I want it raw so badly

[KaraBulut]

Are we talking condoms in long term - monogamous - relationships here? Isn't that taking it a bit far? I know that some times, some people cheat and all, but still...

It's a personal decision.

My public health experience predates the AIDS crisis. So, I saw lots of guys coming in with anal warts, rectal gonorrhea, syphilis, hepatitis and a host of UTIs and GI infections.

When we figured out that condoms could prevent HIV, many of us had a facepalm moment and said, "Why weren't we recommending this all along?".

I also agree with the poster under this original post that you wouldn't tell a straight couple to use a condom for the duration of their long term relationship.

To answer your question, I advise all straight couples who are having anal sex to use condoms. I advise the same for gay couples.

It's really a hygeine issue as much as anything.

For straight people who are "hooking up" for casual sex, absolutely we want them to use condoms for vaginal intercourse. Anyone who works in public health in a college town will tell you that this doesn't happen, though. I'm amazed at how many women are coming in with cervical dysplasia secondary to HPV infections who are in their 20s. Cervical dysplasia is a term we use for a pre-cancerous abnormal growth on the cervix- these women are at risk for cancer in the future.

The same issue is out there for gay men and anorectal cancer secondary to HPV infections. Until an HPV vaccine is developed for gay men, there is a higher risk for gay men to develop anorectal cancers. We don't appreciate this risk because for the barebacking community, HIV will get them long before HPV does because the latency period for HIV is much less than for HPV.

But we're way off topic, now.

 

[conrad]

Willie Boy puts it quite clearly: if all you are concerned about is "to have it raw" the chances are that you will take chances that will have consequences that are long-lasting.

Lots of sexualy active persons have it raw all the time and without fear. But, that is because they have the comfort and security that comes with a relationship which is more than friendship. There is trust and there is love and persons who truly love are very careful in causing no harm to those they love.

The charge is often made that the gay community is promiscuous. That to me is a very irresponsible charge. How much better it would be to say that the incidence of STDs is high because too many sexually active persons of all orientations are too promiscuous and too selfish and uncaring toward their casual partners.

IMHO, the only solid foundation for the best sex is a relationship that is built on the love between two persons. Of course it takes effort but loving partners have the reward of experiencing the beauty and mystery of sexual communion that reaches far beyond the "thrill of the moment" that a mere hook up offers.

 

[bluedragon4]

You know what else I like raw? Sushi. I'm over this and out to lunch, lol.

 

[ericwhitney]

My idea would be to spend some of your free time volunteering for an organization that helps those with HIV/AIDS...

A monogamous boyfriend is great, and here's to your quest in landing one soon.

If you think you are going to slip up some night after a few margaritas and let a dude 'accidentally' slide in raw, listen to Swerve. Might help you postpone that day.

 

[mbamike]

I understand where you are coming from! I am in the same boat! I want to BB myself, but I think about the consequences if the other guy is HIV+.

Think with your brain and not with your ass. I'm a bottom BTW.

 

[saxaphonic]

I love when people act like they are of a different caliber when they say ignorant shit like "why take a risk for a moment of pleasure" Gee, why the FUCK do YOU have sex if not for pleasure? Secondly, what planet are you living on where you are able to have risk-free sex? There is still risk- even if reduced. If every single person alive wore a condom every single sexual encounter, HIV/STD's STILL would exist because again, there is risk in life and condoms are no magic bullet. But because the statistics may report (over time) a smaller number of people suffering from a disease, the general public will be content to go on as if nothing is wrong. I mean, obviously, the only reason there is any drama surrounding HIV or any other STD is because it affects a large number of people. The initial response to this virus that in the beginning affected only one minority group (in the context of the whole world) is a perfect illustration of the typical herd mindset to illness/problems in general. If there there were only 300 cases of an STD a year, instead of 3 million, you wouldn't hear a goddamn thing about it, and all these concerned people would not exist. If people were really as "concerned" about others' health as they are about their ideology, they would come to terms with the fact that people are no more going to accept a condom-only platform anymore than people are inclined to accept abstinence only. Second, they would stop fueling the mystification of bare sex as if it's some novel invention of the 20th century and also perpetuating a mentality of condom dependence, which is tied to the myth that condoms are the only sexual option to avoid diseases, so that anyone who doesn't use them must be asking for "it". If tomorrow there were no more condoms, I would bet your ass that all the people going on about the evil of bare sex would FIND a safer sex alternative despite acting dumbfounded now because it's convenient to what has been years of defense-mechanism brainwashing.

 

[Lefty]

Buddy, I ain't one for the bull shit or extended (yea right) posts so i'm gonna keep

it simple...... get yourself a hunk with a chunck of raw meat.

Beat it, caress it , slobber on it , lick it, have fun... then like any other prime piece of meat cover it before you put it in the microwave oven baby...sometimes the splatter makes a big Fucking mess in your oven/ kitchen and life.



going bare is such a dare

come on now...

don't be square......

oops, darn now I'm dead

that just wasn't very fair.


(btw, vulcun rubber appreciates your business)

 

[saxaphonic]

That little cutesy "safe sex" poem advised you to "slobber" on some raw meat. Meanwhile, I know of two individuals that contracted HIV through oral sex. Obviously more than salmonella comes with that raw meat. So if you truly wish to take NO sexual "dare", I can only say that abstinence is your only option. And as for counseling, if you do find a nice guy, maybe then would be the perfect time to see a counselor.

 

[bluedragon4]

Buddy, I ain't one for the bull shit or extended (yea right) posts so i'm gonna keep

it simple...... get yourself a hunk with a chunck of raw meat.

Beat it, caress it , slobber on it , lick it, have fun... then like any other prime piece of meat cover it before you put it in the microwave oven baby...sometimes the splatter makes a big Fucking mess in your oven/ kitchen and life.



going bare is such a dare

come on now...

don't be square......

oops, darn now I'm dead

that just wasn't very fair.


(btw, vulcun rubber appreciates your business)

HIV doesn't have to equal death. Think of all the positive guys on here that you just upset with that stupid rhyme. Once again, I am NOT an advocate for barebacking but in a monogamous relationship I think it's normal. Not something to be ashamed of. I loved being that free and close with someone I was in love with. It was so beautiful and intimate. Not everyone is gonna die from barebacking.

 

[saymyname]

That little cutesy "safe sex" poem advised you to "slobber" on some raw meat. Meanwhile, I know of two individuals that contracted HIV through oral sex. Obviously more than salmonella comes with that raw meat. So if you truly wish to take NO sexual "dare", I can only say that abstinence is your only option. And as for counseling, if you do find a nice guy, maybe then would be the perfect time to see a counselor.

...So, you're so anti-condom, or anti-bareback hysteria. Do you think that people should bareback if they: just met, don't know each others sexual histories, have not been with 1 person who they trust completely and are totally monogamous with... do you think people in those situations are in the right position to have bareback sex?

How fucking totally ludicrous.

I've been with my boyfriend for a year. We sometimes have (safe) sex with other guys. We still use condoms whenever we fuck in the ass. The only way I would ever have bareback sex is if I was with somebody monogamously, completely trusted him, never had threesomes, and we both got tested at a 6 month point, then again a few months later, and only if it said negative for both of us the 2nd time. THEN it's safe to have bareback anal sex. But only then.

Or if you're both virgins, I guess.

I just don't see what the big deal is: if you're not in a monogamous relationship with the person and you aren't pass window periods, WRAP IT! Is it THAT hard to come inside a guy with a condom on? You need more practice...

 

[Nomenclature]

I feel exactly the same way. It's driving me crazy! Someday I'll find someone who is also sane. Seems guys that WANT a safe relationship are very hard to find.

That's odd. . .i've spoken to so many guys - yes, even on gay hook-up lines - who were VERY, VERY desperate for a relationship. In fact, they were so pushy and forceful about it that they wound up running me off.

I mean, "I love you and want to hold you in my arms" the very first time I speak to you?!

 

[d1919v]

one of my friends contracted hiv after his bf of 3 yrs cheated on him with another guy. my friend had no idea and now lives with the disease. moral of the story be careful

 

[saxaphonic]

...So, you're so anti-condom, or anti-bareback hysteria. Do you think that people should bareback if they: just met, don't know each others sexual histories, have not been with 1 person who they trust completely and are totally monogamous with... do you think people in those situations are in the right position to have bareback sex?

How fucking totally ludicrous

LOL. Well thanks for supplying an answer for me...although there is no apparent way for you to have ascertained that I think the above should happen. But what is obvious is that you think that as long as a condom is used, you can have "safe" sex with someone you just met, and whose sexual history AND psychological nature remains a mystery. How fucking totally ludicrous. But I'm not gonna tell you that you should or should not do that. What I'm gonna say is that people should balance precaution with their preferences as much as they feel is reasonable. Truthfully, I could tell you that you should start fucking Caucasian women instead of men because the former makes you less likely to hook up with someone with HIV (at least in the US) but I'm not gonna expect you do do that. If you think I am "anti-bareback" or "anti-condom", you clearly weren't paying attention. What I am "anti" is soapboxes that some use regarding this topic to make sweeping generalizations or to feign moral, intellectual, or behavioral superiority as if their basic motivations are any different than the people they patronize.

"I just don't see what the big deal is: if you're not in a monogamous relationship with the person and you aren't pass window periods, WRAP IT! Is it THAT hard to come inside a guy with a condom on? You need more practice..."

Another rhetorical question, eh?

 

[saymyname]

Uh, using a condom with someone I just met definitely makes it a hell of a lot more safe than if I chose NOT to use a condom, for starters. Not sure what you meant by their psychological state, pretty sure we're talking about HIV and STI's here, and last I knew you can't contract HIV from someone just because he might be mentally unstable. By calling out people who go on a 'soapbox' about using condoms, you failed to mention when it is safe, if ever and under what conditions, to not use a condom. You had a "throw yourself to the wind" kind of tone about it and that's not good advice at all. By the way I did not mean you were anti-bareback, I meant anti-bareback hysteria. Like there isn't a strong reaction against barebacking for a reason...

 

[saxaphonic]

Uh, using a condom with someone I just met definitely makes it a hell of a lot more safe than if I chose NOT to use a condom, for starters

Um, not being a man who has sex with men in the USA is a hell of lot

more safe

(safer) than being one for starters.
*awaits as the point eludes saynyname once again.

Not sure what you meant by their psychological state, pretty sure we're talking about HIV and STI's here, and last I knew you can't contract HIV from someone just because he might be mentally unstable

I'm positive that you and I were talking about the idea of

safe

sex with a stranger. Common sense should have told you that

psychological state

was referring to one's inclinations or tendencies, which when expressed in action has everything to do with HIV/STI's and whatever else between two or more people meeting for a clandestine encounter.

By calling out people who go on a 'soapbox' about using condoms, you failed to mention when it is safe, if ever and under what conditions, to not use a condom

The irony of this comment is that yet and still there is this high and mighty demand for

justification

, when none was given. You failed to explain when sex involving another person is ever

safe

but I need to defend myself for some reason. As if it were rocket science, the conditions under which sex is safER are the same regardless of one's choices on condoms - when there is knowledge of one's own and others' conditions and continuous honest communication.

You had a "throw yourself to the wind" kind of tone about it and that's not good advice at all

No, it had a non-extremist tone about it. I realize that's different.

By the way I did not mean you were anti-bareback, I meant anti-bareback hysteria. Like there isn't a strong reaction against barebacking for a reason...

Well yes, it's an easy scapegoat. Pretty obvious.

 

[saymyname]

Um, not being a man who has sex with men in the USA is a hell of lot "more safe" (safer) than being one for starters.
*awaits as the point eludes saynyname once again.

Yeah, no shit. The point isn't alluding me: you don't fucking have one. Using a condom reduces your risk of contracting HIV massively. That's my point. That's common fucking sense.

I'm positive that you and I were talking about the idea of "safe" sex with a stranger. Common sense should have told you that "psychological state" was referring to one's inclinations or tendencies, which when expressed in action has everything to do with HIV/STI's and whatever else between two or more people meeting for a clandestine encounter.

And? If you have a clandestine encounter, you're more safe to use a condom. Not sure what we're arguing about here, it's pretty fucking obvious that if it is random sex, using a condom is a pretty good idea. Duh.

the conditions under which sex is safER are the same regardless of one's choices on condoms - when there is knowledge of one's own and others' conditions and continuous honest communication.

But you CAN'T have continuous and honest communication in a hook up situation.

Thanks for spreading reckless anti-safe sex sentiment in the gay community. A real martyr.

 

[DigitalFudge]

Lets just be intelligent about this

Wait until you are in a monogamous relationship with someone you trust

Could they be cheating? Sure

Could they have lied about their status at some point? Sure

Is it still dangerous? Sure

Is it better than having sex without a condom with a stranger? Sure


Sorry to say, but it is the less of two evils. Pick your poison.

I will be honest and say at some point in my relationship I will have sex without the condom (You know, caught in the moment, you love him blah blah blah makes me sick ). Won't get into the specifics of the situation but it would be a rare thing if it ever did actually happen.

You just need to decide, a moment of intense, amazing, Godly pleasure, or a type of peace you have in your life


Not trying to say don't do it, I just want you to make the best decision for yourself.

 

[nip/tug]

WOW.... clearly a sensitive issuse. Sex is different to everyone, for some people its an extension of love, for others its a primal instinct, and for others its just for fun, etc etc etc... Find out what it is for you and find a partner that feels the same way. And judge the situation from there. If you chose to go with out the bag (i hate the term "bareback" to me it just fetishizes something that should always be looked at as a safety issue), then your are understanding there is risk involved. But we all leave our homes everyday and we aren't discussing the risks of paralyzing car accidents or train wrecks. It the way life is. dont let just any body fuck you, and if are getting to that point then yes seek help, wait till you are in the special relationship and go from there. and it wouldnt hurt to do a mutual test together. If he is angered by the idea, drop him then and there and keep wrapin it up!

 

[bankside]

The thing that amazes me is people's perception of risk. Guys will say "I've only had 30 partners so where's the risk?" Blows my mind.

 

[saxaphonic]

"Yeah, because you're some elusive bareback pandering nutjob with 42 posts who makes ambiguous arguments about "safer sex" without saying what you mean".


No, more like because you jumped into this discussion thinking you were going to set my ass straight, no less by offering a blatant red herring, then when things didn't go your way, stomped your feet like a toddler.