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I got confronted at work and it is bothering me.

M

mooki33

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I don't like to deal in labels, but I guess I am bi-sexual. I haven't done anything with a girl in years, but I do still find them attractive, but the pull is stronger to guys. I was at work the other day and this girl I've known about a year brings up in conversation that there are rumors going around about me. I work in a call center and there is lots of sleeping around. My supervisor has bedded many girls and I told him it will catch up to him one day. But I digress, I figured the girl was going to say something like that to me, but then she said some people think you are gay and I told him it's not true and how I'm really cute and she would go for me in a second. About a year and a half ago, I bumped into this guy from work at a gay club and I was so embarrassed because it had never happened before. I told him I was bi and would like to keep it quiet and he said that isn't a problem. But there is a mutual friend of his...who always talks to me now and asks "So are you staying out of trouble?" The way he looks and how he says it...I strongly suspect the guy told him about me. I am a very private person and it troubles me that rumors are swirling about me. I guess it's not the end of the world and it's nobody's business, but I can't stop thinking about it. I am very straight acting. I just wish she had never said anything to me about it.

:(
 
Sex in the work place, even the discussion of sex is never a good idea. Maybe you could say something as simple as "I don't talk about sex at work or even with co-workers outside of the work place" and leave it at that.

I feel your pain. You're right, it is nobody's business but being in the closet can be excruciating. You'll come out in your own time but I venture to guess that until you are comfortable with and unashamed of who you are, including your sexuality, you are going to continue to face embarrassing situations.

Once I quit hiding, the overwhelming sense of freedom was truly liberating. Maybe that's cliche but it was true for me.

Good luck and peace.
 
"It annoys me that my sexual orientation is a topic of discussion, but in truth, it is not something that is going to be discussed in this or any other workplace I am part of."
 
the best experience is not be in the sunshine of your sexualidad and not give two cents for what anyone says. until that is possible, this is one of the curses of life. you can refuse to discuss it - but it stops no one from spreading rumors
ding
 
"I would go for you in a second."
"Really? That's really sweet of you to say."

"Are you staying out of trouble?"
"Other than the murder trial, yeah, for the most part."

"Are you gay?"
"Are you offering to prove it?"

Lex
 
mooki33, I suggest that you deny anything if you have to, unless you don't want to. I have somewhat of a similar story. My mother used to work for a prominent company in Miami; she had a high position there. Anyway, I am very straight acting and the type of guy that girls want and wouldn't suspect of being gay. I had to beat them off with a stick, lol. I had just started college and needed a job, so my mother pulled some strings and I was hired to work in the collections dept of the company. I met a very good-looking guy from another department who happened to be gay. He was married, well, had a partner, but he liked to say that he was married and that he had a husband. We started talking as friends, and I am sure he didn't suspect anything. I am the type of person that gets along and talks with everyone, so there was no suspicion. I decided to tell him that I was gay. We started to fool around, and agreed to keep our little fling a secret. I didn't want my mother to find out, and he and his partner had mutual friends in the company, so we made sure not to tell anyone. Yes, our stories aren't the same, but they both deal with work relations. If I had been caught, I would've DENIED everything. I would've lied 'til my teeth fell out. Moral of the story: DENY, DENY, DENY!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, by the way, we would hook up in the company's restroom. It was hot. I gave him a few blow jobs, and vise versa, right in front of the sinks. The rush of almost getting caught was awesome!!!!!
 
Your sexual orientation is yours and no one else's business.

Give them a lite smile and say, 'Guys, you need to get a life. Mine is just fine.'

This is not about being bi, gay or anything. This is about my privacy.

SC
 
I don't know why people do that.
I have never even thought about or wanted to know anything about my co-workers sex lives.
Your job should be just that - your job.
Your personal life should be just that - personal.
The two don't have to be intertwined.
 
Are these people at work your friends? Do you care about them outside the workplace? If the answer is no, then forget them. Keep your distance; be pleasant, but keep all intereactions work related. If someone strays into your zone of comfort by asking questions like this, just cooly say "I'm sorry, I don't discuss my private life at work" and walk away.

If these people are friends and you do see them outside of work like go to picnics, holiday parties, happy hours, etc. it may be that they are just trying to get to know you better, so they can relate to you, find areas of common interests, and enjoy your company more. If they're friends (in addition to being co-workers) they probably want you to be happy and probably couldn't care less who you sleep with. The fact that it's a guy might be mildly interesting, if only because it's unusual. But, remember, most people care about only themselves, and really don't get all worked up over you and your sex life.

So, either way, I wouldn't fret about it. Unless one of the guys are particuarly interested in coming on to you, I don't think they're spending 10 seconds wondering about you in any serious way. Whatever do you, do protesteth too much...you know what they say about those who do...

Good luck!
 
I have work associates, and friends outside of work. never the two shall meet. Work is work - home is home.
 
No one has any right to confront you about your private life. They are wrong to keep harping at you about it. But at the same time, the sooner you lay your cards on the table with them and say "yeah, deal with it", the sooner it becomes a non-issue. When I first start working at a job, "the question" comes up eventually (usually in the first month or so) and as soon as I answer it, people stop questioning me. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO A PRIVATE LIFE, but people are naturally curious about their workmates. As soon as you make a non issue of it, the sooner they will.
 
Unfortunately when a guy is single and hits his late twenties, the rumors start....I laugh them off myself because as you said it's really no one's business. The less attention you draw to the rumors, the less weight they have -- unless you're a MLB catcher who spent the last several years in New York...

Don't worry about the rumors -- ignoring them will cause them to die down....

mooki33 said:
I don't like to deal in labels, but I guess I am bi-sexual. I haven't done anything with a girl in years, but I do still find them attractive, but the pull is stronger to guys. I was at work the other day and this girl I've known about a year brings up in conversation that there are rumors going around about me. I work in a call center and there is lots of sleeping around. My supervisor has bedded many girls and I told him it will catch up to him one day. But I digress, I figured the girl was going to say something like that to me, but then she said some people think you are gay and I told him it's not true and how I'm really cute and she would go for me in a second. About a year and a half ago, I bumped into this guy from work at a gay club and I was so embarrassed because it had never happened before. I told him I was bi and would like to keep it quiet and he said that isn't a problem. But there is a mutual friend of his...who always talks to me now and asks "So are you staying out of trouble?" The way he looks and how he says it...I strongly suspect the guy told him about me. I am a very private person and it troubles me that rumors are swirling about me. I guess it's not the end of the world and it's nobody's business, but I can't stop thinking about it. I am very straight acting. I just wish she had never said anything to me about it.

:(
Click to expand...
 
For goodness' sake, dude, you're 33! Don't you think it's time to come out already?

If someone asks you, just answer simply, with the truth. I even recommend being proactive and announcing your sexuality to people who haven't even asked you.

Believe me, you'll have a much happier life if you do. You won't have to worry about what people are saying behind your back, and you'd be surprised how many guys will suddenly be interested in you.
 
slobone said:
For goodness' sake, dude, you're 33! Don't you think it's time to come out already?

If someone asks you, just answer simply, with the truth. I even recommend being proactive and announcing your sexuality to people who haven't even asked you.

Believe me, you'll have a much happier life if you do. You won't have to worry about what people are saying behind your back, and you'd be surprised how many guys will suddenly be interested in you.
Click to expand...

Is there some sorta age limit now for coming out? I will come out when I'm ready. It's so funny because straight people don't have to announce their sexuality...so why should I? It's not their business and I think down right rude to ask a person that. Does it bother me yes...but because I am a private person. I am there to work. I might be happier after, but I am not going to be forced into anything. If I go to the grave having never come out, then so be it. Like my grandmother says: People are going to talk. They talked about Jesus and he was on the cross.
 
Thank you everyone. I really appreciate all the feedback and advice. I am just very private. It threw me for a loop when she brought it up to me. It hasn't happened in a VERY long time.
 
hope some of that helped you out. because as everyone has said your sexual orientation is yours and yours alone to discuss or not. having it brought up at work = she shouldnt have gone their at all.
 
slobone said:
For goodness' sake, dude, you're 33! Don't you think it's time to come out already?

If someone asks you, just answer simply, with the truth. I even recommend being proactive and announcing your sexuality to people who haven't even asked you.

Believe me, you'll have a much happier life if you do. You won't have to worry about what people are saying behind your back, and you'd be surprised how many guys will suddenly be interested in you.
Click to expand...

mooki33 said:
Is there some sorta age limit now for coming out? I will come out when I'm ready. It's so funny because straight people don't have to announce their sexuality...so why should I? It's not their business and I think down right rude to ask a person that. Does it bother me yes...but because I am a private person. I am there to work. I might be happier after, but I am not going to be forced into anything. If I go to the grave having never come out, then so be it. Like my grandmother says: People are going to talk. They talked about Jesus and he was on the cross.
Click to expand...

That's a great line, your grandmother must be something else!

Yes, I agree in a perfect world, everybody in a workplace would mind their own business and not care about anybody's sexual orientation. Unfortunately this world ain't perfect.

If you can stand having people talking about you constantly behind your back, and finding ways to bug you about it, etc., fine. I discovered that at some point I just got tired of it. Once I came out they all lost interest in a hurry (except as I mentioned, a couple of guys who got real interested.)

I should also confess that I was older than 33 when I came out for good. That's how I know what you're going through.

Privacy is a myth. You can't be private on the Internet, you can't be private at the office, the only place you can really be private is at home with the blinds drawn, and maybe not even then (I swear the neighbors can hear me when I'm on the phone.)
 
Yeah, although not the same, I really regret telling people at work i'm gay. It's always coming back in conversations and rarely a day doesnt go by without being the topic of conversation - especially with me being the main focus. I would prefer talking about music, whats on tv, life etc. Not what I do in the bedroom.

I guess rumours are worse though because it can get nasty mooki. I guess it can affect how people see you especially when there are plenty of homophobes around in the world.

Just a little about my experience - I work in two jobs - Subway in the day then at a club at Night. Somehow word got round from one guy from work in the club I told to my boss at Subway. Thankfully my manager at subway came out to me telling me she was a lesbian - we're really good friends now! Kind of a bittersweet ending!

Plus a lot of the guy flirt with me all the time now. In a kind of bantery kinda way. It actually annoys deep inside but I play along anyway to keep the peace.
 
mooki... I've been in a similar situation, although I've not been confronted about it to my face. I used to work with this girl and knew her and her husband quite well. She got another job later on but we still kept in contact in the workplace... I worked at the DMV for that state and she started working at a dealership, so yea we did business together still.

Well a friend talked me into going to a gay club one night... my 2nd time ever in my life to go to one (out of a whopping 4 times I should say) and I'm standing up against a well, minding my own business, and I start staring at one of the dancers on the podium. He was HOT... wearing nothing but a red thong! mmm *drools*

Anyway, I start looking around the croud and who else do I see but her husband walking with about 3 other guys only a few feet in front of me. I freaked! I thought "no way, it can't be him - he's married!" so I start watching where he was going. He ends up at a table where his wife was. They all went out to the local gay bar for drinks I guess lol!!!! but as soon as I saw her and she made eye contact with me, I clammed up. I didn't do anything else that night. In fact I did not have a good time simply because I knew someone there that I didn't want to know I was there.

A few days pass at work and I don't hear from her. She calls and talks with other people but never me like she used to. Finally I happen to answer the phone and it's her. She is kinda quiet with me but still nice. She said "Did you have a good time this weekend?" I said "yea, did you?"

That's about it lol. But one of my co-workers later asked me "Tim, I heard you were at a gay bar... is that true?" so I said yea I had a good time there with some friends. This co-worker already knew I had a friend who was a lesbian who had a girlfriend... I told her she talked me into going. My co-worker thought it was cool that I went and she wanted to go... so it all blew over rather well.

But did the girl see me drooling over the dancer? That remains to be seen..... hahaha
 
It's hard. I'm not out at work.

If I overhear somebody making a derogatory remark about gays or two guys are sharing a chuckle over somebody's perceived gayness or something, that hurts.

I remember working somewhere where I really liked my coworker, this nice girl. A guy at the office said something nasty: "I know what Jeff needs," implying that I'm gay.

The girl who I liked so much said in disgust, "Ugh, I HOPE not."

I still remember those words to this day, "Ugh, I HOPE not."

One day I'll get to be totally out. Until then, I'm not going to be passive about comments I hear to me or about others.

Turn it around, IMMEDIATELY. Take back the POWER. Don't let these people and their comments put you or anybody down. Put THEM down RIGHT BACK.

For example, "I heard rumors about you..."

Say: "I've heard a lot of rumors about YOU." And look them right in the eye VERY seriously when you say it. You might want to add while you're STILL looking in their eyes: "A LOT of rumors."

I HATE those "I've heard..." people. They are walking troublemakers and assholes. When I was in high school a TEACHER said that to me. "I heard a rumor about you I hope isn't true."

To this day I remember that remark. FUK him. I should have said, "Oh yeah? I hear lots of rumors about YOU, Mr. Jones. I hope they're not all true either." And I should have stared him down as I said it!!!

"I heard you were gay." Oh yeah? I heard you were straight. That's not true, is it?

A GREAT response to ANY instrusive question: "Why do you ask?" Look them right in the eye when you say it.

The key is to TAKE BACK the power. These people are putting you under them when they speak. Go RIGHT BACK at them. Tell them flat out, "I don't like your comments." Look them IN THE EYE when you say it.

I worked somewhere where this scuzzy cunt who was throwing herself at every guy in my office got jealous because I was friends with somebody she was interested in. In front of everybody I heard her laughing with friends, "I think Jeff wants to date Bob, hahaha."

I confronted the cunt and said, "Bob is my friend. I'll stand by him any place."

But I regret that I didn't LOOK HER IN THE EYE when I said it. I regret that I didn't add: "I don't appreciate your comments AT ALL"--while looking her in the eye.

The point is these people are engaging in TOTAL disrespect of us when they say these things. TOTALLY putting us under them.

And you don't HAVE TO be under them. Fight RIGHT BACK.

To this day I think how I wanted to say in front of everybody: "How DARE you talk about me you fucking SLUT, who throws herself at every guy in this building. You fucking WHORE."

But that would have made me evil and everybody would have hated me. The happy medium would have been to LOOK HER IN THE EYE and in front of everybody say, "I don't appreciate your remarks AT ALL. How DARE you." Then maintain eye contact, very sternly until SHE looks away.

That is TAKING BACK THE POWER.

Truly taking it back would be to come out, but I'm just not entirely there yet.
 
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