I just came out to my EXTREMLY homophobic best friend. Advice?

[teadrinker]

As is well known, homophobes are usually battling their inner demons - and their homophobia is often a sign of some inner turmoil or distress. In the long run, you have to be true to yourself rather than others, and it may be that in spite of your friend's hurtful remarks, there is still a core of goodness and understanding in him, no matter how he presents himself.

Good luck!

-T.

 

[Ryuukie]

Don't see how you can continue to be best friends. Do you feel comfortable confiding in him about your feelings about a guy? I doubt he'd want to listen.

You might be able to stay friendly with him. But you should probably also invest time in other friends -- those who aren't homophobic.

 

[yellowminicooper]

This has happened to me two years ago. I told my friend and he was really hurt. His wife told me that we can't hang out anymore. He was deceived and thought we had a better relationship. I was never concerned of what happens in thier bedroom, why should he be concerned what goes on in mine. We were friends for a long time and should have realized he can trust me that I wouldn't do anything to hurt him. Crossing paths with him is very difficult for me and is probably for him as well. If someone pushes me away like that I take it as a way to find out who my real friends are. I've come out to almost everyone and I was surprised to learn who my real friends are. No more lies. Coming out to people, weather they know it or not, is not an easy thing to do.

 

[tonyboy]

First, why am I best friends with a homophobe? Well we were best friends as kids and when I also was a homophobe, and in denial. Just wanted to clear that up.

So anyways, I came out to him, and surprisingly he took it very well, and it was like nothing changed. But he's still a homophobe. He said I'm going to go to hell and that I was a sinner, and he said if I'm fine with going to hell, then he doesn't care. I was hoping that coming out to him would get him to be more open minded, because I really don't like all the negative stuff hes says about gay people, but it doesn't look like that will happen. His homophobia comes from being a Christian, so asking him to forget what he was taught and to now believe what I believe would be hyprocritical. He's saying he's cool with it, but I know he's disgusted with me on the inside.

So, what should I do? Do I stop being friends with him? Do I MAKE him believe what I believe?

Sounds as if he took it rather well considering his background..
No way you will change him.. if you want to stay his friend, well then just do so.
You've explained yourself to him..

But if you find a boyfriend.. or if you have sex with another guy, well I'd not go in to detail with him about that.. unless you don't want him to remain a friend.

Not all Christains are homophobes... just some..
Christian or not, many guys just are very uncomfortable hearing about guys kissing other guys or having sex with other guys..

 

[mxpxl199]

See how it plays out. He's been brainwashed to believe the anti-gay religion crap for so long, he needs time to decide what is more meaningful to him... you or his mystical friend in the sky.

If he choses the dude in the sky who listens to everyones mumblings and is repsonsible for everything good, then you need to move on. Won't be healthy for either of you.

Hope it works out. Don't forget about the study done about homophobe str8s and accepting str8's who were shown gay porn and had a device attatched to their penis to measure erections. The homophobes measured greater arrousal on average. Something to think about. He may be fighting with the feelings. That and the religion mumbo jumbo can really take a toll on someone mentally. Give him a chance but if he can't accept you, then move on.

 

[jizzeater]

I need an update.

 

[hotb0d]

you have other friends, yes? Then go hang out with them. I'm pretty sure your friendship with this guy will slowly decline.

 

[bankside]

He's disgusted on the inside, but probably what blows his mind is he's not disgusted on the outside. It probably bugs him that he can't hate you to your face, because he knows you're basically decent. It is probably making him question whether his inner bullshit about gayness is even true. Eventually one emotion will win out. This could make him a better person. But don't take any crap.

 

[mxpxl199]

He's disgusted on the inside, but probably what blows his mind is he's not disgusted on the outside. It probably bugs him that he can't hate you to your face, because he knows you're basically decent. It is probably making him question whether his inner bullshit about gayness is even true. Eventually one emotion will win out. This could make him a better person. But don't take any crap.

Well said. So true.

 

[Appleman34]

I need an update.

He's still an ass basically. I wouldn't say he's my "best" friend now, but we still talk and hang out. When we're not talking about religion or sexuality, we have alot of fun together.

One thing that annoyed me though is that he said all gay people will die from aids eventually....and meant every word. He's not the brightest crayon in the box.

I don't want to completely give up on him because I really think I can make him more open-minded. The fact that he still hangs out with me shows me that he doesn't hate gay people as much as I thought he did.

 

[Bored]

"He said I'm going to go to hell and that I was a sinner"

"I really don't like all the negative stuff hes says about gay people"

These two things would be enough for me to quit being his friend.

Maybe you being his friend, now that he knows you're gay, is enough to make him change, in time.

 

[bankside]

He's still an ass basically. I wouldn't say he's my "best" friend now, but we still talk and hang out. When we're not talking about religion or sexuality, we have alot of fun together.

One thing that annoyed me though is that he said all gay people will die from aids eventually....and meant every word. He's not the brightest crayon in the box.

I don't want to completely give up on him because I really think I can make him more open-minded. The fact that he still hangs out with me shows me that he doesn't hate gay people as much as I thought he did.

It also shows him that he doesn't hate gay people as much as he thought he did. It is just a question of who is more stubborn now. It's probably going to be easier for you, because you're actually right. Nothing wrong with being gay. He just needs to bang his head against the wall for a while until he figures it out.

Thanks for the update.

And now I have to know, who is the incredibly sexy man in your avatar?

 

[HunterM]

I'm sorry. I feel like I could help you out a lot more if you posted a bigger version of your avatar.

Keep in mind, you CANNOT change him. You can influence with your words and actions. He has his own opinions (right or wrong) and so do you. Only he can make a change in him if he wants to. If you guys enjoy each other's company without discussing religion, then don't bring up religion when hanging out together.

Good luck.

 

[jizzeater]

He's still an ass basically. I wouldn't say he's my "best" friend now...

Thanks.

 

[diamondstar]

@TC: Just don't be surprise when he back stabs U and start telling his friends what a "Inset insult" U are. Besides this, I guess am happy U summoned the courage to come out to him.