I dont want to be gay...

[NickCole]

Sure I'm attracted to guys. But I am also attracted to girls, although not sexually. I like how a girl smells like, how amazing they are... but thinking about it, it's the same with a guy. But when it comes to girls Im more like a friend to them.

I'd say that sounds like you're gay.

When I was a teenager and in my 20s I had sexual relationships with both guys and girls. I enjoyed sex with women; in fact intercourse with a woman was incredibly satisfying, physically. But my emotional fulfillment has always been with men.

I did not want to be gay. After the first time I had sex with a man, my guilt and self-disgust was so potent I wanted to kill myself.

Because I feel a measure of sexual attraction to women, and appreciate them and love to be with them (throughout my life I've always had a male best friend and a female best friend, and truth be told, my female best friends have been more constant best friends to me) I could have faked it and married a woman. But I knew the truth, in my gut. I'm gay. I know the difference between how it feels to me to be with a man as opposed to with a woman -- and for me, the emotional, physical, spiritual connection with a man is the way it's supposed to feel with a life mate, a spouse.

You know --or eventually you'll know-- which is right for you, too. I can tell you with absolute certainty that you will, in the end, live a happier, more comfortable and more fulfilled life if you live it as your genuine self rather than pretending to be something you're not. If you're gay, be gay.

 

[tallguy297]

I guess what Im really asking here is for people to stop being judgemental. I dont really care if I am gay or straight, as long as people wont judge me for it. I try not to judge others and I know it's not easy, so I know what Im asking for is impossible and it will never happen. But I hope people will try as hard as I do.
I guess what I have to do now is focus on my happiness as well as the ones around me. At the moment I overlook my own happiness. Believe me when I say that I get happy when I see the people around me happy. But then in their happiness, they notice that Im not entirely happy.

Hi again Dorkman,

Part of your ability to focus on being happy is the ability to let others see you completely. You are worried about others being judgemental which is only natural but until you arm them with all the facts, about how you feel, how you care, how you love and most of all, until you arm them with all the facts about WHO you are...you prevent them from knowing and accepting the whole you.

You are like most of us when we face making the decision about revealing our inner thoughts feelings and fears. We try to preempt what others will think. We try to figure out other peoples reactions before hand so we can prepare ourselves for the worst. Part of your unhappiness in yourself is because you think that no one could accept the real you.

Dorkman, its really clear to me the type of guy you are. You are caring, compassionate, selfless and loving. Thats who people see. Thats who those around you who notice that you arent happy worry for and care for.

Its a hard thing but part of this process is to learn to trust. To trust in your own worth...and the worth of others. To trust that people care and love you. That people will accept you with open loving arms because all they want is for the real you to be happy. To trust that you are the same loving person ...gay or not.

Your happiness comes with letting the real you shine...letting your real potential be realised. Its sad but part of our happiness comes with the acceptance of ourselves through the eyes of others. When we harbor thoughts and feelings that make us feel different we often think that we wont be accepted. But to your true friends and family you are who you are.

Your fears of being judged are only true if you let people see the real you. The honest open you. And then mate if those who judge you do so harshly then they were not the people you thought they were.

Your values and ability to respect and care for others are attributes that are truly admirable. Give those around you the chance to see that you are worthy of those things returned.

 

[dellboy5]

Just thought Id say that I read this thread and it was enlightening.

Anyway, I know I am different from the other guys. When I was a young boy people around me can tell because I act a little different, Im not manly and Im "too nice". Im not overly gay, but at the back of my head i know my family knows i am. I do get asked a lot if I have a girlfriend yet, etc. I hate it because I have other brothers but im always the one they ask. They dont ask my other brothers because they know they're not. I didnt choose to be gay, but why am I gay? Sometimes I tell myself that everybody is gay cos I hear/read a lot of things about straight guys doing gay things, etc. So maybe I did choose to be gay, in the same way those straight guys chose to do gay things, but I just didnt know exactly where I made that decision. Im not here saying that being gay is wrong. Even if its being more accepted now than before. I just dont want to be gay. I dont see myself happy as a gay man. Sure I think it will be nice to have a guy I can be close with. I had dreams where I am not having sex with a guy but we were just lying together and it felt great! But up until now, Im like switching between gay and straight. And whenever Im gay, all I do is look at porn and feel guilty. When Im straight I feel happy about myself but then I know Im not straight and it depresses me.

I guess I want to know if there are people who were gay but are now straight and are happy? I dont even know if that's possible. Or if it would be easy to go through life without coming out at all. I dont plan on living longer (not that Im going to kill myself or anything) but ever since Im 8, I guess, Ive told myself Im only going to live until 30. Maybe when I turn 30 Id be living as the "real" me... so I might not be really dead just that I will be true to myself.

i have the same problem, i look at gay porn but i dont like to be with a man, i go to the mall bathroom and when a guy sucks me or jerks me off i dont feel anything, i wanna get married to a women and have kids and the whole nine yards. i had a blowjob from a girl myage and i like it,i dont consider myself gay but not straight more as bi

 

[Soilwork]

i have the same problem, i look at gay porn but i dont like to be with a man, i go to the mall bathroom and when a guy sucks me or jerks me off i dont feel anything, i wanna get married to a women and have kids and the whole nine yards. i had a blowjob from a girl myage and i like it,i dont consider myself gay but not straight more as bi

Oh man... THAT a good life plan. Man... we'll be hearing about THAT one in 20 years.

 

[M4P]

Oh man... THAT a good life plan. Man... we'll be hearing about THAT one in 20 years.

Please keep in mind this is a no flame zone

 

[dellboy5]

Oh man... THAT a good life plan. Man... we'll be hearing about THAT one in 20 years.

what really, everytime im with a man i think about a girl, i enjoy being with a girl, i love pussy, the onlything is i look at gay porn

 

[Soilwork]

what really, everytime im with a man i think about a girl, i enjoy being with a girl, i love pussy, the onlything is i look at gay porn

Ok.

whatever you say.

Apparently when one's bullshit detector goes off, it's flaming, so here...

You go ahead and have covert sex with men in public places. Never have sex with girls... I mean, you're attracted to them, so you know.. you don't want to have SEX with them or anything.

Keep getting off to gay porn like all straight men do.

We'll see you in a while.

Oh... by the way, you should send a PM to BiMarriedMale (he hangs out in the Bi forum in the Naughty Bits area). You have much in common with him and I'm sure you'll be friends.

Hugs.

 

[dellboy5]

i never had sex with a guy or a girl, iahd the same amount of blow jobs with girls as guys and i stoped going to the bathroom and had the last two blowjobs from girls

 

[M4P]

i never had sex with a guy or a girl, iahd the same amount of blow jobs with girls as guys and i stoped going to the bathroom and had the last two blowjobs from girls

dellboy5, what exactly are you looking for from this thread? Perhaps if you come clean with your fellow JUBers they can provide the help and insight I believe you are looking for

 

[dellboy5]

i dont know, i just dont want to be gay

 

[M4P]

Give it some serious thought and ask questions. Continuing to post as you just have is not going to help

We're all here to help but you need to lay your cards on the table or you will continue to frustrate the well meaning guys and gals who post in this forum

 

[spreadeagle]

"And whenever Im gay, all I do is look at porn and feel guilty."

Duh! So stop looking at porn.

 

[Soilwork]

Actually no.. "duh.. stop feeling guilty.. it's your dick.. give it what it wants."

 

[Soilwork]

OH, robert.. don't forget that handsome asshole who told you to start loving Eric more than your public image. I mean he was ON to something.

 

[Soilwork]

yeah, but this one is much better.

 

[CoolBlue71]

Just thought Id say that I read this thread and it was enlightening.….

No.

What's really funny from the "straight" perspective is this "choosing" to be gay. The only way someone non-hetero is choosing what is the minority is the U.S. is through self-realization, self-acknowledgment, and the self-respect to move forward with one's life.

There are two types of "straight" people who think a non-hetero can control such a thing. The first are the Jerry Falwell types who believe that people choose to be gay because of some dysfunction in their background. The second are the type of straight people who would say, "I'm okay with you're homosexual. Just don't have the sex and relationships that a part of the identity of being non-heterosexual."

It's unrealistic.

Notice that we never say anyone has chosen to be "heterosexual." Notice that there is never any talk about the diversity in sexual practices -- and going into descriptive specifics over what those practices entail. There isn't much probing into the issue of human sexuality anymore. And when it comes to the second group described above, well…they are the ones who have gone to the voting booths in different states to vote in opposition of same-sex marriage and same-sex couples' rights. Some of them do it for religious reasons -- but even those who don't go to church on Sundays or practice religion are those same voters.

"I [don't] want to be gay": If we lived in a country where enough people didn't oppose diversity outside of heterosexuality, not too many people who aren't hetero would be saying to themselves, "I don't want to be gay."

 

[CoolBlue71]

After reading your post, I feel like I'm reading about myself! You have received some good advice here and that is to accept yourself for who you are! I fought this for most of my adult life, as I didn't want to be gay either. I attempted suicide at 14 all because my mother told me all gays were sodomites worthy of only death. I hated myself, I hated how I felt, and the thought of being gay just depressed me. I married at a very young age all in the hopes that my wife might change me. I prayed profusely to God in the hopes he might heal me from such thoughts. I read all the Christian books that talked about how the homosexual might change their sexual preference. The truth is, my suicide was a failure, my wife died in a car accent after two years of marriage, God never answered my prayers concerning my deliverance from being gay, and any Christian nonsense about changing by sexual preference never worked! I'm gay and that's who I am! I have also come to believe that this is the life God would have me live as well. You need to learn to love yourself for who you are, that is what I eventually had to do, pushing all those other biased opinions and homophobic nonsense aside. I'm now very much in love with a guy, my boyfriend Eric, and wouldn't have it any other way now!

A real offensive question to the religious-practicing citizens: "Did it ever occur to you that God wants there to be heterosexuals, bisexuals, and homosexuals?" Most would say "no." Then again, this is the same group that tells us God is almighty; meanwhile, God, who is all-knowing, all-being, and all-around supreme, just isn't good at handling his money -- and he needs other people to speak for him.

 

[Eric28]

After reading your post, I feel like I'm reading about myself! You have received some good advice here and that is to accept yourself for who you are! I fought this for most of my adult life, as I didn't want to be gay either. I attempted suicide at 14 all because my mother told me all gays were sodomites worthy of only death. I hated myself, I hated how I felt, and the thought of being gay just depressed me. I married at a very young age all in the hopes that my wife might change me. I prayed profusely to God in the hopes he might heal me from such thoughts. I read all the Christian books that talked about how the homosexual might change their sexual preference. The truth is, my suicide was a failure, my wife died in a car accent after two years of marriage, God never answered my prayers concerning my deliverance from being gay, and any Christian nonsense about changing by sexual preference never worked! I'm gay and that's who I am! I have also come to believe that this is the life God would have me live as well. You need to learn to love yourself for who you are, that is what I eventually had to do, pushing all those other biased opinions and homophobic nonsense aside. I'm now very much in love with a guy, my boyfriend Eric, and wouldn't have it any other way now!

I hope nobody doesn't mind me commenting, but I just love this post. Especially since it ends with me, the boyfriend!

After reading this buddy, you made my night! You have definitely come a long way baby and I love you for it!

yeah, but this one is much better.

I agree, I like this public image much better too!

All I can say to dorkman is that you must be true to yourself first or you will never be happy. You will find yourself trying to please other people while you're always sacrificing yourself to a lie! It can be a vicious cycle to be caught in, as Robert knows to well.

 

[colemanshs]

Dude, I have been in the same boat. I have felt the same way in the past and sometimes I still have the same feelings.

"Why can't I be straight like so-and-so"?" or, "Why doesn't he struggle with things like I do?

I have almost come to terms with how things are. I want the white picket fence in suburbia with 2.5 children like the typical American family has. I want to be the husband and have the wife that bakes cookies and is a wonderful mother to our children but I have recently started thinking about how things might not turn out how I want them to--or how my family wants them to.

Being gay is something that I have struggled with a lot in the past. I know how everyone talks about my gay uncle (yes, I'm guilty of it too) and I don't want them to talk about me like that. However, I understand that if they truly love me and care about me they will want me to be happy with a wife or a husband--however it turns out.

Give it some time, dude. I wouldn't come out to anyone until you are sure what you want and you have come to terms with your sexuality. It will only make it harder to handle if you haven't fully grasped it and your family starts raising hell about being gay if your family isn't that accepting of the idea.

Good luck.

 

[Soilwork]

i get weary of people saying "I wanted a white picket fence in the suburbs and 2 kids" as if gay men all have to live downtown in loft apartments and stick inanimate objects up their asses.

You CAN live in the burbs with a stay at home partner who looks after the kids.

He'll just be a guy.

Big deal.

And if your family says mean stuff about your gay uncle.. you have to stop that.. they're saying it about you too, and you can't move on until you allow yourself if do that.