The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

I'm I the only one???

G

GayDad

Joined
Jan 9, 2009
Posts
17
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Well this is some of my life read it if you want...

I'm 31 and was happily married, yes married and now your saying not another bi guy. Well thats the thing i'm not, I know i am 100% gay. I know because I am now in a loving relationship with a guy.

So now thats cleared up I will continue, i was married with two children and a nice house, expensive car, basically I had everything any hetro guy would want. But since I was about 18 i have always being curious about guys, but i didn't show my feelings. But over the years the feelings got stronger, until one day I woke up and decided to leave my wife, because I knew i couldn't be the person i wanted to be.

I now feel a whole lot better about myself and look forward to the future, it will be hard but at least I know who I am.

I'm just wondering is there any other gay dads out there who want to chat, as I am finding it hard to know what to expect as my kids grow up and how long was it before they told the ex-wife they were gay and what happened. I have this image in my head that it will be like the film birdcage but I really doubt that.

Anyway take care
 
From the tone of your post, you think that you're unusual or rare.

I suspect that you're about to find out that there are a lot of guys just like you. :D
 
I know of a few gay dads, and others who were married for several (or many) years before they came out and/or divorced.

lex
 
Welcome, GayDad, to JUB and to this forum. :wave:

I agree that there are many gay dads here and I hope you connect. I'm glad you are now in a good place with yourself and your life and can honestly say you're happy. I know getting there was a long time coming.

Best to you and your partner, and welcome again!
 
Not to be judgmental, but do you mean you have not already told your wife? If not, I guess that means you lied to her (and your kids).

Although I am gay, I sympathize with the women and children. Which is why I did not go the route I had always intended, which was to get married.
 
Hello, GayDad. I am also a gay dad, and I know many gay dads. Actually, when I left my marriage and came out, it was in the eighties. My daughter is now 27. The best thing for me was joining a gay fathers support group. I live in a very large city, so that was available. Hope you are in the same situation. Looking back, the best thing I did was spend time with my daughter. I had her almost every weekend, also most holidays, and also went away on vacations with her. I maintained a good relationship with my ex-wife, even though I didn't necessarily want to, because that was the best thing for my daughter. Decreased the drama and increased the acceptance. If you cannot find a group local, you may be able to find one on the internet. Today I have a loving, awesome relationship with my daughter, son-in-law and two wonderful granddaughters. Looking back, the most important thing I did in my life was making my child a very large part of it.
Good luck to you, I'm sure you will find a great deal of support here.
 
I've never met a gay dad, so I'm happy to find that they do exist.

Welcome :wave:!
 
I've had several friends over the years who were gay dads. Great people.

It's such a good thing you are finally able to be yourself and can enjoy the future.

All the best!
 
I guess wives and children can just go to hell according to some of you. And you wonder why Prop 8 passed.
 
PabloZed said:
I guess wives and children can just go to hell according to some of you. And you wonder why Prop 8 passed.
Click to expand...

Hetero men leave their wives and kids and divorce too.

Would you really want to ban divorce for all?
 
I don't want to ban divorce, but isn't the issue whether its appropriate to marry in the first place? And I know hetero's lie, but I think if you are leaving your wife and kids because you like dick and you've always liked dick, then you owe it to your family to admit you fucked up and that its you that's the problem. Otherwise, your family will blame themselves, which is what you allow by lying.

And the truth about a liar is no one can trust you. If you tell me you lied to your wife and kids then I fully expect you will lie to me or anyone else if it suits you.
 
PabloZed said:
I don't want to ban divorce, but isn't the issue whether its appropriate to marry in the first place? And I know hetero's lie, but I think if you are leaving your wife and kids because you like dick and you've always liked dick, then you owe it to your family to admit you fucked up and that its you that's the problem. Otherwise, your family will blame themselves, which is what you allow by lying.

And the truth about a liar is no one can trust you. If you tell me you lied to your wife and kids then I fully expect you will lie to me or anyone else if it suits you.
Click to expand...

What are you going on about??
 
PabloZed said:
And the truth about a liar is no one can trust you. If you tell me you lied to your wife and kids then I fully expect you will lie to me or anyone else if it suits you.
Click to expand...

There's a lot of assumptions in what you're saying.

If you knew some of the people who have found themselves in this situation, you would know that many of these men and women did not know they were gay, or they thought they were bisexual or they grew up in a religious or cultural environment where marriage was expected of everyone- gay or straight.

The kids adapt very quickly. It's no worse than any other divorce situation.
 
PabloZed said:
I guess wives and children can just go to hell according to some of you. And you wonder why Prop 8 passed.
Click to expand...

PabloZed said:
I don't want to ban divorce, but isn't the issue whether its appropriate to marry in the first place? And I know hetero's lie, but I think if you are leaving your wife and kids because you like dick and you've always liked dick, then you owe it to your family to admit you fucked up and that its you that's the problem. Otherwise, your family will blame themselves, which is what you allow by lying.

And the truth about a liar is no one can trust you. If you tell me you lied to your wife and kids then I fully expect you will lie to me or anyone else if it suits you.
Click to expand...

Wow Pablo, you've made some huge leaps here... and none of them deserved as far as I can see.

Every gay man who fears the loss of his friends and family and who has delayed coming out because of that has lied. And for most its brought massive unhappiness and burden. No one lies about this without fear being the prime mover.

Yeah people get hurt when things like this happen. But an even greater tragedy is to continue the charade for ever.

Credit where credit is due mate.
 
KaraBulut said:
The kids adapt very quickly. It's no worse than any other divorce situation.
Click to expand...


This is probably not exactly true. Children most likely pay the greatest price of all. Any divorce is most difficult for children because it is hard for them to understand how the two people they love most can stop loving each other.
In their minds, if their parents can stop loving each other, maybe they will stop loving them. This is a misconception that will be long in overcoming and some will carry this hurt into adulthood.

Any good parent will tell you that some of the greatest joys in life are in the simple things: time spent together, parent and child, before bedtime with stories and a million questions, sharing the events of the day over the evening meal, cuddling your child between you when he climbs into bed with you at night because he needs comfort and reassurance. Children watch every move we make and listen to everything we say. They are like sponges. There are so many things that are unique to the day-to-day life of raising children that cannot happen when one parent has only visitation rights.

While I empathize with the struggles of others on their journey of self-knowledge, my heart goes out most to the children. They must be the first responsibility...even before ourselves. In the year 2009, in a more liberated world, gay men need to stop entangling innocent people in their web of secrets and lies. Who among us has not had to make some difficult, even painful decisions about living open and honest lives. We can be thankful when we do it before hurting others.
 
sixthson said:
This is probably not exactly true. Children most likely pay the greatest price of all. Any divorce is most difficult for children because it is hard for them to understand how the two people they love most can stop loving each other.
In their minds, if their parents can stop loving each other, maybe they will stop loving them. This is a misconception that will be long in overcoming and some will carry this hurt into adulthood.

Any good parent will tell you that some of the greatest joys in life are in the simple things: time spent together, parent and child, before bedtime with stories and a million questions, sharing the events of the day over the evening meal, cuddling your child between you when he climbs into bed with you at night because he needs comfort and reassurance. Children watch every move we make and listen to everything we say. They are like sponges. There are so many things that are unique to the day-to-day life of raising children that cannot happen when one parent has only visitation rights.

While I empathize with the struggles of others on their journey of self-knowledge, my heart goes out most to the children. They must be the first responsibility...even before ourselves. In the year 2009, in a more liberated world, gay men need to stop entangling innocent people in their web of secrets and lies. Who among us has not had to make some difficult, even painful decisions about living open and honest lives. We can be thankful when we do it before hurting others.
Click to expand...

I agree the children need to come first!! My ex and I constantly told our children that it had nothing to do with them and it was a mommy and daddy problem and mommy and daddy still loved them very much and always would. I share custody of my children with my ex. They year I moved out I started volunteering at their school so I could see them almost every day. I am very involved in every aspect of their lives.

Having said that I take offense to your last paragraph. I did not set out to entangle anyone in my web of secrets and lies. It was a very hard decision for me to do what I did at 38 years old. I am not looking for anyones sympathy either, I did what I had to do and I am much happier now.I also feel my kids have adopted very well to the situation. If you were to go read the thread I highlighted earlier in this thread you will see that most of us did not intentionally start out to hurt anyone.
 
Elwood said:
Having said that I take offense to your last paragraph. I did not set out to entangle anyone in my web of secrets and lies. It was a very hard decision for me to do what I did at 38 years old. I am not looking for anyones sympathy either, I did what I had to do and I am much happier now.I also feel my kids have adopted very well to the situation. If you were to go read the thread I highlighted earlier in this thread you will see that most of us did not intentionally start out to hurt anyone.
Click to expand...

This is why I said "in the year 2009, in a more liberated time". I think there is less societal pressure for gay men to lead double lives in 2009. For every happy ending like yours, I still wonder how many hurt and broken families are out there with children who did not adapt, as yours did.
Had your spouse been bitter and vindictive, she could have made life much more difficult for you. Many would be.

I just can't imagine not living with my children every day.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top