I'm Gay

[Riverrick]

My turn:
I don't post often, however past posts are pretty much summed up below....
And the journey began with a man I have never met, whose name I do not know, just an averageguy welcoming me to the land of JUB.

That is a VERY moving story, mpdan. Thanks for summing it up for all of us. Its interesting to me how helpful the JUB community can be in one person's life.

Question: Did you never notice men back when you were married? Or before, as a teenager? I have always noticed guys and totally miss even the most beautiful girl walking by me.

 

[joeG23]

Beautiful stories. Married - out to her - but committed to staying together. Hell on the streets, when every second guy is appealing but untouchable. MP - life has now given you a great gift after so much pain. Enjoy it. Justaguy, it's there for the taking.

 

[mpdan]

Question: Did you never notice men back when you were married? Or before, as a teenager? I have always noticed guys and totally miss even the most beautiful girl walking by me.

This was one of the two most frequently asked questions asked of me at the campground. To answer, I need to state some tired clichés:

- 20/20 hindsight is oh so clear……….and
- Sometimes the liar can be so convincing that he himself believes the lie….

Yes, I can relate to specific instances starting in my early 20’s where I realize now I had obvious, if not fleeting attraction to other men. It seems so corny now, but back then I pushed such thoughts out of my mind because of two reasons: I could not be gay because I did not fit the stereotype of a gay man – i.e. I didn’t act like Andy Warhol or speak like Truman Capote. Also, I was tall and strong, and again did not fit the stereotype of the wispy gay male. Remember, way back then mainstream America did not know yet that the likes of Rock Hudson or Robert Reed (the actor who played the dad in the popular “Brady Bunch” television show) might pitch for the other team….

The second question often asked was if I loved my wife. The answer is an emphatic YES. I loved both my wife and the woman I almost married later with all my heart. It was a love born of compassion, of companionship, respect and faithfulness. It was not, and never was the “I’m in love, I’m in lust, we both get physically ill if we are separated for more than two days” feelings I have today. If only I knew then…….

 

[lukewarmar]

The most annoying thing happened to me at work this past weekend. My coworker decided I would be an excellent boyfriend for his 18 year old daughter. He went on and on about how hot his daughter was and how she "had a nice ass"(creepy) and how I should ask her out. I kept expressing my disinterest and he kept going on about it. He asked, jokingly "you're not gay are you?" to which I quickly responded, yes. Apparently he didn't believe me because he didn't miss a beat. He continued on about why I should go out with her. This type of thing happens to me sort of frequently and It kind of pisses me off. Someone will unrelentlessly try to set me up with someone and the only way out of it is to tell them i'm gay. They either don't believe me or they just get really quiet and become very awkward around me. Sometimes I wish I was more obviously gay. Then maybe I wouldn't get into so many uncomfortable conversations.

 

[taiger65]

lukewarmar, why dont you take his daughter out and then tell her you're gay? i dont know, but maybe he'll get off your back. on second thought, that could cause too much stress for everyone involved.

 

[Riverrick]

It takes a lot of time, Justaguy. You'll deal with all of these issues in bits and pieces as they come up and, over time, they will diminish.

You have a lot of new ideas to try on and see how they fit for you, to test and question, to measure against your own beliefs and truths about the world. And when you are finished with them, they will look different and will be yours, unique. That is, those that you don't discard completely.

So take your time. You have your whole life!

 

[joeG23]

Listen to Riverrick, Justaguy. It's sound advice. You need to take time, look at incremental change - are there things you can do in your life to signal - at least to urself - that things are changing? Challenge ur conservatism too - by that shirt u really like but don't think u could wear because it's too 'different', play gay musicians - loudly - so the neighbours can hear, buy yourself some moisturiser.

You were given life for one reason - to live it. Don't even try to live your dad's life. You couldn't do it as well as him anyhow. Live your own, and enjoy it. And build relationships with a wide range of people online and off - you have some good friends here - remember that.

Everything will work itself out in time. Start loving yourself, if you don't do that, you can't expect others to love u too. Build your sense of self-esteem. Your dad's gone now. He's left the space clear for you to fully be yourself - that's the natural order of things. Best of luck. Joe

 

[spreadeagle]

Kia ora, mate

Always good to see another Kiwi on here.

Thankfully New Zealand is one of the better countries in which to be gay; it's pretty tolerant and human rights such as the illegality of discrimination on grounds of sexual orientation are enshrined in law. And as you know we have out gay and transexual MP's.

Living in the city as opposed to rural areas can make all the difference in NZ; homophobia presents more risks where the population is sparse; and God knows the population is sparse here by international standards.

Just in case you haven't touched base with these yet:
Express newspaper is published fortnightly; it's free in gay venues but you can subscribe through Whitcoulls or it can be sent to your home under plain wrapper.

Log on to www.GayNZ.com for daily gay news and links to lots of other gay resources.

Phoning Gayline can give you confidential advice and information on resources in your area.

Remember, it's not all about sex - there are plenty of gay social groups that focus on activities like tramping, swimming, gardening, writing, rugby etc etc. This can ease your coming out by building up networks of friends with common interests and where shagging is not the primary objective.