I just want a white boyfriend.

[Lewis1]

i hate hearing stuff like this
its so brain warping

 

[youngnihilist]

i hope you open your eyes to other races.... if there's one thing there is plenty of, that's potato lovers

 

[texan_slant]

Hi Guys (I was the second poster up above),

You all make good and truthful points, however it's all coming from your perspective, and unfortunately, I wish you all knew me better (and in person!) cuz it's prob hard to see my perspective without knowing me as an individual.

First of all, I guess I should clarify that I have never felt the desire or physical/emotional attraction to any Asian male in my entire life yet (and I'm age 40), and it was from this perspective that I agreed with "asdf". It's not that "I would never date" another Asian. It's just that I've never been attracted to one.

I've never even felt connected to other Asians as friends, and I can't describe it - but in this life, you either connect with people or you don't, and it's just never happened for me. It's not to any fault of their's, but just a fault of circumstance caused by my own internal baggage I guess - and this stems from my second point below...

I grew up Asian (first generation born in the US) and there is a lot of BS that comes with the second culture - it's the other side of the coin that native-born Americans don't usually see. I meet people who just rant and rave about the beauty of growing up in another culture and I never saw it (the beauty that is).

This is a "REALLY LONG story made short". For example, respect = "do as I say". Success comes from the measure of how much money you have, etc. etc. You keep all of your personal issues private and never talk about it to anyone not even friends or family members. You're supposed to become doctors, lawyers, and such. Never mind that there is no such thing as seeing life as something you enjoy - it's all about making the dollar.

So - as you can see, I *do* have issues with being Asian myself! and that prob has a lot to do with why I'm primarily attracted to white. The moral compass - the value system that one has - is *usually* ,but not always, impacted by culture (I realize that this is a HUGE generalization) but has been true in a lot of instances I have seen.

Anyways, I love all the responses, and thanks for not totally flaming me...

 

[Boogerqueesha]

It's a very hurtful issue to many people.

Here's the irony of it, OP: you're a lot more likely to get your white boyfriend
(who may or may not be hot, irrespective of his being white )
if you are ok with dating, and attracted to, Asians. If you accept your own beauty, (and the beauty of people who look like you, usually necessary) you will gain in confidence, which will expand your dating potential more than just changing your looks, ever will.

Even with other things, like height, weight, and facial symmetry, it's not so much how you look, as it is whether or not you've got issues with it

Read a lot of fiery opinions and discussion in this thread here, if you want. Whatever your view, it's pretty revealing.

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=154353

I'm Asian American; I know your pain
Just drop the bullshit that's been fed to you, the and everything will be brighter, clearer.

I had my white guys, and I'll tell you from experience, they're not all that... no more or less than any other people, as a whole

Best of luck to you.

 

[chimere]

As a sociologist I study this and I can tell you it's stupid, but so many gays of minorities are self-hating, shallow, and idealistic in their attitudes towards the hegemonic masculinity model of the Caucasian male. There are so many Asian men and black men that are so uncomfortable with themselves, or have been so indoctrinated by gay media and attitudes that they will not date men of their own race. They see themselves, essentially as inferior. Or they're delusional by trying to call themselves "bananas" or "oreos" and essentially are in self-denial as an Asian or black, and try to be as white as they can in order to date a white boyfriend. Identity politics at its finest.

It's racism at its exact definition if you're going to reject, stereotype, or prejudge someone by their race. By putting "no asians" or "whites preferred" on your dating profile, you are saying "I don't care how hot you are, if you're not white, don't send me a picture". And unfortunately many men think this way, and treat other men like shit.

Insecurity is so unattractive. So is racism. Unfortunately that removes a big chunk of gays in contemporary society.

 

[versatastic]

I wouldn't blame the minority male. Their preferences and prejudices are socially constructed by white men of power trying to maintain the subjugation of immigrants and all other groups. Hegemony is unseen and so utterly perfused and intertwined in all aspects of society that you can't expect people to realize what's going on in their everyday lives.



I found this posting on another site:

This issue pertains much more heavily to american society/culture rather than others like european or canadian because america has a long history of cultural domination over every immigrant group so that those in power (white men) can maintain that power. Although asian cultures, like all other cultures, were patriarchal and sexist, white american men could not permit any threat to their power by allowing the emergence of an alternative to white masculinity as soon as asians begain immigrating for work.

Rather than using overtly negative tactics to subvert an immigrant population, like today with respect to mexican immigration, hollywood used entertainment and the mass media to emasculate and even feminize asian men in order to reinforce white male virility and masculinity as absolute ideals. For instance, during the building of the railroads only chinese men were able to immigrate for work and interracial marriages to white women were illegal. Movies and tv shows up to the '70s always portrayed asian american culture as conclaves of bachelors, incapable of heterosexuality. As well, asian men were never portrayed as being anywhere close to the standards of masculinity of white men; they were short, dark, thin, hairless, and subserviant to white men of power. At the same time, asian women were superfeminized, submissive, and devoted only to white men since asian men were never portayed as sexual beings. (Asian women then became the ideal woman, objects for white men to possess. This "lotus blossom baby" also served as an attempt to subvert the white feminist movement and reinforce white male dominance as absolute.)

Although such portayals are no longer used and are now considered racist and abhorrent in today's society, the media has done nothing to change the stigma of asian american men and women that has already been establised. Today women of all color who are so desperate to conform to the "ideal" body types of the models and actresses they see everywhere in the media are able to resort to fad diets, anorexia, and bulimia to attain what the media expects of them. On the other hand, asian american men who feel a need to conform to the cultural norm, tall muscular white men, have no options since they cannot change their racial traits. The anguish and desperation felt by many asian american men is rooted in the fact that no matter how assimilated asian men are to american society, they will always be racially/ethnically asian.

Hence, gay asian men are likely to reject other asian men as partners because there are no asian abercombie models or asian male actors to validate/affirm asian american identity and show that asians are worthy to be sexually/romantically desired. (In the heterosexual domain, many asian women completely reject asian men as possible partners for the same reasons: asian men are too "asian"/not white.) This is most definitely the case, or was, when i was in college in southern california.

This phenomenon is seen more in some 2nd and most 3rd generation asian immigrants since they are born and raised in america and are exposed primarily to american culture in the media and schools. My 1st and some 2nd generation asian freinds in college (both gay and straight) usually preffered other asians whether they were "fobs" or very assimilated having gone to high school in america also. The latter group of people realize that american culture, like every culture, has its flaws and is definitely limited, whereas the former has no alternative culture for comparison other than their immediate families. However, in very dense areas of asians like in areas of california, even the 3rd and 4th generation are able to establish dual cultural identities and are better equipped to negotiate mass media's subconsious control.

In conclusion, yes it can be tedious to hear a young asian bitch about not being physically able to fit the dominant american ideal of masculinity or stuck in a stereotypical role, but hopefully people can appreciate that it's more than just an issue of being too fat or to skinny. Add that to being gay with additional male identities of fem/twink/top/bottom/etc to sort through only intensifies their feeling of marginalization. Continuing to raise such issues is as important as other gay issues so that cultural change can be possible.


**Yen Le Espiritu's books "Asian American Women and Men: Labor, Laws, and Love." Thousand Oaks: Sage, 1997, and "Asian American Panethnicity: Bridging Institutions and Identities." Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1992 are more comprehensive analyses of this topic and are well worth reading. Ive only read excerpts from one or both of them for sociology classes, but they were pretty good at addressing issues of asian americans. The language and rhetoric is definitely charged against dominant american culture tho so you might need a pinch or two of salt if you read them.

 

[thewiz]

Interesting read on the posts here. Since I haven't been out that long, perhaps my tastes will change, but I've found all races and types of guys desirable.

I wasn't that confident of myself when I came out and wasn't sure what kind of guys I would be attracted to. My first boyfriend was black. My best friend who I met on-line and we became friends but ended the benefit part -- is Asian (and HOT! Asian guys can be so sexy). I think if anything, I tend to be attracted to dark hair (legs, head...), probably dark eyes and not so much blonde/blue. Latinos are a real turn on!

I just encourage you to find what is desirable to you.

 

[Neji]

I also do find that the majority of men I find attractive tend to be caucasian although I definitely do not rule out other races. I have seen members of other races that are attractive too, just not nearly as many as they have been with caucasians. I don't find it racist or self loathing at all. The only thing I do find disturbing is all the negativity and people slamming asians for being attracted to a certain type when obviously self loathing has nothing to do with who you are attracted to which you can't control.

 

[theblackajah]

Another 2 cents from another Caucasian-loving-Asian:

Asian guys just aren't as commonly hot.

I've had a taste of both worlds - and most definitely, there are asian guys out there I wouldn't mind dating (in fact, asian guys who I've fallen head over heels over!), but the fraction of the asian population that is PHYSICALLY attractive is just much lower. This is due to several factors:

- The all-too-common girly-asian-haircut trend
- Genetic tendency for asian men to be slightly shorter and skinnier, with significantly less musculature
- Cultural emphasis on books/brains over body: ie. "focus on your studies, not sports"

On a scientific note, another reason why asian men tend to be less attractive, I feel, is because of millenia of breeding based on societal status/wealth rather than physical characteristics. In fact, this is still common up until today - something most Westerners may not understand (but the asians reading this will).

This results in the non-promotion of attractive physical traits over generations of breeding, therefore these traits do not become common/widespread - and the result? The fraction of asian men who are physically attractive being significantly less.

So please, before you make your insulting assumptions that we asians are simply "brainwashed" by mass media into worshiping the white man, or that we have some sort of inferiority complex we need to get over... get over yourself. It's a matter of genetics and rigorous social structure, not damaged psyche.

 

[versatastic]

Another 2 cents from another Caucasian-loving-Asian:

Asian guys just aren't as commonly hot.

I've had a taste of both worlds - and most definitely, there are asian guys out there I wouldn't mind dating (in fact, asian guys who I've fallen head over heels over!), but the fraction of the asian population that is PHYSICALLY attractive is just much lower. This is due to several factors:

- The all-too-common girly-asian-haircut trend
- Genetic tendency for asian men to be slightly shorter and skinnier, with significantly less musculature
- Cultural emphasis on books/brains over body: ie. "focus on your studies, not sports"

On a scientific note, another reason why asian men tend to be less attractive, I feel, is because of millenia of breeding based on societal status/wealth rather than physical characteristics. In fact, this is still common up until today - something most Westerners may not understand (but the asians reading this will).

This results in the non-promotion of attractive physical traits over generations of breeding, therefore these traits do not become common/widespread - and the result? The fraction of asian men who are physically attractive being significantly less.

So please, before you make your insulting assumptions that we asians are simply "brainwashed" by mass media into worshiping the white man, or that we have some sort of inferiority complex we need to get over... get over yourself. It's a matter of genetics and rigorous social structure, not damaged psyche.

Except that a person's psychology is socially constructed. It IS self-loathing, but on a subconsious level. There are two asians that I know who only like white guys. They're very out going and not depressed or anything. The two look very similar to me, same height, weight, hair style, both taiwanese raised in america, both toned and super cute. Yet they wouln't touch each other with a stick! They say they're just not interested in each other physically. To me, since they're so similar physically, it's like looking in a mirror and saying to yourself that you're ugly. (I've been around enough asians long enough to tell the difference between different asian nationalities, so I'm not saying all asians look alike, because they don't)

When you say asians just aren't commonly hot and few are physically attractive, you're literally saying asians are ugly. And what is the rubric for determining attractiveness? You judge other asians against the ideal white american male. Do you understand that? That is the sign of hegemony. It's so strong that it's natural to you and you don't realize what you're actually thinking and saying.

I can understand why you might be defensive because of this portrait of asians as helpless and weak victims, but everyone is a victim of some kind. Societies persist because of power struggles. One group will always benefit at the expense of another group. No one is blaming you for your preferences, it's just an observation to explain them.

These two asian friends of mine seriously have an aversion to other asians as sexual partners. One of them yelled at me and told me I was racist when I pointed out a very hot looking asian guy and said he should get his number. He said that just because he was asian doesn't mean he has to hook up with other asians. I point out a lot of guys and tell him to try to get their number, and he never yelled at me about it before. So I was pretty surprized at his little outburst. I never assumed anything about his preferences, and it seems he's the one who's prejudiced, not me.

The two were all over a very skinny white guy, even though the white guy wasn't very pretty, had bad acne, and very pasty white skin (in San Diego too!). One of them started going out with a white guy who's somewhat cute, but not as cute or physically fit as either of the asian guys. I got a chance to hang out with the white guy recently while the asians were singing korean songs at a karaoke place. He doesn't understand why his bf never hooked up with the other cute asian guy, and thinks they're going out just because he's white because they don't really have that much in common exept sex.

Some of my asian friends grew up in San Diego, where there's a huge asian population. They either only date white guys or don't have a preference because it's such a diverse place to live.

My other asian friends who didn't grow up in america have never expressed interest in white people. They prefer other "fobs" like themselves or at least not so americanized. They'll date an asian of a different nationality, where a couple would only be able to speak to each other in english, before they'd date a white guy, either american or european.

So I think it's definitely a cultural thing, socially constructed, and not explicit. That is how hegemony works. It's so subtle and in all institutions of society that you can't notice it and even doubt its existence when it's pointed out.

 

[theblackajah]

Except that a person's psychology is socially constructed. It IS self-loathing, but on a subconsious level. There are two asians that I know who only like white guys. They're very out going and not depressed or anything. The two look very similar to me, same height, weight, hair style, both taiwanese raised in america, both toned and super cute. Yet they wouln't touch each other with a stick! They say they're just not interested in each other physically. To me, since they're so similar physically, it's like looking in a mirror and saying to yourself that you're ugly. (I've been around enough asians long enough to tell the difference between different asian nationalities, so I'm not saying all asians look alike, because they don't)

When you say asians just aren't commonly hot and few are physically attractive, you're literally saying asians are ugly. And what is the rubric for determining attractiveness? You judge other asians against the ideal white american male. Do you understand that? That is the sign of hegemony. It's so strong that it's natural to you and you don't realize what you're actually thinking and saying.

I can understand why you might be defensive because of this portrait of asians as helpless and weak victims, but everyone is a victim of some kind. Societies persist because of power struggles. One group will always benefit at the expense of another group. No one is blaming you for your preferences, it's just an observation to explain them.

These two asian friends of mine seriously have an aversion to other asians as sexual partners. One of them yelled at me and told me I was racist when I pointed out a very hot looking asian guy and said he should get his number. He said that just because he was asian doesn't mean he has to hook up with other asians. I point out a lot of guys and tell him to try to get their number, and he never yelled at me about it before. So I was pretty surprized at his little outburst. I never assumed anything about his preferences, and it seems he's the one who's prejudiced, not me.

The two were all over a very skinny white guy, even though the white guy wasn't very pretty, had bad acne, and very pasty white skin (in San Diego too!). One of them started going out with a white guy who's somewhat cute, but not as cute or physically fit as either of the asian guys. I got a chance to hang out with the white guy recently while the asians were singing korean songs at a karaoke place. He doesn't understand why his bf never hooked up with the other cute asian guy, and thinks they're going out just because he's white because they don't really have that much in common exept sex.

Some of my asian friends grew up in San Diego, where there's a huge asian population. They either only date white guys or don't have a preference because it's such a diverse place to live.

My other asian friends who didn't grow up in america have never expressed interest in white people. They prefer other "fobs" like themselves or at least not so americanized. They'll date an asian of a different nationality, where a couple would only be able to speak to each other in english, before they'd date a white guy, either american or european.

So I think it's definitely a cultural thing, socially constructed, and not explicit. That is how hegemony works. It's so subtle and in all institutions of society that you can't notice it and even doubt its existence when it's pointed out.

Ah, here we go again. Why is it that all non-asians have to assume that we are in some way damaged by the hegemonistic nature of the whole white culture. Please, of course not. When I considered my rating of who's attractive and who's not, I was very objective. Like I said - I have been attracted to asians too, and those asians looked nothing like caucasians. I can appreciate the male form and physical appearance objectively, regardless of race. I've been attracted to many people of different races, including middle-eastern, indian, etc. From an objective standpoint, there are way more hot caucasians (and of course, plenty of ugly ones too - so it's not a blanket race thing).

As for your friends - no single rule holds, as always. Perhaps THEY are in fact the product of social and psychological conditioning, but do the rest of us a favor: don't you ever dare marginalize all of us. Just because one homosexual has a lisp doesn't mean all homosexuals have a lisp - same holds true for inter-racial preference.

 

[versatastic]

When you rate attractiveness, how can you possibly be objective? The process is inherrently subjective because it's based on your own preferences. You can only be objective in stating the statistics of your subjective data.

I'm not trying to judge or marginalize you or the entire asian population in western societies. Since we are all products of the societies that we live in, we are all "damaged" to varying degrees in pretty much all aspects of our lives because of hegemony. For one example, we are all engendered from birth. There are male clothes, and female ones as well. Men are bombarded with images of masculinity in the media, at home, in schools, at work, etc. In the same way, women have their own prescribed roles.

We are all labeled, pigeon holed, and conditioned to think and act a certain way. We comply to varying degrees depending on our reaction to our upbringing and experiences throughout life. It's both good and bad. There must be a template for each of us to follow, or we would be lost and confused. It's not something to be ashamed of or proud of. It's the nature of society. For a society's citicens it's simply just a state of being. It's not saying anything about the quality or condition of someone's mental state.

Yes, everyone is unique and have their own identities, but generalities of different groups are also valid observations. They are not global or exhaustive in their analyses, but they do shed light on some truths. Please don't take other people's observations personally as an insult. Everyone can be deconstructed in the same way with sociolgical and psychological analysis. You might not be as affected as my friends are, but you cannot possibly insist that you are completely exempt from the forces at work in society unless you're a hermit and have no contact with the outside world.

 

[corvuspirit]

the problem with being very very picky is that you wake up one day and realise you turned 40 years old and because the long line of nice guys that showed interest in you were not your type...well you turned 40 and you are alone. lots of young guys in this community that won't learn that lesson until it is too late.

 

[walkabout]

^ exactly...everyday you spend being very very picky...the more you lose on having a good relationship with someone better.

Personally Ive never been swayed by skin colour...attractiveness for me comes from the personality, built general facial features and some other factors where colour is not determinant at all.

 

[fiorio]

As an Asian who grew up in Asia, and let me say this.
The Asians in American Media are just plain ugly, butt ugly! They will never had a career in Asia.
The Asians in Asian MEdia are so much more prettier.
I believe it is because Westerners and Asians have different aethestic standard. Look, how many white guys married ugly asian women.

if you grew up in Asia, you will find Asians very attractive.

I read scientific research long time ago, your aethestic standard about whether a person is hot/not depends on the people you've seen during your childhood.

If you live in the states, you will have a better chance to see a lot of white people, in daily life, in Media, bla bla bla. I think you got my point.

 

[texan_slant]

My two cents again...

I'm actually surprised at the over-analysis of it all - I always thought of it as a simple preference (i.e. preferences that people have - men vs. women, black vs. white, hairy vs. smooth, muscular vs. lean, etc!)

I've never been troubled myself over the fact that as an Asian, I really like 'em cowboys, prefer scruffy faces over smooth ones; boots over sneakers, and wife-beaters over pajamas.

Also, with Asians, you have stereotypes of appearance, but you run the gamut as with everyone over what is considered attractive and what is not - not to mention that every measure and every bar is different. What is ugly to some is attractive to others - hence why preferences even exist.

 

[youngnihilist]

Man, I dont think there are very many whites as racist to asians as some of you asians are to your own people

then again people are their own worst enemy

I personally find asians very attractive at many points.

whats not attractive is when asians obsess and fawn over whites to the detriment of everyone else.

if an asian guy wants to date a white guy ok fine. but its far more attrative when hes open minded to everyone, not just pursuing any white guy in sight...

 

[jspk]

quite simple, as with anything, you want something harder to get.
now being asian, i actually prefer asian (no feminine). but i have no problem with white guys. who can resist those green/blue eyes.

 

[FunDude]

Thats funny... I'm a white guy that looooooooooooooooves different cultures.. I literally find asians, africans, latinos, and italians really hot!

I've only been in 2 relationships, my 1st one was with an asian, who came from hong kong when he was 5. I'm still in my 2nd relationship, its been going on since valentines day when we made it official. hes chinese and italian. I think hes pretty hot!

I do get picky with how the people are.. I'm not big into feminine guys.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

Man, I dont think there are very many whites as racist to asians as some of you asians are to your own people

then again people are their own worst enemy

I personally find asians very attractive at many points.

whats not attractive is when asians obsess and fawn over whites to the detriment of everyone else.

if an asian guy wants to date a white guy ok fine. but its far more attrative when hes open minded to everyone, not just pursuing any white guy in sight...

Unfortunately youngnihilist, I have to agree with everything you've said. I have literally had my feet stepped on, trampled and been nearly knocked over by asian men chasing after white guys, then had the same white guys complain to me about being harrassed by asians. It's a tragic situation really. I usually try to stay out of the fray.