I feel like an idiot!

[MMMonsterBoy]

It is like I've gone back to square one, and I do not like it at square one

So there's this guy, of course, and I liked him the first time I saw him after he looked back at me and smiled. Last evening, he sat next to me and I was expecting it to be just that...but he started talking to me. We introduced ourselves and got to know each other. The chemistry was natural, though he made me so nervous that I probably seemed like a moron. Anyway, he's a real sweet guy. Looked out for me and remembered everything I said (like my birthday and such). Naturally, I was in the clouds pretty much the whole class and afterwards. It is pretty strong, as I get this love song stuck in my head every time I think about him I would like to get to know him more, and I wanna believe that he feels the same...but I realize that I could look like anything from ugly to hot and his response would have been the same. I feel so stupid for liking him when he is most likely straight (though he does seem a little gay). I really don't want to like him, going through the process of building my feelings up only to have them destroyed as always. The thing is, as long as he sits next t me (which he will because it is his permanate seat), I'm going to want to pursue more. Basically, I don't know how to come off of this guy Should I invest in asking him if he is single/trying to see where it leads, or should I just give it a rest? I know the more I see him and talk to him the more my feelings will grow, unless I see him kissing a girl

 

[Blueboy369]

Ask if he has a girlfriend and when he asks you, say "I don't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend at the moment". This will get the message across right away and you can avoid months of trying to find the right time to come out.

 

[Lube]

Why do guys insist on asking other guys to come out for them, but are unable to come out themselves?

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

Ask if he has a girlfriend and when he asks you, say "I don't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend at the moment". This will get the message across right away and you can avoid months of trying to find the right time to come out.

That's actually pretty good advice. I wouldn't mind trying that out.

Why do guys insist on asking other guys to come out for them, but are unable to come out themselves?

It is easier? It would take a lot off pressure off if one simply knew the sexual orientation of a romantic interest, even though that isn't even the hardest part. But you know what that they say, nothing that's good is going to come easy.

 

[Willie Boy]

I would suggest letting things happen naturally. Just let yourselves become friends first and see where it leads. If you work so hard at finding someone, you'll miss the one that fate sends to find you. And the one you choose normally isn't the right one (he'll be the right now one, there's a difference).

 

[Txgoodoldboy]

The thing is, as long as he sits next t me (which he will because it is his permanate seat), I'm going to want to pursue more.

If it goes wrong, will you be sitting next to him for the whole semester?

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

I would suggest letting things happen naturally. Just let yourselves become friends first and see where it leads. If you work so hard at finding someone, you'll miss the one that fate sends to find you. And the one you choose normally isn't the right one (he'll be the right now one, there's a difference).

That is also true. If he isn't gay and/or not into me, I think he would be just a good friend. This being my Freshmen year in college, more friends wouldn't hurt at all.

If it goes wrong, will you be sitting next to him for the whole semester?

Yes, I will be sitting with him all semester as all the other seats are taken. The seats are real close together to so the awkwardness level would be unbearable

 

[KaraBulut]

You realize that you're over-analyzing all of this, right?

You could make a friend or you could be having hotmonkeysex. As long as you're sitting on the sidelines pondering all the "what ifs" you won't have either option.

Life is for living. Now stop all this nonsense and get out there and live it.

 

[Lube]

It is easier? It would take a lot off pressure off if one simply knew the sexual orientation of a romantic interest, even though that isn't even the hardest part. But you know what that they say, nothing that's good is going to come easy.

Of course it is. But why do you think it's easier for him than for you? It's not.

Why expect him to come out if you won't?

That's unreasonable.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

You realize that you're over-analyzing all of this, right?

You could make a friend or you could be having hotmonkeysex. As long as you're sitting on the sidelines pondering all the "what ifs" you won't have either option.

Life is for living. Now stop all this nonsense and get out there and live it.

Well that is why I feel like an idiot I don't know, something about someone that I actually like paying attention to me before I do. Even if he isn't gay or anything, I do admire people that find interest in me first. Usually when I step in first I get taken advantage of or misread intentions. He's just a nice guy, I'm sure. But like I said in my original post, the more I talk to him the more I will most likely lose my mind. You're right though, life is for living. But I'm only 18. Not many people know I am gay. I don't even believe my life has even started, and that's why I like to come here to get opinions based on people with more experience or just a different outlook in general.

 

[Lube]

Not many people know I am gay.

Don't bet on it.

A better phrase would be "I haven't told many people I'm gay."

That's much more believable.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

Of course it is. But why do you think it's easier for him than for you? It's not.

Why expect him to come out if you won't?

That's unreasonable.

Because it would be easier for me, but you are right. The person on the other end could be going through the samething, but I don't think I've ever had to be the first move maker. I prefer it that way too, but depending on how things go maybe I will? As I just posted, no one knows I'm gay. While I've been in a relationship and have had sexual encounters with guys, none of them were based on guys I knew in person beforehand. Approaching someone online isn't nearly as hard as facing someone face to face. I do understand what you're saying, and you're correct.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

Don't bet on it.

A better phrase would be "I haven't told many people I'm gay."

That's much more believable.

That is true. Some people are suspecting, but some people are blind. Bottom line is, I have not confessed to anyone that I like guys and therefor I am not out. So it isn't like I've talked to people around me about guys I have liked and whatnot, so my original point still stands - I am not out and don't have any experience being out.

 

[Lube]

And my original point still stands (asked as a rhetorical question): Come out and you'll see what it's like.

It's awkward at first, but you'll get over it.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

And my original point still stands (asked as a rhetorical question): Come out and you'll see what it's like.

It's awkward at first, but you'll get over it.

I'm sure that is true. I would love to come out, but it easier said than done. It isn't like I want to make a public service announcement saying 'Attention All. I Am a Homosexual. ' I'm sure once I work up the courage, then it will get easier with time. So you're correct, but it is easier said than done and hopefully I can get to the point where coming out to good friends isn't really an issue.

 

[Lube]

As has been said time and time again here: Coming out doesn't mean wearing a t-shirt that says, "I'm gay". It doesn't mean meeting people and saying, "Hi, I'm Joe and I'm gay." Instead, you bring it up in conversation: "Did you see that movie last week? I wish I had a bf who liked movies like that. My favorite movies are..." blah blah blah. Just work it into conversation.

You may have to say "I'm gay" to family or friends you've known a long time. They might need a more direct statement. But new people/friends don't need that.

Once you do it a few times, it becomes pretty easy.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Why do guys insist on asking other guys to come out for them, but are unable to come out themselves?

>>>You could make a friend or you could be having hotmonkeysex.

>>>Coming out doesn't mean wearing a t-shirt that says, "I'm gay"

I'd like to thank Lube and KB for filling in for me while my internet was down.

>>>It isn't like I want to make a public service announcement saying 'Attention All. I Am a Homosexual. '

How many of us do you think have done that? Honestly? Do you think we sent out a press-release, or held a "coming out" party for all our friends and family?

Coming out isn't about rainbow short-shorts or blasting Cher or bodywaxing (unless you want it to be). It's about not living a lie anymore. It's about not playing pronoun games with people ("Yes, I'm dating somebody...") It's about not playing coy with information. It's about being your own fucking self. When someone asks if you're dating somebody, saying "Yeah, we just met, but he seems pretty cool."

I don't introduce myself as gay, but I introduce my partner as my partner. Or I thought I did. My partner was recently talking to a new friend of mine. We've chatted (both with Pubert and without) several times for longish periods. So I assumed he knew everything. Ends up he didn't. When I left, this new friend asked Pubert, "So...do you and Lex...live together?" "Um, yeah. For eleven years now." So sometimes I don't make things abundantly clear. But what IS clear is that I don't hide this information. He may not have known Pubert was my LTR, but he knew that we were together.

Lex

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

I value all of the opinions/suggestions here. One of the reasons I like coming here is to see what people who have been out for a period of time or people that know what they are talking about have to say. Coming out is a big step, and I guess in order for me to really move forward (shy of him making progress) then I'm going to have take the first step. I mean if he turns out to be straight, I'm not going to cry - I just want to know. I'm perfectly content with him and I just being friends, but if I could I'd like to be more than platonic. As the general word here seems to be let him know that I am into guys (though not exactly saying 'So what's the homework? Oh I'm gay by the way'). Thanks for the advice and I will take it one step at a time and keep all the advice given here in mind

 

[rareboy]

Re-read all the advice above.

 

[Telstra]

I value all of the opinions/suggestions here. One of the reasons I like coming here is to see what people who have been out for a period of time or people that know what they are talking about have to say. Coming out is a big step, and I guess in order for me to really move forward (shy of him making progress) then I'm going to have take the first step. I mean if he turns out to be straight, I'm not going to cry - I just want to know. I'm perfectly content with him and I just being friends, but if I could I'd like to be more than platonic. As the general word here seems to be let him know that I am into guys (though not exactly saying 'So what's the homework? Oh I'm gay by the way'). Thanks for the advice and I will take it one step at a time and keep all the advice given here in mind

how about doing abit of naughty hint to him like putting some nude man's pics in your book and let him see by accident and wait for his comments.