Hi guys,
So I got out of a 6 year relationship for about a year and several months now. Dated several guys, but this last guy I dated was different.
We met at a house party. We really hit it off on our first date and we had so many things in common: video games, anime, movies, etc From that very first date he would text me everyday and always was very interested in what I was doing and asking when we could spend more time together. I let him into my life and spent most of my free time with him. We'd meet for lunch, have dinners etc. It was great having someone who was so attentive and passionate. He had me delete grindr and he deleted his. I was ok with it as I wasn't using it at the time anyways.
A couple weeks into dating, he wanted me to meet him outside his work. I told him, I could do that sometimes, but not come to expect it. He got aggravated, but he still came over to my place afterwards. The next morning a friend texts and ask where "Joe" is. I said Joe is lying next to me in bed why? My friend says he sees Joe on Grindr. I look over and see the screen briefly. I ask him if it was Grindr and he denies it. I said I wouldn't be mad, just be honest. He continues denying it until about an hour later where he finally confessed. I told him again, I don't care as long as you're being honest about it. He claims it was just to catch up on some friends he had on there. I accepted it even though the incident was still in my mind.
We continue dating and everything is great. He really pushes to become boyfriends, and while I see the potential I felt it was way too soon yet. He continues asking and it's the same answer from me. He continues to show a heavy interest as he would call/text 15+ times if I don't respond within several minutes, and ask if I am ok? I felt it was a little crazy, but a part of me liked the attention and felt he really cared.
After a while, I noticed he would be on his phone at times and kind of hide what he is texting. I ask him, and he says just friends. Once in while he would go hang out with these friends when I couldn't. He assures me they are just friends. I like him more and more as time goes on though and get really used to hanging out with him.
Flash forward several months, and he tells me he checked my phone and browsing history. He found nothing, but an old video I had. All my friends are telling me some of his behavior was suspect and felt that since he checked my phone, I had the right to check his. I didn't want to do it behind his back so I asked him directly. He said text messages are really private, but he can show me all his pictures (that he claims are just for him and he doesn't send to anyone). I didn't want to push it, so I was like ok. We still continue to click very well and spend on weekends and some weeknights together.
A couple weeks later it is going to be his birthday and I was contemplating thinking of agreeing to be his bf in addition to a gift of a figure he really wanted. We were basically boyfriends in everything but title at this point. That Friday night we go see a movie and everything was great. A problem had come up with one of my friends that kept me awake while he fell asleep. Lo and behold, his phone went off and it was just too tempting. I gave in and checked his phone. Let's just say the "friends" he spent the night with were more than just friends. Flirty text messages, pic swapping, etc. I look at all these messages and I know they are not friends because some of them are just numbers with no contact information. This had been going on for as long as we had known eachother. Then I check the thread for his ex bf. The last thing he texted him was I love you. I was heartbroken, sad, mad, all rolled into one. I waited til the morning, and wished he would somehow have an explanation for everything.
I looked him in the face and said Joe can I ask you some questions. He said sure.
"We are dating exclusively right?"
"Yes."
"You are no longer seeing your ex?"
"Yeah, he cheated on me and did all these things to me..."
At this point, after lying to my face yet again, my voice cracked and I called him a liar.
He asked me what I meant and what I did. I said I went through his phone and saw everything. He tried to give me grief for going through his phone, but I apologized. He hugs me and tries to explain everything away. He says this is blank from my phone, this is so and so from my phone, but never once got to the texts that were incriminating.
I said you need to get your stuff and go because you are being shady. I feel awful...
He went to the rest room, came back and didn't say a word and starts grabbing his stuff. As he walking out the door, I ask him why did he lie to me. He wouldn't even look me in the face and had this look I can't even describe on his face and just left.
sigh, so that was about 2 weeks ago. I'm still having a hard time dealing with this as I ended up caring a lot about him. How do I reconcile what my heart is telling me versus what my logical mind is telling me? I kicked him out, but I missed afterwards... I was so out of it, I literally contemplated getting back together. He'll randomly check up on me still and says he still has feelings for me, and misses me, but it's just not the same as before. Yet he still never explain why he did any of the things he did or even a simple I'm sorry. It's left me feeling up and down.
Any advice on how I just put this whole thing behind me? Was I played? and I still being played?
I need the help of more experienced Jubbers.
So I got out of a 6 year relationship for about a year and several months now. Dated several guys, but this last guy I dated was different.
We met at a house party. We really hit it off on our first date and we had so many things in common: video games, anime, movies, etc From that very first date he would text me everyday and always was very interested in what I was doing and asking when we could spend more time together. I let him into my life and spent most of my free time with him. We'd meet for lunch, have dinners etc. It was great having someone who was so attentive and passionate. He had me delete grindr and he deleted his. I was ok with it as I wasn't using it at the time anyways.
A couple weeks into dating, he wanted me to meet him outside his work. I told him, I could do that sometimes, but not come to expect it. He got aggravated, but he still came over to my place afterwards. The next morning a friend texts and ask where "Joe" is. I said Joe is lying next to me in bed why? My friend says he sees Joe on Grindr. I look over and see the screen briefly. I ask him if it was Grindr and he denies it. I said I wouldn't be mad, just be honest. He continues denying it until about an hour later where he finally confessed. I told him again, I don't care as long as you're being honest about it. He claims it was just to catch up on some friends he had on there. I accepted it even though the incident was still in my mind.
We continue dating and everything is great. He really pushes to become boyfriends, and while I see the potential I felt it was way too soon yet. He continues asking and it's the same answer from me. He continues to show a heavy interest as he would call/text 15+ times if I don't respond within several minutes, and ask if I am ok? I felt it was a little crazy, but a part of me liked the attention and felt he really cared.
After a while, I noticed he would be on his phone at times and kind of hide what he is texting. I ask him, and he says just friends. Once in while he would go hang out with these friends when I couldn't. He assures me they are just friends. I like him more and more as time goes on though and get really used to hanging out with him.
Flash forward several months, and he tells me he checked my phone and browsing history. He found nothing, but an old video I had. All my friends are telling me some of his behavior was suspect and felt that since he checked my phone, I had the right to check his. I didn't want to do it behind his back so I asked him directly. He said text messages are really private, but he can show me all his pictures (that he claims are just for him and he doesn't send to anyone). I didn't want to push it, so I was like ok. We still continue to click very well and spend on weekends and some weeknights together.
A couple weeks later it is going to be his birthday and I was contemplating thinking of agreeing to be his bf in addition to a gift of a figure he really wanted. We were basically boyfriends in everything but title at this point. That Friday night we go see a movie and everything was great. A problem had come up with one of my friends that kept me awake while he fell asleep. Lo and behold, his phone went off and it was just too tempting. I gave in and checked his phone. Let's just say the "friends" he spent the night with were more than just friends. Flirty text messages, pic swapping, etc. I look at all these messages and I know they are not friends because some of them are just numbers with no contact information. This had been going on for as long as we had known eachother. Then I check the thread for his ex bf. The last thing he texted him was I love you. I was heartbroken, sad, mad, all rolled into one. I waited til the morning, and wished he would somehow have an explanation for everything.
I looked him in the face and said Joe can I ask you some questions. He said sure.
"We are dating exclusively right?"
"Yes."
"You are no longer seeing your ex?"
"Yeah, he cheated on me and did all these things to me..."
At this point, after lying to my face yet again, my voice cracked and I called him a liar.
He asked me what I meant and what I did. I said I went through his phone and saw everything. He tried to give me grief for going through his phone, but I apologized. He hugs me and tries to explain everything away. He says this is blank from my phone, this is so and so from my phone, but never once got to the texts that were incriminating.
I said you need to get your stuff and go because you are being shady. I feel awful...
He went to the rest room, came back and didn't say a word and starts grabbing his stuff. As he walking out the door, I ask him why did he lie to me. He wouldn't even look me in the face and had this look I can't even describe on his face and just left.
sigh, so that was about 2 weeks ago. I'm still having a hard time dealing with this as I ended up caring a lot about him. How do I reconcile what my heart is telling me versus what my logical mind is telling me? I kicked him out, but I missed afterwards... I was so out of it, I literally contemplated getting back together. He'll randomly check up on me still and says he still has feelings for me, and misses me, but it's just not the same as before. Yet he still never explain why he did any of the things he did or even a simple I'm sorry. It's left me feeling up and down.
Any advice on how I just put this whole thing behind me? Was I played? and I still being played?
I need the help of more experienced Jubbers.
UGH. Just thinking about it, makes me sad and mad. I just let him go hang out with these people because I didn't want to be controlling and wanted to trust. It just felt like I was his top trick at this point with bf potential, while he still together with his ex and having fun on the side.
,
