I just want a white boyfriend.

[Ikaros]

I'm white, (oh so white- I reflect the sun) and have had mostly white BF's. I admit I prefer white but I think it's because it's my own race and races tend to stick to their own. However- please, gentlemen, by no means should anyone think white is the standard for normalicy or beauty- there's just more of us whitey whitersons here in North America than other races. I have to say, the 3 boyfriends I've had who have not been white have been VERY memorable. My First Nations boyfriend back in college was smoking hot, and I still have dreams about the guy from Puerto Rico. The one nighter I had with a sweet guy from Dominican Republic was definately something to write home about. (Although I didn't- I don't think my Grandma wants to hear that kind of talk.) Those that do feel white is the standard should go have a taste of something else- there is PLENTY of beautiful, non-white lads out there.

 

[jockboy01]

I find this topic interesting. It's been done several times over the years I've been here. Ultimately, I'm attracted to certain guys. I find a higher percentage of certain races more attractive true. But that doesn't make me racist. I have found people of every race that I find attractive. Ultimately, I still think for a long term relationship, what's underneath matters a hell of a lot more. But I have to be attracted to him to want to get to know what's underneath.

 

[Revelaeus]

So it seems that everyone needs a self-intro before posting here...

I'm born Asian (Singaporean), and spent my college life (i'm a senior now) in the states... so far it's a roller coaster, and I've dated my fair share of people, different colors, backgrounds, ages, pasts.

They all didn't work out; but that's not the point. This thread is depressing it's true, but one thing that I'd like to share is something that this thread reminded me of; this "self-hate" that Asian(-americans?) have for their own race is reflected in a Chinese-american I dated for some time (about 5 months).

We eventually broke up because, well, because of two things: firstly because of the amount of ISSUES he had with being BOTH asian and gay. Secondly he said to me that he WASN'T happy that I don't have the said issues that he had.

It's crazy. He had so many gender issues, masculinity issues, sexuality issues, image issues, white envy and all that stuff. While it evoked somekind of identity crisis sympathy from me in the beginning, it eventually got VERY tiring. Especially when you realize it's not going to end, no matter how much effort you try to coax him out of it. Especially when 90% of pillow/post-sex talk revolves around what it means to be "asian".

As someone growing up in Asia, I can tell you that very few people have such claims *in* Asia. And NEVER have i engaged in post-sex talk that centers around this topic.

Something is very wrong when you grow up in a culture that would warp you to hate who you are: you're asian, I'm sorry... look in the mirror, face it. This thread is depressing in soo many levels because it reflects all the damage that people have felt.

Anyway this is my 2 cents. Which I deem to be worth far more than the guy above who tried "pseudoscientific explanations".

Hot guys abound regardless of race or background; more importantly, people with GREAT personalities who are long term relationship material abound regardless of race or background.

I wish all those with identity issues who've started/posted in this thread luck.

 

[LateNite85]

Very interesting topics. It's also interesting how some of you find that many asians are plagued with these issues...especially since in the U.S. asians are considered to be the model minority (high representation in upper income brackets, high education attainment levels, etc., etc.)...although I tend to think the self-hate happens on a case-by-case basis...regardless of race/gender/sex. orientation? Dunno.

Life is short. Be proud of who you are. And if only white people get your motor running...fine. I'm sure there are plenty of white people out there for you. No big deal. I've learned that how other people select significant others is no business of mine just like their sexual orientation...just as I wouldn't want anyone else to care about my preferences.

 

[Stoopid]

I dislike being called a model minority because it isn't true at all for my family and me, having low income and overall low education attainment. Just dumb stereotypes.
Honestly, when I was younger, I was equally attracted to every race. Then, as I became more exposed to porn and the media, my attractions suddenly shifted to white men for a while. When I read about this on the internet, it really shocked me. After some thinking and looking at images of attractive Asian men, though, the ideal image of a boyfriend for me became a tall and attractive asian man. (But what really matters most is shared interests of course).
Physically, I'm very happy with myself and wouldn't change myself if I could.
Also, the saying that all Asians look alike is fucked up because it isn't true at all. A Vietnamese person to me looks clearly different than a Japanese person. I admit that I find Southeast Asians more attractive, being one myself.
I just hope that more people will learn to accept themselves as beautiful.

 

[chimere]

Another 2 cents from another Caucasian-loving-Asian:

Asian guys just aren't as commonly hot.

I've had a taste of both worlds - and most definitely, there are asian guys out there I wouldn't mind dating (in fact, asian guys who I've fallen head over heels over!), but the fraction of the asian population that is PHYSICALLY attractive is just much lower. This is due to several factors:

- The all-too-common girly-asian-haircut trend
- Genetic tendency for asian men to be slightly shorter and skinnier, with significantly less musculature
- Cultural emphasis on books/brains over body: ie. "focus on your studies, not sports"

On a scientific note, another reason why asian men tend to be less attractive, I feel, is because of millenia of breeding based on societal status/wealth rather than physical characteristics. In fact, this is still common up until today - something most Westerners may not understand (but the asians reading this will).

This results in the non-promotion of attractive physical traits over generations of breeding, therefore these traits do not become common/widespread - and the result? The fraction of asian men who are physically attractive being significantly less.

So please, before you make your insulting assumptions that we asians are simply "brainwashed" by mass media into worshiping the white man, or that we have some sort of inferiority complex we need to get over... get over yourself. It's a matter of genetics and rigorous social structure, not damaged psyche.

Did you just somehow try to justify hegemonic racial structures by making an uneducated scientific argument that Asians are in-bred with preference for undesirable traits?

Did you somehow just conclude in your head that only "Asian culture" (which to you, is essentially Chinese anyways) prefer intelligence and that "Non-asian cultures" do not?

Not surprising you're from Vancouver too. I'm tired of you self-hating potato queens. Also, it's quite funny how you bring up intelligence because your post hardly had a grain of truth in it. Amateur evolutionary biology at its worst.

edit: I got rid of some foul language so I dont get moderated and thought you should know

 

[BabiGayPimp]

Life is short. Be proud of who you are. And if only white people get your motor running...fine. I'm sure there are plenty of white people out there for you. No big deal. I've learned that how other people select significant others is no business of mine just like their sexual orientation...just as I wouldn't want anyone else to care about my preferences.

Ahem...some people's racial attitudes and preferences become the business of others because of inadvertent interactions that are bound to occur, particularly when alcohol and bad lighting are involved.

There have been times when I've had my peace and emotional equilibrium disturbed by color-struck, race-queens in ill-fitting contact lenses, getting my racial background mixed up and approaching me under mistaken pretenses.

I don't think someone can expect to spend their gay life "running the RACE" and not trip up badly, and embarrassingly at some point. Then all you can do is nod and smile.

 

[halubtsi]

This is an interesting thread. I too am an Asian who was born and raised in Canada. I don't consider myself racist, but like Jockboy, it has to do with numbers and percentages. I have found guys from every race attractive. However, the Asians I tend to fall for are straight. So I have yet to meet a GAY Asian guy that turns my crank. The same is true for guys of other non-white races.
In terms of who I find attractive...I don't actually have a "type" anymore. I used to think I needed a pornstar-type boyfriend, since that's what turned me on. But after I got my first boyfriend, who's face looked like the boy next door, but who's body was far from that of a pornstar, I realized that certain physical attributes weren't as important to me. The latest guy is the complete opposite of my ex, but I find this guy extremely sexy. I don't control who I find attractive, and can't tell you why I'm attracted to them. I just am. And the GAY guys I tend to be attracted to happen to be white. But look at it from this perspective:
In a room you have 1000 white guys, 200 black guys, 200 Asian guys and 200 Latino guys. Of those guys, 10% are gay. So, 100 white guys, 20 black, 20 Asian and 20 Latinos that are black.
Out of the Gay guys, we'll say that we are attracted to 10% of them. So, 10 white, 2 black, 2 Asian, 2 Latino.
Based on this, if I said that I tended to find white guys more attractive than non-white races, that would be true. I found 10 white and 6 non-whites attractive. But does that make me a racist? No. It's the law of numbers.
Like Fiorio mentionned, it depends on where you live. I'm sure if I lived in a community that was majority black, I'd find more black guys attractive.

 

[theblackajah]

Did you just somehow try to justify hegemonic racial structures by making an uneducated scientific argument that Asians are in-bred with preference for undesirable traits?

Did you somehow just conclude in your head that only "Asian culture" (which to you, is essentially Chinese anyways) prefer intelligence and that "Non-asian cultures" do not?

Not surprising you're from Vancouver too. I'm tired of you self-hating potato queens. Also, it's quite funny how you bring up intelligence because your post hardly had a grain of truth in it. Amateur evolutionary biology at its worst.

edit: I got rid of some foul language so I dont get moderated and thought you should know

Funny how all you folk simply label my arguments as amateur evolutionary biology or pseudo-science, but never actually present counter-arguments of your own to prove that my arguments are in fact fallacious.

It just goes to show that you, like many people, are too cowardly to accept any line of thinking beyond "all races are equal, everyone is pretty, and we should all be politically correct".

Instead of simply brushing off the argument - I challenge you - prove my arguments wrong logically.

And, if you don't mind me asking - what's your ethnicity, hrm? Without looking at your profile, I'm going to take a guess: You're Asian, probably not Chinese or a derivative thereof, and you're bitter because Asian gays aren't attracted to you, white gays don't either. Tired of us potato queens... wonder why... bitter much? Time to check your profile and see...

 

[M4P]

Great debate guys

Let's keep it spirited but respectful

Thank you

 

[Neji]

This is an interesting thread. I too am an Asian who was born and raised in Canada. I don't consider myself racist, but like Jockboy, it has to do with numbers and percentages. I have found guys from every race attractive. However, the Asians I tend to fall for are straight. So I have yet to meet a GAY Asian guy that turns my crank. The same is true for guys of other non-white races.
In terms of who I find attractive...I don't actually have a "type" anymore. I used to think I needed a pornstar-type boyfriend, since that's what turned me on. But after I got my first boyfriend, who's face looked like the boy next door, but who's body was far from that of a pornstar, I realized that certain physical attributes weren't as important to me. The latest guy is the complete opposite of my ex, but I find this guy extremely sexy. I don't control who I find attractive, and can't tell you why I'm attracted to them. I just am. And the GAY guys I tend to be attracted to happen to be white. But look at it from this perspective:
In a room you have 1000 white guys, 200 black guys, 200 Asian guys and 200 Latino guys. Of those guys, 10% are gay. So, 100 white guys, 20 black, 20 Asian and 20 Latinos that are black.
Out of the Gay guys, we'll say that we are attracted to 10% of them. So, 10 white, 2 black, 2 Asian, 2 Latino.
Based on this, if I said that I tended to find white guys more attractive than non-white races, that would be true. I found 10 white and 6 non-whites attractive. But does that make me a racist? No. It's the law of numbers.
Like Fiorio mentionned, it depends on where you live. I'm sure if I lived in a community that was majority black, I'd find more black guys attractive.

Good point

 

[Revelaeus]

Good point

While the above statistics might be true; there is something to be said for self-categorizing an ENTIRE race for note being "date-able" or "beautiful".

It becomes a lot more depressing when it is your own race.

 

[bluedragon4]

I am white and only date white. I have been called a racists when I turned a black man down. Sometimes I wish I was attracted to black men. All my friends are. But I just am not. I tried to go out with a few asians but still didn't feel that "spark" I feel with a white man. I find it interesting how media probably played a huge part in my wiring. I grew up being hot for Mark Harmon,Perry King,Lee Majors..etc. I still am into guys between 36-40 with hairy chests and hairy forearms with a crinkle in the corner of their eyes. I am 35 now and when I was younger that is the type of guy that was on T.V. Now T.V. has changed a lot. I am now entering the age group I have always found hot. Once I pass it will I regret turning down twinks,black men, asians,or whatever? No, because it was never what I wanted. You can't force it if it's not there. I shouldn't feel ashamed for liking white men. It is my preference. Now it must be very confusing not finding your own race attractive. It's seems more like self loathing but what do I know?lol. That was my 2cents.

 

[texan_slant]

^^^ More two cents from me, but I agree with huntneo (and everyone else whose had this stance).

 

[chimere]

This is an interesting thread. I too am an Asian who was born and raised in Canada. I don't consider myself racist, but like Jockboy, it has to do with numbers and percentages. I have found guys from every race attractive. However, the Asians I tend to fall for are straight. So I have yet to meet a GAY Asian guy that turns my crank. The same is true for guys of other non-white races.
In terms of who I find attractive...I don't actually have a "type" anymore. I used to think I needed a pornstar-type boyfriend, since that's what turned me on. But after I got my first boyfriend, who's face looked like the boy next door, but who's body was far from that of a pornstar, I realized that certain physical attributes weren't as important to me. The latest guy is the complete opposite of my ex, but I find this guy extremely sexy. I don't control who I find attractive, and can't tell you why I'm attracted to them. I just am. And the GAY guys I tend to be attracted to happen to be white. But look at it from this perspective:
In a room you have 1000 white guys, 200 black guys, 200 Asian guys and 200 Latino guys. Of those guys, 10% are gay. So, 100 white guys, 20 black, 20 Asian and 20 Latinos that are black.
Out of the Gay guys, we'll say that we are attracted to 10% of them. So, 10 white, 2 black, 2 Asian, 2 Latino.
Based on this, if I said that I tended to find white guys more attractive than non-white races, that would be true. I found 10 white and 6 non-whites attractive. But does that make me a racist? No. It's the law of numbers.
Like Fiorio mentionned, it depends on where you live. I'm sure if I lived in a community that was majority black, I'd find more black guys attractive.

You're assuming that you are attracted to 10% of all gay guys from all races equally, and that is not the case.

In fact, you're more likely, as theblackajah is, to be attracted to white guys. So we'll instead say you like 50% of white guys, 20% of asian guys, 15% of black guys, and 30% of blatinos. That screws up your "ideal" proportion considerably and is much more realistic.

It would be silly to justify that a guy that prefers dating white men "doesn't really prefer" white men just that there are "more of them".

Funny how all you folk simply label my arguments as amateur evolutionary biology or pseudo-science, but never actually present counter-arguments of your own to prove that my arguments are in fact fallacious.

It just goes to show that you, like many people, are too cowardly to accept any line of thinking beyond "all races are equal, everyone is pretty, and we should all be politically correct".

Instead of simply brushing off the argument - I challenge you - prove my arguments wrong logically.

And, if you don't mind me asking - what's your ethnicity, hrm? Without looking at your profile, I'm going to take a guess: You're Asian, probably not Chinese or a derivative thereof, and you're bitter because Asian gays aren't attracted to you, white gays don't either. Tired of us potato queens... wonder why... bitter much? Time to check your profile and see...

Your arguments are wrong and any social scientist can point out the flaws in your argument.

You are saying Asian men are inherently inferior because of "in-breeding", yet would fall for white men because they "don't". Ashkenazi Jews have been "endogamous" for thousands of years and I bet you would prefer the majority of them over an Asian person.

I'm Asian, and I'm not bitter from racist morons like you, but for holding white men on a pedestal for just being white. I've seen your type in Vancouver, but thank you very much you wouldn't be at all interested in me (because I'm Asian) as I wouldn't be in you (because you're a self-hating racist). And please, assuming that I'm bitter because guys aren't attracted to me is stupid if you haven't even seen me. But you probably never will, because I don't talk to your kind of people.

 

[theblackajah]

You're assuming that you are attracted to 10% of all gay guys from all races equally, and that is not the case.

In fact, you're more likely, as theblackajah is, to be attracted to white guys. So we'll instead say you like 50% of white guys, 20% of asian guys, 15% of black guys, and 30% of blatinos. That screws up your "ideal" proportion considerably and is much more realistic.

It would be silly to justify that a guy that prefers dating white men "doesn't really prefer" white men just that there are "more of them".


Your arguments are wrong and any social scientist can point out the flaws in your argument.

You are saying Asian men are inherently inferior because of "in-breeding", yet would fall for white men because they "don't". Ashkenazi Jews have been "endogamous" for thousands of years and I bet you would prefer the majority of them over an Asian person.

I'm Asian, and I'm not bitter from racist morons like you, but for holding white men on a pedestal for just being white. I've seen your type in Vancouver, but thank you very much you wouldn't be at all interested in me (because I'm Asian) as I wouldn't be in you (because you're a self-hating racist). And please, assuming that I'm bitter because guys aren't attracted to me is stupid if you haven't even seen me. But you probably never will, because I don't talk to your kind of people.

Before you try to discredit someone's reasoning and arguments, you should read it carefully first. Never have I claimed that Asians are physically inferior due to in-breeding or endogamy. Read my post again.

Secondly, if my logic and points are so easily countered - then counter them. This is your second post in response to me, and yet you have not come up with a single logical counter-argument to my original reasoning beyond "it's just wrong."

As for me being a self-hating racist, of course not. I am not racist towards Asians. I simply accept the flaws of my ethnicity - just as every ethnicity, race and culture has its flaws. There's a difference between hating a race and accepting its flaws honestly, but without contempt.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

Though I favor diversity, I can somewhat understand (though not condone) the state of preferring to socialize with and date members of you own race over other races, or even to the exclusion of others. That's a deeply entrenched pattern, so ancient it predates civilization as we know it. There could even be a biological trigger supporting this, who knows?

But I still don't quite understand the logic and/or passion of favoring another race IN PLACE OF your own. For one thing, the numbers don't really balance terribly well. I've seen no evidence of large numbers of white men, in peak condition, rushing to find asian boyfriends? For the most part, those white men seem to be seeking other white men. White-leaning black men seem to have a slightly more favorable chance in that game, as white men find us robust, for lack of a better word. But it's still a lifestyle with some heavy disadvantages for the one assuming "minority" position.

Then there's that old argument: "If YOU don't find your own people attractive, what makes you think anyone else will? Why should anyone else like that yellow or brown skin, the large lips or the narrow eyes? You don't like your own looks, much.

And, believe me, once you close the door on men who share your ethnic and racial heritage and identity, there will be no creeping back to make amends. Because they won't want you back. You will have been used up and, possibly, discarded.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

This results in the non-promotion of attractive physical traits over generations of breeding, therefore these traits do not become common/widespread - and the result? The fraction of asian men who are physically attractive being significantly less. It's a matter of genetics and rigorous social structure, not damaged psyche.

You must be out of your mind. I frequently observe asian men alongside their white male counterparts in the streets, the gyms, the malls, and the asian guys make a STRONG showing! Attractive as all get out!

 

[theblackajah]

You must be out of your mind. I frequently observe asian men alongside their white male counterparts in the streets, the gyms, the malls, and the asian guys make a STRONG showing! Attractive as all get out!

I'd love to see pictures. Because I too have observed, and it's a very poor showing in most public places, a decent showing at the gym.

 

[chimere]

Never have I claimed that Asians are physically inferior due to in-breeding or endogamy. Read my post again.

On a scientific note, another reason why asian men tend to be less attractive, I feel, is because of millenia of breeding based on societal status/wealth rather than physical characteristics. In fact, this is still common up until today - something most Westerners may not understand (but the asians reading this will).

This results in the non-promotion of attractive physical traits over generations of breeding, therefore these traits do not become common/widespread - and the result? The fraction of asian men who are physically attractive being significantly less.

It may not be incest, but you're making the genetic claim that they're inherently "ugly" (or in your terms, "less physically attractive").

Secondly, if my logic and points are so easily countered - then counter them. This is your second post in response to me, and yet you have not come up with a single logical counter-argument to my original reasoning beyond "it's just wrong."

I have countered them. What do you want me to counter? Post your argument, instead of plain rhetoric.

As for me being a self-hating racist, of course not. I am not racist towards Asians. I simply accept the flaws of my ethnicity - just as every ethnicity, race and culture has its flaws. There's a difference between hating a race and accepting its flaws honestly, but without contempt.

Oh, not a self-hating racist,
but prefers whites,
sees Asians as "flawed",
and thus puts whites on a pedestal over Asians.

Not self-hating racist at all, without contempt. After all, you said: "It's a matter of genetics and rigorous social structure, not damaged psyche."

Wow, so you're not a self-hating racist, you just see your own race as genetically inferior. Sounds like the Jew that wanted to be German. If you had a choice of being born white or asian, I bet you would pick white in a heartbeat.

But I still don't quite understand the logic and/or passion of favoring another race IN PLACE OF your own. For one thing, the numbers don't really balance terribly well. I've seen no evidence of large numbers of white men, in peak condition, rushing to find asian boyfriends? For the most part, those white men seem to be seeking other white men. White-leaning black men seem to have a slightly more favorable chance in that game, as white men find us robust, for lack of a better word. But it's still a lifestyle with some heavy disadvantages for the one assuming "minority" position.

Then there's that old argument: "If YOU don't find your own people attractive, what makes you think anyone else will? Why should anyone else like that yellow or brown skin, the large lips or the narrow eyes? You don't like your own looks, much.

And, believe me, once you close the door on men who share your ethnic and racial heritage and identity, there will be no creeping back to make amends. Because they won't want you back. You will have been used up and, possibly, discarded.

Because they're so insecure with themselves, and also they have grown up and been socialized in a society where the white male was seen as ideal, and constructed a "masculine" identity that is racial. There's the whole rebelling-against-conservative-parents element too, because many Asians see conservatism as manifesting itself in the social construction known as "race". I've seen Asians see "whiteness" (blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin) as desirable, and thus "non-white" attributes such as large lips, narrow eyes, and epicanthal folds are undesirable. They're all chasing for this ideal - the Sean Cody, fratmen, corbinfisher type, and it only breeds contempt and racism among their own race in some sort of competitive way where white men are a commodity that they all chase after.

The sad consequence is that you see so many hot asian and black guys that "settle" for a white guy who's older and much more uglier than what they deserve simply because they buy into this race nonsense. It is so shallow and unfortunately, gay men are profoundly awesome at being shallow.