I wanna try cock in the worst way

[mcbrion]

You said it right when you said "worst way". You waited until you got married to become desperate for gay sex, even though the urge had always been there. Now, you know the only way to do it is behind her back, knowing she would not be cool. This is really not fair to her and do you really want to begin a lifetime of lies and betrayal?
If you think you are going to experiment, it's only right and fair to her that you tell her what you want. Give her the opportunity to show you the door. Otherwise, honor your wife as you promised when you got married.

I know it's not easy, but do the right thing.

HE SAID He just wanted to get it off his chest. Maybe you- and the others - should learn how to read. There is nothing in here that says he is going to act on it.

 

[mcbrion]

The logic (or lack thereof) is astounding. If you had enough of a problem with the fact that your wife won't suck dick or has a low libido that you have to commit adultery, you shouldn't have married her. You seem to think that window-dressing your marriage makes it legitimate. It does not. It's not about keeping up appearances, it's what's at the heart of it. Lies and dishonesty are at the heart of yours. If you truly loved your wife, you'd communicate with her. You're a very selfish person.

And AGAIN, he said he just wanted to get it off his chest. What is it with you guys? Are you emotionally impaired? He did not say he would act on it. That is the OPPOSITE of selfishness. Trying READING WHAT HE WROTE. TO WIT:
"And I'd try down low, but not only do I see craigslist it as unsafe, but im not sure I could do that to my wife."

It's as though you're all unhappy souls, so instead of saying, "Wow, that's a tough spot to be in," you attack.
Were I you, I'd look inward (called introspective) at why I lack any empathy for someone in this situation, because frankly, you sound like someone who holds grudges, and people who hold grudges are depressed, anxious or miserable. There, did you like how that sounded? I didn't think so. Treat others as you wish to be treated. It's called humanity. Try it sometime, kid.

 

[dralockhart]

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,

I'm clearly not referring to OP, but the guy who admitted to cheating on his wife and encouraged OP to do the same all with the "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" logic. Only it can and probably will.

I do have empathy. For that dude's wife. Hence my outrage at the betrayal by someone who purports to love her.

 

[mcbrion]

How about empathy for everyone? Many men have hoped their urges would go away. Dissing them for finding out too late sucks as well. Selective empathy is a dubitable trait, unless you've been in the guy's shoes, which you clearly would know nothing about. I would. I just pulled out before I made the mistake. We're all human. Errors in judgment don't turn a good soul bad. You seem to think that everyone knows this before they got married, therefore they should just suffer and shut up. That's called repression, and in the worst cases, such as recent events in newspapers, can result in pretty catastrophic results, such as shootings murder, etc. Counseling, not shaming, is a more constructive course of action. Your post was completely shaming ("you're a selfish person," instead of "you're pretty confused and your wife will (eventually) suffer for it." Mr. know-it-all counseled people like this for years, hence his impatience with those who show no understanding of the complications of these matters. That's why this forum is for "straight and bi men." If they can't come here for support online, where do they go. That is exactly why I thought you - and others - should see what it feels like to be castigated. Not very pleasant, was it? Yet, without knowing the entire story, you render judgement. And you know nothing about "the dude's wife," including her psychological traits (she could be repressed/depressed/bipolar or other issues not mentioned). My point is people should not be so quick to jump to conclusions. Normally, you're a bit more empathetic in your posts. Except when the guy was meeting up with his algebra teacher, and you congratulated the guy on snaring the professor and said, "better on his end than yours." So the teacher possibly losing his job over a error in judgment doesn't matter? Just a "tough-luck-if-he's-that-stupid" type response. Not worthy of you.

 

[dralockhart]

You're making a victim out of someone who isn't suffering. The guy I'm referring to said he's completely happy cheating on his wife and has stated that it's a plan he intends to keep up. I do feel for people who get married too soon and feel trapped in a marriage because they realize they're into the same sex. But I also think there are right and wrong ways of handling that. Keeping up the facade while having sex on the DL is cruel and dangerous. Open communication with the wife, marriage therapy and/or possible divorce are all viable solutions. Endangering someone's sexual/physical/emotional health is not, especially when the cheater himself is totally happy with his life.

The teacher possibly losing his job over an error in judgment totally matters. If I was talking to that guy, I'd say, "Consider the consequences of what you're doing." Just as I'm saying to this guy. Likewise, if somebody on here was talking about hooking up with a married man, I'd said, "You do you." While I don't predict a positive outcome for that situation, I don't think that person has an obligation towards protecting a stranger's wife when the stranger himself who made the vows can't be arsed.

 

[Str8Cocksucker]

You mean me, and I didn't get married too soon, feel trapped, in denial, or any other bullshit people you or others want to heap on me. I know myself very well, I know my wife, I know our situation, you don't. End of your judgey bullshit. For that finger your have pointing at me you have three pointed back at yourself, or didn't you learn that. There's a reason why people I know confide in me - I don't get all holier-than-thou on them. Done with you.

The guy wanted to get something off his chest, not have people get all high-on-the-horse and pile on. Let it go.

 

[dralockhart]

Look dude, even mcbrion (the dude defending you), in another post referred to someone doing the nasty behind his BF's back as a "betrayal" that is "destroying" the partner's "ability to trust people." That is what you are doing. That is right. I do not know your wife. But I also know that not telling her you're having sex behind her back puts her at risk. The fact that you aren't telling her suggests you're already aware what her response would be if she found out you were screwing around with men on the DL. That you're able to justify it and that you find my sympathy for your wife, concern for her health and criticism of your dishonesty/cheating more despicable than what you're doing says more about you than it does about me.

 

[Str8Cocksucker]

Never said I was reckless about STD's (never had one in my sexual history), that's your assumption; and I have just shy of 30 years with the wife, so whatever it is I'm doing is working.

 

[dralockhart]

Never said I was reckless about STD's (never had one in my sexual history), that's your assumption; and I have just shy of 30 years with the wife, so whatever it is I'm doing is working.

For you. Like I said, the fact that you haven't told your wife suggests you know where your marriage would be if she found out. Terrible of you to exploit her trust like that. She doesn't even know the man she married.

 

[sixthson]

Never said I was reckless about STD's (never had one in my sexual history), that's your assumption; and I have just shy of 30 years with the wife, so whatever it is I'm doing is working.

You really don't get it even though you say you do. Those of us who happen to disagree with how you live your life do NOT care who you have sex with, how many or how often, protected or unprotected. We just think your wife just MIGHT care who you have sex with, how many or how often, protected or unprotected. You have never given her any of the same freedom you seem to grant to yourself.

I am tempted to ask you how you would feel if you discovered she were doing behind your back what you do, but I suspect the thought might just excite you. Don't you think she deserves to have a party life of her own?

 

[Str8Top14701]

Go suck dick. Don't be stupid about it. You know yourself, your life and your wife better than we do. Like the one guy said - Do what you can live with.

 

[Str8Cocksucker]

I'd like to thank all the guys that sent me email for agreeing with me, especially all the straight & married guys. I wish you'd post it here, but I get that you don't want to have deal with sanctimonious know-nothing raining down hate on you. Outta here.

 

[dralockhart]

How vindicating to have other liars and cheaters telling you that it's okay to lie and cheat. Don't let the door hit you.

 

[sixthson]

I'd like to thank all the guys that sent me email for agreeing with me, especially all the straight & married guys. I wish you'd post it here, but I get that you don't want to have deal with sanctimonious know-nothing raining down hate on you. Outta here.

It's funny you say that because I was going to post earlier that I bet you will get lots of behind the scenes support from others like yourself. Everyone needs support, right?

 

[bankside]

It's pretty simple: who you are is what you want to do, not what you tell people, or tell yourself, or what other people assume about you.

If you want to suck tits and fuck pussy, you are straight.
If you want to suck cock and fuck ass, you are gay.
If you want tits and pussy and cock and ass, you are bi.

You can want all of that and be happily married to a man or a woman as long as they have at least some of what you want.

You can want more than what they have got, you can jerk off to more than what they have got, and be just fine. But if you want some of it soooo much that you have to try it, you have to tell the person you are married to, and it has to turn them on, and they have to agree to it.

If you don't do that, you are (to quote Dan Savage) a cheating piece of shit. And it doesn't matter how long your fake marriage has been, or how happy your fake marriage is, or how deluded your fake wife is. If it is built on 20 years of lying about being a cocksucker, it is still a 20 year fake marriage.

misfit, there is nothing wrong with your fantasy life. Every married person is allowed to have a fantasy life that goes beyond just their spouse, even if that takes you beyond just other women. That's healthy and fun. You have to make a decision eventually though: either you are cool jacking off to this idea, or you plan to try it.

If you plan to try it, she deserves the chance to walk out on you or to come around and decides she likes the idea.

I've been with my guy 17 years, loyal the whole time, and he always says "You don't have to do everything you imagine doing." I LOVE having that freedom. Every married couple should be able to talk about fantasies they would never follow through on, and fantasies they want to actually try. I don't know how to have a healthy happy relationship if you can't talk about that. But I know my relationship is stronger because we are not afraid of what turns each other on, even if it is not the same. Shouldn't you expect the same of your wife?

 

[Str8Cocksucker]

It's funny you say that because I was going to post earlier that I bet you will get lots of behind the scenes support from others like yourself. Everyone needs support, right?

Right! I have gotten more than a few contacting me. They didn't come here to be judged. Most of the guys that contact me are curious guy just trying to work things out before doing something, or wanted to share their experience, and since they felt that some were being dicks (and that's THEIR word, and one of the lesser names they used for them) they contacted me, the one guy here that's being the most vocal.

Those examples I gave of why married guys might have to do something on the DL is mostly from them, and some from me. I'm not about to give names, or which ones are my personal reasons, save to say that there's more that just one reason,just as there usually several for most of the men. None of them want to hurt their wife, nor are they wanting to (or aren't) being stupid about meeting anyone, emotionally or healthwise. None of them are closeted gays and most seem to have a wife with issues that aren't a choice, like a physical reason for one example. That "better or worse" part of the vows sounds good in practice, and those men aren't leaving because the "worse" part hit them hard; but a fist and some porn only goes so far for so long.


Some even suggested starting a new thread, but to a man they were all concerned that the same people that are all high on their horse and judgey here would only follow them there.

 

[cuck72]

I'm with you friend , WHAT THE FUCK , what's the big deal where a married man has a desire to want to try sucking a cock . HEY I wonder how many MARRIED MEN are on this site , this GAY site. I've shared cream pie eating fantasies with my wife , she just brushes it off , she also has NO IDEA that I beat off watching gay porn and also fantasize about sucking off guys I know. So I DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS , IT'S A FANTASY RIGHT NOW , but I too I think of myself as having BI tendencies. I'd LOVE to suck off one of these guys I think about , even though I have a GREAT WIFE . It's MY desire to want a guy fucking my mouth . I'm sure WE ALL ON HERE have some hot sexual fantasies , and on here I'd bet they are gay.

How many guys would bitch if their wives wanted to try licking pussy . That's right we are A LOT diffrent then our wives .

Don't get me wrong I don't believe in cheating , But we have weak minds when it comes to our horny dirty perverted thoughts . I would feel bad about sucking a guy off behind my wife's back , BUT I wouldn't be having a lovers affair . I didn't mention though , I guess maybe I feel this way because I think of other men fucking my wife. YES I have many more cuckold fantasies.

But Of ALL PLACES , lets not judge on a porn site, we all have our horny sexual desires . This guy wants to suck cock , that guy wants to lick his dirty shitty asshole. EVEN breed my sissy ass . SHIT NOW I'M HARD

 

[dralockhart]

"Let's not judge on a porn site?" Are you fucking kidding me? Watching porn and cheating on your wife are two different things. My watching porn hurts nobody. The married men on here--not the ones fantasizing, but the ones actually justifying their adultery--have an almost childlike aversion to accountability that embarrasses me for them. I don't give a shit how many people send you messages in support (what--I bet you got like 2--that in itself as an argument is childish). The fact that many people lie, cheat, steal, abuse, etc. doesn't make lying, cheating, stealing, abusing, etc. okay. It just means there's even less hope for this world and there's a fuck ton of selfish assholes living in it.

 

[Bi Married Male]

Understandable.

 

[Seasoned]

Denial is powerful and is a defense mechanism. I self justified for years and I wouldn't advise it. Sneaking in itself can become addictive due to the anxiety factor. Some people sneak because they feel entitled to more or they fear being kicked out. Lying takes a toll.

Oh, and the "worst way" reminds me of how Tallulah Bankhead replied when told by a guy that he wanted to fuck her in the worst way. "Well darling, the worst way I know is standing up---in a hammock."