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I kissed my bestfriend last night...

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Hey CrazyGuy! I noticed all of your five posts are in this thread, so Welcome to JUB! You've found a very supportive place, if you couldn't tell by now.

Your story (and I mean non-fictional story) is definitely one of the more intense ones I've read on here in a long time. From what it seems like to me, you've just touched the tip of the iceberg with this guy. I think there is a lot more to him than what first meets the eye, and you've now begun seeing more and more. I'm usually the optimistic type, so I hope his trust and confidence in you grows and that, with your help and help from others, he is able to move past this painful part of his life.

Please keep us updated on how this unfolds, and always know you have a willing listener and people to give advice here.
 
We went to see a movie today and everything was pretty normal until something weird happened, he put his hand on my leg out of nowhere and kept looking at the screen like it was nothing. I didn't know what to do so I just let it go, and kept watching the movie until he took it off. I didn't mention anything that happened last night and neither did he, but I still really want to. Maybe it would be easier to slip it into a conversation during a text or something.
 
AstareGod said:
Hey CrazyGuy! I noticed all of your five posts are in this thread, so Welcome to JUB! You've found a very supportive place, if you couldn't tell by now.

Your story (and I mean non-fictional story) is definitely one of the more intense ones I've read on here in a long time. From what it seems like to me, you've just touched the tip of the iceberg with this guy. I think there is a lot more to him than what first meets the eye, and you've now begun seeing more and more. I'm usually the optimistic type, so I hope his trust and confidence in you grows and that, with your help and help from others, he is able to move past this painful part of his life.

Please keep us updated on how this unfolds, and always know you have a willing listener and people to give advice here.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the response,

I forgot to mention today he was happier than I've seen him in a long time (he smiled more than normal), so it seems like getting that off his chest has definitely helped him, and it made our friendship stronger.
 
crazyguy32 said:
We went to see a movie today and everything was pretty normal until something weird happened, he put his hand on my leg out of nowhere and kept looking at the screen like it was nothing. I didn't know what to do so I just let it go, and kept watching the movie until he took it off. I didn't mention anything that happened last night and neither did he, but I still really want to. Maybe it would be easier to slip it into a conversation during a text or something.
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Interesting, Two things can be inferred...One) He trust you and the hand thing was more of a gesture of comforts as in a protective gesture or.

Two) He likes you and was expecting something to happen.He's opening up. This then brings in to question as to whether him flipping out has more behind it.
 
The kiss , the fight and his confession have made him put his gaurd down and feel closer to you. If you are both curious this could be a time of exploration for both of you. Maybe you can be more affectionate with eachother without crossing to many bounderies. Be there for him but proceed with caution. Please keep us updated.
 
crazyguy32 said:
Maybe it would be easier to slip it into a conversation during a text or something.
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Sometimes it's better to just take things as they happen. I know you said you aren't gay, but wanting to talk about advances that happen is so often what gay guys post here about their "straight" friends after similar encounters, lol. What is there to talk about, really? He's obviously not pushing you away. Return the affection next time (or better, initiate it) and see what happens. If he reacts negatively again then I'd say there's something to talk about.
 
Now the question is how comfortable are you if he wants to take things further? The leg thing is a pass at you, you leaving his hand there was a positive response. I think you two guys need to have a heart to heart. There is a real risk tht you might misread signals. If you put ur hand on his, how would he see that? Try to get some privacy, an environment where he is likely to open up - watching a movie at home maybe (not porn), with the lights down so he does not feel so visbible. Maybe you need to open to him first, tell him about yourself, how you really feel. Point him here, so he can get a bit of advice about how to deal with things. Err on the side of caution in any physical contact, talk it through first, if you are going to explore one another sexually (and you don't have to) agree a signal which indicates either of you is uncomfortable so you can both stop. Best of luck
 
^^^^^^
This excellent advice,i think he is wrestling with some demons just now.
The fact that he put his hand on your leg could mean anything from an
apology about the other night or it could mean more.
I think that you defo have to speak with him but i have to disagree with
something another poster said , i think that it would be unwise fot you to
initaite anything,but i can see long talks ahead for you both . (*8*)
 
The best thing you can do for this guy is to encourage him to get help... first for his drinking and then eventually for his abuse issues. Anything else and you're just enabling the behavior and putting yourself at risk.
 
Anger and alcohol do not mix so if things are going to get emotional, heavy or whatever you wanna call it, then there is no alcohol. I'm not much on this business of getting a few drinks in a guy to get him to try stuff and I know that is not what's going on here, but if a guy isn't sure about what he wants to do, then I am just not big on using alcohol to make decisions.

I think this guy is sexually confused. And by the word confused, I mean that he has an inner struggle going on between what he wants himself to be and what he really is. I personally think there are guys out there that will do anything not to be gay or bi or curious or whatever label you want to use. It sounds to me like there is some sexual tension here in that he wants to try stuff and you want to try stuff and he is angry with himself that he is sexually attracted to another guy. It is my opinion that the incident that happened when he was four (while it is not appropriate) is just an excuse to try to explain away the truth. I don't think a child of four years is developing any sexual preference yet and I don't think that incident has anything to do with the things he is struggling with now.

He has to look himself in the mirror and admit that he has at least some attraction and/or curiosity toward guys. If he could ever get past that inner struggle, then the two of you might be able to really put some truth on the table and probably experiment a little.
 
Well, this is a definitely interesting story and I've got a mixed feelings from it...

I tend to agree with Karabulut and Queerwitch in the aspect that he needs professional help and you be on alert. The thing you described in the first post is quite unacceptable whatever issues he might have had. He has definitely some issues to deal with and even if it feels "nice" now (like that thing with a movie) you don't know how everything will turn out finally and what the situation will be in the long run.

However, that thing with his uncle puts it into different perspective but again, he must seek some counselling because it may infuence your relationship with him.

Also I think mano described it very nicely... I think too he is confused...

So IMHO I think you both should sort out very clearly the next thing: Your sexuality. Although I do not like labels cause I think about the sexuality as a continuum with all the combinations, you both should be clear about what combination of gay/straight you both have as to sort out eventually what do you both expect from this relationship, but don't push it too much...

And, are you both totally OK with your sexuality? If not, THAT might be a big problem...

Pls update (*8*)
 
I wouldn't initiate anything. Just let your friendship continue as normal. Right now after his several outbursts, some stability is what he needs from you.

Although it does seem you've got a bit of a bromance going on, i think it's sweet and you're lucky to have got to that point with someone.
 
I would hold back any question to pushing out how he feels...even not asking about the hand thing....it's still maybe kinda sensitive....let it lie as it is....& let him feel comfortable enough to tell u...if he does feel anything....

I think someone said the whole movie thing at home is cool idea:)
 
Okay, so things have been very interesting since the last time I posted up here. My best friend has been very "touchy" since our falling out, maybe b/c of what happened that night, but whatever the case things have been going very well. It was raining last night so we stayed in at my place and watched some movies on netflix. We also watched some of south park and one of the episodes was about butters and bisexuality, it was hilarious, and it also gave me a chance to open up the topic about sexuality with him. When it was over I said to him "it's sad that some kids kill themselves just because their gay or bisexual" he said "yeah", but he didn't look at me (he does that when he doesn't want to talk about something). I told him "I don't think I would care what anybody thought if I were gay or bi, would you?" He replied "No", but he still wouldn't look at me and I could tell he was getting uncomfortable so I quickly changed the subject.

Well later on that night he started tapping my shoulder like he wanted to wrestle with me again. I told him "I don't think we should wrestle anymore man" he asked me why and I said "you know why". He said "I won't hurt you anymore, man I promise. What can I do to make you believe me? Do you want to hit me?" I said "no man, I don't want to hit you, just answer one question and I won't bring it up ever again". He said "okay" and without thinking about it I just flatout asked him "That night, why did you kiss me back?" He quickly replied "I didn't". I told him not to lie to me and he started to get an angry look on his face. I said "dude I won't get angry if you say you liked it" He just got real quiet. I told him " I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I've been thinking about it and I think you have too". He still doesn't say anything, so I just threw my hands up and said "alright man, forget it". He quickly said "alright, I liked it, I guess, I don't know, you know I'm fucked up man, I don't know why I reacted that way". He kept staring at the ground, and I could tell he was about to cry again so I tried to change the subject, but he told me he had to go feed his dog, and he would call me later. I grabbed his arm and told him he didn't have to be afraid, because I wasn't. He didn't say anything and pulled his arm away from me and left. He texted me when he got home, but we haven't talked since. Now I'm thinking maybe I pushed it too far, but I don't know maybe I didn't. I'll call him later on today, and I'll let you know what happened.
 
From what I can tell, things may seem really uncomfortable and awkward between you two, but things are always like that once the truth comes out. It's a bit of a necessary evil. All I can recommend is keep the talks going and try not to push too hard. You seem perceptive on how comfortable he is talking about certain subjects, like how he looks away when he doesn't want to talk about something. You should try not to push too hard, but you also need to get answers for yourself. It's a tough balance to find, but keep trying.
 
Please keep us updated. I, and as all of us, want to know what happens =]
Hope everything works out between the two of you guys
 
Just let things happen naturally. You already know he's a bit curious, he ,kind of, liked the kiss and he feels very uncomfortable talking about it. Just enjoy each moment and don't expect too much. Can't wait for an update!
 
this story is so good to read, i love it, and i wish it is true

well your friend seems really complicated, i can tell he thinks about it but doesn't want to. you should try to him like an adult not while wrestling this time and be kind and calm to him. explain him how u feel and tell him he can trust u.

can't wait for an update
 
AstareGod said:
From what I can tell, things may seem really uncomfortable and awkward between you two, but things are always like that once the truth comes out. It's a bit of a necessary evil. All I can recommend is keep the talks going and try not to push too hard. You seem perceptive on how comfortable he is talking about certain subjects, like how he looks away when he doesn't want to talk about something. You should try not to push too hard, but you also need to get answers for yourself. It's a tough balance to find, but keep trying.
Click to expand...

Agree 100%.

I kinda stumbled on this a few minutes ago and read the entire thread. Needless to say, I was taken on a rollercoaster ride of emotion just reading it, so I can only imagine what you're both going through living it.

I just want to take a moment to re-iterate what Astare said. You are walking an extremely delicate tight rope here and I'm sure you know that. However, I must also say that from where I sit you are walking it extremely well. Proceed, but do so with caution and consideration.

Best of luck to you both.
 
This kinda reminds me of the thread, "Working with Will". Wishing you all the best.
 
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