Re: I Thought I Knew
EDITOR'S NOTE: I know it's been a long time since the last chapter and I hope you can all remember what was going on with the guys before we broke for the holidays. If not, just scroll back a chapter or two. I'm sure it will all cum gushing back to you.
Chapter 19
From Jess’ viewpoint
When the phone rang Monday night, somehow I knew it was Billy before my mom told me. I had been dreading and hoping for that call since Sunday afternoon. Almost 30 hours.
I’d already spent way too much time hating Billy. When Justin told me Billy had planned to have me walk in on the two of them fucking, or whatever, I thought I’d never forgive Billy. How could I?
The only thing that eased the pain was that Justin was so good to me. Even tender. I wanted to believe that he might learn to love me someday, even though I knew he was still way too hung up on Billy to spend much time thinking about me. At least for now. I was certain that the reason he wouldn’t go further with me Friday night, you know, cum on me the way I asked him, was that he still hoped that he and Billy . . . Well, he and Billy would do something. Get back together? Be lovers? Something like that.
At first it was another reason to feel rejected. Another reason to hate Billy. I couldn’t have Billy. And even though Billy and Justin were busted up, I couldn’t have Justin either. All because of Billy.
Then Sunday I realized I couldn’t drag all this pain and anger around with me. I knew I had to let it go. And the only way I could think to do that was to accept things as they were. I couldn’t change them.
That meant I couldn’t change Billy and what he had done to me. I couldn’t make Justin want to . . . whatever that was we were about to do. I couldn’t stop being gay. And I couldn’t turn back time.
What was done was done. Some of it – most of it actually – was great. I had a lifetime of wonderful times with Billy and just a brief moment of absolute pain. My history with Billy was what it was.
So when the phone rang Monday night, it was hard and painful to say I’d talk to Billy face to face. But to say no to him was to deny the past. And the past was the only thing I was certain about. It was the best part of my life.
Thank god I said yes to him. That kiss with Billy Monday night was almost everything I had ever hoped for from him. He was as close to me as he had ever been. Not just sexually, but truly close. It told me everything I needed to know. I had been right to say yes to Billy. He hadn’t been bullshitting me. He wanted to prove he could still be my best friend. So far he was well on his way to proving it.
And what about that woody he sprang when he was hugging me before he left. I couldn’t help but notice that. So I could turn Billy on! I liked that. And I had to wonder where that might lead us. That put a smile on my face.
But first I had to get some sleep and start focusing on school again. I’d been accepted to college, but if I didn’t graduate, who knew what my future would hold.
* * *
Tuesday at school was a trip. I don’t think I’d ever seen Billy so happy. Word had spread fast that he and Kate were history. And when the guys saw the shit-eating grin plastered on Billy’s face that morning, they all assumed he’d dumped Kate for a new girl who must be screwing him royally. Billy was all high-fives and back slapping and jumping around like a wild man.
Apparently Ellie hadn’t said anything to anyone, because no one seemed to know that I’d broken it off with her. She was out sick or something, I guess. I never saw her all day. Just as well.
A couple of the guys asked me what was up with Billy. Was it true he had a new girl? Is that why he’d dumped Kate? Is that why he’d been so . . . so invisible recently?
“I think he’s got someone new, but you’d have to ask him. He hasn’t actually told me that himself. But I think he’s hopeful,” I said, trying to be clever. To help Billy out a little, I added, “Another school, I think. It could be he’s seeing somebody who doesn’t go here.” Now that gave him some skating room if he wanted it.
I didn’t see Justin until lunch, when he walked into the cafeteria. I was sitting next to Billy and I could tell we both saw him walk in. I wondered what Billy would do. Would he acknowledge him like a friend? Show a subtle sign that they were . . . I was having so much trouble with that word . . . sign that they were boyfriends?
But no. Nothing had changed. I saw Justin give a slight nod toward our table. I knew it was for Billy, but it could have been for anyone, even someone at a table behind ours. If Billy acknowledged him, I didn’t see it. I don’t know how Justin felt, but it sent a twinge of pain threw me. Left me a little sad. For Justin. And for Billy.
Billy was busy denying he had a new girlfriend. But he said No in a way that everyone listening thought surely meant Yes. He was playing it just right. At least with the guys.
* * *
That evening Billy was sitting in my room just as he had so many nights before. We talked about just about everything. But somehow no matter what we started talking about, the subject always ended up being Justin. It was all Billy could think about. Justin and Saturday night.
But that was OK. Billy wasn’t just talking about another guy. He was asking my advice. He was turning to his best friend to help him do this right.
Sure I was jealous and sometimes I probably got a little short with him. But it was fun watching Billy try to figure everything out. What did Justin have planned for Saturday? What should he wear? Should he tell his folks he wouldn’t be home that night. That he was staying over at a friend’s house or something like that? The questions were endless and our attempts to puzzle answers seemed just as endless.
And then there were the sex questions. Did Justin expect to fuck Billy? If he did, should Billy let him? What if Justin wanted Billy to fuck him? Should he? What if . . . I couldn’t focus on what these questions actually meant. I didn’t dare visualize what it would look like. How it would feel. My mind treated it as pure information. Possibilities. That way I didn’t get all worked up over what might really be happening between Justin and Billy. That just might make me crazy.
As the evening wore on, Billy told me every word that had passed between the two of them Monday night. All the while, he was trying to get me to tell him everything Justin had said to me. And me to Justin. At one point, to try to at least deflect the conversation, if not change it, I asked, “Are you really not going to jerk off all week?”
“Sure. I’ve got to. I mean, I’ve got not to . . . or whatever,” Billy said. “Justin did it for the twins. I can do it.”
“The twins was for only three days as I recall the story. And Justin said he almost went crazy. So assuming you didn’t jerk off after you talked to Justin last night, that would be about five days without cumming. Get real. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without getting off? I don’t mean as a little kid, but since the days when you used to come over here and we’d jack off sitting side by side right here on this bed at least once a day?”
God, just saying that brought back memories.
“Maybe 12 hours. . . . No. When I had appendicitis I think I might have gone more than a day cuz I couldn’t figure out how to jack off in the hospital,” Billy said
“So how did you jerk off in the hospital,” I asked.
But it was like I wasn’t really there. Billy just went on talking about Justin. “Justin said I shouldn’t, so I won’t. Five days won’t kill me, but it may make me crazy having all this cum backed up in my nuts. It’s already making me horny as hell. I feel like I could squirt my brains right out of my dick tonight. But on Saturday, I know whose gonna get all my pent-up love juice. When I finally cum, Justin better have a lifeboat handy. It’s gonna be a cum flood. So should I try to fuck him first, or . . . ?”
I was almost at wits end with the sex talk. I finally said to Billy, “What do you want to do? Just tell me. Do you want to . . . to do it with him? Do you want him to . . . to do it to you?”
“If I knew the answer to that, we wouldn’t be having this discussion, would we?” Billy said in return.
“Billy, it’s not that hard. Do you want to or don’t you?”
“It depends.”
“On what. Just tell me what it depends on,” I asked.
“It all depends on what happens first. Is he gonna be like he was when he came to my house. All soft and gentle and sexy . . . Sorry, Jess. I didn’t mean to bring that up. But if he’s like that, he can do whatever he wants to me and I hope to hell he wants me to do it to him, too.”
“Then you have your answer,” I said.
“What is it?”
“It depends,” I said. “Discussion closed.” He left not long after that. For the record, I don’t think we got any studying done.
The days passed. Wednesday just like Tuesday. Thursday like Wednesday . . . Except for Billy. Every day he got hornier and hornier. I think he was sporting a big ol’ hard-on every time I saw him from Wednesday morning on. He took to wearing his shirttails out to hide it. But I knew. And I think the guys knew, too.
They just thought it was his new girlfriend. Only Justin and Billy and I knew any different.
Each evening, Billy came to my room and we talked and said we were going to study.
Despite the one-sidedness of the conversations, I have to admit, I was really enjoying having Billy back in my life. Since part of his deal with Justin was that they were not to get together until the appointed time Saturday night, I had Billy to myself. Sort of.
That first night I think he called Justin five times from my room. But Justin wasn’t chatty and wouldn’t answer any of his questions about what he had planned. Each call only left Billy feeling more pent up and hornier.
* * *
Finally Friday night came and Billy and I were sitting on the end of my bed talking like we had so many nights before. Billy could only talk of sex. Getting off. Justin. Jacking off. Justin. Blow jobs. Justin. How much his cock ached for some action. How he didn’t know if he was going to make it until tomorrow night.
He’d get talking and before long he’d have his hand on his hard cock toying with himself. Then he’d realize what he was doing and pull it away.
After he had left, I didn’t start studying. Instead I sat there on the end of my bed thinking back to the days when Billy and I used to sit side by side and jerk ourselves off. Ever since that first time it had been the same. I lay back on my bed and closed my eyes, remembering what that had been like. It seemed like it was just yesterday. I could smell Billy in the room. Feel his presence. His warmth.
Suddenly I sat bolt upright. My hard cock in my hand. I remembered with complete clarity the last time Billy and I had sat side by side on my bed jerking off. I could see it all as though I had stepped out of myself and filmed the whole thing.
There we were. Me with my eight-incher in my hand. Hard, hot and sensitive as hell. My fingers caressed it and made it generate such sensations that my whole body vibrated to the needs of my throbbing cock. Stroking my cock impatiently the way you do when you’re just a kid and don’t know any better. My jeans were down around my ankles. I’d pulled the front of my T-shirt up and over my head. I always shot my cum pretty far. I didn’t want to have to explain to my mom what that sticky stuff was all over my T-shirt.
I remember looking down and admiring my abs. Not a six-pack yet. But looking pretty good for the skinny kid I was. I was tan and with my pants pulled down you could see the tan lines.
I was completely attuned to the boy next to me. Billy and his big cock. His lust unleashed on his throbbing cock. I remember looking over to check out Billy’s tan lines. About like mine. And his dick, too. His had a little more arch to it. Mine was straighter. I remember wondering about that. Which was better? Which was right? Which felt better as you stroked up and down? I have to admit I was wondering what it would feel like to hold Billy’s cock. Stroke it. Have him stroke mine.
He saw me looking and I saw him watching me watching him. We were stroking in perfect unison. Both doing a real number on our dicks. We were getting close. I let out a little grunt as the pressures started to build in my nuts.
Billy turned his head to look straight at me and I looked straight back. We often watched each other as we jacked our meat. Studying each other’s techniques. Learning more and more about the fine art of getting our cum. Our minds were like directly wired to each other. His pleasure was my pleasure and my pleasure was his.
Without ever saying a word, we were telling each other everything we knew about jacking off. Popping out nut. Whacking our meat. It was what we did. How we learned. But we never stared at each other. Not face to face. Eye to eye. Not while we were beating off.
But this time we were. Billy smiled at me, like he knew something I didn’t. I smiled back, but wasn’t sure why. Wasn’t sure what was up.
Then it happened. He reached over with his free hand and pushed my hand from my cock. Replacing it with his own. I remember the searing warmth of his fingers on my cock. He wasn’t stroking it. He was just holding it. Firmly. Toward the base of my shaft. But all the while looking right in my eyes. He had just answered all my questions.
My breath caught in my chest. Nothing like this had happened before and nothing had prepared me for the sensations running through my cock, my nuts, my gut, my brain. Billy just smiled. My cock was on fire with the feelings. His hand on my cock was nothing like my own hand jacking me. His was like that of a god. Or a demon. Sensations radiated from it. Into me. My cock throbbed and swelled in response to his touch. He’d brought my cock to life, as it had never been before.
He wasn’t jacking my meat. Or his meat, either. Just sitting there holding both our cocks. So simple. So complex. One cock in each hand. And smiling. Billy’s devilish smile.
He nodded once. A sign to me? A question? A request for my approval?
I wasn’t completely sure, but I nodded back. Just one nod of the head. Down and back. That’s all it took.
Billy’s hand started sliding up and down my cock. I immediately realized that his hand was slippery. More slippery than mine. His pre-cum. He had so much each time we stroked.
His hand was coated with his pre-cum as he slid it the full length of my hard, straining cock shaft. It was incredible. Each stroke was accentuated as the edge of his index finger brushing the flared edge of my swollen cockhead. Each stroke accentuated at the other end as his little finger, curled around my straining cock, pushed into my pubes. Right down to the base of my cock. Causing my nuts to rock between my splayed legs.
I wasn’t watching his hand, but the sensations were so strong that I could perfectly visualize what was happening. I’m not sure how long this went on, but for more than a minute. Then we were both getting close again.
My nuts were pulling up. I could feel the tension building somewhere between my asshole and my balls. My cum was already on the move. “I’m gonna cum,” I said very quietly to Billy.
He didn’t say a word, but removed his hand from my shaft. Wiped his palm across his own piss slit, gathering more of his slippery pre-jizz as he did.
He returned his hand to my throbbing cock. I could feel the blood flowing into it. It felt enormous. Out of all proportion and weight. A huge, aching cock jutting out in front of me. My cock. Swelling. Burning up from within.
Billy’s hand was no longer on my shaft, but was wrapped around my cockhead. Twisting back and forth. Creating a friction that was so painful. So exquisite. So electric. I knew I would blow a huge load in no time at all.
I could tell Billy was giving himself as good as he gave. I finally looked down and saw his fantastic cock. Swollen to its full glory. Rigid. Red. It looked angry. Menacing. Yet so inviting. So thrilling. So alive. It’s lips swollen from the hot action. Clear ooze flowing freely from them. The cockhead and shaft gleaming with his pre-cum lube.
As I looked from Billy’s cock to mine and back again, I heard a soft rap at my bedroom door. “Jess. Billy. Can I come in?”
My heart stopped. Billy’s hands froze where they were. One wrapped around his engorged cockhead. The other around mine.
The door was locked. We always locked the door.
She turned the knob.
My jeans around my ankles. My shirt up behind my neck, my cock jutting up from my lap. Billy’s hand wrapped around it. There was nothing ambiguous about what was happening. Nothing we could say. Nothing we could do.
It seemed as though all three of us -- Billy, his mom and me -- remained frozen in silence for eternity.
Thank god the latch was in place as my mother twisted the doorknob one more time. I summoned all the composure I could and mumbled. “In a minute. We’re in . . . in the middle of something . . . important. Come back in a minute.”
“OK” she said with uncertainty in her voice. I heard her footsteps as she walked away. I realized I hadn’t said ‘please.’ I always said ‘please’ to my mom. But not this time.
Then, Billy began to swivel his hand around my cockhead. And around his. I should have pushed it away. I should have said No. But I didn’t. It was too late for that. My legs stiffened and a guttural sound caught in my throat. My sperm was rising and there was no stopping it.
I felt my cum gush in a torrent from my cock lips, splashing against my chest. My chin. Billy pulled hard on my cock as his body spasmed and he began to cum as well. I looked down at his spewing cock as cum flowed over his hand. So much cum. So fragrant. So much thicker and creamier than mine. Looking at it, time seemed to freeze.
Then time surged forward again as a load of my stringy hot cum splattered his cheek. He kept swiveling on my cock. Jerking it here and there as cum load after cum load was unleashed like never before. My cum was everywhere.
I looked up. The door was still closed. My mother was gone. Had she really been there? Did she know what we were doing. What Billy was doing? To us? Together?
I was terrified and confused as my cum finally slowed to a dribble and I was at last able to catch my breath.
Billy stood up. His manly cock still mostly hard. Covered in cum. He looked so proud holding his big sticky cock in his hand. Cum was dripping off his fingers to the floor in globs. More cum had pooled in his pubes. He pulled up his jeans and tucked his cum-soaked cock inside. Then he grabbed his still-swollen cock in his hand through his jeans and adjusted it. Where his fingers had grabbed his shaft, I could now see cum soaking through the denim fabric. It outlined his cock perfectly.
I stood and pulled on my own jeans. Pulled my shirt back over my head and let it cover my mammoth cum on my chest as best it could. I pulled up my jeans. Fastened them and sat back down.
Another rap at my door. My mom again. “Jess? Billy?”
I went over to open the door, realizing our cum was obvious on the hardwood floor. On Billy’s crotch. Probably soaking through my shirt and jeans. The smell was obvious, too.
“What are you boys up to now,” she asked as she stuck her head in surveying us and the room.
I shrugged and Billy mumbled, “Nothin’ really.”
All she said was, “I think it’s time for Billy to go home now.”
Billy left. Not a word was said. We never jerked off together again. Not until I told him I was gay.
As I sat on my bed, I tried to think back. This memory seemed too vivid. Why had I never remembered this before? Had I dreamed it? Was it real? Or imagined? And if it was real, what was real? What imagined? Had he jerked me off? Had my mother really come to the door? Had she seen us soaked in our own cum after we . . .?
It didn’t seem possible, but the memory – never in my head before – was now undeniable. It was part of my past. True or not, I could not shake this memory. Had he really been the first to reach out? To show his true orientation? Had we both realized what we were? Had we buried all sense of ourselves? To hide the shame of being caught by my mother?
I had to ask Billy. But I couldn’t. Not now. Not with all that was happening. I would have to wait.
--
Next Wednesday starts a big three-part chapter as Billy and Justin's long-awaited "date" begins. As always, let us know what you think. I hope the guys find time soon to check in. As you may have figured out, two of them moved to the East Coast over the holidays. They're pretty busy setting themselves up there in school right now. Billy has been suffering withdrawal pains from not having the project and your comments to look forward to each day, so I know he's probably read this already. Whether they find time to write or not, rest assured they're out there reading.
