I have always turned down Bisexuals

[trawler69]

And I may have been wrong. I kind of don't like that this forum exists and I would normally post this in relationships and coming out but I will give it a go as I would like to get Bisexual peoples thoughts.

First off I am Gay not Bi, please don't judge me for that, not that I think you will. I am on a Gay dating site where I say I am looking for "friendship, maybe more" The implication being that I would like a friendship to turn into a relationship. I have had numerous responses but the ones I don't reply to are the ones who express their orientation as Bi. The reason I do this is for fear they will change their minds. Now this probably indicates an insecurity in myself. However I would be interested to know how Bisexual people feel when they respond to a Gay "advert" Is it just about sex? Am I wrong to feel insecure? Am I being ignorant? Please can you explain your thoughts on this. I don't think any the less of a guy for being Bi, I treat all people with an open mind except Bi guys who are married to women who want a bit on the side. That I will not tolerate, call me old fashioned but I would just be pandering to my own insecurities.

Anyway I would value constructive comments and want to be educated but would prefer not to be burned at the stake. Thanks

 

[foolish082]

Well, there are two things. For one any guy can change his mind or loose interest regardless of his sexual orientation. Being bi isn't gonna change that just like being isn't gonna change that.

I personally don't respond to adverts online for any type of relationship outside of the internet so I can't say too much about that. I'm always really leery of people wanting to meet offline if I haven't gotten to know them for a long period of time. I might change that if they're SERIOUSLY fucking hot, but that's about it.

 

[COACHMN]

Speaking as a a person who has known I am Bisexual for decades, my opinon is that being Bi is more a state of being attracted than any other consideration. Other than that everything else is some kind of biased sterotype. People are people regardless of their sexual preference (as a statement of identity, only.) Behaviours, attitudes, personalities, whatever are influenced but not determined my sexual identity. People make choices and experience the out comes, regardless of what their professed identity is.

 

[Something Else]

ahh so that explains things!

just having fun there

I've attempted the same of using sites with hopes of finding "friendship", and my experiences has always reminded me of Einstein's quote:

Insanity: Doing the same thing over & over again and expecting different results

Now I'm wondering, if those that would have entertained the aspect of being friends were actually circumspective of my Bisexuality and simply reduced our interactions into hookups (which i'm uninterested in). I'm not a mind reader, so who knows.

I would simply say that communication is always key. Finding out what mutual interests or hobbies you share, discovering if the vibe & energy is something that appeals to you.

I believe that people can pull the wool over your eyes initially, but over time true colors invariably emerge.

For what it's worth, i've stopped going using online sites altogether--as it seemed seeking friendship was a higher premium than NSA hookups. So I dunno if things are still the same as they were when i was on.

 

[cellular]

I think bi guys are interesting, being gay myself. There is a mystery to them. I have never met a bi guy before, well maybe i have but i dont know it yet, but it is not like they hang signs on their necks with the words im bi on it. If i do meet one and we have chemistry, then i will be willing to give him a try. I wouldnt turn him down immediately.

 

[RRRalph]

I am on a Gay dating site. I don't reply to the ones who express their orientation as Bi. The reason I do this is for fear they will change their minds. This probably indicates an insecurity in myself.

You think you have better chances with gays than with bisexuals and that's why you're turning down bisexuals. You should remember that any relationship can end regardless of the sexuality. You are single and i assume that you haven't been with bisexuals, which means that all your past relationships with gays ended as well. They didn't leave you for a girl, but the results are the same. You are single.

I can tell you that most bisexuals can commit themselves. Some bisexuals are fluid, which means that their attraction changes. The one time totally into men and the other time totally into women. I think these fluid bisexuals don't commit themselves easily. I understand your insecurity. You feel you can't compete with the girls and you feel powerless. Just ask if they are fluid and if they are serious into you.

 

[Turkish]

I think bi guys are interesting, being gay myself. There is a mystery to them. I have never met a bi guy before, well maybe i have but i dont know it yet, but it is not like they hang signs on their necks with the words im bi on it.

Oddly enough I do have a giant stamp on the back of my neck that says "Into dudes and chicks." I thought all bisexuals did too.......no wonder I never get laid

 

[subfer1]

I think what would make a person stay in a relationship besides from attraction or interest, might be whether that person is or isn't inlove with you, and I do think bisexual men and women can fall inlove for either sex, though it does depend on the person, but still they can stay serious.

 

[Soilwork]

As much as I'm going to get filleted for this.. I'm with you.

I know that bisexual people are just people and are no different from anyone else... for every bi loser I've dated, there has been a gay loser.

(although the bi stories are always ten times more insane.... but we'll get to those later if I'm in the mood)

However.. we have preferences.. we really do.

Is it racist if a guy only dates white guys? How about if he only dates Asian men. How about if he's Asian himself?

if he will only date bi men? only gay men?

 

[Ninja108]

I think a person can fall out of love with someone else for any reason gay or bi. My bf is bi yet we are commited to each other. Having said that, I agree with you about the guys who want to cheat on their wives. Be it a gay man cheating on his bf or a bi cheating on his wife or a straight person cheating on their spouse, cheating is cheating and the person that ti's being done with it is hurting the family as well as being used.

 

[Rali_hates_Mondays]

It's weird that bi guys have this stigma attached to them whereas my friends actually prefer bi guys! They seem to believe that bi guys are more masculine (and they have encountered bi guys before). In my experience I have only really encountered one guy who i knew is bi. He became my friend's fuck buddy but he also told him that he was in love with his girlfriend so their relationship could not go any further. Funnily enough this was exactly what my gay friend wanted (he's really not ready for commitment now!)

 

[Soilwork]

Dont let 1 or 2 bad apples spoil the whole bunch.

OK... coming from you, that's hilarious.

you saw one gay bar on TV and now say that they're all full of girly men in glitter and wings, but 1 or 2 assholes ....

forget it.

 

[TierraSimms]

Well, do you. If you aren't into bi guys then you aren't into bi guys. I'm not into masculine females, but that is me. It is what it is.

 

[dfwjacker]

So you don't like to get involved with bi guys because they make you uncomfortable... Big deal. A lot of bi guys don't like to involve themselves with gay guys either. It's a matter of preference, not something that needs to be fixed. Though, that doesn't mean you can't try to get along with bisexual men and vice versa.

 

[Rali_hates_Mondays]

For intimate, long term relationships, I personally would be a bit wary if the guy I was dating was bisexual. I believe that bisexuals are more likely to be confused in their desires, or at least somehow give off that impression and that would provide shaky grounds for any strong relationship. It's like that jock who used to date his childhood sweet heart and suddenly he's banging his team mate. Was he in the closet when he dated his girlfriend or was attraction to her genuine? Is he just experimenting with his team mate? Furthermore I believe that there is a spectrum in your sexuality- eg 30% gay, 70%str8 or 50/50 even and the difficulty there would be trying to find out on which part of the spectrum he lies on.

Also I think bi guys would really want to connect with someone else who is also bi. I will never know what it's like to be a true bisexual.

 

[trawler69]

So you don't like to get involved with bi guys because they make you uncomfortable... Big deal. A lot of bi guys don't like to involve themselves with gay guys either. It's a matter of preference, not something that needs to be fixed. Though, that doesn't mean you can't try to get along with bisexual men and vice versa.

Wow you confuse me here! Why would a Bisexual not want to get involved with a Gay guy? I mean the worst he could do is run off with another man and if we accept that 10% of the male population is Gay it is a small minority to choose from. Where as if he dated a female she could run off with 90% of the male population. If he dated a Bisexual the partner could run off with 90% of the TOTAL population. Perhaps you were just having a rant

 

[Soilwork]

A lot of bi men won't get involved with gay men for a few reasons... first, there are some (lame-ass) bi men who think that just by virtue of being bi, they're not "fags" and dont' want to get involved with anyone who's "gay" since they look down on gay men so much.. after all.. they're still "half straight," don't cha know.

there are also bi men who won't get involved with gay men because it's like them admitting that they're not straight.

there are also bi men who won't get involved with gay men because they're not able to return any feelings other than sexual... and they dont' think it's fair to gay men who can fall for them.

go figure.

 

[trawler69]

^Actually I prefer friendships to relationships. Not only am I very independent but it would have to be a very special person to put up with me. Fortunately I have that in my ex who lives with me. Incidentaly he is Bi

 

[Rali_hates_Mondays]

A lot of bi men won't get involved with gay men for a few reasons... first, there are some (lame-ass) bi men who think that just by virtue of being bi, they're not "fags" and dont' want to get involved with anyone who's "gay" since they look down on gay men so much.. after all.. they're still "half straight," don't cha know.

there are also bi men who won't get involved with gay men because it's like them admitting that they're not straight.

there are also bi men who won't get involved with gay men because they're not able to return any feelings other than sexual... and they dont' think it's fair to gay men who can fall for them.

go figure.

And I can say the same stuff about gay men as well.

 

[Soilwork]

And I can say the same stuff about gay men as well.

probably...