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I lied about my age! Please help!

Thanks for the update again, locksmithers.

I don't think it's too weird to not kiss, but have you tried to initiate it? Is he stopping you from kissing if you do? He could be trying to see just how interested you are to do 'more'. Just because he 'always' did it before doesn't mean he wants to be the only one to initiate a kiss! I mean, think about it: if you liked someone in a semi-serious way, would you feel any reciprocation of those feelings if it was always you doing all the work? My advice: when it feels right, just kiss him. If he doesn't like it, then you'll know. If you're that nervous about it, then ask first. You'll get a much more definitive answer on 'why' you never kiss with him then you ever will with us.

Second, I think you're right when you say that you shouldn't feel entitled to find out everything about what goes on in his life. You're not dating him, and even if you were, that feeling of entitlement will lead you down all the wrong roads. (Roads like jealousy, lack of trust, bad communication...) All I'll say about that more now is this: if he wants to tell you, then he'll tell you.

Conclusion: ask him out and kiss him, damnit! :) :kiss:
 
^Thanks for the constant replies. You're so interested in this and I'm honored.

Another reason why I never go out with him outside my bedroom is well (*prepares for the onslaught of anti-pity parties*) I'm really self-conscious about my acne/acne scars. Truth be told, he's only seen me in minimal lighting. Not too dark, but whenever he comes over I have one candle lit and the computer on. He's seen me in the daylight but the curtains were drawn shut. I wear a little makeup, so I also decline his shower invites.

I'm afraid he'll get turned off when he seems me in full view. This is especially because he's probably an 8 or a 9 in the cuteness scale. He's basically perfection. You should see him in his cop uniform (*swoon*). I know I know, no one likes a self-pitying fool and that I should be self-confident because that's all that matters, but I can't help it. I'm afraid of losing him.
 
What does the OP really want? The OP mentioned that he only meets the guy in his bedroom and not outside, that seems suspicious to me. Is this guy really single? Maybe the OP needs to be more assertive perhaps and ask the guy what's really going on? I know it is corny to have "the talk" but maybe that's what needs to happen? If the OP likes the guy he should tell him and ask the guy what is he looking for? It sounds like the OP wants something more and not just spending time in a bedroom. You should tell him that you would like to do things outside of the room and see how the guy responds.
 
The OP was last week. It already evolved, albeit too fast. I don't know what I want. I just want this thing to keep going.
 
He told his mom about you and brought you chocolates...that means he likes you more that just as a fuck buddy. I don't know, but it seems that the ball is in your court to bring up how you feel. Even if you don't know for sure, at least let him know what you do know..that you enjoy your time together and want it to continue. It would be good to see him outside of your room tho...at his place...maybe a date. He may be assuming you only want to be fuck buddies and that you're not interested in more. talk to him and clarify your status...even if it's just to say you want to keep it casual and status quo.

I doubt the acne/scars is an issue with him...he probably already sees it through the makeup and dim lighting.
 
To me the non-kissing just sounds like he's taking it slow. Oddly enough, a lot of guys see kissing as more intimate than sex. He told his mom about you, and told her he wanted to date you if that's where his heart goes. He has invited you to meet his friends. I think he likes you, and is just keeping himself a little bit guarded to not get hurt, or fall too quickly.

It's going at a good pace!!! Just relax.

I also see your acne excuse as a bit overly dramafied like your age thing. He knows what you look like, and likes you as is. As hard as it might be, if he invites you out with him and his friends, get up off your ass and GO !!! He's holding out a pretty huge olive branch, IMO, and you need to grab that sucker, if you want him and want to make a good impression.
 
He said he told his mother. That doesn't mean he did.
Not kissing is weird, imo.

Meeting only in your bedroom implies he sees it as just hook up sex. Or he's in the closet.
 
sixthson said:
He said he told his mother. That doesn't mean he did.
Not kissing is weird, imo.
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Rolyo85 said:
I would also consider the non-kissing as a red flag. It's a sign of some underlying issue with being gay more often than not.
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Well, he was kissing him at one point.

Locksmithers, I would definitely move this out of your bedroom, otherwise you won't really know where this could go.
 
Hey guys, since we met we haven't missed a day without texting--until last night. We didn't text the whole day.

I invited him to dinner back on Tuesday (it's Thursday now) but he declined because he was watching a movie with a friend. He said, "Can we do dinner another night soon? Sorry." We haven't talked since then. When do I text him again? I initiated the past two texts before on Monday and Tuesday, asking him how he was. Seeing as he was the one who declined my invitation, I'd think it's proper for him to text.

I know this all sounds silly but we're still at that point where we're skating on thin ice, trying to not be clingy.
 
locksmithers said:
Hey guys, since we met we haven't missed a day without texting--until last night. We didn't text the whole day.

I invited him to dinner back on Tuesday (it's Thursday now) but he declined because he was watching a movie with a friend. He said, "Can we do dinner another night soon? Sorry." We haven't talked since then. When do I text him again? I initiated the past two texts before on Monday and Tuesday, asking him how he was. Seeing as he was the one who declined my invitation, I'd think it's proper for him to text.

I know this all sounds silly but we're still at that point where we're skating on thin ice, trying to not be clingy.
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Ooops Too late for that.

Why all the game playing and subterfuge? If you really like the guy, just put it out there. Missing a day of texting isn't the end of the world. It is 24 hours. (see my first statement)

Ok the kissing thing is no big. There are a lot of guys that aren't big kissers. I know. I'm one. I only kiss someone that I am way into. I am definitely not a casual kisser.
 
Speaking as a younger guy [19 years], I always want to be with older guys, just anyone who is older, 24 sure. I am in a LGBT group at uni with many others my age who feel the same way. The idea of being with someone who knows what they're doing in the sack [who can teach you], they have their shit together [stability, to be less crass] and who can be more assertive does it.

For me you're not showing anything in way of stability and dithering about letting him know your age is something that'd have made me run a mile away. I'd have let him know your age before the initial time you had sex, if I lie whilst on the pull, before screwing [before leaving the club generally] I'll spill the beans. If they can't handle it, they don't have to come back with me.

You say you are worried about scars on yourself, I have scars, two bad ones and one that isn't so bad, have a largish one on my left butt cheek, I loathe it, a very noticeable burn on my left thigh, worry lines on my forehead.. They don't stop me. He must know you've got them, you said you're not fucking in complete dark, he knows. The scarring/other marks are an excuse, from what I've found, scars and stuff look far worse to the one with them, because they're self-conscious about them. I know I feel that way, when those I've fucked do not consider them off putting.

I agree with some on kissing, fucking means less emotionally than kissing for me.

You like him, he might still like you. Even if things don't work out, you've learnt from this. Do not lie, it only makes trouble down the line.

Are/were things working whilst you were just fucking? You might find it will never develop past that stage, but is that really a bad thing? I would argue that it isn't, there are many more guys on the planet. If you're worried you're not going to sleep with a younger guy again, remember what I said before, a fair amount of younger guys are mad for older guys.
 
locksmithers said:
Hey guys, since we met we haven't missed a day without texting--until last night. We didn't text the whole day.

I invited him to dinner back on Tuesday (it's Thursday now) but he declined because he was watching a movie with a friend. He said, "Can we do dinner another night soon? Sorry." We haven't talked since then.
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If I were you I would have texted him back and said "Sure. Let me know what works for you."
 
Soooooo another chapter begins. We had dinner at a restaurant with fairly good lighting (but it was still at night), which ended up with him sleeping over to my place. We saw each other again two nights ago. He invited me over to his place to meet his female roommate, but we ate at a restaurant first where we chatted. It was allll good. I slept over to his place and he dropped me off school in the morning (but the sun wasn't out yet so he couldn't fully see my acne).

Anyway, here's the rub. We've been meeting sporadically over the course of 3 weeks now and we discuss different topics. One that always comes up is his exes. He said that his exes have been under 30 years old because he's not interested in older men at all. That his age range should be 20-28 only. He reiterated this point several times in different meetings. He also said he's had a lot of exes in the past because he's such a pretty boy.

Anyway last night I was talking to my drag queen friend whom I always vent to. He's in the gay circle so he knows people. I'm new to the city and dont attend clubs so I don't know anyone. Anyway, he was like, "So your bf likes older men. What do you think of that?" I thought he was joking but he said he was serious. He already mentioned this before but I didn't think much of it since my guy said the opposite on multiple occasions. But my drag queen friend brought this up twice now so I didn't think he was kidding. He said he used to see my guy and the older guy at the club a lot, with PDA even. I couldn't believe what he was saying now that he was going over more details.

My drag queen friend gave the Facebook of the old guy. I saw that we had another common friend, so I asked that other friend if my guy and this older guy were together. He said yes. They were together 2 years ago. The older guy's Facebook now shows that he's with another young guy.

Anyway I don't give a fuck who he's dated or that he's dated older men. What kind of hurts me is how he's been lying. Now the tables have turned and I'm the one receiving the lying end. I haven't confronted him about it. I know exes are a dangerous territory so he may have an explanation but I want him to tell me himself.
 
Maybe he just uses the older guys for drinks and $$$, but only wants a relationship with younger guys ?
 
I'd get over it. We all say things that may not be 100% true ( as you admitted to doing). Maybe the experience with the older guy turned him off of older men and caused him to have an age limit. Your drag queen friend sounds like a good friend for telling you the first time, but sounds like he's doing a little extra for telling you multiple times. You fed into it by digging up dirt and asking other friends. Enjoy the short time you'll be together by being yourself and getting to know each other.

Now if he decides to tell you he was a gay virgin eskimo (or some other obvious lie), then you might have reason for concern.
 
locksmithers said:
Soooooo another chapter begins. We had dinner at a restaurant with fairly good lighting (but it was still at night), which ended up with him sleeping over to my place. We saw each other again two nights ago. He invited me over to his place to meet his female roommate, but we ate at a restaurant first where we chatted. It was allll good. I slept over to his place and he dropped me off school in the morning (but the sun wasn't out yet so he couldn't fully see my acne).

Anyway, here's the rub. We've been meeting sporadically over the course of 3 weeks now and we discuss different topics. One that always comes up is his exes. He said that his exes have been under 30 years old because he's not interested in older men at all. That his age range should be 20-28 only. He reiterated this point several times in different meetings. He also said he's had a lot of exes in the past because he's such a pretty boy.

Anyway last night I was talking to my drag queen friend whom I always vent to. He's in the gay circle so he knows people. I'm new to the city and dont attend clubs so I don't know anyone. Anyway, he was like, "So your bf likes older men. What do you think of that?" I thought he was joking but he said he was serious. He already mentioned this before but I didn't think much of it since my guy said the opposite on multiple occasions. But my drag queen friend brought this up twice now so I didn't think he was kidding. He said he used to see my guy and the older guy at the club a lot, with PDA even. I couldn't believe what he was saying now that he was going over more details.

My drag queen friend gave the Facebook of the old guy. I saw that we had another common friend, so I asked that other friend if my guy and this older guy were together. He said yes. They were together 2 years ago. The older guy's Facebook now shows that he's with another young guy.

Anyway I don't give a fuck who he's dated or that he's dated older men. What kind of hurts me is how he's been lying. Now the tables have turned and I'm the one receiving the lying end. I haven't confronted him about it. I know exes are a dangerous territory so he may have an explanation but I want him to tell me himself.
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Oh, cut the bullshit, ok? First of all, just because he says that NOW he isn't into old guys, doesn't mean he's lying. He could have just changed his tastes. That does happen.

What I would be INFINITELY more worried about is the fact that he could say that he has "many exes because he's such a pretty boy". That to me speaks volumes about how shallow and self-obsessed he is. Do you really need someone like that? I will also remind you that you two met on CL which is the symbol of trashy hook ups. I would pay less attention to bullshit drama material like "who has he been with before me?!" and focus more on "what kind of person he actually is?" which is about a million times more important.
 
Every now and then, we get someone who seems really troubled that things are going okay or even good in a relationship. It's almost as if they can't believe that things are okay, so they have to some fault.

Is it really so difficult just to relax and enjoy it for whatever it is?
 
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