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I want it raw so badly

Guys....

The discussion about barebacking and trust is all fine and dandy until it turns into name-calling and shouting at each other.

After a couple of posts, it becomes apparent that you're not going to change the other person's mind... so what's the point of continuing to argue?

This is the No-Flame Zone. Using deragatory names toward each other is not tolerated. And getting caught up in a side argument in an advise thread detracts from the purpose of the advice forum.

If you want to continue the discussion either start a new thread in Hot Topics (where arguments are tolerated but name-calling is not) or take it to PM.
 
  1. I came out in the 70s when gay men had tons of random sex, and condoms were for straight people; in fact not using them was considered one of the few advantages of being gay.
  2. I avoided getting infected with HIV, not through any virtue of mine, but by being geeky and unpopular (and depressive, which--who knew?--is not considered an attractive trait).
  3. Most of my gay friends from college are dead of AIDS.
  4. I take staying negative very, very seriously.
  5. I hate using condoms, and I remember what it felt like without them (much, much better, for both top and bottom).
  6. ALL my fantasies are bareback. Just as bareback sex has (for the moment) no place in my real life, condoms have no place in my fantasy life.
  7. For now, I watch lots of bareback porn and fantasize about doing it.
  8. Some day, I hope to find a boyfriend who is also negative, and once we learn to trust one another and have gotten tested one window period after we've gone monogamous, throw away the condoms and never, ever have one anywhere near my cock or ass ever again.
  9. Yes, I know there's still a risk because my boy might cheat on me. I choose to take that risk. Please cue "What I Did for Love."
  10. I am SO TIRED of people lecturing me about how my FANTASIES should not include bareback sex, or how trusting my partner to be monogamous is just foolish because gay men are just fundamentally untrustworthy. I find that last a form of internalized homophobia, to be frank.
  11. I'm really REALLY tired of the fact that every time a thread is opened to discuss barebacking from any perspective, the SSTs* come in with the same rants about how ONLY safe sex can ever be allowed, and completely ignore what the OP is discussing, and in some cases prevent the original poster from getting the help he wants.

To the OP: Don't give up on finding a negative boyfriend. The older guys who are still around are mostly negative, but as another poster pointed out, a lot of them have boyfriends (or husbands!) already. Don't feel bad about wanting bareback sex. This is normal. But you can't just do everything you want to do, can you? It's OK to want things you can't have, especially if you might be able to get it someday.

Look for men to date, and don't worry about it. If you fall in love with a poz guy, well...you have to give up on barebacking. But most of the dating sites now mention HIV status, and if the guy lies about it he's not getting into your ass (or getting you into his, whatever) bare until you've been tested together anyway, and if he lies to you about something like that, dump his ass.

There are a LOT more older guys looking for younger than the reverse, and please trust me that older guys find monogamy a lot more attractive than younger guys do! I think you have a good chance.

Hardest thing for young guys to hear: THINGS TAKE TIME. Young men want everything RIGHT NOW, and patience is not a typical virtue for guys under 30. But remember what you're doing this for. Living with HIV is miserable (and I've had friends do it, so I've seen it up close). And imagine how awful it would be if you found the love of your life some years from now, and he was negative, but you'd become positive by giving in now? Horrible. Don't go there.
____
*Safe Sex Trolls, not SuperSonic Transport.
 
Truthfully, you take a risk each time you have sex. Condoms are very EFFECTIVE against contamination, but they ARE NOT 100% effective against getting infected with HIV/STDs. Anal is also NOT the only way to contract HIV either and you take a risk everytime you become intimate with someone who has it (especially when there is blood or semen involved). Not saying you should exclude condoms cause of the risks you have either way, but going raw is definitely something you should plan for if you value your health. Doing it on a whim can be very costly.
 
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