On Topic Discussion I hate this time of year!

[G-Lexington]

I have no idea why I thought you were older than I was...

But 6th has a point. My partner and I have gone out to both male strip clubs and (mainly female) burlesque shows...and then just gone home horny as hell with each other.

Lex

 

[bankside]

I know "life is an exploration" and we're "all always evolving and growing" but I do think you need to settle the question of whether you're looking for a conventional relationship or not. You certainly recognise the liberty of others to depart from social conventions about relationships, but I don't know if you've settled the question for yourself.

And the question is not perhaps "what will my romantic life look like in 40 years" (which is how I would have tried to answer the question at one point) but "what kind of relationship is a good beginning point for me to realistically offer someone, and what offers would i accept."

I think it is never too late to answer that question but the early bird does get the (heh heh heh) worm so to speak...

 

[mikey3000]

Well said, Bankside. Kulin, I totally understand how attraction to one or the other can change. That is the premise behind sexual fluidity. But I too think that before you put yourself in a box, you must explore and experience relationships from both sides. Maybe with a little more experience under your belt you'll be able to make a better decision, or if one has to be made at all at this point in your life.

Good luck.

 

[justsimon]

It's the skirts.

 

[Kulindahr]

I know "life is an exploration" and we're "all always evolving and growing" but I do think you need to settle the question of whether you're looking for a conventional relationship or not. You certainly recognise the liberty of others to depart from social conventions about relationships, but I don't know if you've settled the question for yourself.

And the question is not perhaps "what will my romantic life look like in 40 years" (which is how I would have tried to answer the question at one point) but "what kind of relationship is a good beginning point for me to realistically offer someone, and what offers would i accept."

I think it is never too late to answer that question but the early bird does get the (heh heh heh) worm so to speak...

At this time of year, I doubt I could be of positive benefit to anyone just dating.

 

[maxpowr9]

You must be an Autumn child kuli. As a Spring child, I love this time year albeit, it has been quite brisk in New England with some spurts of "summer" weather.

 

[Kulindahr]

It's the skirts.

 

[Kulindahr]

You must be an Autumn child kuli. As a Spring child, I love this time year albeit, it has been quite brisk in New England with some spurts of "summer" weather.

In Autumn there's no jerking of moods and attractions all over the place, It's a crappy season here, damp and gray and wet and depressing, but at least I stay balanced -- the shift from summer attraction to primarily females to winter attraction to primarily males is calm and easy.

In Spring I can be in a space where the hottest guy or hottest chick wouldn't be acceptable, unless there was someone of the other sex to join in, too. In Autumn, I've never had that problem.


I think a big piece of it is I like to be rational, and the surging and rebounding of hormones and moods smashes that too often for comfort, and they're too often overpowering.

 

[maxpowr9]

In Autumn there's no jerking of moods and attractions all over the place, It's a crappy season here, damp and gray and wet and depressing, but at least I stay balanced -- the shift from summer attraction to primarily females to winter attraction to primarily males is calm and easy.

In Spring I can be in a space where the hottest guy or hottest chick wouldn't be acceptable, unless there was someone of the other sex to join in, too. In Autumn, I've never had that problem.


I think a big piece of it is I like to be rational, and the surging and rebounding of hormones and moods smashes that too often for comfort, and they're too often overpowering.

All of that is nice but it doesn't really answer my comment so I will ask it more bluntly. Are you born in the Autumn months, Kuli? My BF is a Summer child (born in July) and when it comes around to Winter, he becomes frigid to everything while I tend to go into "hibernation" mode.

 

[sixthson]

Duh <kicking self smiley> -- hadn't thought of that. That helps.

Duh? Is that sarcasm?

 

[Kulindahr]

All of that is nice but it doesn't really answer my comment so I will ask it more bluntly. Are you born in the Autumn months, Kuli? My BF is a Summer child (born in July) and when it comes around to Winter, he becomes frigid to everything while I tend to go into "hibernation" mode.

Oh -- born in August.

 

[Kulindahr]

Duh? Is that sarcasm?

No. Think of it as an old form of "doh!"

 

[bankside]

At this time of year, I doubt I could be of positive benefit to anyone just dating.

A shade of resignation that I am inclined to disregard.

Not being able to think is fun?

I don't find the seasonally variable attraction enjoyable. This is pure hell.

One of the greatest goals and achievements in my relationship with my guy is having enough solid ground between us that sometimes we can let loose and not have to think…not desire to think. We can enjoy where the hormones take us…or the seasons…or the moods. We can fail to be rational. Method and procedure and convention are beyond reach.. We can get outside our heads and just directly engage with each other without vetting our feelings for the sake of the other person. That is not achievable every day of a relationship. But it is one of the great reasons I work on the relationship I have.

As to the frequency and the intensity, even Spock had Pon Farr. When two (or, say three-ish…four?) people are in the moment together, that kind of powerful emotion is not to be feared but faced head on. By all means develop suitable precautions in advance, but in this regard, in the private world of a consensual relationship, the Welder's Arc of Emotion does not blind.


ON another note, from the history you've shared about the repressive attitudes towards sex in your environment growing up, you would do well to remind yourself that your attractions are not a shameful imposition, but a compliment given freely and generously and without obligation.

And noticing the erotic potential of so many people is not a scattershot shortcoming, but merely indicative that you are paying attention.

 

[Kulindahr]

One of the greatest goals and achievements in my relationship with my guy is having enough solid ground between us that sometimes we can let loose and not have to think…not desire to think. We can enjoy where the hormones take us…or the seasons…or the moods. We can fail to be rational. Method and procedure and convention are beyond reach.. We can get outside our heads and just directly engage with each other without vetting our feelings for the sake of the other person. That is not achievable every day of a relationship. But it is one of the great reasons I work on the relationship I have.

As to the frequency and the intensity, even Spock had Pon Farr. When two (or, say three-ish…four?) people are in the moment together, that kind of powerful emotion is not to be feared but faced head on. By all means develop suitable precautions in advance, but in this regard, in the private world of a consensual relationship, the Welder's Arc of Emotion does not blind.


ON another note, from the history you've shared about the repressive attitudes towards sex in your environment growing up, you would do well to remind yourself that your attractions are not a shameful imposition, but a compliment given freely and generously and without obligation.

And noticing the erotic potential of so many people is not a scattershot shortcoming, but merely indicative that you are paying attention.

Helpful observations, I think. But if only it were just "paying attention"! This is more like spending hours at a time like an early teen, unable to talk or form complete sentences when face-to-face with some 'beautiful creature"! Here's one symptom: I get so dyslexic it takes me twice as long (or more) to type sentences. "Paying attention" is more like what I used to do at malls or on campus when I was beginning to accept it was okay to be sexual -- cataloging which of the people going by I would take skinnydipping. This is more like getting kicked in the face. It also has the obnoxious side effect (?) of not being able to catch any signals from others that they're interested, friendly, impatient, upset, etc.

I noticed yesterday that being with a friend in whim I have no romantic interest at all somewhat mitigates the effect.


I know my doc said that with all the years of suppressing any sign of sexuality at all, I'll be experiencing things most people did as teenagers, but this is ridiculous! How did people get through high school?!?!

 

[G-Lexington]

I think you're understanding things like high school drama, teen pregnancy and "masturbation addiction" a lot more now.

Lex

 

[bankside]

It is a skill you can build. Be mindful of your ability to pick up the signals of others. Err on the side of caution when you find it difficult to read people. But the more opportunity you seek, the easier the way forward will become.

It is a faculty to be exercised, and it responds to exercise like any fitness program.

 

[Kulindahr]

You're dissing my favorite month of the year? Damn, Kuli, dem's fightin' words.

Well, tell your favorite month to stop messing with my hormones!

 

[ChickenGuy]

Could it be something to do with diet? Maybe you eat more/less of certain foods at certain times of the year?

Or for that matter, anything from the difference in sunlight to the difference in vitamins or medicines?

Not that I have ever found these things ever making women attractive to me, lol.

 

[Kulindahr]

Could it be something to do with diet? Maybe you eat more/less of certain foods at certain times of the year?

Or for that matter, anything from the difference in sunlight to the difference in vitamins or medicines?

Not that I have ever found these things ever making women attractive to me, lol.

Oh, my doc is certain it's sunlight-related. Though this year it's been particularly powerful, which I'm wondering might be due to my anxiety level lately, with first my mom in emergency heart surgery, then a friend landing in prison, now another friend in jail for God-knows-what (personally I think it's politics, because the State Police said he'd done nothing wrong but the Sheriff arrested him, and both have the same set of information), and on top of that I have just too much to do and with an injured hip and knee (sports boo-boos from 'way back) haunting me hard I can't move fast enough to stay on top of it . . . .

 

[bankside]

Does…ummmm…masturbation help clear your mind at all….