comes to check out the porn. His drive-by post isn't there to help you.. it's there to reassure himself.)

I didn't want to be gay. I also didn't want to be short or bald.

but here I am, a short, bald, 38 year-old man who's had to learn to love himself.

You can too.

 

[Pringle]

^ As usual Soilwork says it best.

Sorry I didn't read all of your long post but to quote from one of my blogs "to ignore the facts doesn't change the facts" and anyone who says you can learn not to be gay is ignoring the facts.

To say "learn to love yourself" does sound cheesy but it is so true and it is one of those things that we ALL have to do whether we are gay or not.

Good luck with it.

 

[hermanding]

really hope you can accept your nature and be happier for it. being gay is just as valid and deserving as not being gay. i just cannot imagine trying to be something i am not - when it is so basic and fundamental. all the best to you
ding

 

[Reprobate]

Just do what feels natural, don't try to think about choices when it comes to feelings. I am a married gay man and I know how hard it is to live a life that is counter to your feelings and needs. It is also hard on my wife now that she knows what is going on.

Also you sound depressed, it is not ok to live everyday believing that you are going pass away at 30. Get some counseling so you can be happy with who you are.

 

[luminum]

Just do what you want, but just accept what happens when you're done.

And don't discount that when you're 30, you might have accepted being gay and lost all this guilt you feel. ::shrug::

 

[bigpayback]

To Dorkman: I think it took balls to post this thread. I give your major props. You hit it right on the nail because what you described is how a LARGE amount of men feel. Oh by the way, is it even Dorkman who's feeling this way? Because I remember reading that Dorkman found this thread and said he was just enlightened. Hmm.. So I'm not sure.

Anyway, I don't believe in labels. I honestly think people feel the way they feel. Some straight people happen to only like girls. That's their taste. It's strange. I think it's as mysterious as the question of how did the world start. I know God created the world, but then who created God? Hopefully you understand where I'm coming from. I question the randomness of everything. Was God just random. Where is the beginning point? Anyway, no one can answer those type of questions, and I think the same applies to sexuality. Everyone has their personal feelings. There are gay people who have some sexual feelings for te opposite sex, but they may have dominant feelings for the same sex.

Also, has anyone wondered why some lesbians like masculine women. Logically, it makes you think if a woman wanted to be with a masculine woman, why wouldn't she just be with a man, and the same goes for men who love feminine men. The answer is that people just feel the way they feel. They get an attraction and there's no denying that attraction.

I personally love men, but I really like women. Like the chick in my avatar, the tennis player Elena Dementieva, I would get with her if I had the chance. She has a beautiful body that I'd love to see naked. That turns me on sexually, but then I also love men and the male physique. But of course, I prefer masculine men. So essentially, I love feminine women, and masculine men.

Well, I just thought I'd put my two cents in. Honestly, I haven't told my family that I like men, but I'm at a crossroads. I realize it's the key to happiness, but it sure isn't easy, but then again life isn't easy.